


Flowers, the AU where JJ is a psycho and Yuri and Otabek are truly in love

by katsucki



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Otabek Altin, Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Angst, Crying, DJ Otabek Altin, Domestic Fluff, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Family Issues, Fluff and Angst, Forced Marriage, Forced Relationship, Friendlier Yuri Plisetsky, Hair Braiding, Heartbreak, Insecure Yuri Plisetsky, Jail, Let's just say poor Yuri and Otabek (cries), Lies, Long-Haired Yuri Plisetsky, M/M, Otabek would do anything for Yuri, POV Third Person, Panic Attacks, Plot Twists, Rape/Non-con Elements, Rejection, Romance, Slow Dancing, Taller Yuri Plisetsky, Tattoos, Tragic Romance, True Love, Victor and Yuuri are supportive parents, Victuri family, childhood crush, hair cutting, psychopath JJ, strong bond
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-25
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2018-11-18 21:22:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 25
Words: 96,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11299101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katsucki/pseuds/katsucki
Summary: All you need to know before you start reading:Yuri loves Otabek.Otabek loves Yuri.And JJ wants to mess it all up for them by marrying Yuri against his will. But Otabek doesn't let JJ take Yuri away from him so easily.Chapters are 4000 to 5000 words. I just love writing okay?





	1. No (1)

**Author's Note:**

> This work was originally posted by me on Wattpad. This work is not stolen, it's posted on AO3 by me.
> 
> I am always happy with reviews, shoutouts, comments or whatever!

Note! I this book, homophobia does not exist and gay marriage is legal in every country.

He never wanted this.

If he just had told him the truth back then, this wouldn't have happened.

But it did.

Yuri didn't want to stand here. Years ago, he used to be in love with someone else. His best friend. He didn't want to destroy their friendship by confessing his feelings towards Otabek but maybe, not telling him the truth was the worst decision he ever made.

And then, that bitch in front of him told Yuri that he had feelings for him. The person he always hated confessed his feelings for him and he never wanted to be in a relationship with him but he was forced to. Forced by that awful smirk and all the smiling people around him.

When Otabek found it out, he didn't even care.

Yuri almost teared up when he thought back of all their days together. Back when he was still in contact with Otabek.

Since Yuri and JJ got in a relationship, their friendship faded away from both of their lives. Yuri remembered how happy he used to be to have Otabek as his friend. His first friendship ever. But it was all over now.

The wedding ceremony was about to begin and Yuri wanted nothing but escape from this place and walk away far, far away from here.

JJ was a twat. Yuri always hated him and he never agreed with being in a relationship with him but he always found a way to force Yuri to do things.

He was in love with Otabek but he never knew it. Maybe, Yuri still had feelings for his friend but he knew there was no way of escaping this place.

He invited Otabek, secretly. If JJ found out about it, he would definitely get angry at Yuri. JJ never hurt Yuri physically but mentally, he did enough to make Yuri cry. Something he never did before he met JJ. Yuri hated JJ from the bottom of his heart but that idiot he was about to marry never gave him the chance to tell anyone the truth.

JJ told Yuri he couldn't have contact with Otabek anymore. JJ probably knew that Yuri had feelings for Otabek and he didn't want him to tell his friend the truth.

Yuri knew that JJ never loved him. He only loved himself. He just wanted him as a trophy.

Yuri felt bad for JJ's fiancé. She had been so in love with him but then, her boyfriend suddenly left her for that other skater.

Somehow, Yuri also felt happy for her. He was sure JJ was also mean and forceful to her and he didn't want anyone to be treated like that.

If they would marry now, everything would change for Yuri. He used to be a kind of rude person, not scared of anything and he always got what he wanted. But since he and JJ got into a relationship, he totally changed. It felt like he wasn't himself anymore.

Other people thought JJ changed Yuri in a positive way because he was a softer and less rude person now but they didn't know the reason why. The mean part of him was just part of his personality. He couldn't change that. At least, he thought. His fiancé did change his personality.

Yuri never had the chance to leave JJ. The day JJ confessed his 'feelings' for Yuri for the first time, he told Yuri not to dare to say no. He was surrounded by people who smiled and seemed to be happy, their eyes forcing Yuri to say yes.

After a week, JJ started to act like Yuri was his possession. He wasn't allowed to have contact with Otabek anymore. Back then, Yuri still was his old self. He told JJ he always hated him. He told him he didn't know why he even said yes when he asked him to be his boyfriend but then he remembered what happened just before his confession. When JJ forced Yuri to become his boyfriend.

All those memories suddenly came up in Yuri's mind.

Yuri looked around and still didn't see Otabek. Maybe he just had to give up his hope. He wouldn't ever see him again and he just had to accept that.

Yuri's hands were shaking and he felt nervous and sick. He didn't want to marry JJ but he had no choice. He knew so many people here but none of them knew how Yuri felt.

He wanted to leave.

The moment was there and Yuri was ready to walk towards the table where they were going to give each other the rings. His hands were still shaking and his face started to become ever more pale than it already was.

He slowly looked up and saw his fiancé who was about to become his husband standing in front of him with that everlasting, nasty smirk of him on his face. Yuri wanted to punch that smirk off his face but he didn't have the balls for that. Not anymore.

Yuri didn't even listen to what all the guests had to say before they would say 'yes' to each other. He was just hoping that a miracle would happen. He just wanted Otabek to he here and he wanted to tell him the truth before it was too late but Yuri knew that there was no change that would happen. He didn't saw one sign of Otabek today and he knew that he wouldn't come to see him anymore.

It was at least one year ago since they spoke each other for the last time. Secretly, over the internet.

Yuri looked down at his shaking hands as the guests kept talking about how happy they knew Yuri and JJ would be together. Those were all lies.

Tears welled up in his eyes when the last guest said her last word. JJ noticed it and gave Yuri a stern look.

"Jean-Jaques Leroy, do you take Yuri Plisetsky to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The man on the other side of the table asked.

"Yes I do." JJ spoke in his annoying voice. He never wanted to hear that voice again.

Yuri looked at the guests. His eye fell on one person that sat on a chair in the background. He knew that face so well. The person and Yuri made eye contact and Yuri immediately felt the feeling he used to feel every day back in the days.

"Beka..." Yuri whispered quietly, not even hard enough for JJ to hear him.

The man behind the table looked Yuri's way and Yuri knew it was his turn to say 'yes' to that question.

"Yuri Plisetsky, do you take Jean-Jaques Leroy to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The man asked once again. Yuri didn't even think about his answer.

"No." He said and he didn't even realize what he just did. JJ's fake smile suddenly changed into a stern and kind of angry expression. The guests seemed shocked Yuri's answer and JJ grabbed him by his wrist.

"We will be right back. This is a mistake!" JJ said and pulled Yuri with him to the hallway. He pushed him against the wall and looked into Yuri's terrified eyes.

"You just messed it all up! We are gonna do it again and you are going to say 'yes' you hear me? You are going to pay for this!" JJ yelled at him.

"I do whatever I want! I don't want to marry you! I leave this place!" Yuri said but JJ came closer.

"You are. And after you said 'yes', you are mine Yuri-chan. Mine." He said and hit Yuri in his face. A tear rolled down the younger man's face and he got harshly pulled by his wrist and JJ took him back to the table.

Yuri stood with his left side to the guests so they wouldn't see that JJ hit him. Just when the man wanted to ask it again, Yuri bursted out in crying. He buried his face in his hands and cried his eyes out.

"He is just a little bit emotional because it's such a special day. That's all!" JJ said and Yuri looked up.

"That's not true!" He shouted at him with the tears still streaming down his face.

"What do you mean Yuri?" JJ asked with an angry expression and looked at him. His eyes told him not to tell the guests the truth.

"It will only be worse for you if you mess it up again." JJ whispered.

"Sorry. I am just a bit overwhelmed." Yuri lied and realized he had to marry JJ. The man asked his question for the third time and this time, Yuri did say 'yes'.

"Then you can kiss each other." The man spoke and JJ pulled Yuri into a kiss. Kisses were supposed to feel amazing. They had to give you a fantastic feeling but Yuri didn't feel fantastic at all. He was broken inside.

He looked back at Otabek from the corner of his eye and saw him staring at him with an emotionless expression.

After the kiss, Yuri said he had to go to the bathroom. He gave Otabek a sign and Yuri didn't know if JJ noticed it but it seemed like he did.

"I'll go with you." He said.

"Can I have some privacy please?" Yuri asked but JJ didn't want to let him go. Yuri kicked JJ against his leg and ran away. JJ ran after him but he didn't manage to hold Yuri back.

He ran towards the bathroom door and slammed it in JJ's face. He quickly locked it and fell down on his knees, out of breath.

"You didn't want to marry him did you?" Yuri suddenly heard behind him and he recognized that voice. Otabek.

"You actually came..." Yuri said and turned around to face his friend.

"Of course I did. You are still my best friend." Otabek said and that gave Yuri the feelings he was safe here.

"Beka... You need to help me. Please stay in contact with me. I don't want JJ to hurt me more than he already did." Yuri spoke quietly and he teared up. Otabek opened his arms and Yuri hugged him tightly. They used to do this back then too. They both used to be in love with each other and they knew that but they never had to chance to tell each other the truth.

"I-I'm just so scared." Yuri cried and realized he was married with the man he always hated.

"Yura, it's all gonna be fine. I'm here if you need me." Otabek said but his words didn't calm Yuri down.

"I know. But I haven't talked to you for such a long time. I'm sorry." Yuri replied and took some deep breaths to stop crying.

"He isn't worth your tears..." Otabek whispered and smiled at his friend. They stayed in the bathroom for a while and when Yuri was calmed down, he gave Otabek his address. Just in case.

After at least half an hour of talking and crying, Yuri decided to go back to the guests. Otabek took the back door so JJ wouldn't find out they were together.

He just wanted to close the bathroom door when he felt a hand on his mouth and another hand that pushed him against the wall.

"I know you were with Otabek. I told you that you couldn't talk to him again! Why did you invite him?" JJ yelled and Yuri's eyes got wet again. He tried to talk but he couldn't since JJ still had his hand placed on his mouth.

"I don't even want your answer. You are going to regret this." He said and hit Yuri once again. This was going to be a long way.


	2. Heaven Sent (2)

JJ opened the door. Yuri stood next to him, looking at his husband with eyes that shot fire.

Yuri was happy the wedding ceremony was finally over because he had to pretend like he was happy the whole time. But now, he was even more scared. He had never been in JJ's house before and he didn't want to go with him after the wedding but again, JJ forced him to.

Five years ago, Yuri was so different. He used to be much more confident and he had such a strong personality. But that was over.

He still remembered the week of the Grand-Prix final. He remembered when Otabek brought him to that beautiful place and asked him to be his friend. He always wanted more than friendship but it just never happened. Yuri was too scared to ruin what he loved the most. He didn't want to lose the love of his life because he didn't find friendship enough and he was scared Otabek would leave him.

But there was also a chance that Otabek was in love with him too. If he just had told him the truth, they would have been a couple now and he would never be in a relationship with JJ.

JJ also changed a lot. Yuri used to hate him for his narcissistic personality and his annoying habits but when they started their relationship, it seemed like he changed into a monster. He kept telling Yuri he was worthless and that JJ was better than anyone else.

Worthless, that's how JJ made Yuri feel.

Sometimes, Yuri just wanted to leave but he didn't have the strength for that anymore.

JJ opened the door and offered Yuri to step inside.

Yuri didn't move a bit. He stared at the doorknob and thought about what was going to happen if he would go inside.

"Go inside." JJ said once again and that stern expression was on his face again. He never looked like that before. His cold grey-blue eyes looked into Yuri's and Yuri felt a weird feeling in his heart. It felt like being homesick. It seemed like he realized that he lost what he loved and what he found important.

"I don't want to go inside. Let me go back to Russia. Please..." Yuri spoke softly but his words had no effect.

"You are never going back to Russia." JJ said and grabbed Yuri by his wrist and pulled him with him inside the house.

"I am 20 years old! If I wanna go back, I go back you asshole!" Yuri shouted at JJ and his words echoed through the hallway they were standing in.

The first things Yuri noticed were all the mirrors in the hallway. He never saw so many mirrors in one hallway before.

"You are not going back. You are living in Canada now and you will stay here forever, living a life together with me. We are married." JJ spoke. It didn't feel safe in JJ's house. It didn't feel like home at all, even while it was warm inside.

"Listen to me. I love you. I love you very much but you don't love me back and I want you to love me. You are going to love me, you hear me?" JJ said and still held Yuri's wrist. Yuri nodded and looked into his husband's eyes. He didn't want to be married with this person.

"Don't ever hurt me again..." Yuri said and moved with his arm so JJ would let go his wrist but he didn't. JJ didn't reply and pulled Yuri with him through the hallways until they arrived in the living room. The room was dark with a lot of red colored stuff in it.

"Sit down honey." JJ said. "Don't call me like that." Yuri replied and sat down on the couch. JJ pulled Yuri closer.

"Don't touch me." Yuri said as he pushed away JJ's arm and looked into his eyes, trying to look as strong as he could.

"You don't want me to do anything. But you are mine now and I want to be yours too Yuri-chan." JJ spoke.

"I'm a man." Yuri said and sat a bit further away from JJ.

JJ came closer to Yuri and moved the same way he moved when he was about to hit Yuri after the wedding. Yuri closed him eyes, scared that his husband would hit him again.

JJ moved his face closer to Yuri's and softly kissed him on his lips. Yuri pushed him away because he still thought he was going to hit him.

"I told you to love me back!" JJ yelled at Yuri.

"I-I thought you were going to-" Yuri said but JJ harshly interrupted him.

"Don't interrupt me when I am talking! I already regret the fact that I married you. Isabella would never act like this to me. She loved me. She was stronger than you are. You are weak and worthless Yuri. Worthless." JJ said and saw tears welled up in Yuri's eyes.

"Shed one tear and you will regret it." JJ said but Yuri couldn't hold back his tears anymore. One teardrop rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away but JJ already saw it and came closer.

Yuri stood up and started to walk backwards to the corner of the room until he bumped against the wall. Yuri's body was trembling and shaking. He slowly sat down and tried to make himself as small as he could. He expected JJ to punch him but he didn't feel anything.

"I won't hit you. I am not going to waste time on hitting such a useless person like you. Stand up and go with me. You didn't see the whole house yet." JJ said and pulled Yuri with him once again. It was late and Yuri was tired of all that happened.

He quietly followed JJ and walked towards the bedroom. When JJ just wanted to open the door, Yuri stopped walking and tried to escape from JJ's grip. He didn't want to go inside the bedroom but JJ held him tightly.

"Let me go!" Yuri yelled and tried to push him away but he didn't succeed. Yuri grew taller and he became stronger through the years but all the sadness and pain he felt inside right now held back is strength.

"I won't do anything to you. Now follow me." JJ said as he opened the door and pushed Yuri inside.

"Now lay next to me and love me. At least pretend like you do." The older man said but Yuri didn't lay down.

"I promise that I won't do anything to you." JJ said to comfort Yuri but his eyes still looked stern and forceful.

"Do it. You know what I can do if you don't do it." JJ hissed.

"What happened to you last years? Why do you treat my like this? And why did you dump your girlfriend for me if you hate me so much?" Yuri asked as he sat down on the bed.

"Love..." Was all JJ said before he laid down on the bed and pulled Yuri closer.

If he dares to touch me in a way I don't want he is dead. You have rights too Yuri! Don't forget that!

"You are beautiful Yuri." JJ whispered and Yuri cringed while he said that. He knew none of his words were true. Every little thing he said was a lie.

Yuri let his hair fall in his face so he didn't have to face JJ but JJ brushed his hair out of his face and looked into Yuri's eyes. Yuri felt JJ's fingers harshly running trough his hair which hurt.

"Your hair is all tangled. Literally every part of you is worthless." JJ said.

"Can you be a bit nicer to me? I can't help it that my hair is tangled. And does that matter? You should love me!" Yuri yelled and got up.

"No Yuri. You should love me. And you better make sure that your hair looks good before I cut it all off!" JJ yelled back. The reason Yuri grew his hair out was just because Otabek told him to. He wanted Otabek to find him pretty and nobody else.

"I-I'm sorry. I'll make sure that it won't be tangled again..." Yuri said and he noticed his eyes started to be watery again.

"Good, Yura." JJ spoke. That triggered something in Yuri.

"Only Beka can call me that." Yuri whispered under his breath but JJ heard it.

"I never want to hear Otabek's name again. Otabek is over. Forever. It's you and me now, and nobody else will ever come between us." JJ spoke and sat next to Yuri.

"You know I don't love you right? And I hope you realize I never will!" Yuri said and hit JJ in his face. JJ slowly brought his hand up to his face and looked at Yuri.

"I am the king and you are just one of my nationals. Remember that." JJ spoke calm but angry.

"Now go sleep. It's late." JJ said with eyes that still looked like they wanted to shoot Yuri down and he stood up, walked through the doorway and locked the door behind him. Yuri ran towards the door and tried to open it but he didn't succeed.

"Let me out you shithead! Let me out!" Yuri yelled but he got no response. He sat down on the bed and felt something vibrating in his pocket.

He didn't take my phone!

Yuri waited until he didn't hear any footsteps anymore and unlocked his phone. He turned down the volume and scrolled down his contacts. He clicked on the 'call' button and waited for the person he was calling to pick up.

"Hello? Yura?"

"Beka-" Yuri said but his voice got interrupted by his own emotions.

"What happened? What did he do to you?" Otabek spoke with a worried sound in his voice.

"Please tell my you are still in Canada. You need to pick me up tomorrow and take me to Kazakhstan. I know it's the first day but I can't take it anymore." Yuri said and tried to stay calm so JJ wouldn't hear him.

"I am at the airport right now. I'll pick you up tomorrow. It's gonna be fine. I will be there tomorrow. I still have the address." Otabek said and Yuri felt tears streaming down his cheeks.

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Yuri said and dried his tears.

"Don't cry. I'll be there tomorrow. Don't worry." Otabek said before they said goodbye and hung up.

Otabek, you are heaven sent.


	3. Hurt

"And that was for hitting me yesterday!" JJ shouted into Yuri's face after he punched him for several times. Yuri stared back at JJ with hate in his eyes, biting on his lip in anger and pain. Yuri's whole body hurt but he didn't care anymore. 

You will be safe in a couple of minutes. Beka's gonna pick you up and you are going to leave. It's gonna be fine. 

"I can't believe I have to do this to you but I also can't believe that this is the same Yuri I met 5 years ago. I fell in love with you. Your way of skating, the way you looked. Everything was just perfect. But you got a little bit too perfect. That's why I forced you to become my boyfriend. I wanted to hold you back from the world. I wanted to be the winner for once instead of you! I am the best and not a worthless piece of shit like you!" JJ yelled at Yuri and punched him right in his face. 

"You narcissistic asshole!" Yuri shouted and tried his best to prevent himself from crying. 

"And that's for inviting Otabek to our wedding!" JJ shouted again as he hit Yuri in his face again. Yuri just sat there in front of his husband, trying to hold back his tears which was harder than it seemed. 

"JJ... Otabek is my best friend. Why can't I see him? You competed against him too. You know him. He's a good person..." Yuri said softly and tried his best to ignore the pain. 

"You don't love me at all. And since you are so close to Otabek, I think there's a big chance of you falling in love with him." JJ spoke as he have Yuri one last, painful hit in his face. 

"What if I told you I am in love with Otabek? I am able to love someone. I'm just not able to love you." Yuri said. His eyes looked stronger than they did last days. They were lit up by hope and believe in Otabek. 

"How can you not love me? Everyone loves me! But you are blind!" JJ shouted at Yuri but didn't hit him again. Instead of that, he thought of something else. 

"I want to check your phone." JJ said and managed to grab Yuri's phone out of his pocket. 

"What's the code?" JJ asked and his hands were shaking, caused by his anger. He couldn't stand the fact that his own husband didn't admire him the way he wanted to be admired by him. Yuri knew that JJ would go on until he would hear what he wanted so Yuri decided just to tell him his code. That seemed to be the only way out. 

"2764..." Yuri whispered and thought about what JJ was going to find out. He would probably check his last messages and calls and then he would see that he called Otabek yesterday. 

"Oh... What's this? Message from Beka: I'll see you at 2 o'clock at the front door. Don't worry. What does that mean?" JJ asked and he looked angrier than ever. It wasn't a kind of angry face caused by temper or an annoying situation. It was a face that you could translate to words. The only words that seemed to describe that face were 'rage' and 'mad'. Yuri's legs felt weak and it was hard for him to walk away. He was tired since he tried to open up the door of the bedroom all night long instead of sleeping. 

"I wanna go. I wanna leave." 

"I asked, what does that mean?" JJ asked again and Yuri looked away from him. He wasn't going to tell JJ what he asked about Otabek. He wanted to protect Otabek at all costs and he didn't want him to be the reason why Otabek would get hurt. 

"I don't know what it means. I only know that it's 1:55 now and that I will escape this hell in 5 minutes!" Yuri yelled and pushed JJ aside with all the power he still had. He ran towards the front door and pushed it open. Just before he wanted to step outside, JJ held him back. 

Yuri was impressed by how strong he was compared to himself. He got stronger during his puberty but he wasn't able to escape JJ's grip and before Yuri knew it, JJ pushed him inside another room again and Yuri heard the sound of a key turning around in a lock. He had only a couple of minutes left before Otabek would arrive at the front door but it seemed like he couldn't escape this room.

It was dark and the room didn't have any windows. Yuri screamed for help on top of his lungs but nobody seemed to hear him. He was raging. Even while JJ hurt him in so many ways and managed to make Yuri feel so insecure, deep inside he was still the strong fighter that was determined to find his way out. 

He didn't want Otabek to get hurt by JJ. He heard the front door opening and heard JJ's voice talking to someone. 

Remember that one time, five years ago when you wanted to speak to that pig that took Victor away from you because that idiot was so in love with him? Remember how angry you were and how bad you wanted to kick in that door in the toilets? Think about that moment and kick in that door with all the strength you have. Think about Beka and think about getting away from here! 

Yuri jumped and kicked against the door. It opened and Yuri didn't wait any longer but ran through the hallway until he saw JJ standing with his back to Yuri. He heard another voice. A familiar voice. A calming one that Yuri trusted. 

Yuri pushed JJ aside and looked into Otabek's eyes before he hugged him and started crying. 

"Help me. I wanna leave this place. I-It hurts so bad." Yuri spoke through his sobs and grabbed Otabek's jacket tightly. 

"How the hell did you escape?" JJ asked angrily. 

"I kicked in the door. I am stronger than you think, asshole." Yuri replied and tried to sound strong but his voice was subdued and crackled. 

"Yura, look at me." Otabek said and slowly lifted Yuri's face up. 

"What happened to your face? Did he hurt you?" Otabek asked and he looked at the red marks on Yuri's face caused by the punching and hitting. 

"Don't touch my husband. He's mine. Yuri, come back here right now." JJ said and came closer to the two hugging boys. 

"Leave us alone. I don't want to see you ever again! I hate you from the bottom of my heart and I can't take any more pain!" Yuri yelled at JJ and felt that Otabek held him tigher. 

"Touch him with one finger and you will pay for it. You didn't change a thing." Otabek said and came closer to JJ who looked at them with the angriest expression you could ever imagine. 

"Yuri is not an object and you don't own him. Don't you see how bad you hurt him?" Otabek said and tried to protect the crying boy in his arms. 

"I-I didn't even want to marry you. I didn't want to marry at all!" Yuri said and looked up. 

"I hate you JJ. Nobody deserves someone like you." He continued and JJ didn't reply to any of the things they said. He just stared at them. 

"Then go. You are free to go. But before you go, I wanna do one last thing. I hope you remember it forever..." JJ said as he came closer to Yuri who held Otabek tigher and tried to hide himself behind his friend. 

JJ grabbed Yuri's long hair and pulled it before he punched Yuri in his face, harder than he ever did before. Yuri didn't even scream anymore but bursted out in crying before Otabek pushed JJ against the wall and punched him right in his face. 

Otabek grabbed Yuri's arm and ran through the doorway. They ran until they arrived at the corner of the street where Otabek's motorcycle was parked. JJ didn't follow them but slammed the door shut behind him. 

Otabek pulled Yuri close and tried to comfort him by telling him that he was safe now. Yuri couldn't stop crying and tried to make himself believe that nothing could happen to him anymore but he couldn't believe it. JJ and him were still married and they both had to sign the divorce papers before they weren't married anymore.

"Why did I ever agree with that wedding? Why was I so stupid to do something I didn't want? I never loved him." Yuri spoke quietly and looked into Otabek's eyes. His vision was blurred by his tears but he believed the person he was holding right now would make sure he was safe. 

"You are safe now. Let's go to the airport and buy you a ticket. You are going home with me." Otabek spoke while he wiped away Yuri's tears and teared up himself when he looked into his best friend's watery eyes. Those beautiful green eyes he fell in love with at least 10 years ago. He wished Yuri knew how much he loved him and he wished he could have prevented all the pain he felt. 

Otabek passed Yuri a helmet before they both sat down on his motorbike like they used to do so many times before. 

"Hold me tight." Otabek spoke as he stared to ride away.

-

It felt so much better here. The aura in the warm room gave Yuri a safe feeling and it seemed to cure the invisible wounds in his heart. It felt so much better than in JJ's house. 

It had been a long flight to Kazakhstan but they finally arrived at Otabek's apartment. It was just a small and cheap appartment with plain walls but it felt so much better than the house Yuri stayed in for the last two days. 

Yuri didn't manage to sleep in the airplane because of all the stress and all the tears he shed before he left and he felt like he wouldn't be able to sleep here too. 

"Do you want to sleep? You can sleep in my bed if you want. I can sleep on the couch." Otabek said and sat next to Yuri on the couch in the living room. 

"No... You don't have to. I slept on the couch for many times. I'm used to it..." Yuri mumbled softly and looked down at his knees, nervously playing with his fingers. 

"Are you feeling okay?" Otabek asked and looked right into Yuri's eyes, causing Otabek to blush like crazy. 

You can't go on like this. You need to tell him the truth. You have been waiting for the right moment for over 10 years. 

"Try to forget about everything for a while. I'll get you some blankets." Otabek said as he walked away from the couch and opened the door of what seemed to be his bedroom. 

Isn't it too soon? He's married two days ago. But... He didn't want it. And he didn't love him. I'm going to tell him the truth. I can't take this any longer. 

"You don't even know how thankful I am. You are the best." Yuri spoke, stood up and walked towards his friend who stood in the doorway with blankets and pillows in his arms. Otabek's heart started to beat twice as fast, caused by the fact that Yuri hugged him but also because he realized he was going to tell him what he wanted to tell him for years. He wanted to do this for so many times but he never did it, scared that Yuri would leave him. Otabek was so in love with him but he rather wanted to live with Yuri as his best friend than that he would leave him because he didn't want to be his boyfriend. But now, after the wedding, he was finally ready to tell Yuri the truth. 

About one month ago, he found the invitation for the wedding. What seemed to be a normal day suddenly changed into the worst day if his life. Otabek always told himself that JJ was just Yuri's boyfriend and he knew they weren't really in love with each other. He told himself he had so much time left to tell his Yuri the truth but when he found the invitation, all his hope suddenly disappeared. 

"Yura, I want to tell you something... I wanted to tell you this so many times before but I never had to the chance for it." Otabek said with a nervous sound in his voice and tears welled up in his eyes. 

What is wrong with you? Just tell him what you want to tell him! 

"Just tell me what's wrong. I don't mind anything." Yuri spoke softly and he started to feel a bit nervous too because of Otabek's reaction. 

"Well, actually... I want to give you something. I want you to realize that this thing can change everything for both of us. I want to give you something I treasured for my whole life and I made sure nobody could take it away from me because I knew it only belonged to you. I only have one of it, so please know that it's really special for me." Otabek said.

"Close your eyes." He continued and Yuri did what he said, having no idea what was going to happen. Otabek took a breath and moved his face closer to Yuri's, trying to stay calm and make this moment as special as he wanted it to be for years. His bottom lip softly touched Yuri's and he pressed his lips against the other boy's. A gleam of hope rushed through his heart when their lips touched. Otabek broke their kiss and slowly looked up until his and Yuri's eyes met. They just stared into each other's eyes and said nothing to each other. 

Otabek's heart pounded in his chest and so did Yuri's. 

"My first kiss, Yura..." Otabek said and looked down at his hands which were shaking and before he knew it, a teardrop fell down on his hand. That one teardrop was followed by many more. Yuri was surprised. He never saw Otabek cry before. 

"I love you... I love you ever since the day we first met but I totally understand if you don't want to see me anymore. You can stay here as long as you want but you can also go somewhere else..." Otabek spoke quietly and his eyes felt wet and they burnt. 

"You don't understand it. I love you too for so long. For at least five years. I just never wanted to ruin our friendship. And then, JJ forced me to become his boyfriend. Do you know how many times I cried because I actually wanted you to be my boyfriend? But then, I told you that JJ and I were in a relationship and you acted like you didn't care! And that hurt me Beka! I thought you loved me but I gave up my hope when you acted like that. Why didn't you tell me the truth? You said you knew he didn't love me! But how can you love me? I'm worthless..." Yuri said and tears started to form in his beautiful eyes. He knew that JJ only said that because he wanted Yuri to feel less than him because he loved himself so much but he couldn't believe it was not the truth. 

"You are everything but worthless. You are the most beautiful human being I've ever met and you are talented and I can't imagine a better friend than you. Believe me. You are not worthless. And I acted like that because I didn't want you to change your mind. I wasn't sure if you didn't really love JJ. I just didn't want to hurt you in any way. You mean so much to me. And I am hopelessly in love with you..." Otabek replied and put his arms around his friend who started sobbing in his arms. 

"It's dumb that I react like this. I know. But I wanted to tell you this for years. When I received that invitation for your wedding, I knew I was ready to tell you the truth. When I heard you were going to marry JJ... My heart broke, Yura. It felt like I lost you." Otabek spoke as he pulled Yuri closer. 

Yuri's heart beat so fast that Otabek could feel it pounding against his own chest. 

"You will never lose me. You were the only one I ever fell in love with." Yuri said and reached for Otabek's hand which was still shaking a little. He slowly laced his fingers together with Otabek's and they looked into each other eyes which were both red and wet but they still showed so much love. 

"I regret everything I've done. But I had no choice. He forced me to..." Yuri said and held Otabek's hand tighter when he thought back to that moment. 

"How did he force you too then?" Otabek asked and looked at Yuri's face from the side. He was so perfect and he couldn't believe he found himself worthless. He was most definitely the most beautiful person Otabek could ever imagine and he couldn't stop looking at him. Otabek had seen him for the first time when he was 10, already looking so good. And now, 10 years later, he was more beautiful than he ever was before. 

"He said... He said he would make sure I would never be able to talk to you again if I didn't say yes. But after I did say yes, he still told me I couldn't have contact with you anymore. He knew I loved you but he wanted me to love him. He wanted my love in return for all the pain he gave me. He only loves himself. But I only love you." Yuri said and turned his face closer to Otabek's and leaned with his forehead against his. He looked deeply into Otabek's eyes and slightly smiled at him while he still held his hand. 

"I am going to divorce as soon as I can and I don't care if I am still married or not, I wanna be yours Beka. I always wanted that. And your first kiss was the most special thing I ever got." Yuri said and this time, he moved his lips closer to Otabek's and pulled him into a soft kiss. 

"I'm going to show you how real love works and I want you to make sure you have the best time ever as long as you are here with me. I want you to be happy again." Otabek said and reached for Yuri's other hand.


	4. Shower

Yuri turned on the water and stepped into the shower. His untied hair fell down his back as he felt the hot water streaming down his face and body. 

Yuri closed his eyes and forgot where he was, why he was here and what happened before he arrived here. He just wanted a moment to think about himself but it didn't take long before his thoughts took over his mind again. 

He didn't feel like getting up today, totally destroyed by his sadness and fear. He knew he didn't have to be scared anymore since he was together with Otabek but it wasn't really the whole situation with JJ that made him scared. He was just insecure about the future and he didn't know how he could ever divorce without having to see JJ again. He didn't want to see that twat ever again in his whole life but he knew he didn't have a choice. 

He never thought that he would be married when he was 20 years old but he also never expected that he would want to divorce after a marriage of less than 2 days. 

Yuri opened his eyes and sighed. The water seemed to wash away some of the worries but he still felt like shit. He moved his fingers through his long, blonde hair until he reached the ends and repeated that a couple of times. 

Yuri didn't hear what happened around him anymore and tried to think about nothing, concentrating on the sound of the drops of water falling down. It made him feel relaxed and it seemed to make him feel a bit less worried about the whole situation. He didn't even notice that the door of the bathroom slowly opened and Otabek stepped inside to grab something from the drawer, not knowing that Yuri was showering. 

Otabek placed his hand over his mouth to stop himself from gasping when he saw the back of Yuri's body through the glass cabin of the shower. He stared at his body, knowing that it was wrong what he was doing but he just couldn't stop staring. His body was perfect and looked so different from what it used to look like years ago but he had still a thin frame and looked fragile. 

Every part of his body was shaped perfectly and his hair that fell over his shoulders, down his back seemed to make the whole picture even more beautiful. 

Otabek's heart pounded in his chest just by looking at Yuri and he felt proud when he realized that he was his boyfriend. Yuri still didn't notice anything and just kept listening to the sounds of the water while he moved his fingers through his hair. 

Otabek forced himself to look away from Yuri and opened the door of the bathroom to return to the living room. He was so impressed by what he just saw that he even forgot to grab the thing he actually came for. He turned around to go back into the bathroom and grabbed the stuff he needed but he accidentally dropped them on the floor. 

Yuri's eyes widened as he turned his face and looked right into Otabek's eyes. They looked at each other for a couple of seconds until Yuri's eyes filled themselves with tears and he bit on his lip while his body started to shake. 

"I-I'm sorry..." 

Otabek turned around to walk back to the living room when he heard Yuri crying behind him. 

Yuri grabbed a towel and slammed the door shut as he felt warm tears rolling down his cheeks. Yuri hated his body and he didn't want Otabek to see it since he was so insecure about it looking so thin. He didn't know that Otabek actually loved it and he just kept on crying while he reached for his clothes and put them on. 

He always wanted to become more masculine during his puberty and he did grow and became taller but he was still so fragile and thin. He didn't know why he was so shocked since he knew that Otabek would love him even if he had a bad looking body. 

Yuri opened the door and walked towards the door of the living room without taking the time to comb his hair. When he opened the door, Otabek came to him immediately and hugged him tightly.

"I'm so sorry. I know I it was bad to look at you without your permission..." He said and he felt that Yuri's tears rolled down his face. 

"I am just so insecure about my body. And I know it doesn't look good but I can't help it. And I am sorry that I'm crying over this. I'm 20 years old. I'm an adult. I shouldn't cry over things like these." Yuri spoke as he hugged Otabek back with one arm and wiped away his own tears with the other. Otabek didn't know what he heard when Yuri said he hated his body. 

He was also surprised by Yuri's reaction. He used to be so confident and he didn't care abot the opinions of other people.

"Yura, I've never seen something so beautiful as your body. That's why I was looking at you. You are so beautiful and I just couldn't stop looking at you. I didn't look at you because I found you ugly. You are so beautiful..." Otabek whispered and looked into Yuri's eyes. 

"Really..?" Yuri asked quietly as he wiped away his last tears. "Really. You are perfect and whatever that bitch told you, just believe you are beautiful. 'Cause you are." Otabek said and tucked some of Yuri's hair behind his ear. 

"I have a surprise for you. I'm not really familiar with this kind of stuff but I thought you would maybe like it." Otabek spoke and reached for Yuri's hand while he began to lead him upstairs to his bedroom. 

The second floor was nothing but a small hallway with plain walls and a room and the end of it but something made the hallway look special. Everywhere Yuri looked he saw small candles leading him a way towards the bedroom in the distance. Otabek held Yuri's hand tighter and brought him to the bedroom.

The first thing Yuri saw was a bed with white blankets and pillows and some rose leaves on it. Some small candles were placed on the nightstand and the morning light shined through the window. 

"Did you do that all for me..?" Yuri asked, looking at all the beauty in front of him. Otabek nodded as closed the curtains that hung close to the windows and closed them. The only light in the room was the light of the three small candles on the nightstand. 

"You want to lay next to me?" Otabek asked and Yuri nodded while he looked into his boyfriend's eyes that shined in the light if the candles. They laid next to each other and Otabek reached over to the candles to blow them out. It was dark now, except for some light on the ceiling. Yuri focused on them and saw the ceiling was decorated with fake stars that shined beautifully. 

"Words can't describe how much I love you. I-I just don't know what to say." Yuri said and he felt his eyes started to burn again. 

Oh... Not again. 

He felt tears of joy rolling down his cheeks and when Otabek looked at his beautiful boyfriend being so impressed by what he had done for him, he couldn't stop himself from crying too.

Otabek felt Yuri's soft lips against his cheek, making him feel even warmer than he already felt. He reached over to kiss Yuri on his lips and slowly brought his lips closer to the other boy's. 

Otabek broke their kiss and looked deeply into Yuri's eyes that always looked so bright and strong. The first time when Otabek met Yuri, he looked into his eyes and realized he just met his first crush. They were only kids. They were supposed to know nothing about love yet but something in Otabek knew that Yuri was so special. Those eyes were so strong and they looked right into his soul. He never experienced a feeling like that in his whole life before. 

Yuri's eyes were still exactly the same as they were 10 years ago and they still made Otabek feel so in love. Otabek thought back of what happened earlier this morning. 

"Yura... I want you to look at yourself." Otabek said at one point after he and Yuri had laid down on the bed for at least an hour, hugging and kissing each other for the whole time and feeling more close to each other than ever. 

"What do you mean? I look at myself every day." Yuri replied with no idea what Otabek was talking about. 

"You need to look at yourself the way you never did before. Since you were fifteen you were insecure about the way your body looked and you have to believe that you are beautiful. And I want you to tell me what you don't like about yourself. I can turn around if you want. I just want you to become more confident." Otabek spoke as he looked into his boyfriend's eyes that looked back at him with a slightly scared look in them. Over the years, Otabek became more confident and outgoing but it seemed like Yuri just became more introvert and insecure. He used to be fearless and he didn't care about what the others thought of him at all but now, he changed. 

"You don't have to turn around. I trust you. You are my boyfriend so it's normal for you to look at me." Yuri said and slowly got up from the bed. 

"Do you have a mirror?" Yuri asked and Otabek opened the door of his wardrobe which was filled with nothing but black and grey clothes. There was a mirror inside the wardrobe. Yuri waited a couple of seconds before he took off his shirt and threw it on Otabek's bed. Yuri looked down at his own hands before he took off his jeans too and threw it next to his shirt.

Otabek noticed he started to blush again when he saw Yuri's body from the front and looked at his boyfriend that stood in front of him, wearing nothing but his boxers. Otabek looked at the ball of insecurity that was his boyfriend and wondered how he couldn't realize how amazing he looked. Every single part of him was gorgeous. 

"It feels weird to do this." Yuri said quietly and moved his head a little so his hair fell in his face and covered one of his eyes which made him look a bit more like how he used to look 5 years ago. 

"Can you... No this is weird to ask." 

"Just tell me what you wanted to ask me." Otabek replied, trying to make Yuri feel as relaxed and confident as possible. 

"Can you undress yourself too? It just feels so weird and maybe it will feel less weird when you are undressed too." Yuri asked and Otabek nodded and immediately did what he asked him to. 

Yuri looked at Otabek's body that was so different from his own. Yuri tried everything to make his body look more masculine but nothing seemed to work. He sure got some more muscles but his body itself was still so thin and it seemed like it wasn't possible to change that. It never really bothered him since his body was perfect to skate but when the whole stuff with JJ began and he couldn't skate anymore, Yuri began to feel so bad about himself. 

"I don't want to do anything like... You know. Anything sexual... I am not ready for that. Not yet." Yuri said and Otabek reached for Yuri's hand. 

"I don't even want to do anything as long as you don't want that. I wouldn't even bother if you would never want it if that makes you feel better." Otabek spoke and looked into Yuri's bright eyes that looked back at them with a thankful look in them. Otabek made Yuri stand in front of the mirror. 

"Yeah... What can I say?" Yuri spoke and looked at Otabek while he nervously played with his hair. "What do you hate about what you see? You are so beautiful and I just wanna know why you don't realize that." Otabek replied and held Yuri's hand a bit tighter. 

"Everybody always changed during their puberty. They changed from a boy into a man. But I always stayed a boy and... I never changed." Yuri said and stared at himself in the mirror. 

"But why would you even want to change if you already look great? There's no reason why you should change. You are just who you are and you don't need to change. I was in love with you before you changed the smallest bit and yes, you are more beautiful than you ever were before but that doesn't mean your body wasn't beautiful before. You are taller now so you did change from a boy into a man right? And I couldn't imagine you looking different from how you look now. I wouldn't change anything about you." Otabek spoke as he looked into Yuri's eyes and pulled him closer. Yuri's warm chest touched his slightly colder one, making Yuri shiver a bit and Otabek feel warmer immediately before they both started to become warmer. 

"You are perfect." Otabek whispered softly and thay sudden whisper gave Yuri goosebumps all over his body. It seemed like this was a special moment. Such a moment you remember after years and years passed. It seemed like a magnet was placed between them and they couldn't stop touching each other. 

Yuri brought his hands up to the other's hair and pressed his lips against Otabek's, pulling him into the most passionate and thankful kiss you could ever imagine. A feeling of nothing but true love they felt for years rushed through both of their bodies and the feeling of their lips against each other made them forget about everything else for a while. They kissed until they both were totally out of breath and when their lips parted and it was completely silent in the whole apartment. The only sound that they heard was the sounds of their breathing. 

"I love you so much... So much." Yuri said when he finally had enough air to talk again. "I love you too." Otabek replied as he gave Yuri one last, small kiss on his lips before he walked back to his bed, grabbed Yuri's shirt and gave it to him.


	5. Emotions (5)

Yuri and JJ were going to sign the divorce papers today. JJ came to Kazakhstan and Yuri and Otabek were on their way to the town hall. Yuri felt good since it was finally the day when he was going to be free from JJ but he was also a bit scared because he had to face JJ again for the first time since Otabek helped him to escape from his house. 

Yuri reached for Otabek's hand and when Otabek felt that Yuri was nervous because his hands were shaking a little, he placed a small kiss on Yuri's cheek to comfort him. 

"We are in public Beka..." Yuri whispered as they walked further. After a while, they arrived and walked inside. They didn't have to wait and they were ready to go inside until someone asked Otabek to wait outside. Otabek didn't want to let Yuri go inside all on his own since he didn't know what JJ would do to him. When he explained the situation, the person allowed Otabek to go inside too. 

Yuri looked right into JJ's eyes by accident when they walked in. Yuri glared at him as he sat down next to his ex boyfriend and looked at the papers in front of him. 

"Did he really have to go with you? Aren't you old enough to do such stuff on your own?" JJ asked and looked at Yuri with a smirk on his face, trying to tease Yuri but Yuri was strong enough to ignore him. 

"Well, since you are an abusive asshole I don't feel really safe around you anymore." Yuri hissed at him and Otabek looked at JJ with a face that told him not to try to touch Yuri. 

Everything seemed to go just as Yuri wanted it to go. They signed the papers and nothing seemed to go wrong. The person that helped them and also allowed Otabek to go inside asked Yuri if he wanted to go with her for a while because he had to explain some stuff. Otabek assumed it was about the fact that JJ acted abusive and maybe he had to explain some stuff to make sure he was safe. They left Otabek and JJ in the room. 

"So... What did you and my husband do last days?" JJ asked and Otabek looked back at him with eyes that shot fire. He knew that JJ was a narcissistic piece of shit since the Grand-Prix final but he never expected him to do this all to his Yuri. And he would never forgive him for doing that. 

"Just make sure you stay away from Yuri... And don't you dare to ever touch him again. What you did to me doesn't scare me JJ. Please remember that." Otabek said calmly but also angrily and looked deeply into JJ's eyes, making it look as intimidating as possible. 

"But... Do I have to stay away from you too?" JJ whispered and just when he heard Yuri's footsteps, he placed his lips on Otabek's. JJ had a plan and it seemed to work. Yuri saw that Otabek and JJ were kissing and his heart dropped. 

"I love you so much Otabek. And I think it's time for Yuri to find out about our secret affair..." JJ said and looked at Yuri from the corner of his eye. Yuri's eyes immediately filled themselves with tears and he turned around and ran away. Otabek stood up and ran after him but Yuri was way faster than him. 

"Yura! Come back please! It was a mistake!" Otabek shouted after him but nothing could hold Yuri back. Yuri ran outside and he searched for something like a bicycle so he could ride away but he didn't saw anything. He didn't want to face Otabek anymore after what he just had done and started to run away until Yuri's eyes fell on something in the distance. 

Otabek's motorcycle. 

Yuri ran towards it and quickly grabbed the keys of the motorbike out of his pocket which Otabek gave him, just in case he ever needed it. Only for emergencies he said, but Yuri didn't care. 

He sat down on the motorbike and didn't know what he was going to do. He decided just to try to ride away on it without thinking about it for too long. He looked behind him and saw Otabek was running towards him. Yuri didn't have to wait any longer and drove away, trying to focus on the way in front of him. 

Driving the motorcycle was easier than he expected it to be but his tears were blurring his vision which made it a bit harder for him. The motorcycle was incredibly heavy and it was hard not to fall when he had to wait for the traffic lights. When the lights changed to green, he immediately gassed and felt the wind in his face when he started to drive faster and he tried to be careful since he didn't wear a helmet or any other protective clothes. 

It didn't take long before his hair tie fell out and his long hair kept bothering him while he was driving. He tried to ignore it and focused on the roadway. 

He rode all the way back to Otabek's apartment and parked the motorcycle in front of the door, not thinking about the risk of it getting stolen. 

Yuri ran upstairs, trying to ignore the tears that burned behind his eyes but he didn't manage to hold them back. 

He kicked open the door of Otabek's way too neat bedroom and slammed the door. He closed his eyes and felt warm tears rolling down his face as he realized he lost his one and only friend. He kissed with JJ. He had a secret affair with JJ. They were in love with each other and Yuri never knew about that. He wouldn't even mind if he kissed with someone else because he trusted Otabek, but when he saw him kissing with JJ who smirked so satisfied, his heart broke. 

JJ, the guy he hated since he was 15 years old. His rival. He kissed with his Beka... 

Yuri harshly pulled open the door of the wardrobe with the mirror inside. Otabek showed Yuri how much he loved him here. He told him he was beautiful, but Yuri didn't believe that anymore. That bitch kissed with JJ. He knew Otabek was coming after him but he didn't care anymore. He didn't want to see Otabek ever again. And yes, Otabek was the only person Yuri had left. Everyone else left him or died. 

He ran his rand through his hair and looked into his own eyes that were red and watery. He wanted to erase Otabek from his memory before he would leave back to Russia. 

Otabek found him so beautiful. And he wanted that memory to disappear. 

Yuri stared at himself in the mirror until he scared himself and opened one of the drawers of the wardrobe.

He took one last look at himself before he took a decision. He grabbed some of his hair which Otabek loved so much and grabbed a pair of scissors out of the drawer. He lifted the scissors up to his long, blonde hair and closed his eyes before he closed the edges of the scissors and started to cut it off in anger. 

He looked down at his shaking hands and saw the scissors in one of them and his long, chopped off hair in the other and he immediately felt nothing but regret. He grew it out for such a long time and somehow, it hurt him to do this. But he wanted to forget about Otabek, so he had to do this. 

He threw his hair on the ground before he grabbed another chunk of his hair and harshly cut that off too. He heard footsteps in the hallway but he ignored them. Yuri heard a gasp behind him when the door opened. He didn't look away from his own reflection in the mirror and just continued with what he was doing while the tears streamed down his cheeks. Otabek saw what Yuri was doing and he suddenly felt sick because he was so shocked. 

"Yura... Stop! No! Yura, what are you doing?" Otabek asked and came closer to his crying boyfriend that stood in front of the mirror. 

"Don't act like you are shocked... I grew it out for you anyway and I thought this was a beautiful way to say goodbye to you. In front of the mirror where you told me I was beautiful. I don't want you to find me beautiful anymore. JJ always told me he wanted to cut it off. But I didn't want that because I wanted you to find me pretty. You said it suited me. But you don't even love me and I don't want you to find me pretty anymore. After all those years of friendship... After all those years together as best friends and all those weeks together as a couple, you made me realize that you don't love me." Yuri said with a crackled voice and bit on his lip while he continued to cut his hair off. 

"Everyone I used to love is dead. My skating dream is over. I never had a childhood because I always wanted to focus on skating but thanks to him, I couldn't anymore. He took my medals away from me. He took everything away from me and I thought I finally found someone who loved me the way I wanted someone to love me. And now, that person I trusted kissed with the person who ruined my life. He's even in love with him. I trusted you Otabek. I really did. You where the only person that still was there for me. But now you did this to me... It hurts. It really hurts Beka." Yuri continued quietly and tried to control his sobs. 

Otabek's expression changed. 

"But it was an accident! I don't feel anything for him! He just pulled me into a kiss and I tried to push him away from me but he didn't let go. And then, you walked in. It wasn't my intention to hurt you Yura. Why would I ever hurt you? You will always stay my best friend, no matter if we are in a relationship or not. But I just wanted to be your boyfriend for so long. And now I finally found you back, this happened... Please don't let this ruin everything for us. JJ faked all of this. Believe me. I told you I never kissed someone before I kissed you so how the hell is it possible that I have a secret affair with JJ?" Otabek spoke as he stared to cry too and buried his face in his hands so he wouldn't have to look at what Yuri was doing to himself anymore. 

Yuri looked at Otabek and dropped the scissors on the floor. 

"It was... Fake?" He asked and looked at Otabek with the most hopeless look in his eyes.

"Yes..." Otabek just replied with tears still rolling down his face and didn't know what else he had to say. He looked at Yuri who stood in front of him, broken and hurt with his hair cut off and didn't know what he had to do. 

"I'm sorry... I couldn't help it. You just walked in when that happened and I think he just kissed me so you would see it and you would leave me. He still wants to be your husband you know..." Otabek said and came closer to Yuri who still stood in front of him, stunned and shaking after he heard that it was all faked. 

"Oh god Yura... What have you done?" Otabek asked as he picked up some of Yuri's long hair that laid on his shoulder. Otabek looked at it and started crying again. 

"It was just... I wanted to leave you and I didn't want to be reminded of you and since I knew you loved it... I thought..." Yuri tried to say but he couldn't finish his sentence because he was so emotional. He pulled Otabek closer and buried his face in his neck while they both cried their eyes out. 

"I really thought you cheated on me." Yuri cried softly and felt Otabek's tears dripping down his face. "I'm so sorry..." Otabek whispered and kissed Yuri's cheek softly while he held him tightly and tried to comfort him a little. 

"You don't have to be sorry. You can't help it." Yuri spoke and looked down at his hair on the ground. He couldn't stop himself from crying again. 

"Why do I care about that so much. It's just my freaking hair!" Yuri spoke as his eyes burnt more than they ever did before. 

"Well, maybe because it symbolizes your memories. You grew it our during those painful years so maybe, this is just a new beginning." Otabek said while he wiped away his tears. 

"How does it look..?" Yuri asked as he brought his hands up to his hair. 

"You look gorgeous. You always will." Otabek said while he grabbed both of Yuri's hands.

"You are free now. He's gone. And we are free to do whatever we want and we can go wherever we want to go." Otabek said and kissed Yuri on his lips which made Yuri smile for a change. 

"I'm going to park the motorcycle somewhere else before it gets stolen. You are actually really good driving it." Otabek said as he smiled at Yuri and Yuri smiled back through his last tears.


	6. Stronger (6)

 

The bright, warm sunlight shined through the window of the bedroom but Yuri was shivering. It wasn't even a cold day but Yuri felt cold inside and even while he laid under at least 3 blankets, he still felt so cold.

Yuri didn't sleep at all because of all the stuff that happened the day before and he felt like a wreck now, totally exhausted but still unable to sleep. He didn't have any motivation to get up today and sighed when he suddenly thought back of yesterday. All of this shit was caused by JJ. What else was new?

Yuri's eyes still burned after all the tears he shed yesterday and his legs felt weak, even while he laid down. He felt like this before, back when he used to train a lot for an important competition but back then, he always managed to find a reason to get up. He never wanted to lose in a competition. That was one of the things that made Yuri sad. The fact that JJ held him back from skating for at least 2 years of his life.

Skating was his passion, his everything but JJ wanted to hold him back from the world so he would be able to win competitions instead of Yuri.

Yuri thought back of what he told Otabek yesterday about the fact that he never really had a childhood because he always wanted to train. Not being able to win made him feel weak and he always wanted to do whatever he could to make sure he wouldn't lose.

Back then, Yuri was full of power and inspiration but now, he felt so empty and hurt. He knew that what JJ said was all faked but he was still so shocked and hurt inside. He slowly turned around and saw Otabek's still sleeping face. Yuri wondered how it was able to look so handsome in the morning.

"Beka..?" Yuri said but his voice wasn't loud enough for Otabek to wake up. He never felt this weak before in his whole life and he didn't feel any emotions. His mind and his heart were empty and it felt like nothing could ever be able to make him feel better again.

"Otabek..." Yuri said once again but again, his voice was nothing more than a subdued sound that didn't even sound like his own voice. Yuri leaned over to Otabek and softly kissed him on his lips, trying to wake him up so he could hug him.

"Beka... Please, wake up." Yuri said hoarsely and felt that he started to feel even colder since he didn't lay under his blankets anymore. Otabek started to wake up and when he looked into Yuri's eyes, he saw something was wrong. His eyes weren't bright and shiny like they were most of the time but they were looking at him without an expression or an emotion in them.

"What's wrong Yura..?" Otabek asked and opened his eyes a bit more. He slowly looked up and when he saw Yuri's short hair, he immediately remembered what happened yesterday.

"Is it about everything that happened yesterday?" Otabek asked and Yuri shrugged as he laid down under his blankets again, still shivering and shaking. That was enough for Otabek to know that he was right.

Yuri didn't feel like talking at all and he didn't even know how to explain what he felt anyway but Otabek didn't always need words to explain a situation. Sometimes, a feeling was just enough.

"I will never cheat on you. But you are divorced from him now. He has nothing to do with you anymore. And our goal is to build on a happy life together. Because we do love each other, no matter what he said." Otabek spoke and put his arms around Yuri, just like he felt that that was exactly what he wanted.

Yuri laid his head on Otabek's chest and enjoyed the feeling of his warm arms around him.

"Don't leave me Beka..." Yuri suddenly said and one teardrop rolled down the ride of his face and fell on Otabek's shirt.

"No. I will never leave you. Don't worry." Otabek replied as he held Yuri a little bit tighter.

"Don't ever leave me. Everyone I loved is dead... They are all dead Otabek. Or they are gone. I only have you and grandpa left now. The ones that aren't dead hate me thanks to JJ. I'm just so sad sometimes. And I am so happy that we are together now so I can at least talk about it. Back when I was a teen, I was just rude. I knew that, but I couldn't help it. That's why some people didn't like me but at least, they knew that was just my puberty. It's normal to act like that when you are young. But now, I am an adult and he told everyone so many lies about me. I used to be so confident. But that time is over now. I'm so scared that everybody hates me now. But promise me that you will never stop loving me please..." Yuri spoke and he felt that Otabek's heart started beating faster.

"Yura... Give me your hand." Otabek whispered and Yuri did what he said as he placed his hand in Otabek's but didn't move any other part of his body.

"For so many years, I just wanted to grab your hand all out of sudden. I loved you but I thought you didn't love me. I thought it was just one sided love and that made me sad sometimes. Really sad. I always wanted someone to love. Or someone that loved me. I didn't care. I just wanted love. I never really had friends before I met you. I was an outsider because I didn't talk much and I wasn't that social. And then one day, I guess I was 14, my mother was talking with my sisters about boys. They didn't know that I was listening. At one point, they started talking about me and they said they were sure I would never find someone that would love me. 'Cause 'who wanted to be in love with someone like me'? Nobody would ever love me. They were sure about that. But now, I am laying here, next to the guy of my dreams. I did find someone to love and I will never leave you because I am sure that I will never find someone who will love me the way you do. And I will never be able to love someone the way I love you." Otabek spoke.

"I really don't know why nobody ever fell in love with you before. You are so sweet and you look so good." Yuri said as he caressed Otabek's cheek and smiled a little.

"You are the only person that ever noticed that I guess. But I don't really care about the fact that nobody ever fell in love with me. I fell in love with nobody else too before I fell in love with you. And I never knew how it was to have friends anyway. It was just normal for me." Otabek replied and enjoyed looking at Yuri's smile which he didn't see very often. Yuri's smiles were like treasures. They were hard to find but if he showed them to you, it gave you the best feeling you could ever imagine.

"I think that we were meant to be. We can only make each other stronger and not the other way around. And I would do everything to make sure that nobody will ever hurt you again in any way. Whatever they say about you." Otabek said and he felt that Yuri held his hand tighter and he started to sob in silence, making Otabek's heart break for the umpteenth time. He didn't want Yuri to cry but he knew he couldn't do anything about it.

"I love you so much Beka." Yuri said with a still hoarse voice and he lifted his head up to softly kiss Otabek on his lips before he laid his head down on Otabek's chest again.

Five years ago, Otabek never thought that the rude, rebellious teen would grow out to this insecure, sad human being that he had to comfort every single day. Not that Otabek found that a problem. He wanted to do anything for Yuri but he just wanted him to be happy.

"What can I do to make you happy again?" Otabek asked softly and kissed Yuri's cheek while he caressed his hair, making Yuri feel so much better than he did when he woke up.

"I just want you to stay home with me all day and I want you to love me." Yuri whispered and calmed down except for some small, uncontrolled sobs sometimes. Otabek nodded and hugged Yuri tightly as he brought his hands up to his boyfriend's chest, being able to feel his heartbeat. Otabek's warmth started to warm Yuri's ice cold body and slowly, all the worries disappeared from Yuri's mind.

It didn't take long before Yuri fell asleep, finally warm and comfortable enough not to wake up again and Otabek couldn't stop looking at his beautiful boyfriend that looked so perfect when he was asleep.

-

 

_"YOU CAN'T DO THAT! GIVE THEM BACK! DON'T YOU REALIZE HOW HARD I WORKED FOR THEM?" Yuri yelled as tears began to well up in his eyes. His heart pounded in his chest when he looked at JJ's face that looked so satisfied and didn't seem to regret what he did._

_"Your career is over. Nobody will ever know who you were. You only won three medals but you are too talented. And I want to be the best. Not you. You don't deserve it you worthless piece of shit." JJ spoke and looked down at Yuri's crying face. Looking at it gave him a strong feeling. A dominant feeling which made him feel more than anyone else. No one would ever be able to defeat him and this was the only thing he could do to beat his last rival. His strongest rival._

_The one who stole his love._

_"Look at me Yuri-chan." JJ said and lifted Yuri's angry face up. His green eyes stared at JJ like he wanted to kill him._

_First, he managed to make him stop with skating and now, he took away the last memories that reminded him of those beautiful years. He was 18 years old now. He was an adult but still, he wasn't strong enough to leave JJ. He dared to take his medals away from him. The medals he worked so hard for. He gave up his childhood to win those and now, he had to screw it all up again._

_"I don't want you to call me that. I am not a girl..." Yuri spoke softly and he started to become even angrier. JJ moved his hand closer to Yuri's long hair and moved his fingers through it._

_"As long as you look like this, I will call you whatever I want. But you know I can change it." JJ said as he looked deeply into Yuri's eyes, so intimidating that it scared Yuri. Yuri immediately knew what JJ was talking about._

_"I won't let you cut my hair for the last time! Why do you even want to do that?" Yuri asked and looked back into JJ's eyes._

_"Because it's your eye-catcher. And it's not you who deserves beauty. It's me. But if you don't want to let me do it, you have to pay with something else." JJ reached for one of Yuri's medals and started to smash it against the table that stood in front of them._

_It was Yuri's Junior Division medal. The first real prize he ever won and he always saw that as the start of his amazing career._

_"Stop... Please!" Yuri cried but JJ didn't stop and kept smashing the medal against the table until it looked nothing like it did before. JJ reached for another medal and when Yuri saw which one it was, he started to panic. The Grand-Prix prize._

_"You can't do that! Not the Grand-Prix! Stop! Take everything away from me but let me keep that medal. Please!" Yuri yelled but again, his words didn't have any influence._

_"I deserved to win the Grand-Prix Final. Bronze is worthless." JJ said and Yuri looked at the medal getting smashed against the table in horror and felt worse than ever. His senior debut... His childhood dream._

_Gone..._

Yuri woke up and it took him a while to realize that it was 3 years later now but the dream seemed so real. It was all dark it the room and it was silent, except for the sound of someone breathing next to him.

Yuri slept all day since he fell asleep this morning and Otabek promised him to stay by his side. Yuri brought it hands up to his hair and when he felt it was short, he let out a sigh of relief. This was the real life and JJ wasn't here.

"Beka. Wake up." Yuri said but then he realized that if he would talk with Otabek, he would definitely cry again and he didn't want to make him feel worried about him.

"It's night Yura... Go to sleep." Otabek mumbled as he turned around to continue with sleeping. Yuri laid down under his blankets again but he couldn't stop thinking about the dream he just had. That was one of the worst things that JJ had ever done to him. Those medals were so special for him, even while the program he skated wasn't perfect.

Yuri stared at the ceiling and parts of the dream kept playing in his head and when he finally fell asleep again, he dreamed that dream over and over.

A couple of minutes later, he heard Otabek whispering his name. Yuri turned around and Otabek immediately saw that Yuri had something on his mind.

Otabek noticed that Yuri started to become more sad with the day but he just couldn't find out what bothered him.

"Is there something wrong?" Otabek asked and came closer to Yuri who was staring back at him, showing no emotion. Yuri didn't reply but kept staring like his mind was somewhere else.

"You can talk with me. What happened?" Otabek asked once again. Yuri didn't seem to realize that Otabek found nothing more painful than Yuri being sad and again, he didn't reply to Otabek's question.

"Can you please don't talk to me?" Yuri asked and looked down, still with no expression on his face.

"But Yu-" Otabek began but Yuri interrupted him.

"I told you not to talk! Get the fuck out of here or shut up!" Yuri yelled and tears welled up in his eyes. He didn't want to be so mean but he also didn't want to bother Otabek with his stuff again.

"Sorry..." Otabek softly said and turned around so Yuri wouldn't see his watery eyes.

There was a time when Yuri was the sunshine in his life but now, he was nothing but a sad, mean or silent person and he didn't know how he could change him.

"I know you don't want me to talk but I really wanna know what's on your mind. Talking is the only thing that will help you in this situation." Otabek spoke and turned Yuri's sids again so he could look into his boyfriend's eyes.

"I... I had a dream. But it was just a stupid dream... It's nothing." Yuri said and tried to sound as strong as he could while the sadness actually killed him.

"I really think you have to tell me what it was about. Stupid dream or not, it seems to make you sad and it's important for me to make you feel better." Otabek said and searched for Yuri's hand.

"But it's about my stupid shit with JJ again." Yuri said but Otabek didn't care. He just wanted Yuri to talk abojt whatever bothered him.

"Just tell me what's wrong Yura." Otabek said as he held Yuri's hand a bit tighter. He always did that when he wanted to give Yuri a safe feeling and it seemed to work most of the time.

"Well, I dreamed about something that happened back when I was 18 and JJ and I were in a hotel. He had a competition and I didn't skate anymore. I always had my medals with me since they were really special for me and we didn't live together in one house so I always had to take all my stuff with me. He knew that they were really special for me so he took them away from me. I told him not to do that but he didn't listen.

Then he called my Yuri-chan but I always hated that nickname because I wasn't a girl and I told him not to call me like that. It always made me angry when he called me that.

He said that he would call me a girl as long as I looked like a girl and he said he could change me and I knew he meant that he wanted to cut my hair but I didn't want that. He wanted to look better than me. Be wanted to win instead of me. He always wanted to be more than me. If I just let him do it back then, he wouldn't have done that to my medals... I cut my hair myself now anyway so he practically got what he wanted in the end.

And then he said I had to pay him with something else he smashed my Junior Devision medal and my Grand-Prix medal against the table until they were broken. That's practically it but I still feel so bad about it. I worked so hard for those medals and they were so special to me..." Yuri spoke but he didn't feel like crying this time because he felt nothing but anger.

"But didn't you win three medals?" Otabek asked as he looked at Yuri's extremely angry face and tried to calm him down a bit by holding both of his hands. Yuri nodded.

"So... Doesn't that mean he still has one of them?" Otabek continued and Yuri's expression changed into something you could describe as a hopeful look.

"He still has my last gold medal from when I was 16..." Yuri said and it seemed like he realized he still had hope. His two most important medals were gone but he still had one left. The only problem was that he didn't know how he could ever find it back since he didn't want to see JJ ever again. He wanted to stop writing the chapter of JJ in the book of his life but he still had one sentence that he had to finish.

"We will find a way to get it back. I promise you that you will get it back." Otabek said and opened his arms and Yuri immediately hugged him tightly. They kept hugging for a couple of minutes before Otabek said he wanted to get some water. He walked downstairs and opened the door of the living room and walked in, searching for his phone. He didn't wait any longer and searched though his contacts for JJ's number. He still had the telephone numbers of all the Grand-Prix finalists saved and he clicked on the button to send JJ a text.

You on Saturday 9:24- Hello JJ. Are you still in Kazakhstan? I want to see you as soon as I can. I want you to bring me Yuri's medal and I want you to send me a picture of it. I want to make sure that that is the medal I am searching for. You know exactly what I am talking about. I want you to realize that you are a nasty person and you should regret what you have done to Yura during all those years. He feels terrible thanks to you and I know that that medal can make him feel better again. I know that you want him to feel bad with your narcissistic ass but I don't care. I love him. I love him very much.

Otabek clicked on the send button without thinking about it and locked his phone. He hoped that JJ would reply soon so he would give him what he wanted. He wouldn't rest before he found Yuri's last medal back.

 


	7. Talk (7)

JJ on Saturday 11:08- So he's still together with you?

JJ on Saturday 11:08- Love really makes blind. And yeah, I still have that medal but I don't have it with me. I don't know if you already received the invitation for a GPF reunion but I can give it back there.

You on Saturday 11:09- You are seriously just going to give it back? I don't trust you at all. And no, we didn't receive that invitation yet but I tell you one thing, hurt Yura in any way and I'll make sure you will regret it.

JJ on Saturday 11:11- Yura and Beka... How adorable. I wished he ever loved me like that. He should have loved me. And of course I won't just give it back. See you at the reunion!

You on Saturday 11:11- What do we have to do to get it back then? JJ, you were married to Yuri. He used to be your boyfriend. Why didn't you love him? Why did you hurt him so bad?

JJ on Saturday 11:12- You don't have to do anything to get it back. Just meet me at the reunion. I never said I didn't love him, I just couldn't live with the fact he was a better skater than me, he was more beautiful than me, he had everything I didn't have. But I am the best. I deserve everything he had. And that's why I wanted to hurt him. He had to realize that I was better than him.

You on Saturday 11:14- You are an asshole. He's a totally different person now thanks to what you have done to him. You took my best friend away from me. Of course I still love him but he's not who he used to be anymore.

JJ on Saturday 11:15- Well, that's exactly what I wanted. You just made my day.

You on Saturday 11:16- You are going to regret this so bad. And if you don't give me that medal back at the reunion, you will pay.

JJ on Saturday 11:17- I'll give if back. Why does he even still want that thing? I thought he was over this whole skating thing but I probably wasn't clear enough when I told him to stop skating. 

You on Saturday 11:18- Skating was and is his passion. You knew that. You are the most sadistic person I've ever met. Go think about yourself and I want you to apologize to Yura. I want you to tell him you are sorry for all those things you have done to him. He cries every single day and he never cried before he became your boyfriend. You killed my amazing, confident friend and I will never forgive you for doing that.

Read

Otabek looked at Yuri who stared at the television and felt something close to his heart. It hurt him to look at Yuri sometimes since he always saw the Yuri he didn't want to see. He didn't want him to lay in bed all day, crying and sobbing over whatever happened in the past. He wanted his old, strong Yuri back but he knew that he would never see him again. JJ didn't only took everything away from Yuri. He also took everything away from Otabek, since Yuri was his everything 

"Who are you texting?" Yuri asked and looked away from the TV. 

"No one." Otabek replied as he quickly locked his phone and laid it on the table. 

"Do you have secrets for me?" Yuri asked and he started to get curious because of Otabek's weird reply. What if he... No, Otabek told him he would never do that and he had to trust him. 

"It's just better if you don't know it." Otabek said and felt a little bit guilty for what he said. He didn't want to have secrets for Yuri but if he would see JJ's messages he would maybe cry again and Otabek wanted to do everything to make sure he wouldn't cry. He didn't want the person he loved so much to be sad. 

"You are not... Cheating on me, right?" Yuri asked softly and looked into Otabek's eyes, his eyes almost screaming for Otabek to say no to that question. Yuri's heart was broken when he thought that Otabek cheated on him and he never wanted to experience that feeling again. 

"Of course I am not. But I just think that seeing those messages can make you sad and I don't want you to be sad." Otabek replied and grabbed Yuri's impressively cold hand. 

"I will never cheat on you. You really don't have to be scared that I will ever leave you. And I don't want to have any secrets for you but I just can't tell you who I was texting. Only because I want you to be happy." Otabek said and came closer to Yuri who slowly laid down when Otabek brought his face closer to his. Otabek pressed his lips on Yuri's and enjoyed the feeling in his stomach that he always got when he kissed his boyfriend. A feeling that made him realize how lucky he was to have someone as perfect as Yuri as his boyfriend. The only thing he wanted to change about him was his insecurity. 

They broke their kiss and stared into each other's eyes, both realizing how much they loved each other. They didn't understand how they ever managed not to tell each other the truth about their feelings towards each other for so many years. 

Suddenly, Yuri thought of something he had been thinking about since this morning when Otabek walked downstairs after Yuri told him about his dream. The dream about the medals made him think. 

"Beka... I wanted to talk to you about something. Something that's really important for me." Yuri spoke and saw that Otabek looked a bit worried when he said it was really important. Most of the time when Yuri wanted to talk about something, it was because something bothered him or because he didn't feel well. This time, it was totally different. 

"I was thinking about... Skating again. Maybe we should just go on. I just miss something in my life and I think that's a daily routine. I just want to skate again and I want to make it my passion again. And I didn't see you skate in a long time too so maybe we can just train together again. But only if you want it." Yuri said and Otabek immediately said yes to his question. He always loved to watch Yuri on the ice and he had to admit that he missed a daily routine in his life too. 

When Yuri stopped skating a couple of years ago, he stopped too because he didn't really have a reason to skate if Yuri wasn't there. He still had his family to perform for but that was just different. He didn't know why Yuri suddenly stopped skating back then and he was surprised when he told everyone he was going to retire. 

He never thought that someone who was so ambitious and passionate about skating as Yuri would give up when he was still so young. Otabek knew that there was something wrong and now, years later, he regretted that he didn't ask him what was the reason why he retired. 

Otabek regretted a lot of things. He wished he could go back in time and make sure that Yuri never became JJ's boyfriend. 

Otabek never really showed how he felt about something or someone but his inner hate for JJ was huge. He never hated someone the way he hated that asshole and he wanted to make him pay for every single thing he did to Yuri.

Suddenly, they heard the sound of the letterbox opened and a soft sound could be heard right after. Yuri stood up and walked towards to door and kneeled down to grab the letter that fell down on the floor. He opened the envelope and started to read the letter while he walked back to Otabek. 

"It's an invitation for a Grand-Prix final reunion in Barcelona next week..." Yuri said and gave the letter to Otabek.

"I'm not sure if I want to go there. Maybe he is there you know..." Yuri said hesitatingly and started to play with his fingers, something he always did when he was nervous or sad. 

"We should definitely go there and tell everyone the truth. They maybe believe all the lies that JJ told them about you when you quit from skating and we need to tell them what really happened. We need to go there." Otabek spoke as he started to read the letter in his hands. He checked the back if the envelope and saw that the adress was written on it. 

"Do you know what JJ's handwriting looks like?" Otabek asked and looked at Yuri who nodded and reached for the envelope that Otabek held in his hands. 

"This is not his handwriting. So it's not a fake invitation he made. Maybe we should go. You are right." Yuri replied and laid the envelope on the table and looked deeply into Otabek's eyes. 

"At least we are going back to Barcelona. And I wanna go to that place where you asked me to be friends. 'Cause that's the most special place on earth for me." Yuri said as he moved his face closer towards his boyfriend's and softly kissed him. 

"I am so, so in love with you. And we are going to tell them that we love each other in front of JJ's face. I want them all to know it, because I love you Beka. You are the only one I love."

-

After a long flight to Barcelona, the moment was finally there. Otabek opened the door of the skating rink and held the door open for Yuri who was more nervous than ever before. He was dread going inside since he really didn't want to see JJ after what he did when they signed the divorce papers because nothing ever hurt him like that. 

Yuri looked around and saw all the Grand-Prix finalists, looking at him from the corner of their eyes. Yuri stared back at them and didn't know what to say. Most of them were drunk but they still looked so angry at him, just like he hurt each of them. Only one person seemed not to be drunk except and he walked towards the two boys in the doorway. 

Yuuri Katsuki. 

Yuri had been thinking a lot about him and regretted everything he ever said about him or did to him. He did all those things back when he was still confident but Yuuri was already insecure. Now, Yuri knew how that felt himself and he never wanted to apologize so badly but first, he had to tell everyone what happened. 

"It's been a while..." Yuuri said and looked at the younger man who changed a lot during those years. Yuuri didn't really have the chance to observe Yuri like this at his wedding but he saw he acted nothing like he did before. The kind of intimidating aura that he used to have was gone and he seemed to be less rude than he was before. Yuri looked bad and unhealthy. He was even thinner than normally and his eyes showed no emotion. 

"Yurio... We knew what you did to JJ and I never thought I had to tell you this, but we want you to leave. It will hurt him to see you again and we don't want him to be hurt after what you have done to him." Yuuri said and Yuri's eyes started to feel watery. 

"What? I have never done anything to him. He's lying, like he always does. And that's exactly the reason why I came here. I want to tell everyone what really happened." Yuri spoke with a hoarse voice. He couldn't help being emotional right now. 

"We won't let you in. You divorced him after less than a week and I think that's the best for both of you. He told us that you aren't a person you can trust. And I am really sorry because I want to let you in but it's just too dangerous for him." Yuuri continued and looked into Yuri's teary eyes that were ready to start crying. Otabek had been listening for a while but couldn't control himself anymore. 

"He has to go inside. I know that Yuri will never lie and I want you all to realize that it's JJ who hurt Yuri and not the other way around. You guys were all there at the wedding. Yuri was crying and those tears weren't tears of joy. It was because he knew that JJ was going to make his life even harder than it already was." Otabek spoke and felt that Yuri grabbed his shirt started sobbing. 

"Is that really... The truth?" Yuuri asked and seemed to feel a little guilty after everything he just said. Otabek nodded and Yuri immediately turned around and looked into Yuuri's eyes.

"Of course it's the truth! Why would I lie about that? I am not mean anymore! I changed and it's time that you all realize that. I'm sorry for what I did to you. Telling you to retire and acting like a bitch because you took Victor away from me. I am sorry for that. But can you please let me in? I need to tell everyone the truth before he spreads more lies about me." Yuri said while some tears rolled down his face and looked at Yuuri with the most desperate eyes he ever saw. 

Yuri used to be a rude and mean teen, that was just a fact. But during the year of the Grand-Prix final, they also got to know each other and maybe, somewhere under all the rivalry, they actually felt something like friendship. Just in a different way. 

The fact that Yuri apologized for what he had done made Yuuri feel a little bit emotional and when he saw Yuri crying for the first time in his life, he had empathy for him. 

Yuuri never really got to know Otabek since he was so quiet and only talked with Yuri. His face never showed any emotion but now, that face of steel looked broken. 

"Come in." Yuuri said and gave Yuri a little smile which made Yuri believe that he was forgiven. They walked inside the rink and Yuri's slightly shaking hand touched Otabek's. 

"Yura... It will be fine. Just tell everyone the truth and everything fill be alright." Otabek softly said and lifted Yuri's face up. 

"The most important thing is that you and I both know that you are not the one who did all of this. We know what really happened and whatever the whole world says, I will always love you." Otabek spoke and placed a soft kiss on Yuri's lips to comfort him. A safe, warm feeling rushed through Yuri's body and he told himself that he was strong enough to do this. It was time for the real Yuri to return and nothing and no one would ever be able to hold him back. 

When they closed the door, most of the others didn't even look away from what they were doing, way too drunk to think about serious stuff. Yuri saw that JJ was here too and drunk, he was even more narcissistic than normally, Yuri knew that from their last 'party'. Yuuri walked back to the tribune of the skating rink where Victor, who wasn't drunk too, was waiting for his husband to return to him. 

"Vitya, you should talk with Yurio. You were right, everything JJ said were lies." Yuuri spoke and reached for his husband's hand. 

"He has gone through a lot. I am sure about that. He changed. You can talk with him now and you really should." Yuuri continued and looked at Yuri who still stood close to the doorway, crying into Otabek's shirt. 

It was weird for Yuuri to see him like this since that boy who was 8 years younger than him always acted so strong and mature. He was nothing like that anymore. Victor nodded and let Yuuri's hand go. He walked down the tribune towards Yuri who was still crying in Otabek's arms. Victor knew Yuri since he was a young boy and always knew that he was talented and strong. Seeing him like this was surprising but it also broke his heart since he always felt something for Yuri, even while he was such a mean person sometimes. He was like a family member to him and he used to be worried when he suddenly disappeared. 

When he saw Yuri crying and looking so sad at his own wedding, he knew something was wrong but Yuuri didn't believe him. Yuuri was a little bit naive sometimes. 

"Yuri... Do you want to talk with me for a while?" Victor asked and Yuri turned his face his way and looked at Victor's worried face. Yuri's face was red and covered in trials of dried tears. Yuri nodded and looked at Otabek again before he walked away with Victor and sat down on one of the tribune seats. 

"I knew from the beginning that he was lying. You aren't the person to do those kind of things but he made everyone believe you did. That traitor." Victor spoke as he looked in front of him and thought about all the lies that were spread about Yuri. 

"What kind of things did he say? I don't even know it." Yuri said curious and hoped that it wouldn't be as bad as he expected it to be. JJ was a great actor and Yuri was sure he would be able to make everyone believe that what he said was true. 

"He told everyone that you abused him and you couldn't control yourself. And they all believed it since you used to be a really short tempered person. But I knew you didn't do that because you would never go so far that it would actually hurt someone. When I saw you at the wedding, I knew that he was the one who did all of those things to you instead of you to him because I never saw you cry before." Victor spoke and Yuri felt that he could trust Victor with his problems and secrets. At least he believed that all those lies weren't true. 

"He did so many things to me that hurt me so bad. Mentally and physically but he always made me believe that it was something that I had done. He told me I was worthless until I started to believe it, he forced me to stop skating, he told me he would hurt Otabek if I wouldn't do what he said, he destroyed my medals and after the wedding he started to hit and punch me. And now he tells everyone that I did those things to him? He's nothing but a traitor and I wished I could take revenge but I will never be able to do that since he took all my confidence away from me!" Yuri said and didn't notice that he was crying again. Not because he was sad but just because he didn't know what to feel anymore. 

"Did you go through a heartbreak?" Victor asked and waited for Yuri's reply as he stared to feel really bad for him. 

"Which heartbreak? I've gone through a lot of them." Yuri replied and he felt that Victor touched his hair. 

"This heartbreak. It used to be much longer." He replied and Yuri knew what he was talking about. 

"A while ago, JJ and I wanted to divorce. Well actually, I wanted to divorce JJ but he didn't want to divorce me. He came to Kazakhstan because I stayed there at Otabek's apartment and everything seemed to be alright. We just signed those papers and I thought it was okay but when I had to leave the room for a while and I came back, JJ was kissing with Otabek and he said that he and Otabek were in a secret relationship. He just wanted to hurt me because he knew that Otabek and I were in love with each other. We had been in live with each other for years but we couldn't tell each other the truth all thanks to him. That hurt me so bad that I wanted to go back to Russia and forget about Otabek and first I wanted to make sure I wouldn't be remembered of him again so I decided to do that. And now I regret it 'cause it looks like shit." Yuri said and he noticed that the more he told Victor, the angrier he got. 

"Love does weird things to you doesn't it? I did the same when my heart broke once and I didn't want to be remembered of someone too. And believe me, you do not look bad at all. And I know there is one other person out there who thinks that too. And we both know who I am talking about." Victor spoke and looked into Yuri's watery eyes that glowed in the light of the skating rink lamps. 

"I want you to promise me something. Don't ever give up with what you want to fight for. Skating is your passion and you showed the whole world that you are the best skater out there a couple if years ago. You won the Grand-Prix final when you were only 15. That's something you should never forget. Never stop skating Yuri." Victor spoke and he placed his index finger on Yuri's heart. 

"This is where your real strength comes from. From your heart. You always wanted to be the best and that wish came right from your heart. And now you have someone to be the best for and I am sure that he would love to see you perform on the ice again. You have the talent, the ambition and the looks so why would you ever stop with what you love the most?" Victor said and his words echoed in Yuri's head. He knew that what Victor just said was something really important. He had someone to be the best for and he never had to give up what he wanted to fight for. 

"Tomorrow, when everyone isn't drunk anymore, you are going to tell them what really happened. And remember that you can always talk with Yuuri or with me if you ever need us. Because you do have a special place in our heart. A really special place." Victor spoke and smiled at Yuri while he started to tear up himself too. 

Without thinking about it, Yuri pulled Victor into a hug and made him feel how thankful he was for this conversation. Yuuri had been looking from the other side of the rink and enjoyed looking at this heartwarming moment. 

There was only one thing he thought: like father, like son.


	8. Safe (8)

Tomorrow, Yuri was going to tell everyone what really happened during all those years but now, he just wanted to sleep. He had a jetlag and he just wanted to relax before he was going to tell all the finalists and later the whole world that he wanted to continue with skating like he used to do all those years. 

He just wanted to go on with skating like nothing ever happened but there were some things he was a little bit worried about. He had to find a new sponsor since he had to make money and he didn't know if there were sponsors out there who trusted him since he suddenly stopped skating some years ago. Maybe they didn't want someone who wasn't ambitious enough but Yuri was determined to show them that he was still an amazing skater who wanted to fight for his dreams. 

It was a fact, skating was his passion and he loved nothing more than he loved skating and somewhere deep inside his heart, he knew that everyone out there knew that. 

Since Yuri talked with Victor earlier today, he didn't see Otabek anymore and he started to worry because Otabek would never just leave without telling him where he was going. 

He walked towards the bed of the hotel room, picked up his phone and unlocked it to see if Otabek maybe sent him a message. He saw that he had one unread message and immediately opened it. 

Otabek on Wednesday 16:18- Hey Yura, I need to do something but I will see you at 11 in the hotel room. Sorry that I had to leave but don't worry. I'll be back at 11. Xxx

Yuri took a look at the clock and saw it was 11:30. Worried, he tried to sleep but he couldn't since he didn't know where Otabek was and he didn't want him to be in danger. 

After a couple more minutes of staring at the ceiling, he couldn't help but look at the time. He pressed on the home button of his phone and saw the time was 00:03. He opened the phone app and clicked on the green button. 

Yuri waited for a while until he heard Otabek's voicemail. He locked his phone, grabbed his jacket and a pair of jeans a quickly dressed up before he opened the door of the hotel room. He had to ask someone for help and since everyone was drunk, he had to go to Victor and Yuuri. 

He ran through the hallway with tears welling up in his eyes when he realized he had no idea where Otabek was. 

The person he cared so much about. 

Yuri didn't know which of the rooms was the room he was searching for but since everyone was still partying in the skating rink he decided to bang at each of the doors. It didn't take long before Yuuri opened the door, wearing no glasses and looking quite tired. 

"Yurio it's-" Yuuri tried to say but Yuri immediately interrupted him. 

"You need to help me. Otabek is gone and he sent me a message that he would be back here at 11 but it's 12 now and he's still not back and I am so worried because he never forgets the time." Yuri rattled and Yuuri opened the door for him to come inside. 

"Maybe he is just a little bit later. Maybe he's still with the others in the rink? Did you try to call him?" Yuuri asked and looked over his shoulder at Victor who walked towards the two people that stood close to the doorway. 

"I tried to call him but he doesn't pick up and I am really worried and I am sorry that I have to bother you guys with this but I just didn't know who else I had to ask for help." Yuri spoke and he tried his best to prevent himself from crying. 

"Maybe you should just go to sleep and wait until he comes back. He can't be far away from here." Yuuri spoke but Yuri didn't want to hear that. 

"Do you want me to find your future son in law or what?" Yuri yelled at him and Yuuri was stunned by what he just said. 

"Do you want us to bring you to the skating rink?" Victor asked as he looked at the totally panicked boy in front of him. Yuri nodded and sat down on a chair in the corner of the hotel room while Yuuri and Victor put on their coats and searched for the keys of the room. 

"Yurio and Otabek are in love aren't they?" Yuuri whispered while he grabbed his glasses. 

"Yes. And I know that he really needs him right now after all the things that happened to him." Victor replied and they both walked towards the door. 

Yuri saw they were ready and he immediately stood up and followed them. He wanted to find Otabek back as soon as he could. 

When they just wanted to start driving, Yuri's ringtone started to play and they were all silent. Yuri looked at the caller and his hands started shaking. 

JJ. 

He picked up, put on the loudspeaker and waited for him to tell him what he wanted to tell him. 

"Are you looking for someone Yuri-chan? I'm not drunk. I'm waiting for you to come back to me and love me like you should." JJ spoke and Yuri almost froze. Tears welled up in his eyes and he didn't know what to say. 

"JJ... Where is Otabek?" He just asked and bit on his lip while he felt a tear rolling down his cheek. 

"Otabek is here with me and we are having a great time but it would be even better if you were here as my husband." JJ spoke and a weird sound of pleasure could be heard in his voice. 

"What did you do to him? Is he safe? Where are you?" Yuri asked in tears and looked up at Victor and Yuuri who were quietly listening. 

"We are in the hotel. Room 14." JJ said and then hung up, leaving Yuri silent while his hands were shaking. Before anyone said something, both three people stepped out of the car and ran back to the hotel. 

"I will go inside on my own but please listen and come in if I ask for it. I don't know what he is going to do to me." Yuri said and opened the door of the hotel. He ran through the hallways and searched for room 14. He pushed the door open and immediately felt a hand on his mouth. It was completely dark in the room. Someone shut the door and held Yuri tightly so he couldn't move. 

"So your boyfriend came to see me because he wanted me to give him your medal. Isn't that cute? You guys love each other too much. You give him the love you had to give me for all those years Yuri. And now you guys are both here." JJ spoke and Yuri's tears fell down on his hand that he had still placed on Yuri's mouth. 

"Don't cry. You will see him again. But first, I wanna look at you and I want you to look at me. I want you to fall in love with me again." JJ said and pushed Yuri inside a small room with him and put on the lights. 

When JJ looked at Yuri, his eyes widened. "What did you do to your beautiful long hair?" JJ said and ran his fingers through Yuri's hair, making Yuri shiver in fear. He hated the way JJ's touch felt because he never knew what he was going to do. 

"It was so beautiful Yuri... So beautiful. And I knew that. Why didn't you let me do it back then? Why didn't you let me steal your beauty from you?" JJ asked and looked deeply into Yuri's eyes, making the younger boy tremble in fear. 

"But why do you still look so good? Why do you always look so good and why do you always skate so well and why are you always able to do everything better than me? And you even took him away from me!" JJ yelled at Yuri and he started to cry even harder. He tried to escape from JJ's grip but he didn't manage to. He wanted to search for Otabek but he didn't know how he could ever do that if JJ didn't let him go. 

"I hate you but I love you Yuri-chan. I just don't know what to feel for you but I know that I want to own you. I want you to marry me again and I want to make sure that you will never be able to skate again. Because you do not deserve that. You are worthless... Worthless. Worthless..." JJ kept saying to Yuri and still looked into his eyes like he tried to hypnotize him. Yuri listened closely and he heard footsteps from behind. 

"Yurio is not worthless. You are worthless for marrying someone just to make sure that you can win a prize because you are so talentless." A familiar voice said and Yuri immediately knew who it was. 

The person punched JJ who let Yuri go. 

Victor looked at JJ like he wanted to kill him and during all those years that Yuri got to know Victor, he never saw him like this. 

Yuri turned around and saw that Yuuri stood in front of the door with his arms opened for Yuri to hug him and he didn't wait any longer but ran towards him and hugged him tightly while he cried his eyes out. 

Hugging Yuuri felt good. Way better than he ever expected it to be since he always so Yuuri as his biggest rival but maybe, also as his biggest inspiration. 

Victor kept talking to JJ who stood against the wall, saying nothing. 

"Where is Otabek?" Victor shouted at JJ and it seemed like JJ was really intimated by him since Yuri never saw him like this before. 

"He's... He's in the bathroom. He is anesthetized for a couple of hours..." JJ spoke and looked at Yuri from the corner of his eyes. Yuri stopped hugging Yuuri and ran to what appeared to be the bathroom of the hotel room. He turned on the lights and saw Otabek with his eyes closed in the corner of the bathroom. 

"Beka..." was all Yuri was able to say and he kneeled down next to his anesthetized boyfriend. 

Yuri was strong enough to lift him up and carried him with him, back to the room where Yuuri and Victor were with JJ who sat on a chair while he angrily looked at Yuri who tried his best not to drop Otabek's body while his teardrops fell down on Otabek's face. He was thankful that nothing happened to him and he was thankful for Victor and Yuuri for helping him but he was mad at JJ for having the balls to anesthetize his boyfriend. 

He was furious but right now, he couldn't do anything but cry.

"I will never marry you again JJ. And don't you dare to ever speak with me or Otabek of who else I care about again." Yuri said and stepped out of the room and walked through the hallway back to his own hotel room, followed by Victor and Yuuri who didn't know what they had to say. 

JJ still sat down on the chair, feeling defeated by his own worthless husband. But this wasn't the end yet. He would take revenge.

-

Yuri laid Otabek down on the bed and looked at his still anesthetized face. 

"You will wake up soon. And then we are together again... And believe me Otabek, I am going to change. It's over with the insecure me. I am back again. And he is gonna pay for whatever he did to you because I no one just touches you. You always want to protect me but I think the tables have been turned now. I love you so much Beka... And he... He fucking did this to you." Yuri said while he softly caressed Otabek's cheek with on hand and placed his other hand on Otabek's chest. 

He was able to feel his heartbeat through his clothes and he was happy that he was still able to feel that. Who knows what else he could have done to him. 

Yuri didn't know what he had to do since he never had to deal with an anesthetized person before. 

He slowly lifted Otabek's upper body up and carefully took off his jacket. It almost felt like Yuri was holding a doll who didn't have muscles and it scared Yuri to see his boyfriend like this, totally unaware of what was happening around him. 

It hurt him. 

Yuri tucked Otabek in and laid down next to him. Yuri was exhausted since he didn't sleep for at least 27 hours but he forced himself not to fall asleep. He wanted to watch Otabek until he would wake up again, just in case he felt sick because of the anesthesia or because he didn't know where he was. 

Yuri's eyes burned and he started to feel light in his head but he was determined to make sure that nothing would happen to Otabek. 

Yuri knew he would fall asleep if he would lay down next to Otabek so he stood up and grabbed Otabek's jacket. 

When he just wanted place it in the small wardrobe of the hotel room, he felt something in the pocket of his jacket that didn't feel like a phone or keys. Yuri opened the pocket and when he saw what's was inside, he teared up and stared at the object. He didn't know what to say. 

His last gold medal. And it wasn't broken. That was the reason why Otabek left earlier today. He wanted to give Yuri his medal back. 

Yuri remembered that JJ said something about it but Yuri was so panicked at that moment that he didn't listen to what JJ had to say. 

Yuri fell down on his knees and buried his face in hands and cried tears of sadness but also tears of thankfulness. He had his medal, the medal he worked so hard for back. But Otabek had to go through shit for it.

Yuri stood up and walked towards the person on the bed and kissed his cheek. 

"I know you can't hear me but I am so happy to have that medal back. And I am so sorry that he did this to you but I am also happy that you did this for me. You are crazy Beka. You are fucking crazy." Yuri said and he looked at Otabek's beautiful, sleeping face. 

Yuri stood up and walked towards the bathroom. He opened the tap and splashed some ice cold water in his face. He made his clothes wet but he didn't care since this was the only way he could prevent himself from falling asleep. 

Shivering, Yuri stayed awake and after about half an hour, Otabek finally started to wake up. 

"Beka... I am here. You are safe. Do you remember anything?" Yuri asked but Otabek didn't reply to his question 

"I can't feel my lower body..." He mumbled softly and reached for Yuri's face. 

"Yura... Are you there?" He asked while he opened his eyes a bit more and Yuri nodded and carefully removed some of Otabek's dark strands of hair from his forehead. 

"Yes, I am here. Can you remember anything of before you were anesthetized?" Yuri asked once again. 

"The only thing I remember is that he pushed me against the wall and put a needle in my back... And it hurt like hell." Otabek said and he thought back of the moment when the needle was placed in his back. 

"Try to forget about it and try to rest a little. I can't stay awake any longer but if you need me you can wake me up." Yuri spoke while he stood up and undressed himself from his still wet clothes.

"How did you find me back? You didn't bring yourself in danger right?" Otabek asked with a concerned sound in his voice. 

"We will talk about that later. I am exhausted and I need some sleep. I am so thankful that you are safe." Yuri said and he leaned over to kiss Otabek on his lips. 

"Goodnight Yura..." Otabek whispered and before he said anything, Yuri was asleep.

The next day, both two were sick and stayed in their hotel room all day. They had to leave back to Kazakhstan tonight but they were too weak to leave the room. They actually came here for a Grand-Prix final reunion and they still wanted to tell all the other finalists the truth about what really happened to Yuri but it seemed like they wouldn't be able to do that. 

Yuri shivered because he felt cold but his cheeks were red and they felt hot. 

He laid his head on Otabek's warm chest to feel better but it only made him feel worse. 

Otabek still couldn't feel his legs and Yuri didn't know how he had to bring him to the airport if he couldn't walk and Yuri didn't know if he was able to go to the airport on his own too now he felt so weak. 

They heard knocking on the door and Yuri yelled for the person's name with the last power he had. 

"It's Yuuri and Victor. Can we come in?" A familiar voice said and Yuri yelled yes. Yuri totally forgot to lock the door of the hotel room the night before but fortunately, nothing was stolen from their room. 

"Are you guys sick? We can leave if you want." Yuuri spoke as he and Victor sat down on the chairs close to the bed. 

"No... It's alright. We are just a little bit sick." Yuri quietly said and sat up. 

"Yuri... I had something for you. It's in my jacket pocket." Otabek said and he looked at Yuri who suddenly remembered about the medal. 

"I already found it yesterday. You are amazing Otabek. But you are also crazy for doing that for me." Yuri said and gave Otabek a thankful smile. 

"Do you want us to tell the others what you guys wanted to tell them? We can just go to them and say it. It's no big deal for us." Victor said and Yuuri looked like he agreed with what his husband just said. 

"Please do that. Who knows when the next time that we will see them will be and I don't want anyone to believe his nasty lies about you." Otabek spoke. 

"That's okay. We will make sure that everything will be fine." Victor continued and Yuri remembered that he wanted to ask him something since he thought that he maybe heard some stuff about it from Yakov. 

"Do you know how my grandpa is doing? I didn't see him in years and I was just wondering if he was doing well." Yuri asked and he looked at Victor and Yuuri who's expressions suddenly changed. They were silent until Victor broke the silence. 

"Yurio... Didn't you know..." He began but he didn't manage to say what he wanted to say when he saw Yuri's worried face. 

"Didn't I know what?" Yuri asked and he reached for Otabek's hand without realizing he did that. 

"Your grandpa... He died last year." Victor said and it seemed like the time suddenly stopped. The words echoed in Yuri's head and he started to feel even more sick. 

"W-what?" He managed to bring out but his voice cracked in the end. 

"I'm so sorry but-" Victor said but Yuri didn't let him finish his sentence. 

"NO! N-NO-OH!" Yuri yelled and he started to cry. He was sure he never felt this sad ik his whole life before. 

"I-IT'S ALL HIS FAULT! IF HE DIDN'T HOLD ME BACK FROM EVERYONE I WOULD HAVE BEEN ABLE TO SAY G-GOODBYE TO HIM!" He shouted through his tears and he didn't care about his headache and his nausea anymore. 

"I HATE HIM! I HOPE HE DIES!" Yuri yelled at the people around him. 

"Yura, look at me please." Otabek said and tried to hug Yuri, trying to calm him down but he didn't manage to. 

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Yuri screamed and he kept sobbing. He felt like he would never be able to stop crying again. 

"I MISSED HIS FUNERAL. I DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE CHANCE TO TELL HIM HOW IMPORTANT HE WAS TO ME! AND NOW HE'S DEAD! HE'S DEAD!" Yuri screamed and it felt like he was going insane. He couldn't control his sobs and he started to hyperventilate. 

"Breathe slowly. In and out. Calm down." Otabek said and he looked at his boyfriend who's shoulders moved up and down witth shocks. 

"H-h-how c-can I f-fucking calm d-down?" Yuri said and tears kept streaming down his cheeks. 

"I don't know..." Otabek replied and he opened his arms once again and this time, Yuri hugged him back. Otabek felt Yuri's shaking body against his and hugged him tightly while he softly kissed his cheek. 

"Just cry. Let it all out." Otabek whispered and felt that Yuri started to cry harder with every word he said. Otabek couldn't feel his legs but the more he heard Yuri cry, the weaker the rest of his body started to feel too. 

Otabek felt Yuri's fingers grabbed Otabek's shirt from behind and he held him even tighter, trying to lose all the sadness he felt inside. 

Otabek looked at Yuuri and Victor and gave them a look that said it was maybe better to leave them alone. 

They understood what his glare meant and they stood up and walked through the door, leaving the two younger men in their hotel room. 

"Your grandpa was able to see what JJ did to you from up above and he knows why you weren't able to go to his funeral. He still loves you Yura... He really does." Otabek said and Yuri tried to listen to his words through his own sobs, tears and cries. 

"I-I hope so." 

"Yes. I am sure." Otabek said and he placed a kiss on Yuri's forehead.

"I... I-I..." Yuri said but he just didn't manage to say what he wanted to say. 

"Just cry until you feel better. We just stay here in the hotel until we both feel better and when we are at the airport we fly to Russia instead of Kazakhstan and then we go to your grandfather's grave. You need to say goodbye to him." Otabek spoke and he wiped away some of Yuri's tears. 

"T-thank you..." Yuri said quietly and laid his head on Otabek's shoulder. 

"You're welcome darling." Otabek replied and Yuri still felt warm tears streaming down his cheeks when he realized his grandpa died. He always loved his grandpa and he had taken care of him since he was a little boy. And now, Yuri didn't even have the chance to tell him how grateful he was for all those years. 

Looking at Yuri being so sad made Otabek feel bad too. Yuri was the first person who Otabek ever really loved. He made him realize that he wasn't the cold person that everybody called him. He loved Yuri from the bottom of his heart and he didn't want him to feel like that but he knew what he had to do in these kind of situations. 

The only thing Yuri had to do now was cry.


	9. Dance (9)

Otabek and Yuri were both extremely silent. 

From the moment they left the hotel till the moment they arrived at the airport, they only said some words to each other because they both knew that they would get emotional if they would talk. Yuri because of his grandpa and Otabek because of Yuri's sadness. 

They had to stay one more day in the hotel since it took Otabek a very long time to be able to walk again because his lower body was paralyzed. JJ probably gave him too much anesthetics. 

The flight to Russia was long and they slept for hours. 

When they arrived at the airport in Russia, they took the train to Moscow where Yuri's grandpa used to live and was buried now. 

Yuri looked at the tombstones in front of him and started to feel extremely sad again. He forced himself not to cry because he thought that Otabek may found it annoying that he cried so much but he just couldn't help it. 

So many stuff happened last years and now Yuri found Otabek back and finally was allowed to be together with him, he just couldn't help but share his emotions with him. 

Otabek saw that Yuri was fighting against his own emotions and reached for his hand. 

"Do you want to go there alone? Because I understand that since you were really close with your grandfather and maybe you just want to take some time." Otabek spoke and his' and Yuri's eyes met. 

"I want you to go with me. I told my grandpa so much about you after the Grand-Prix final and I am sure he would have loved to meet you." Yuri said and bit on his lip when he finished his sentence to stop himself from crying. 

Silently, the two boys walked down the path, both looking for the name of Yuri's grandfather. At one point, Otabek saw Yuri's last name on one of the tombstones and softly squeezed Yuri's hand. 

Yuri turned around and saw the name of his grandfather on the tombstone together with his date of birth and death. 

It suddenly hit Yuri that his grandpa was really gone forever. 

He always looked forward to the moment when he would finally see his grandpa again to tell him why he couldn't visit him. He could still tell all the others what happened but he couldn't tell his grandpa what happened because he was gone. 

Yuri let Otabek's hand go and kneeled down next to his grandpa's grave. 

"Hello grandpa... I'm sorry I couldn't see you for such a long time. And I am sorry that I c-couldn't say goodbye t-to y-you." Yuri stuttered as he felt some tears dripping down his face. 

"I-I hope I was a good g-grandson... And I wanna thank you for all those years o-of-" Yuri said with a cracked voice and buried his face in his hands. He cried out loud and forgot about everything that happened around him. 

"I-I..." He tried to continue but he didn't manage to. 

Otabek still stood behind him and didn't say a word. 

Otabek himself was a sensitive person too and now he saw Yuri like this, being so sad because of his loss, he felt like crying too. 

It didn't take long before he felt a tear rolling down his cheek, followed by many more. 

"I'm going to miss you grandpa. And I hope you realize that I didn't want to miss your funeral. I do care about you but I wasn't able to come to the funeral." Yuri said softly when he finally calmed down a little. 

"And before I leave... This is Otabek. He is the friend I told you about for so many times. He is my boyfriend now and we really love each other and he will take good care of me." Yuri said and looked at Otabek who's face was also red from the crying. 

"I will. I promise." Otabek said and Yuri couldn't help but shed some more tears. 

Otabek pulled Yuri close and hugged his sobbing boyfriend tightly. 

"Please don't ever leave me Beka..." 

"Never." Otabek replied and cried softly too. 

They stood like that for quite a while before they sat down on a bench close to the grave and stayed silent. 

Yuri felt something cold in his neck and thought it was just the wind but it felt a little bit different. The feeling seemed to have a deeper meaning and Yuri didn't have to think about it for too long. 

He silently said the words 'spasibo dedushka' and closed his eyes. 

He reached for Otabek's hand and held it tightly before they stood up and walked back to the gate of the graveyard. 

Yuri looked behind him to look at his grandpa's tombstone for one last time and smiled a little but felt tears in his eyes again when he turned around again. 

-

The next day, they were back at Otabek's apartment in Kazakhstan. 

Yuri told himself that no matter how bad he missed his grandpa, he just had to go on with life instead of staying sad. Still, he couldn't help that he was extremely emotional and every little thing that happened or bothered him made him cry. 

He apologized for it because he didn't want Otabek to get sick of him but Otabek didn't care at all. If this was Yuri's way of processing the loss of someone he loved, he didn't find that a problem. 

The sun started to set and the orange light shined through the window of the living room. The plain, white walls were suddenly colored and they looked way better with color. It seemed to give the room a cozy look and Yuri started to feel happier. 

"Why don't we paint the walls? It looks so cold and boring here now." Yuri offered but Otabek didn't like colors at all, which you could see when you looked inside his wardrobe that was filled with nothing but black and grey clothes. 

"I think it looks nice the way it looks now." Otabek said but Yuri didn't give up so easily. 

"I guess we are both happier when the walls are painted. Color has a big influence on your emotions." Yuri spoke and looked at Otabek with big eyes. 

"Okay... If you like that." Otabek agreed and Yuri nodded. 

"We are going to do it tomorrow okay? A change can be good sometimes." Yuri said as he sat up and pressed his lips against Otabek's. 

They filled their night with kisses and cuddles until they fell asleep with Yuri on top of Otabek on the couch. 

When they woke up next morning, Yuri felt more energetic than he did in years. He also felt more relaxed and less worried than normally. 

After they dressed themselves up and ate their breakfast, Otabek decided to go to the store to buy the paint that Yuri wanted and Yuri stayed home to tidy the house so they were ready to start once Otabek returned home. 

Yuri decided to start with the bedroom. Yuri opened Otabek's wardrobe and looked through his clothes until he saw something very familiar. 

All of Otabek's clothes were dark but this jacket was blue, red and white. 

Yuri grabbed the jacket and looked at it. This was his Russia jacket from years ago. 

He looked at the label on the inside and saw his full name, written in his own handwriting. This really was his jacket. 

It smelled like the perfume he used to wear and the scent took him back to when he was 15. It took him back to the time when he was still so confident and strong. 

The time when JJ wasn't his boyfriend... 

The time when he was still free and able to skate every single day. 

Yuri knew that he grew and that the jacket wouldn't fit him anymore but he just couldn't help but try it on. 

When Yuri put on the jacket, he noticed that sleeves were a little bit too short but it still seemed to fit him. 

He looked at himself in the mirror inside the wardrobe and his eyes suddenly filled themselves with tears. He saw himself, 5 years ago. The only things that changed were that he was taller now and his hair was shorter but he still looked exactly the same as all those years ago. 

"You are not worthless..." Yuri whispered to himself and touched his own reflection in the mirror. 

"You are the strongest person ever. You won the Grand-Prix when you were 15. You won gold for 3 times. And you made it through all those years of pain. You are still standing and you are strong." Yuri spoke and closed his eyes. 

He wondered how Otabek got his jacket since he never gave it to him and almost always wore it after practice. 

After a while, he decided to continue with cleaning up the house and he totally forgot to take off the jacket. 

Yuri was in a very good mood and when Otabek came back, he saw that Yuri was wearing the jacket and he suddenly felt emotional. He saw the old Yuri in front of him, smiling like he used to every day they were together when they were younger. 

"You found it..." Otabek quitely said while he observed his boyfriend. Yuri remembered what just happened and nodded. 

"It still fits." He said smiling and Otabek noticed how hopelessly in love he still was with the boy in front of him. 

"I bought the paint. I didn't know what color you liked but since you came up with this idea when you saw that sunset I bought orange." Otabek spoke and according to Yuri's expression, that was exactly what he wanted. 

"I'm going to put some other clothes on before it will get all covered in paint. I love this jacket too much for that." He said and Otabek also smiled. 

Seeing Yuri this happy was the best thing Otabek could ever wish for.

After a while, Yuri walked away from the just painted wall and looked at his work. The color was beautiful and it made the room look so much warmer. 

"I think I'm done." Yuri said and Otabek turned around to look at the wall. He had to admit that it looked way better than it did before and the warm color made him feel happier. 

Otabek had been done for quite a while now and listened to the music that played in the background. 

It reminded him of the time when he used to be a DJ at parties and sometimes at festivals. He used to enjoy it but he stopped with it at one point. He didn't even know why. He still had many unfinished remixes on his computer but he didn't listen to them for years. 

Otabek kinda missed his old lifestyle. Yes, it used to be hard to combine his hobby with his trainings sometimes but at least, he had a daily routine. 

"Where are we going to sleep tonight? We can't sleep in a house that smells like paint." Yuri spoke and sat next to Otabek on the couch. 

"You have paint on your face." Otabek said and he smiled. 

"Why don't we go outside tonight? I know a club not far away from here. I used to DJ there a lot. We can go there if you want." Otabek offered and Yuri thought about it for a couple of second. He had to go outside and become less scared of the world so maybe, this was actually a good idea. 

"Yes." Was all Yuri said. The catchy song on the radio stopped playing and a slower song started to play. Otabek stood up and stood in front of Yuri. 

"May I have this dance of you?" Otabek asked and grabbed Yuri's hand and helped him to stand up.

"Sure."

Yuri felt Otabek's arm around his waist and his hands on his hips. Yuri put his arms around Otabek's neck and they looked deeply into each other's eyes, blushing and smiling. The music kept playing as they slowly moved their bodies and enjoyed each other's company. 

"Have I ever told you how handsome you are? You are so perfect. Even with paint on your face." Yuri spoke quietly and moved his lips closer to Otabek's. 

Yuri brought his hands up to Otabek's grown out undercut and their lips touched and melted together in a kiss. 

"You didn't steal my first kiss but you did steal my first dance." Yuri said happily and he felt better than he did in years. This moment made him feel nothing but pure happiness and love. They could have danced all day but the song harshly ended their dance when the last note played. 

"I love you Yuri. There really are no words to describe how much I love you." Otabek said as he looked into his boyfriend's beautiful green eyes. 

The color of the walls was the exact opposite color of Yuri's eye color which made them look even brighter and more beautiful to look at than normally. 

"That you let me do this to your house... Does that mean we live together now?" Yuri asked and Otabek felt a nice feeling in his stomach. 

"Yes. I want you to stay here with me forever and I never want you to leave my side." Otabek said and Yuri kissed him to thank him for letting him stay. 

"We are just going to pay the rent together from now on. And we are going to forget about whatever happened in the past because we are together now." Yuri said and walked towards the table in the middle of the room to grab his phone. 

"We don't have to stop dancing yet." He said and clicked on the play button. A beautiful slow song started playing loudly and this time, Yuri placed his hands on Otabek's hips. 

"I want to dance with you like this on the ice too." Otabek spoke and Yuri nodded. 

"Shall we go to the skating rink in two days? I guess we aren't going to sleep tonight so tomorrow doesn't seem like a good idea to me." Yuri said and looked forward to go skating for the first time in four years. 

"I don't even know if I can still skate..." Yuri said but Otabek knew how talented he used to be since he was a kid. 

"Yura. You have so much talent for skating. You will never forget how to skate. I am sure that if you try it again, you won't even notice that you ever stopped doing it. And if you did forget how to skate, then remember what Victor said. Your real strength is in here, inside your heart. And I am the only person who really knows that." Otabek spoke to make Yuri feel as secure as he could as they kept moving while they listened to the music. 

When the night fell, the two boys left the house and started to walk down the streets of Almaty. 

Yuri didn't have the chance to look at the city before since he and Otabek always traveled with Otabek's motorcycle. 

The lights were turned on in most of the high buildings which made the scenery look amazingly beautiful. 

The mountains in the distance were almost invisible but if you focused on them, they made the picture look even more special. 

"Can you imagine living here?" Otabek asked and reached for Yuri's hand. Yuri nodded and he laced his fingers together with Otabek's. 

As long as Otabek was by his side, he could live anywhere.

It didn't take long before they arrived at the club Otabek had been talking about earlier today. 

When they walked inside, the music played so loud that it was hard to hear each other. 

A couple of people walked towards them and Otabek greeted them. Yuri assumed they were people he knew. 

"I'd like to introduce you guys to Yuri." Otabek said and looked at the people around him with a weird look on his face. A look that tried to say 'please shut up'. 

"The Yuri?" One of the guys asked and Yuri started to become curious. 

"Yes..." Otabek answered and looked at the guys the same way as he did before. 

"Yuri with the beautiful soldier eyes and the nice ass?" The guy asked and Otabek was happy it was dark inside the club because his cheeks flushed red. 

"What!?" Yuri yelled and started to feel a little bit embarrassed. 

"Well... Your ass looked good in those leather pants when you performed your exhibition program." Otabek spoke and Yuri let out an embarrassed laugh. 

"So... What are your intentions with our friend?" Another guy asked Yuri. 

"He's my boyfriend. And unfortunately, I didn't get to see his ass in leather pants yet..." Yuri spoke and looked at Otabek with a stern but jokingly look in his eyes. 

"I'm happy you finally hooked up with him. He has been in love with you for years." The guy told Yuri as the other walked towards the bar to order some drinks for each of them. 

"I think I am going to DJ tonight. It's been such a long time since I've done that for the last time." Otabek said and the others nodded in agreement. 

Otabek climbed up the stage as Yuri and Otabek's friends walked towards the podium, together with a lot of other people who were dancing in the club. 

Yuri had to admit that Otabek really had talent for music. Each of the songs he played were catchy, even his own remixes and songs.

"Yura, can you... Assist me?" Echoed through the speakers and Yuri immediately climbed up the stairs of the podium. 

"What do you want me to do? I never did this before." Yuri said but Otabek knew exactly what he wanted to do. 

He stood behind Yuri and held both of his hands while he started to move them to the buttons and switches on the DJ controller. Yuri didn't feel a smallest bit of embarrassment. He only felt love and he was happy that all of the people in front of them looked at them. 

At one point, Otabek kissed Yuri's cheek, making the crowd cheer and applaud out loud. 

Yuri loved the way it looked when all the people in front of his started jumping when the beat dropped and it almost gave him such a great feeling as when the crowd stared to applaud when he landed a difficult jump when he skated. 

The music made his heart beat faster but it was also Otabek's touch that made Yuri's heart beat like crazy. 

When the song ended to play, Yuri turned around and looked into Otabek's eyes. 

"Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!" The people in the crowd yelled and Yuri did what they said. 

The whole crowd started to cheer even louder than they did when Otabek kissed Yuri's cheek and it gave Yuri an amazing feeling. 

When they parted their lips and looked at each other, they hugged each other while they laughed. 

Yuri forgot about everything that was going on in his life and enjoyed life like he used to do for years. 

Otabek played a slower song and Yuri knew what he wanted to do. 

"If there are any couples in this room, please take advantage of this moment 'cause I don't play slow music often." Otabek said and his words echoed through the room. 

Some people, including some of Otabek's friends, walked towards someone in the audience and Otabek reached for Yuri's hand. He put his arm around Yuri's waist and held his hand with the other while Yuri brought his arm up to Otabek's shoulder. 

They enjoyed this moment more than they ever enjoyed something else and realized how much they loved each other.


	10. Dream (10)

Yuri woke up and looked at the clock. It was already 2 o'clock in the afternoon. He never slept in but since Otabek and Yuri came home at 5 at night, he probably needed that much sleep. 

Yuri remembered that Otabek fell asleep with his arm around Yuri but he didn't feel him laying next to him. Yuri thought that he probably was downstairs since Otabek usually woke up earlier than Yuri but when he opened the door of the living room, he didn't see his boyfriend. Yuri saw that a piece of paper laid on the table. 

Good morning Yura,  
I'll be back in at 14:30. Before you are going to start skating again, I wanted to surprise you so I'm going to get you something and I am sure you will like it. I made breakfast for you. It's in the fridge. See you.  
Xxx Otabek

Yuri sighed and walked towards the refrigerator and saw some food that Otabek made for him. He placed the plate on the kitchen counter and poured some milk in his glass. 

Yuri didn't like it to be home alone because it was so silent. 

He turned on the TV so he had something to listen to in the background and started to eat the breakfast that Otabek made for him. 

Yuri wondered what that surprise of Otabek could be since he didn't ask for anything. 

He looked forward to tomorrow and could almost feel the ice under his skates while he danced on the ice like he always did. 

Yuri wondered if he would ever hear of JJ again. He wished that JJ would just forget about him and move on. He hoped that JJ would find his girlfriend back because Yuri knew she was broken after JJ broke up with her to become Yuri's boyfriend. 

Although, Yuri didn't know if he wanted anyone to be together with JJ. Whoever lived with JJ as their lover, they would never get the love that they actually deserved. 

JJ loved himself, even admired himself with his whole heart and Yuri knew that he would never be able to love someone that wasn't called Jean-Jaques Leroy. 

Yuri started wondering what the worst thing was that JJ ever did to him. He didn't have to think about that for too long. 

JJ... Touched him. 

He did more than just touching him. 

Yuri was only 17 when that happened and he wasn't ready for anything like that yet. But JJ just did it to him like he had no choice. 

Yuri knew that Otabek would never force him to do anything he didn't want but he also knew that Otabek actually wanted to bring their relationship to another level. And somewhere deep inside his heart, Yuri wanted that too but since JJ did that to him, he was scared of everything that had anything to do with 'making love'. 

Because JJ and Yuri didn't make love. They made pain. 

Yuri was 20 years old now and in the three years after the incident with JJ happened, he never did anything like that again but he still wasn't over that one time. 

He knew that if he would explain Otabek the situation, he would understand it but Yuri didn't want to create a distance between them too. 

Yuri wanted to be as close as possible with Otabek but going so far? He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready for that. 

Yuri finished his breakfast and didn't take the time to wash the dishes. He sat down on the couch and watched a dull program about some stupid subject he never heard of. Luckily, he heard the sound of the door getting shut and he turned the TV off. 

Yuri sat up, waiting for Otabek to walk in, telling him about that surprise he had for Yuri. 

When Otabek walked inside, Yuri heard a meowing sound. He looked in front of him and saw a little kitten in Otabek's arms. 

"I wanted to get you something that would make you really happy. And since you love cats so much..." Otabek said and Yuri came closer to the grey kitten in Otabek arms. 

"Oh my... Beka." Yuri mumbled while tears welled up in his eyes. Otabek gave Yuri the cat and it seemed like it noticed that Yuri was a cat person. 

It started purring when Yuri softly caressed it's back and the kitten looked at Yuri with bright, green-yellowish eyes. 

"Thank you. Thank you so much. You couldn't make me happier." Yuri spoke as he sat down with the kitten on his lap. 

"This one was definitely the cutest one. I never had a pet before so you need to help me with raising her." Otabek spoke while he sat down next to Yuri. He kissed him on his cheek and felt a teardrop falling down on his lips. 

"I don't know why this makes me so emotional... But look at her little paws. She's so cute." Yuri said quietly. 

"We need a name for her. Do you have any ideas?" Otabek asked as he looked at his boyfriend that still shed tears of joy. 

"I suck at making up names. My last cat was called Puma Tiger Scorpion you know... Let's think about it for a while." Yuri said smiling and looked at the beautiful kitten in his arms. 

Otabek was an angel. Yuri suddenly remembered what he had been thinking about this morning. 

"Otabek, I wanted to ask you something. Do you find... Sex... Important in a relationship?" Yuri asked and turned Otabek's side so he could look into his eyes. 

"If you are ready for it, then I am ready for it too. I never did it before so I don't know how it is too but-" Otabek spoke but Yuri thought that he didn't really understand the reason why he asked it. 

"I... I know how it is. And that's the reason why I am so scared of it now." Yuri said and Otabek expression changed because Yuri's voice cracked in the end of his sentence. 

"Beka... I am just going to say it. JJ raped me... And it hurt so bad. And I don't want to experience something like that ever again." Yuri said and it seemed like the new cat noticed how Yuri felt since she immediately jumped on his lap. 

Otabek's eyes widened when he heard the word 'raped'. Otabek never wanted to hear or see anything thad had something to do with rape. Never again. 

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Otabek asked as Yuri lifted the kitten up and gently hugged her while he felt some tears rolling down his cheeks. These were the moments when Yuri didn't find it weak to cry. This hurt him so much and he just couldn't stop himself from crying. 

"I don't know. I never really felt like talking about it." Yuri answered and took a deep breath. He never spoke about this before and for no reason, it seemed like a weight was lifted from his chest. 

Otabek placed his hand under Yuri's chin and carefully lifted his face up. 

"That had nothing to do with sex. Sex is about love and trust. And no, if you don't want to do it, I don't find that a problem. But if you are ready for it once, I am too. Because I love you and I want to show you how it really works." Otabek said and didn't really know how he had to react on what he just heard. 

JJ raped his boyfriend. 

Otabek could tell Yuri the truth right now. He decided not to.

"He was just so selfish. And he hurt me so bad. He just pushed me on the bed and he took my clothes off and-" Yuri said but didn't finish his sentence. He bursted out in crying and even the kitten on his lap jumped off it because she was startled by the sudden noise. 

Otabek warped his arms around Yuri and tried to comfort him. During all those years when he didn't see Yuri, he thought he just took a break from skating. Of course, he was concerned and worried but he told himself nothing was wrong. 

"JJ always said he just was my boyfriend because he wanted me to stop skating but that is definitely not the only reason why. He just wanted to use me! I don't get why he didn't stay with his girlfriend that was all over him! I don't wanna continue with skating anymore Beka. I will see him again and who knows what he's going to do! Because he will do everything to make sure I won't win gold." Yuri spoke through his tears and pulled Otabek closer. 

"You have to continue with skating. Promise me that you will." Otabek whispered in Yuri's ear. 

"I... I..." Yuri said and Otabek grabbed his hands. 

"Close your eyes and listen to me. Tomorrow, we are going to the skating rink and you are going to forget about the past. We are living the moment and we are together. You are Yuri Plisetsky remember? You are still the same person as you used to be but you just need to find yourself back. You are still the person I fell in love with because of his amazing talent and that will never change Yura." Otabek said and Yuri wiped away his own tears. 

"I am just going to do it tomorrow. And I am going to become the best figure skater this world has ever known again." Yuri said as he let Otabek's hands go. 

If he really wanted to become the strong person he used to be, he had to do things he found scary. And Yuri made a decision. He didn't want to be the insecure person he used to be for years anymore. And he knew what he wanted to do. 

"Can you give me a second?" Yuri asked and Otabek nodded. He climbed up the strairs. Yuri undressed himself and grabbed Otabek's bathrobe. 

"Beka? Can you come here for a second?" Yuri yelled and it didn't take long before Otabek stood in front of him. Yuri looked into Otabek's eyes. 

"You surprised me for so many times now. I guess it's time for me to surprise you. And believe me, I am ready for this. With you, I'm always ready." Yuri said as he let his bathrobe fall down his shoulders. 

Otabek looked at Yuri's body and walked towards his boyfriend. 

He is so perfect.

"I am proud of you. And I will promise you to be good for you. Really." Otabek spoke as he reached for Yuri's hands. 

Yuri kissed him on his lips and dragged Otabek with him on the bed. 

"Who said you have to be good for me?" Yuri said, biting his lip and trying to look as confident as he could. He tried to ignore the nerves he felt and moved himself on top of Otabek who smirked satisfied. 

"Don't do anything you don't want Yuri. Don't be reckless." Otabek told Yuri as Yuri kissed Otabek's lips. 

"I want this. I want you." He said before he pulled Otabek into another kiss. 

It was time for Yuri to find out what 'making love' really was. And it was time for Otabek to learn what it was.

Yuri's plan did not work out the way he wanted it to.

"I am ashamed of doing this... It's embarrassing." Yuri spoke as he looked into his boyfriend's eyes, making him believe that Otabek was just as scared as he was. 

"Yura, we both find this scary because it's something new. But trust me." Otabek said and brought his hand up to Yuri's face above him. 

When their eyes met, Yuri fell apart. He couldn't do this. It just didn't feel good. 

"I'm sorry Beka. Something in me tells me I am ready for it. But I am not..." Yuri said, forcing himself not to cry. 

"We don't have to do this Yura..." Otabek spoke softly. 

"I don't understand it. I want to do it but I also don't want it. This is a dumb question but... Are you going to hurt me? I'm scared... And it's dumb." Yuri said and thought back of the last time he did something like this and shivered just by thinking about it. 

"I am not going to hurt you. This isn't about hurting someone. It's about loving someone. Just lay down and close your eyes." Otabek whispered and Yuri did what he said, still a little nervous. 

Otabek started kissing his boyfriend's chest and moved his fingers down Yuri's body. His skin felt so soft with every kiss Otabek placed on his body, a feeling of nothing but love rushed through Otabek's own body. 

"Relax babe." Otabek said as he felt the nerves in Yuri's body and slowly moved his fingers further down his body. 

"I love you Beka." Yuri whispered and smiled with his eyes still closed, enjoying the feeling of Otabek's hands and lips on ice cold body. 

He fully trusted Otabek and he knew that he would never hurt him. What JJ did to him was one big mistake. 

Yuri didn't mind Otabek touching his body. Otabek was the first person who he actually wanted to touch his body. Yuri didn't mind because he knew that Otabek would always treat him right and he knew how hard the past 4 years of his life used to be. 

"You are so beautiful..." Otabek whispered into Yuri's ear which gave Yuri goosebumps all over his body and every touch and every sound gave Yuri a feeling of nothing but love inside his heart. 

When Otabek touched a lower part of Yuri's body, the blonde's smile disappeared and the nerves suddenly came back. 

Otabek whispered and Yuri tried to make himself feel as relax as possible. 

Otabek loves you. You know that. JJ was a piece if shit but he will never touch you again and Otabek is going to show you what you really deserve. Otabek tried to make Yuri feel as comfortable as possible when they made love. 

Otabek didn't have to do a lot to make Yuri feel better because he felt his nerves disappear when he only whispered some nice words in his ear. 

They did everything slowly, trying to make each other feel as comfortable as possible. 

After a couple of minutes, they laid next to each other again after they experienced something they both never experienced before. 

It was something special and it made them feel safe, even while this was one of the scariest things they ever did in their whole life before. But love was the only thing that seemed to help against the nervous feeling in their bodies. 

Just the sound of hearing how much they loved each other and the sweet trigger words helped against all kinds of fear. 

Yuri laid his head on Otabek's chest and listened to his heartbeat, trying to become one with the person next to him once again. What he just did was so diffrent from the time when he did it with JJ. 

Otabek didn't force him to do anything and only wanted Yuri to enjoy the moment. He loved Otabek from the bottom of his heart and he knew that Otabek loved him just as much as Yuri loved him. 

Yuri lived with a secret for years. The secret that he was raped by his own boyfriend. He never told anyone about it because he thought that people assumed that Yuri and JJ had sex because they were in a relationship and when he told them JJ did something to him he didn't want, they would start to be curious about what was happening between them. And who knows what JJ would have done to Yuri then. 

Yuri wanted to start skating again so badly but he was also so scared that JJ would try to stop him. After all, that was the reason why he did all of this to Yuri. 

JJ would always be connected to Yuri because the papers said he used to be his husband. 

He couldn't change the past but he just didn't want to be remembered of JJ ever again. 

Yuri always had a dream. A wedding dream. But JJ did not make that dream come true. 

"Thank you Beka. Thank you." Yuri said and held Otabek tightly as a thank for what they just did. 

"Thank you too. And, we were just each other's first. Let's just forget that he ever did that to you and let this count as the first time." Otabek said and Yuri nodded as he lifted his head up and laid next to Otabek on the pillow. 

"Once, I am going to marry you. And let that count as my first marriage too. I didn't even want to marry last time and I didn't love him." Yuri said and looked into Otabek's eyes. 

"When do you want to marry then?" Otabek asked and brushed a strand of Yuri's short hair out of his face. 

"In a couple of years, when we are both successful skaters." Yuri spoke and enjoyed looking at Otabek's face that showed a rare smile. 

"I have a wedding dream Beka. I never told JJ about it because something in me knew that I would end up with you one day. And JJ would find it stupid for sure. I never told anyone about this but I just want your opinion. I wanna marry in a wedding dress. And I wanna make sure my hair is long enough to braid it and I want flowers in my hair and I wanna look beautiful. I want it to be the best day of my life but... Maybe it's weird because I am a guy. But I've always looked feminine so I guess it will look good on me." Yuri said while he fantasized about his wedding like he did many times before. 

"I guess that will indeed look beautiful." Otabek said and kissed Yuri on his lips. 

"To be honest, that was also the reason why I cut my hair... I wanted to forget about you that day. I always dreamed of this wedding with you and when I thought you didn't love me, I decided to cut my hair so I couldn't make it look pretty for my wedding anymore. I don't know why, but this is so important for me. And I am happy that you agree with it." Yuri said and he felt Otabek's hand on his face. 

"You will make the most beautiful bride I could ever wish for. And I can't wait until your hair is longer again. You look amazing with short hair too but that will always be the prettiest." Otabek said and imagined how Yuri would look in a wedding gown with his hair decorated with flowers. 

He couldn't help but smile when he thought of it and he looked up when he felt something soft against his arm. 

The new kitten jumped on the bed. She landed between Otabek and Yuri and laid down on the bed. The kitten was calm and not aggressive at all. 

Yuri pet the cat and listened to her purring sounds while he placed a soft kiss on her back. 

"She's so cute." Yuri said and kept petting the little kitten next to him. 

"She can sleep in our bed right?" He asked and looked at Otabek with big eyes that he couldn't resist. 

"Sure." Otabek said and actually, he didn't like an animal sleeping in his bed at all but when he saw how happy the kitten made Yuri, he couldn't say no. 

"Do you have more wishes for your wedding? I want it to be the best moment ever for you." Otabek asked as he looked into Yuri's bright, green eyes that glowed. 

"I just really love flowers. I don't care about anything else because I just want there to be a lot of flowers. But what do you want? It's also your wedding." Yuri said but Otabek didn't care as long as Yuri was happy. 

"I never thought about a wedding before. But if this is so important for you, I will do everything to make that day as special as possible for you." Otabek spoke as an answer on Yuri's question. 

"I love you." Yuri spoke quietly. " Otabek lifted the kitten up and placed it next to him so he was able to hug Yuri. 

"Do you really wanna wait that long with your marriage? Or is one year enough? I am sure that I will never leave you again and if you are too, why would we wait that long? I want your dream to come true Yura." Otabek said while he pulled Yuri close and laid his head on Yuri's shoulder. 

"You are right." Was all Yuri answered and he realized that his dream would finally come true. The dream he had always been a little bit insecure about. 

Yuri never told anyone about it, just like Otabek never kissed someone. They knew that they were made for each other and they knew that whatever would happen, they wouldn't leave each other's side. 

"I am such a lucky man for having you as my boyfriend." Yuri softly said and kissed Otabek's shoulder tenderly. 

"I wanna take you out for dinner tomorrow. We didn't even date yet!" Otabek said and Yuri nodded in agreement. 

"Why would we date if we already knew that we were made for each other? We are connected Otabek. We are the perfect match. It's a fact." Yuri spoke and felt a nice feeling in his stomach when Otabek suddenly kissed him on his lips and he felt Otabek's hands running through his hair, slowly making their way down Yuri's back until they weren't far away from his ass. 

Otabek stopped moving his hands but Yuri looked up. 

"If you love my ass so much, why don't you touch it?" Yuri whispered in Otabek's ear and he felt that Otabek's hands now touched his bottom. 

"I trust you Otabek. I would never let anyone touch me there. But you are different..." Yuri said and kissed Otabek's cheek. 

"Shall we go shopping tomorrow after the practice and then go on that date? I have to borrow your clothes all the time now and they are actually too big for me. And I guess I still have a lot of money because I didn't buy anything for 4 years..." Yuri said and he realized that he wasn't allowed to do anything for those 4 years. He didn't get how it was possible that he let this all happen. Why didn't he just try to escape JJ? He didn't know, but he knew he couldn't change the past. 

"Do you even have skates?" Otabek asked and Yuri's heart stopped beating for a second. He didn't take his sktes with him from JJ's house but he needed those skates for his jumps. 

"I need to buy the exact same skates as I used to have." Yuri spoke but he knew that those skates were quite expensive. 

"I'm going to check how much money I have left on my debit pass." Yuri said and he stood up and quickly dressed himself up. 

"Can I use your computer?" Yuri asked and Otabek nodded. He didn't have any secrets for Yuri and he didn't have any data on his computer that he didn't want Yuri to see. 

Yuri logged in on the site of his bank account and looked at the screen, stunned. 

The account said Yuri transfered all his money to an unknown bank account. When Yuri clicked on the account number, he bit on his lip in anger. The number belonged to someone called 'J.J.L'. 

Yuri closed his eyes and felt the anger taking over every part of his body. He stared at the screen with eyes that shot fire while his hands were shaking. 

"He stole all my money." Yuri managed to bring out and grabbed a pencil from Otabek's desk and broke it. He was raging. That money belonged to him and not to JJ. 

And Yuri was determined to get his money back. And he knew exactly how he wanted to do that.


	11. Gifts (11)

He had to find her. She was the only one who could help Yuri in this situation. Yuri opened the internet browser and typed 'Isabella Yang' in the search box. He found a social media account that appeared to be hers and immediately clicked on the message button. 

Yuri Plisetsky: Hello... It's is weird for me to message you. I am Yuri and JJ left you... for me. I know you were in love with JJ but there are some things I want to talk about with you. It's important. JJ and I are divorced. He never loved me, and I never loved him. He married me so I wouldn't be able to skate anymore because he said I had too much talent. He didn't treat my right and he didn't even give me the chance to decide if I wanted to be is boyfriend. He forced me to say yes. He didn't leave you because he didn't love you. He was just narcissistic and he only thought about himself. I wanna know if he ever did anything to you that you didn't want. Because he did that to me. JJ is dangerous. He may act like he did nothing and he will do everything to make everyone believe that what he says is the truth, but it's not. JJ broke my medals, he stole my money, he abused me, he raped me and he took my boyfriend to his hotel room and anesthetized him. Please tell me the truth if he did anything to you. We can go to the police and tell them everything. 

When Yuri just sent the message, a green dot appeared next to JJ's ex-girlfriend's name. She was online. 

Yuri stared at the computer screen, waiting for the answer of the last person who could help him. If he did all of those things to her too they had enough evidence to judge JJ. 

Isabella Yang: I don't see the reason why I would tell you what he did to me. You stole the one I loved. He may hurt me but I loved him! I'm going to block you.

Yuri Plisetsky: No! Wait! 

Yuri Plisetsky: I just want him to leave me alone. Maybe we can think of another solution instead of going to the police. But... Can you please tell me what he did to you? I wanna know what's the reason why he did those things to me. And I didn't steal him. I had no choice.

Isabella Yang: Don't tell anyone about it.

Isabella Yang: I always did what he wanted so he never had to do anything to me. But when I didn't do things the right way, he hit me and he also cut my hair off when I told him to shut up in public. It all started after the engagement. He saw me as an object instead of a girl. And he couldn't stand that I was pretty. I am a girl! I have the right to be pretty! But I didn't care about it. I only saw the positive things about him and I still do. He's handsome and he can be sweet if you treat him like he wants you to treat him.

Isabella Yang: Please make sure that JJ doesn't read this. And make sure that they won't hurt JJ. I love him. 

Yuri Plisetsky: He also hit me and told me that he would cut my hair if I did something wrong. What a weird way to hurt people. And he never... Touched you?

Isabella Yang: I wanted him to touch me. I was so in love with him. And love makes blind...

Yuri Plisetsky: Ok. Thank you.

Isabella Yang: If you do anything to JJ I will kill you.

Yuri Plisetsky: I won't do anything to him. Don't worry.

Yuri Plisetsky: And I have one question left. Currently the most important question I guess. Did he take your money away from you? He took all my money but I need to buy new skates if I want to make money and live a happy life.

Isabella Yang: Yes. He stole my money too. But he deserves it. I just wish I could ever get back together with him.

Yuri Plisetsky: Did he ever give your money back?

Isabella Yang: You said the previous question was your last one.

Yuri Plisetsky: It's important! I wanna continue with skating and I need a lot of expensive things for that so I want my money back! And I wanna know if that asshole ever gave you your money back!!!!!!!!!!!!

Isabella Yang: Don't call my JJ an asshole.

Offline 

Yuri let out a sigh and closed the browser tab. He had no clue how he was going to get his money back. He didn't want to hear JJ's voice ever again. He didn't want to see him and he didn't want him to speak with or see Otabek ever again. 

Yuri turned the computer off and kicked against the chair. 

"I need my money to buy those skates. I just need it!" Yuri yelled and sat on the floor, not knowing what to do. 

"JJ's ex-girlfriend doesn't want to tell me if and how she got her money back but I am determined to get it back. I need the damn skates." Yuri hissed quietly and felt Otabek's arms around his waist from behind. 

"I'll pay those skates for you. That I live in such a cheap apartment doesn't mean I am not rich. You don't have to pay them back." Otabek said but that didn't make Yuri feel any better. 

"I also need to pay the rent of the apartment and I need to buy myself clothes! And I want to pay you for the tickets when we traveled to Barcelona and Russia. I can't let you pay for everything I need Otabek!" Yuri yelled and buried his face in his hands. He didn't know what to do. He just didn't know it anymore. 

"Yura. I don't mind. I have enough money to pay for both of us. It's gonna be alright. We will find a way to get your money back but first, we need to buy you clothes and skates." Otabek said with a soft voice which made Yuri feel a litter bit better. 

"I'll pick the cheapest clothes they have. I don't care." Yuri said and his voice sounded blank and empty. 

"You can pick what you like. I find it weird to say, but I am rich Yuri. I won a lot of competitions last years and I have more than enough money to buy you whatever you like." Otabek said and Yuri ran towards him and pushed Otabek on the bed. 

"I love you and I am sorry that everything I give you in return for your love is pain and tears and problems! But I really love you." Yuri said and kissed Otabek on his lips while a tear rolled down his face. 

Yuri felt like he always hurt Otabek, even while that was not his intention at all. If he didn't want one thing, it was definitely hurting Otabek. 

Otabek brought his hand closer to Yuri's face as he softly wiped away the tear on his cheek. 

"My life would be 10 times worse if you weren't here with me. And it's not you who causes those problems! It's JJ. So you don't have to apologize and we are just going outside right now because we can't wait until tomorrow." Otabek said and smiled a little to make Yuri feel better again. 

"I really don't wanna buy anything expensive. Just buy some cheap clothes and I am happy. I just want something that fits me." Yuri said but Otabek already made the decision that he wouldn't return without buying some decent clothes for Yuri. 

"Yura... I already told you that I have more than enough money. And you are my boyfriend so you deserve a gift." Otabek said and pulled Yuri with him through the streets. 

When Otabek finally saw a store where they sold clothes, he pushed Yuri inside. It had been years since Yuri was inside a store for the last time but the look of all the clothes in front of him made him feel good. JJ always held him inside, scared that Yuri would try to escape and continue his life as a successful figure skater. 

The store was huge and Yuri saw clothes everywhere he looked. 

"What's the budget?" Yuri asked and Otabek raised his eyebrow. 

"Just pick some things you like. The prize doesn't matter." He said for the last time and Yuri turned around to look at all the clothes. His eye fell on something in the distance that looked familiar to him. 

When Yuri picked it up, he looked at the jacket and knew this was something he liked. It looked a lot like the jacket with animal print he used to own when he was 15. Yuri couldn't help looking at the price and saw it wasn't that expensive so he decided to buy this one. 

After a while, Yuri felt amazing and he didn't even notice that Otabek left him to go to another shop. He knew thay Yuri wouldn't stop searching for clothes for hours since he and Yuri went shopping once before a couple of years ago and he knew that he had enough time to do what he wanted to do. 

He had about one hour left before the shops would close and he had to be back at the shop where Yuri was. Luckily, he didn't have to walk far and it didn't take long before he arrived at the jewelry store. 

"I wanna buy an engagement ring." Otabek said and looked down at all the rings in the case. Otabek's eye fell on a beautiful, silver ring and he bought one in the size he assumed was right for Yuri. 

Otabek didn't know when he wanted to ask Yuri if he wanted to marry him since he wanted to go to Russia to ask Victor and Yuuri for Yuri's hand first. Otabek knew that they were not his real parents but they were at least the people who were like parents to Yuri. 

Otabek bought the ring and returned to his boyfriend who was still in the clothing store. Otabek put the little box with the ring he just bought inside his pocket so Yuri wouldn't see it and he opened the door of the shop and walked upstairs where he saw Yuri waiting for him. 

"Where were you? I've been waiting for I-don't-know-how-long now!" Yuri said and Otabek looked at him with a mysterious look in his eyes which made Yuri even more curious. 

"Did you find something?" Otabek asked to change the subject and looked at the clothes in Yuri's arms. Panther print or dark.Typical Yuri clothes. 

"Yes. But you really don't have to buy them-" Yuri said but Otabek interrupted him. 

"I'm going to pay. Is it really that weird to buy clothes for your boyfriend? I love you Yuri." Otabek said while he grabbed his wallet and told Yuri to wait for him outside so he wouldn't be able to hear the total price of the clothes together. He didn't want him to feel guilty again. 

"Wear this, it's cold outside." Otabek took off his scarf and gave it to Yuri.

"Thank you. I love you Beka..." Yuri whispered but it was hard for Otabek to hear what he said since Yuri had Otabek's scarf over his mouth. 

"What?" Otabek asked and instead of saying it again, Yuri grabbed Otabek's shirt and pulled him into a kiss as a thank for everything Otabek had done for him last months.


	12. Our day (12)

During the last months, a lot of things happened. First of all, the day when Yuri went to the skating rink for the first time in years. 

From the moment he left the apartment, drove to the rink with Otabek until the moment when he finally stood on the ice again, he was scared. Scared because he didn't know if he was still able to skate the way he wanted to. 

Skating used to be a daily activity for him but now, he didn't even know if he still knew how it worked. 

Yuri moved his feet and looked down at the ice. The blades of his skates left marks on the ice and Yuri forced himself to keep looking at the ice. He focused on his own skates and made sure he wouldn't fall. 

"Yuri! Try to look away from your feet!" Otabek yelled from the other side of the rink and Yuri slowly looked up from the ice. His body moved with grace and he felt light while his now almost shoulder length hair fell in his face with every move he made. 

Yuri slowly lifted his leg up and noticed he was still as flexible as he used to be. 

"You are doing great!" Otabek yelled and Yuri started to feel a little bit more confident. Otabek was right, he still knew how to skate. 

Since Yuri started skating again and also wanted to continue as a professional skater, he had to find a coach. 

Yakov retired as the cosch of Russia's team and also Victor didn't want to coach anyone ever in his life again. Yuri didn't know who he had to ask until he received a surprising offer of Yuuri. 

After that day, Otabek was searching for the right moment to travel to Russia to ask Victor and Yuuri if he was allowed to marry Yuri. He knew exactly what he wanted to say but he also knew that when the moment was there, he forget every word that he wanted to say. 

Otabek made up an excuse to leave Yuri for a couple of days and landed at Russia's airport after a flight of a couple of hours. He knew where Victor and Yuuri lived and took the train to the city they lived in. 

Victor and Yuuri were surprised by the sudden visit of their former rival and future son in law and welcomed him happily. 

Otabek took a seat and decided to immediately break the ice. 

"I came here because I wanted to ask you guys something important. I am planning to propose to Yuri. So I came here to ask for you permission to marry him. I don't know anyone else who I can ask for his hand because he... Doesn't have anyone left." Otabek said and looked up at Victor and Yuuri. 

"Well, if we are is parents now, do you promise us that you will take good care of him?" Victor asked and looked down at Otabek who stared at the two people in front of him. 

"Yes. I promise you." Otabek spoke as he smiled a little. This was the last thing he wanted to do before he was ready to propose to Yuri. 

"Don't you guys think it's too soon after the marriage with JJ? I know he never wanted that but still... I just want him to be happy and I don't know if he is ready for this." Otabek continued as he saw that Victor shook his head. 

"Otabek... You are the only person that Yurio ever trusted. You are the only person who really managed to make him happy. Yurio is kinda close to Yuuri since he is his coach now but he will never let him call him Yura or laugh with him. Nobody was ever able to make Yurio smile, except for you and his grandpa. And he doesn't want anything else than marry you. Believe me." Victor said and Otabek listened to his words. 

He knew that he was special to Yuri and that he loved him just as much as he loved Yuri, but he still wasn't sure if this was the right time to propose to him. But for no reason, this moment changed his mind. 

A week later, Otabek proposed and of course, Yuri said yes. Yuri didn't even have to think about it but nodded while tears of joy streamed down his face. 

Yuri was hopelessly in love with Otabek. For all those years when he had to keep it as a secret, he just wanted to walk hand in hand with Otabek, hug with him, kiss with him. And now, they were ready to start their life as a married couple. 

That also meant that Yuri's dream was going to come true. And that day finally arrived. 

Yuri stepped inside and smelled a nice scent that filled the room. Everywhere Yuri looked, he saw beautiful, white dresses. 

"I am here for a wedding dress..." Yuri said with a sound of embarrassment in his voice. 

"But, you are a boy right?" The cashier asked and Yuri nodded. She observed Yuri's face and looked like she knew who he was. 

"I know it's not common for a boy to marry in a dress but this is what I want and it's my wedding." Yuri said and felt that his cheeks started to become red because he felt so ashamed. Maybe it was weird. 

"Okay. I don't think it's weird or anything. We are going to search for something you like. Because it has to be perfect for your special day." The girl said and and asked Yuri to follow her. 

"You look so familiar. I am sure I've seen you before." The girl continued as Yuri sat down on one of the comfortable chairs in the room. 

"I'm a figure skater. At least, I used to be. I won the Grand-Prix final 5 years ago. And I won some other competitions. Maybe that's where you saw me." Yuri said and the girl's eyes widened when she realized who stood in front of her. 

"Yuri Plisetsky..?" She quietly spoke and her jaw dropped. Yuri nodded and he didn't know why she reacted like that. 

"I used to be your biggest fan when I was 14. I didn't even recognize you..." She said and started blushing a little. 

"I didn't skate for 4 years... But I continued with training and I had my first competition this month and I won it. I can give you tickets to watch my next competition if you want?" Yuri said and the still blushing girl nodded thankfully. 

"The Yuri Angels are all still in love with you I guess. But you look even better than you did 5 years ago! And I don't care that you stopped skating for all those years. I always believed that you would never give up skating and continue one day. And, now I am talking to you. I wanna apologize for publishing those pictures of you and Otabek back in Barcelona. I know you are actually in love with JJ." The girl spoke and Yuri didn't know what to say for a moment. 

"I am actually here because I am going to marry Otabek. He's my boyfriend, not JJ. You basically brought me and Otabek together because you were stalking me with your friends and I tried to escape from you guys so you don't have to apologize for anything." Yuri said smiling and the face of the girl that stood in front of him started to become more red with the second. 

"All the sports magazines wrote about your marriage with JJ... Why are you guys divorced?" The girl asked and Yuri decided to tell her the truth. 

While the girl and Yuri searched for a dress he liked, Yuri told her everything he could remember from the moment JJ and he got in a relationship till now. 

"You really need to give a speech after your competition. People need to know this." The girl said as she looked at Yuri who stared at the ground. He told so many people about this now but he still found it hard to talk about this. 

"I think this one would look good on you. And it's made for a flat chested person so it doesn't have any fillers. I guess it will be perfect. Do you wanna try it on?" The girl asked and Yuri nodded as he followed her to the dressing room. 

"I don't think you can do it all yourself. Are you more comfortable with someone else helping you?" The girl asked but Yuri actually trusted his girl. 

"No. You can help me. It's fine." He said and after a while, Yuri was dressed in a beautiful, long, white dress with lace sleeves that looked perfect on his slim, feminine body. The dress was tight around his waist and it had a beautiful, long gown that looked like it was made for him. 

"You look amazing!" The girl said as she grabbed Yuri's hand and pulled him with her to the mirror. 

When Yuri saw himself, he teared up and bit on his lip. This was exactly what he always wanted. He didn't want a wedding like when he and JJ married. He just wanted to look like this, just for one day. 

"It's... Beautiful." Yuri said as he felt a tear rolling down his cheek. He was going to marry Otabek, looking so beautiful. He just couldn't believe it. 

"I can make it even better." The girl said and she asked Yuri to sit down in front of the mirror. 

"Can I... Braid your hair? It's long enough to braid and I think it will make you ever prettier." She asked and Yuri immediately said yes. The girl asked him to close his eyes and Yuri did what she asked him to. The girl tried her best to make Yuri's hair look as good as she could. 

"I never thought that I would be doing this one day when I was 14." She said chuckling. After a little while, she was done and Yuri opened his eyes. 

The girl braided his hair and tied it up, except for two of his long locks that fell down his face. He couldn't stop looking at himself and stood up to hug the girl who immediately started blushing again. 

"Thank you so much." He said and she hugged him back. 

"Do you wanna help me with my hair before the wedding too? I'll send you a wedding invitation later but I don't know anyone else who could do it for me. We are going to marry in Japan so if you don't want to I get it but-" Yuri spoke but the over enthusiastic girl did want that. 

"Of course I want to!" She happily said and hugged Yuri again. 

"Can I take a picture with you? We still have a group chat from years ago you know!" The girl enthusiastically spoke as she already searched for her phone. 

"We don't know many people. Only some other competitors from former competitions and maybe some friends of Otabek. So if you want, you can ask those girls if they want to come to the wedding too." Yuri spoke and the girl in front of him almost dropped her phone when he asked it. 

She nodded happily and opened the camera app to take a picture with her biggest inspiration. 

"You shouldn't be so impressed by me. I am just a normal 20 year old guy." Yuri said as he looked at himself in the mirror once again. He felt so beautiful looking like this. And he didn't care about anyone else. This was going to be his day.

-

Otabek was nervous, but not in a negative way. He stood there, in front of everyone, waiting for Yuri to walk through the door of the hot springs. 

Yuuri's family immediately agreed when they asked if they could marry here. It was where Yuri's career officially started and they both found it an amazing place to marry. 

Otabek had one goal for after the wedding and that was that he wanted Yuri to forget about JJ and go on with his life like nothing ever happened. Otabek saw that Yuri made progress but he knew that everything that happened during all those years still hurt him and Otabek knew that he was the only person who was able to make Yuri feel better again. 

At one point, everyone was silent and Otabek looked up, knowing that the moment of truth finally arrived. He saw that Yuri walked inside and Otabek's eyes filled themselves with tears and he felt that his lower lip started to quiver. 

The whole crowd started to applaud and cheer, surprised by the way Yuri looked. 

Yuri looked so beautiful. His body looked perfect, dressed in the long, white gown and his hair was braided beautifully and decorated with white flowers. Otabek closed his eyes and felt tears rolling down his cheeks while he slowly opened them again. 

"You look so beautiful..." Otabek said with a cracked voice while he reached for Yuri's hand and placed a soft kiss on it. 

"I am blessed to have found someone like you Yura." Otabek said as Yuri looked Otabek into his eyes and saw his tears. 

Yuri dropped his bouquet and embraced his boyfriend that would be his husband in a couple of minutes. 

"I am so happy you like it. We are going to marry. I am going to marry you Beka." said Yuri quietly and one single tear rolled down his face. Nothing could have made Yuri feel better than Otabek's reaction on the way he looked tonight. They smiled at each other and Otabek kneeled down to pick up Yuri's bouquet for him. 

Yuri didn't even think about the wedding with JJ. This was so different. When he married JJ, he felt nothing but pain and the urge to leave as fast as he could. Now, he felt happy and his tears were tears of joy. 

Otabek also looked amazing and Yuri's heart beat like crazy. The dark blue suit he wore suited him perfectly and his undercut was shaved, something Yuri told him to do for many times. 

The witnesses, who were one of Otabek's best friends and Yakov, signed the papers and the man who would marry them asked everyone to be quiet because the wedding was about to begin. 

"Do you, Otabek Altin, take Yuri Plisetsky to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The man asked and Otabek looked into Yuri's eyes. They were so beautiful. 

"Yes I do." Otabek answered and it seemed like Yuri's eyes started to glow when he heard those words. The man now faced Yuri who held Otabek's hand a little bit tighter. 

"Do you, Yuri Plisetsky, take Otabek Altin to be your lawfully wedded husband?" The man asked once again and suddenly, Yuri saw the moment when the servant at Yuri and JJ's wedding asked that question. But this time, he didn't feel unsafe at all. He wanted to stay with Otabek forever. He wanted to grow old with him and he knew that he would never hurt him in any way. 

"Yes I do." Yuri also said and he man looked up and nodded.

"Then you can kiss each other." He said and they wait one second before they brought their faces closer to each other and placed their lips against each other, slowly, with so much love. This was the feeling a kiss should give you. A kiss was supposed to make you feel fantastic, and this kiss surely made them feel like that. 

When they stopped kissing, everyone started applauding again and Otabek and Yuri both smiled, something they hardly ever did in public. 

Music started playing in the background and Otabek put his arms around Yuri's waist like they did that one time, about one year ago when they danced in the club. 

Yuri wasn't his friend anymore. He also wasn't his boyfriend. He was his husband. After all those years, he finally married the man of his dreams. 

When Yuri looked at himself, he always said he wasn't Yuri Plisetsky anymore. It was like another person was looking at him since the stuff with JJ happened. But today was a new start as Yuri Plisetsky-Altin. 

Yuri noticed that it was getting warmer in the room and it also smelled weird. 

"What's that smell?" Yuri asked and looked away from Otabek's eyes, trying to find the thing that caused the smell. He saw an orange light coming from the other room and his heart skipped a beat. 

Fire. 

"FIRE!" Yuri yelled as loud as he could and it seemed like the world started to fade in front of his eyes. 

There was a moment of complete silence before everyone started to panic and started to run away. 

Yuri grabbed Otabek's hand ran outside. He fell, causing that his dress to got ripped and all covered in mud and dirt. 

He felt ashamed. It was a moment when you don't really know what to be ashamed of because there were so many things he was ashamed of. This happened on his wedding. The onsen of Yuuri's family burned down on his wedding. And that stupid dress. Why did he even want that? What was wrong with him? He was a boy! 

Yuri looked behind him and he saw Yuuri, crying in Victor's arms and Mari standing next to him, also crying. Also Yuuri's mother also wiped away some tears while she looked at the burning building while Yuuri's father tried to comfort her. 

They were all such nice people and they didn't deserve this, but it happened and Yuri wasn't able to change it. 

Yuri ran away and didn't even know where he was going. He only knew that he didn't want to face Yuuri or one of his family members right now. They gave him and Otabek the chance to marry in their family-owned company and now, this happened. 

One thing was clear, someone set the place on fire. Nothing else was possible. 

Yuri had no idea who did it since he only invited people who he or Otabek trusted. 

Yuri ran down the streets of Hasetsu, having no idea where he was until he finally saw the ocean. 

"Yura! Where are you going?" Otabek yelled but Yuri didn't want to see anyone right now. Yuri ran on the sand and sat down on the pier and looked at the ocean while tears dripped down his face. 

He buried his face in his hands until he heard a sound behind him. He actually hoped it was Otabek because he wanted someone to comfort him but Yuri's heart stopped beating when he saw who it actually was. 

"Why didn't you invite me? You were my boyfriend for years! I deserved to be invited too." JJ spoke quietly as he came closer to Yuri. Yuri stood up and tried to escape from JJ but he was surrounded by water. 

"I want you to turn around and leave me right now. I want you to leave me alone. I don't want to see you ever again." Yuri said but of course, JJ didn't listen to him. 

"You said 'no' to our marriage at first but you immediately said yes when Otabek asked it. Why don't you love me Yuri? Why don't you admire me? I wanted you to die in that burning house. I want to win those prizes. And I wanted... Him." JJ spoke and walked close to Yuri. 

"Did you think I didn't know that you can't swim Yuri-chan? Do you really think I didn't know that?" JJ asked with a nasty smirk on his face. 

"Don't do it JJ... Please. " Yuri begged in fear and looked at the water behind him in fear. 

"I want you to be wasted Yuri. And if you drown, I didn't kill you. You practically killed yourself. I don't care if you are dead as long as that means that I can win those competitions. I deserve it." JJ said and Yuri kept begging him not to push him in the water. 

"I have to say that you look beautiful. But... Why do you look like this if you don't want me to call you a girl?" JJ asked and stared into Yuri's eyes. 

"Turn around JJ. FUCKING GO AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU HAVE DONE! YOU SET THE HOUSE OF A HAPPY FAMILY ON FIRE TO RUIN OUR WEDDING! YOU NARCISSISTIC FUCKING BASTARD!" Yuri screamed and felt the edge of the dock with his feet. 

"You are a master on the ice Yuri-chan. But once that ice is liquid, it will be fatal for you." JJ said and pushed Yuri in the ocean. It was dark and Yuri never learned how to swim. He panicked and tried to grab the edge of the dock but he didn't manage to. 

"HELP! I CAN'T SWIM!" Yuri screamed out loud, hoping that someone would be able to hear him and tried is best to keep floating on the surface. The world was flashing in front of his eyes and he tasted the salt of the water in his mouth. 

Otabek saw what happened and ran towards the water. JJ held him back but Otabek was able to push him away. 

"HE'S MY HUSBAND NOW! AND I DO LOVE HIM YOU HEAR ME! DON'T TOUCH HIM EVER AGAIN!" Otabek yelled at JJ and punched him right in his face, causing JJ to pass out. 

"Yura!" Yuri suddenly heard and saw that Otabek reached for his hand. Yuri wasn't able to grab it so Otabek dived into the cold water and tried his best to rescue Yuri and tried to make sure that he was able to breathe. 

Otabek carried Yuri to the beach and laid him on the sand. 

"Are you okay? Yura..." Otabek asked crying and looked into Yuri's still terrified eyes. Yuri started hacking and wheezing but after a while, he managed to get himself under control. 

"I-I'm okay..." Yuri managed to bring out and reached for Otabek's face. 

"Thank... You." Yuri whispered as he slowly sat up and hugged Otabek. He closed his eyes and started crying, louder than ever, even louder than when his grandpa died. Yuri was never hurt in a way like this. He wanted this to be his day. Otabek and his special day. He wanted this day to be his dream wedding but again, JJ managed to screw it all up for him. He was sure that everyone who was still around the hot springs could hear him crying. 

"THAT ASSHOLE DESERVES TO DIE! I WANT HIM TO DIE! I WANNA KILL HIM!" Yuri yelled as he felt the anger burning inside him. He didn't know what to do and started pulling his own hair in anger. Otabek grabbed his hands and held Yuri tightly while he tried to calm him down. 

"Don't do that to yourself. It's not worth it." Otabek said but it was hard for him to keep Yuri under control because he kept screaming and tried to free himself from Otabek's grip. 

"Yura... Baby. Calm down." Otabek spoke while he put his arms around Yuri's body so he wasn't able to move anymore. 

"LET ME GO! LET ME FUCKING GO! I WANNA KILL HIM!" Yuri yelled and started to become hysterical. He didn't even think about crying anymore but screamed on top of his lungs until he was totally out of breath. 

Otabek tried to stay calm but it was actually a torture for him to see Yuri like this. He wanted to give Yuri all the happiness and love in the world. He just wanted him to feel happy and he wanted this to be the best day of his life. 

"Just calm down... Shhh..." Otabek whispered and hugged his trembling husband. Otabek knew that Yuri could become very angry sometimes but he never had such an extreme attack like this. 

Otabek tried to bring Yuri back to the others while he still tried to free himself but Otabek was way stronger than him. 

"Yura... Honey I love you. It's all going to be fine." Otabek softly spoke and felt tears rolling down his cheeks while he shivered because he felt so cold. Everyone was still there while firemen tried to put out the fire. 

When Yuri saw the crying people in front of him again, he stopped to escape and he started to feel weak. His whole body stared trembling. Yuri knew how bad it must hurt them and he was also so sorry for Otabek. It was also his wedding and someone from Yuri's past ruined it. 

Otabek felt that Yuri wasn't that aggressive anymore and held him less tightly. 

"I'm sorry Beka... I'm so sorry. So sorry." Yuri spoke and saw one big, orange blurred picture in front of him. His wedding was being burned in front of his eyes. Maybe even his career. What if Yuuri didn't want to coach him anymore? 

"It's okay." Was all Otabek answered and he let Yuri go. 

Otabek fell on his knees and cried out loud. He shed tears of pure sadness while he let out some sobs that cut through Yuri's soul. 

His wedding was ruined. Yuri could have drowned. Yuri's dream was ruined. The building was on fire. It was all getting too much for Otabek and after all those years of holding back his tears, never showing any sign of emotion and pretending to be strong, he had the right to cry. 

"I-I'm so so-sorry..." Yuri said while he sat down next to Otabek and hugged his tightly while they hugged each other tightly.


	13. Jail (13)

After the wedding, Otabek and Yuri arrived back home and they were sure about one thing. They were going to the police to make sure that they would arrest JJ. 

Yuri was broken but maybe, Otabek felt even worse. He always held back every sign of emotion but after the wedding, he cried all his pain out. 

The days after the wedding, Otabek just wanted to stay home with Yuri and take some time to become a little more happy again. 

They didn't train, they didn't care about their upcoming competitions, they didn't care about anything. The days were filled with tears, pain and sadness but they knew that as long as they were together, the power of love could easily beat the power of pain. 

As long as they were together. 

Then, that one day arrived, about a week after the wedding. They wanted to go to the police station and were getting ready until the doorbell rang. Otabek walked downstairs and opened the door for some people. 

Policemen. 

"We are here for Yuri Plisetsky." One of the policemen spoke and Otabek assumed they wanted to talk with him about the wedding, which was only positive because they didn't have to go outside anymore. Yuri and Otabek wanted to go to the police today to tell them about what JJ did anyway. 

Otabek yelled Yuri's name and Yuri walked down the stairs. When he saw the policemen, he thought the same as Otabek and he didn't know what was happening when the cops suddenly grabbed his wrists. 

"You are arrested for abuse of your ex boyfriend." The cop said and Yuri didn't know what to say. "But I didn't do anything! He did that to me!" Yuri said as he looked at Otabek with desperate eyes. 

"He didn't do that!" Otabek said and tried to free Yuri from the police but he didn't manage to. 

"Let me go! Beka, help me!" Yuri said as he felt that the policeman handcuffed him. Otabek tried to help Yuri once again but the policemen held him back. 

"Let him go! His ex did that to him, not the other way around! I won't let you take him with you!" Otabek said and Yuri looked over his shoulder. Otabek's eyes started to feel watery and his legs felt weak. 

"Yura..." He said and saw that they brought Yuri downstairs while tears rolled down his face and he realized that he couldn't do anything about it. They took his Yuri away from him, for the second time in his life. And Yuri had to leave the one he was so in love with for the second time in his life... While he did nothing wrong. 

"YURA! HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING! PLEASE LET HIM GO!" Otabek screamed but nobody listened to him. Otabek ran after him and saw they told Yuri to get inside a car. Otabek was able to look at Yuri for one last time until the car drove away, leaving Otabek alone, crying. 

Yuri was the only person who had ever cared about him and right now, he needed him. They needed each other. 

Yuri looked outside the window of the car, overwhelmed by what just happened. JJ had to sit here. He was the one who did all those things to Yuri and now, he was the person who was responsible for his arrest. 

Yuri didn't know what was going to happen to him now but he was sure that it was going to be a rough time for him. He just wanted to skate. He just wanted to be free and he wanted to be able to be together with Otabek. But that wasn't possible anymore. 

The rain fell, just like Yuri's tears. 

He wasn't guilty. He wasn't guilty. 

The car stopped driving when it arrived at a building that appeared to be a prison. Outside, there was a sports field that was surrounded by a wall so the prisoners couldn't escape. 

Yuri was pushed inside and saw that the other prisoners were definitely people who were actually guilty, most of them being covered in tattoos and scars. 

They brought Yuri to a room with nothing but a chair inside. Yuri had to sit down in the chair and he didn't know why exactly. He waited until someone walked his way and explained him everything about the rules in the prison. 

"Long hair is also against the rules." The person said and looked Yuri into his eyes, giving him the feeling that this comment was meant for him. 

Yuri's heart skipped a beat. When he cut his hair himself, he regretted that for weeks, even months. It had been over a year since that day and Yuri grew his hair long again, something Otabek really liked but Yuri himself actually liked it way better too. Something in him told him he didn't want to let them take it away from him. 

He just didn't want it. It belonged to him. He had to look good for his job, and what if they let him go again soon? 

"You can't do that. Please." Yuri asked and looked the person into her eyes. 

"Rules are rules. And committing a crime is way worse than this." She replied and Yuri felt that he was getting nervous, even while he realized that this wasn't going to be the only thing they were going to do to him against his will. 

He didn't have to he here. If he just told Otabek the truth years ago, he would be able to skate now. Maybe, he already broke the record again if he did that. Maybe, he would be an Olympic champion if he did that. But he didn't do it... And now, he was in jail. 

"Please... I am not even guilty. I never abused anyone." Yuri asked once again but he knew that he wouldn't be able to change her mind. 

Yuri stared in front of him when he felt the woman grabbed his hair. He couldn't do anything about it and he didn't care anymore. After they would let him go, he didn't even want to skate anymore so he didn't have to look good too. He never wanted to skate again. 

He didn't want people to look at him, take pictures of him, write articles about him or whatever else. He just didn't want it anymore. 

All he wanted right now was laying next to Otabek and bury his face in Otabek's chest while Otabek softly caressed his hair, telling Yuri how beautiful he found him. Then, Yuri would tell him that he loved Otabek, that he would never find someone as sweet and handsome as him and then, they would smile at each other because they both knew that they were the only people who deserved each other's smile. 

The sudden flashback made Yuri emotional and it made him realize that he wouldn't be able to speak to Otabek for a long time now. He didn't even know for how long exactly. But even while he was arrested a couple of hours ago, he already missed Otabek so bad. 

But they were still connected. Whatever happened, Yuri would forever be called 'Yuri Plisetsky-Altin' and nobody would ever be able to take that beautiful last name away from him. 

Yuri trembled and buried his face in his hands when he saw his long bangs getting chopped off in front of his eyes. 

Suddenly, another flashback.

Yuri grabbed some of his hair which Otabek loved so much and grabbed a pair of scissors out of the drawer. He lifted the scissors up to his long, blonde hair and closed his eyes before he closed the edges of the scissors and started to cut it off in anger. 

He looked down at his shaking hands and saw the scissors in one of them and his long hair in the other and he immediately felt nothing but regret. He grew it out for such a long time and somehow, it hurt him to do this. But he wanted to forget about Otabek, so he had to do this. 

He didn't want to forget about Otabek this time. He never wanted to forget about Otabek. Yuri loved Otabek and when he saw more strands of his hair falling down, he couldn't help that he started crying. 

He associated this moment with losing Otabek and he didn't want to be reminded of that ever again. 

Yuri wanted to escape this place and he wanted to take revenge on JJ for making Yuri believe that he lost Otabek that one time before. 

There was only one person that Yuri wanted to talk to right now. He wanted to touch that person, hug him and kiss him. And that person was Otabek. 

Yuri was scared for what was going to happen to him. He knew that nobody would accept him here, according to what he saw when he walked inside. All the other guys that were locked up in this place were dangerous and strong and Yuri himself sure was strong, but not strong enough to fight with any of those guys. 

Yuri suddenly looked up when he felt handcuffs around his wrists again and he was told to follow the guard to the hallway. 

Yuri stood up early this morning with the intention to go practice after they talked with the police. It wasn't later than 12 o'clock and the guard brought him to what appeared to be the dining room. 

Everywhere Yuri looked, he saw men in uniform, eating nasty looking meals. 

Yuri felt sick. He felt homesick. He wanted to get away from here right now but he couldn't. 

The guard took off his handcuffs and Yuri sat down on one of the only empty chairs in the room. The other guys looked at him with an angry expression but didn't say a word and continued to eat their meals, giving Yuri an insecure but also angry feeling inside. 

Yuri was still a very short tempered person but he managed to control himself most of the time. He wondered if he would be able to control himself here too but he had to force himself to. If he would act aggressive, the guards would probably think that Yuri actually did abuse JJ and Yuri didn't want anyone to believe that those lies were true. 

Yuri grabbed his fork and began to eat the meal in front of him. It was nasty but he knew he had to finish his meal before he could leave the table. 

"I thought this was a prison for men." One of the guys that sat around the table said and Yuri knew he was talking about him. He acted like he didn't hear him and continued to eat his meal until a hand was slammed on the table, right next to Yuri's plate. 

Yuri's eyes widened and he looked up and the person that just talked to him. 

"Aren't you that figure skater they were talking about on TV today? That abused the other figure skater?" The guy asked and looked into Yuri's eyes. 

"I didn't abuse him. He abused me." Yuri said and looked away from the guys, ready to continue with eating his meal. 

"Hmm...An easy victim." The man said and Yuri started to feel angrier. 

"I am married." He said and slammed his fist against the table and glared at the man. 

"Once you leave this place, your spouse already found someone else. Give up on them, 'cause they will give up on you too." He spoke and Yuri's eyes felt watery again. He didn't want Otabek to find someone else. 

He didn't want to be alone again. Never again.

The rest of the day had been a hell. 

First, Yuri had to go outside for exercises like push-ups and sit-ups, something he often did to warm up before training. But here, he had to go on with it until he was exhausted. 

Even Yuri's trained body couldn't handle all the pain in his muscles and he was happy when they finally brought him to his cell to change into his uniform. 

The walls were grey, the bed was grey with a thin mattress on it and there was only a small window. Inside, it felt as cold as ice. Ice. 

Yuri wanted to know when he would get the chance to talk to a lawyer so he could prove he wasn't guilty. But he didn't know how long he had to wait before they would tell him about that. 

He undressed himself and changed into the uniform when he suddenly realized something. He probably had to shower with the other guys but he didn't want that. 

After the time that JJ raped him, he made a decision. He never wanted anyone else than Otabek to look at his body again because he trusted no one except for Otabek after that day. The thought of having to shower with the others and feeling so homesick made him feel sick. 

He never did anything wrong. Never. 

He was sure about one thing, he would never skate again. At least, he wouldn't try to be qualified for competitions again. He had been on TV because they said he abused JJ and now, the whole sports world and it's fans though that that was the truth. If he would continue with professional skating when he was free again, everyone would hate him. 

They didn't want to see him on the ice anymore and Yuri was aware of that. Skating was his passion but the thing that was the most magical about skating was the applause and the attention of everyone who loved his skating. If he wasn't able to inspire people anymore and if everyone didn't even want to look at him, why would he go on? 

When Yuri changed into his uniform, he waited in the cell for a while until another guard asked him to follow him. Yuri decided just to do whatever the guards or policemen told him to because he didn't want them to even think he was guilty. 

Yuri hoped that he had to sleep now but unfortunately, he had to do something else first. Something he didn't want at all. But maybe, he just had to ignore the nervous feeling. Maybe they wouldn't do anything to him. 

Yuri arrived at the showers and undressed himself. He felt that the others were looking at him and it made him feel insecure. He didn't want them to look at him. This was his body and he didn't want them to look at it. Only Otabek deserved to see it and no one else. 

Yuri felt the water falling down on his body and turned his face to the wall so they were only able to look at his back. The water wasn't warm and it wasn't cold. 

Yuri closed his eyes and brushed some of his hair out of his face. Yuri didn't know why he made such a problem of other people cutting his hair but he thought it was because JJ always wanted to do it. Yuri never agreed with it and now, he always thought of that. And he didn't like that people took something away from him that belonged to him.

Yuri suddenly felt he hand on his shoulder and looked up. He saw a man who was way taller than him, covered with tattoos looking at him. It was the man who told him that Otabek would definitely leave Yuri now he was in prison and Yuri glared back at the man without saying a word. 

"We are happy you came here. It has been a while since we saw such a fragile body you know?" The man said and observed Yuri, making the younger boy uncomfortable. 

"I don't want you to look at me." Yuri tried to say as confident as possible but felt that the man pushed him against the wall. 

"And you are even a figure skater. A ballerina. And you are not even guilty. Beautiful." The man spoke and Yuri wanted to leave but he couldn't. Yuri's heart started beating twice as fast and looked at the man behind him that moved closer to him. 

"I AM MARRIED! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Yuri yelled with fear in his voice but the man didn't do what he said and started to touch Yuri in ways he didn't want. 

Yuri's muscles felt weak after all the exercises and he didn't have the strength to defend himself anymore. 

He touched Yuri's private parts and Yuri wanted to punch him. But he felt too weak.

With every little thing the man did to him, Yuri thought of nothing but that time when JJ did that to him, but this was even worse. 

All the confidence Yuri build up the last months suddenly disappeared and he felt weak. Just as weak as he felt when he arrived at Otabek's house after all those years with JJ. 

For the second time in his life, Yuri hoped a miracle would happen but this time, it didn't happen. 

The man left him in the showers in pain and in tears. 

When Yuri did this with Otabek, he finally experienced how it really worked. He found out it was about love and not about pain. But this was different. It hurt Yuri. 

Yuri's sobs echoed in the now empty room and he tried to stand up from the wet floor. He was so shocked that he didn't even manage to shed tears but just sobbed while his shoulders moved with shocks. 

He changed into his uniform and waited for the guard to bring him back to his cell. He didn't say a word about what happened, too embarrassed and too shocked by the incident. He sure was an easy victim. 

When Yuri arrived in his cell and heard that the guard locked the door, he laid down on the mattress and started sobbing, this time with tears. 

Yuri felt lonely. He missed Otabek and he needed him more than ever now. He wanted to feel Otabek's arms around him to tell him to comfort him. He wanted to hear his voice saying that he didn't deserve this and he wanted to hear his heartbeat. 

Yuri felt so sad that he ended up hugging himself and tried to calm himself down while fragments of the incident of a couple of minutes ago played in his head. His body belonged to him and Otabek and nobody else. 

"Beka... B-Beka I miss you." Yuri whispered to himself and felt his warm tears falling down on the mattress while his lip quivered.

Otabek wanted to free Yuri and he wanted JJ to get arrested instead. He wanted to publish an article or give an interview to tell the world the truth. All he needed for that was publicity and he was famous enough in the skating world to do that. But to get even more publicity, he had to call Victor and Yuuri. They would definitely want to help him when they heard what happened since they knew that Yuri wasn't guilty. 

The skating world was shocked when they heard that Yuri abused someone. They always saw Yuri as the beautiful, young boy who won the Grand-Prix when he was only 15. They saw him as an actual angel and now, that angel abused his boyfriend? 

For all day, Otabek had been crying and worrying about Yuri. He didn't want him to get hurt. When the evening fell, he finally had enough power to call Victor and Yuuri to tell them about his plan. They probabky heard what was going on but they didn't want to call Otabek, scared that he was too sad about what happened. 

Otabek waited until he heard a voice he recognized. 

"It's Otabek. Yuri was arrested for abusing JJ but he didn't even do that. And I need you guys to publish an article for me or at least sign it for me. I need to help him." Otabek spoke and felt more tears rolling down his cheeks when he thought of Yuri. He cared so much about Yuri. 

Otabek hardly ever cried but when something happened to Yuri, he couldn't help but cry. Yuri was his only friend, his boyfriend, his husband and the only person that ever believed in him. 

Before Otabek and Yuri became friends, Otabek only had himself. He had his mother and his sisters but they found him a failure because he wasn't social and he didn't have talent for skating. Otabek fought for his goals and reached them but still, his family didn't support him. 

He grew out to be the Hero of Kazakhstan but the people he really wanted to impress still didn't believe in him. He never knew his father because he died when Otabek was a baby. 

All his grandparents were dead before he was even born and even his teachers didn't have faith in him. 

Otabek was a strong and determined person but everything he ever achieved in his life, he owed to nobody but himself. 

Yuri had respect for Otabek's strength and he was proud of him like nobody ever was before. And now, Otabek lost the only person who ever lover him in his whole life. And that hurt. 

"Of course we will help you write that article! We know that Yurio isn't guilty. All the other Grand-Prix finalists know it so they will al sign it." Yuuri spoke and Otabek felt a little better when he realized that almost all the successful skaters wanted to help him. 

"Thank you. Thank you so much." Otabek said and his voice cracked in the end of his sentence. He bursted out in crying and clicked on the red button of his phone before he threw it against the wall. 

The cat jumped on his lap and seemed to notice how Otabek felt and she seemed to be the only one who could make him feel a little bit better right now.


	14. Home (14)

Every day without Yuri was the worst day ever for Otabek and it seemed like he felt worse after every single day.

Otabek was going to visit Yuri in the prison today after about two weeks. Yuri had to come up before the court in about a week and Otabek had enough evidence to prove that Yuri wasn't guilty. Yuri didn't log out of his social media account and Otabek had access to his messages.

He didn't want to read Yuri's messages because he respected his privacy but he had to find the messages he sent to JJ's ex girlfriend. She told him a lot about what JJ did to her and if he showed that information to the judges, they would see that Yuri wasn't the only one that was abused by JJ.

Otabek read that she still loved JJ and that she didn't want Yuri to tell anyone about what he did to her but since this was the only way to free Yuri, he had to.

Some of the girls Yuri invited to the wedding took pictures of JJ when he tried tried to drown Yuri and they recorded a video of when he ran away after he set the building on fire.

Otabek also got help from many other figure skaters. Victor and Yuuri were by far the most famous skaters out there and they published the article that Otabek asked them to publish last week. They explained everything to the world and made everyone believe that Yuri did nothing wrong and that JJ was the only one who should be in jail.

The magazines and sites that published the lies about Yuri apologized but nothing could ever heal the wounds that Yuri got in jail.

Otabek was scared of what they did to Yuri and he didn't want him to be hurt.

Otabek took some pictures and other personal stuff with him and closed the door behind him.

He drove on his motorcycle and noticed that he wasn't as focused on the road as normally. He knew that they would let Yuri go next week but he didn't know what happened to him in jail and he was so scared that they did something to Yuri he didn't want.

Yuri used to be so confident years ago. He changed during those years together with JJ and Otabek managed to give him a little bit of his confidence back and he didn't want Yuri to lose it again.

He finally had the strength to skate and perform again. He was finally able to show the world the real Yuri again and it also seemed like he cried less last year and felt happier. It seemed like he slowly turned into the Yuri Otabek knew again.

Otabek parked his motorcycle and walked inside. He waited until a guard told him where he had to go.

They brought him to a room filled with windows and telephones.

Otabek sat down in the chair and waited for Yuri to take place on the chair on the other side of the window.

Otabek was scared and felt his heart pounding in his chest. He loved Yuri with all his heart and he would never allow anyone to hurt him.

Otabek looked up and saw Yuri walking his way with handcuffs and a guard by his side. Tears welled up in Otabek's eyes when he saw Yuri. He looked bad.

His eyes were red and he looked skinny. His beautiful hair was cut off choppily and he looked more sad than ever. He didn't even look like the Yuri he used to know anymore. All thanks to JJ.

The guard took off Yuri's handcuffs and Yuri sat down in another chair, looking at Otabek for the first time in two weeks.

Yuri placed his hand on the glass and Otabek did the same. It hurt them both not to be able to touch each other while they knew that Yuri didn't even do anything at all.

They both reached for the telephone next to them and Otabek fell apart when he heard Yuri's voice.

When he saw him, five years ago, dancing on the ice so beautifully, he never thought that he would have to see him like this one day.

"I miss you Yura. I fucking miss you!" Otabek cried as he looked into Yuri's eyes and tears dripped down his face. Yuri's eyes didn't glow anymore and the green color was less bright than normally.

"I can't help it. I miss you too but I just can't help it. And I didn't even do something!" Yuri spoke with a cracked voice and he felt nothing but the urge to break the glass in front of him and hug Otabek tightly. But he knew that it was impossible.

"You will be free again next week. And I will never let you go again." Otabek spoke and looked deeply into his husband's eyes. His strong soldier eyes didn't look strong anymore.

The beautiful sun of golden and green that Otabek loved so much stopped shining and it hurt Otabek to look at him.

He wanted to help Yuri and make him feel better again but as long as he was locked up here, he couldn't do that.

"We only have 15 minutes. How are they treating you here?" Otabek asked and Yuri wasn't sure if he had to tell Otabek the truth. If he did, Otabek would be worried about him but if he didn't tell him the truth, he had to live with that secret for another week and he just wanted someone to know about it.

Yuri bit on his lip and looked down and his hands. "They raped me Beka... They raped me in the showers." Yuri said and he dropped the telephone and bursted out in tears.

Otabek's heart stopped beating for a moment and his sadness suddenly turned into rage. This was exactly what he had been so scared of last weeks and he was burning inside.

Nobody had the right to touch his Yura and he was determined to find the person who did that to him.

Yuri picked the telephone back up and Otabek heard him sobbing quietly.

"Shh... Yura. I can't even describe how I feel right now. I am so angry. I-I want you to go home with me right now. I wanna cuddle with you and I wanna love you but I can't and I am so sorry for that. I love you and I don't want anyone to touch you." Otabek spoke and placed his hand on the window once again and Yuri did the same.

They tried to feel their love though the glass and even while they couldn't feel each other physically, they felt connected mentally.

They talked for some time and before they knew it, Otabek had to leave because the time was up, making Yuri feel homesick again immediately. Otabek gave Yuri one last heartwarming smile before he left and the guard handcuffed Yuri and brought him back to his cell.

When he looked at his bed, he saw some things that he didn't see before. Yuri's eyes started to feel teary and he smiled. Those were all the pictures he ever took with Otabek, from five years ago but also from last year.

They took him back to all the happy moments in his life. It took him back to their happiest moments as friends and as boyfriends and Yuri knew that there would be a lot of beautiful moments together as husbands in the future too.

Their wedding may wasn't like they wanted it to be but they were both sure that their life together would be amazing. Next week, JJ would be gone forever.

Yuri placed the pictures under his pillow when he looked at them and when he lifted his pillow up, he saw something that looked familiar to him. It was a jacket, blue, white and yellow.

Otabek's Kazakhstan jacket.

Next to it laid a letter, written in Otabek's beautiful, neat handwriting.

Dear Yura,  
All those years, I missed you. And now, I miss you again. I only had some things that reminded me of you. Our pictures together, our memories but also your Russia jacket that you found in my wardrobe last year. You forgot it once after your training and after that day, you disappeared and I never had he chance to give it back to you again. I was so in love with you, so when I missed you, I just grabbed your jacket and hugged with it. It looked like you and it smelled like you. So if you ever feel lonely because I am not there with you, just do the same with my jacket as I did with yours.   
I love you, with all my heart.  
Xxx Beka.

Yuri laid down and grabbed his blanket and Otabek's jacket. It smelled like Otabek and it made him feel safer.

He was still scared of the other guys in the prison but he knew that Otabek wanted to take revenge on them.

Yuri didn't want Otabek to he hurt and he didn't want him to fight with them before they would arrest him but Otabek wasn't the type of person to start a fight.

The orange light of a sunset shined through the small window of Yuri's cell which made the plain walls the color of the walls of Otabek's apartment.

Yuri buried his face in Otabek's jacket and the scent and the color of the walls made him feel like he was home.

 

 

\- several weeks later -

 

"Beka!" Yuri yelled and ran towards his boyfriend that stood outside, waiting for Yuri to walk out of the courthouse.

Otabek opened his arms and Yuri jumped into his arms. Otabek spun Yuri around and started shedding tears of joy because he finally felt Yuri's touch again.

"Yura...Ya tak skuchal po tebe, moya lyubov'." Otabek whispered into Yuri's ear and Yuri placed his lips on his.

They didn't care about all the people and reporters around them making pictures and recording videos. They didn't even notice them, so happy to finally be together again.

"Nikogda ne pokiday menya, Otabek." Yuri spoke and enjoyed the feeling of Otabek's strong arms holding him as he buried his face in Otabek's neck and started crying silently.

Yuri didn't even know what to feel exactly. He was so happy he was together with Otabek again but he was also shattered inside by the rapings and harassments in jail.

Yuri lifted his face up from his husband's neck and looked into his eyes while Yuri moved his hand closer to Otabek's face and carefully wiped his tears away while his own kept rolling down his cheeks.

"I will never leave you Yura. I promise." Otabek said and pulled Yuri into another hug, holding him tightly.

JJ was sentenced to 10 years in jail for abusing Yuri and his ex girlfriend. Otabek found Yuri's messages that he sent to JJ's ex because he didn't log out of his account.

The articles of Victor and Yuri were also evidence that Yuri didn't commit the crime and today, Yuri was cleared and free to leave prison. Otabek brought them both home on his motorcycle and felt that Yuri held him very tightly.

Yuri didn't want to leave Otabek ever again because these weeks had been the worst weeks of his life. As a kid, he never missed friends in his life and he didn't even realize that he was so lonely but now he had Otabek, he couldn't imagine losing him ever again.

-

Yuri stood in the showers again, naked, when he saw the man walking his way.

"Dance for me." The man whispered and Yuri bit on his lip.

"No." He answered but the guy immediately pushed him against the wall, grabbed Yuri's hair and stared into his eyes.

"Do what I say." He hissed and it reminded Yuri of how JJ used to talk to him, staring into his eyes like that. Yuri closed his eyes and imagined he stood in the ballet studio instead of here. If he just did what the man said, he maybe didn't do anything to him.

Yuri danced until the man harshly interrupted his actions.

"Stop with this crap. I want you to lift your leg." He spoke and Yuri shook his his head.

"I won't do anything like that." Yuri said as the man came closer to him again.

"If you don't, you won't see that boyfriend of yours again after he visits you next week." He said and moved his hand to Yuri's hair again and held it so he couldn't look away from him.

"What's his name?" The man asked quietly.

"I won't ever tell you his name." Yuri hissed at the man and felt his heart pounding in his chest. He had been scared in the showers every day and he was scared it was going to happen again.

"If you don't tell me his name, some real bad things are going to happen to you. Worse than last time. But if you just dance for me the way I want you to and tell me his name, I'll never hurt your boyfriend or you." The man spoke.

"His name is Otabek. And now let me go!" Yuri yelled and pushed the man away from him and he let Yuri go.

"Now lift your leg for me." The man told Yuri and he waited for a couple of seconds. When he was free again, he would never hear of this man again and if he didn't do it, he would hurt Otabek. Yuri lifted his leg up a little but didn't lift it so high that the man could clearly see the parts of Yuri's body he didn't want him to see.

"I know you can lift it higher. I saw it on TV." The guy said and Yuri lifted his leg up until he couldn't get it any higher.

Yuri could have known that the man was lying when he said he wouldn't touch Yuri if he did what he said but at least, he wouldn't do anything to Otabek and for Yuri, that was the only thing that mattered.

Yuri screamed on top of his lungs in pain but nobody helped him. Most of the guys just looked at what happened to him and just walked away or kept watching them and even the guards didn't seem to care.

This was the last thing that Yuri needed to be sure that he would never do anything related to skating again.

Yuri's eyes widened as he woke up and realized where he was. He was laying next to Otabek, at home, safe.

"Yura are you okay?" Otabek asked and Yuri realized where he was. Yuri shook his head and grabbed Otabek's shirt. Before he knew it, he stared crying his eyes out.

Yuri didn't know why he still cried so easily. He never cried before he met JJ but It was over a year ago since JJ and Yuri divorced and JJ was in prison now. Yuri finally stopped writing JJ's chapter in the book of his life and he was ready for his new life together with Otabek. A happy life.

Yuri felt Otabek's arm around him and felt his hand on the back of his head, softly caressing him.

"Beka... I had a nightmare. I never w-want to skate again. And I never want to have sex again." Yuri sobbed and Otabek held him tighter.

"Yuri, for the last time, we don't need to have sex if you don't want that. But you can't stop skating. Everyone knows that you didn't abuse JJ and-" Otabek said but Yuri interrupted him because he noticed that Otabek didn't understand what he was talking about.

"He... He raped me again. That guy in jail. And he forced me to stand in skating positions and I am scared that I can only associate those moves with that now. And those times we did... Sexual things... I liked it. Because I love you. But he hurt me. Worse than JJ hurt me. But I don't want you to take revenge or him or anything. I don't want you to get hurt." Yuri said and Otabek grabbed both of his hands.

"The only thing that you can do is try to forget about this and just go on like it never happened. And I know that's hard but you can't stop skating because of this. You are so talented." Otabek quietly said and Yuri heard a sound of hopelessness in his voice.

"I... I don't know." Yuri answered and Otabek held his hands a little bit tighter.

"Do it for me Yura." Otabek said and Yuri placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"I'll think about it." He answered, laid down again and felt Otabek's arms around his waist pulling him close while he tried to keep his beloved boyfriend warm and safe.

"Sleep well kitten." Otabek whispered softly.

Yuri didn't know where he was. He couldn't move himself and saw Yuuri walking his way.

"You ruined my life Yurio." He said and sat down on his knees next to Yuri.

"You were the reason of my anxieties back then. You made me feel insecure about my body. You called me fat. You kicked me several times. You told Victor our engagement rings were worthless. And now, after I've been your coach for months, you set my house on fire." Yuuri spoke and he didn't sound like himself.

"I already apologized for that. I'm not like that anymore. You know that. And I didn't set your house on fire. JJ did." Yuri spoke and looked into Yuuri's eyes, trying to tell him that he spoke the truth.

"You are a bad person. Look at me now. I won so many competitions. I am the world champion. I am so successful. And you are not. And my body looks so good now, compared to yours. It looks like you didn't eat in weeks." Yuuri spoke softly and kicked Yuri in his stomach, making the younger boy scream in pain.

"That hurts doesn't it? But you deserve it. And you don't deserve my help as your coach anymore." Yuuri said and turned around.

Yuri woke up again with a gasp and Otabek also woke up. Compared to the previous nightmare, this one never happened.

"Another nightmare?" He asked and looked at Yuri who had an extremely sad but also guilty look on his face.

"Do you think I ruined Yuuri's life? Do you think I ruined people's lives?" Yuri asked and felt that his lip started to quiver. Not even because he felt so sad but more because he was so angry with himself for hurting Yuuri, his amazing coach like that years ago.

Yeah, Yuri didn't know how to control himself back then and he may acted like a complete bitch but it had never been his intention to hurt Yuuri so bad. He wanted him to realize that he was stronger but he didn't want to ruin his life in any way.

"Of course you didn't. You weren't that friendly back then but what else can you expect from a 15 year old that trains so hard and never had any friends?" Otabek spoke and Yuri hugged him. Yuri's touch made Otabek feel so good after all those weeks of being alone, crying at night because he missed Yuri so bad.

"I am sorry for waking you up every time." Yuri said and laid on his back, looking at the fake stars on the ceiling. He missed those a lot last weeks.

"It doesn't matter. I am already happy that you are here with me again." Otabek said but Yuri still felt bad. He realized what a bad person he used to be and he felt so guilty for that.

"How can you love me? I just don't understand it. I don't know why you wanted to be my friend. I was so mean." Yuri said and Otabek turned his side.

"Years ago, there was a young boy. That boy was shy, insecure and introvert. He had one passion but everyone always told him that he would never be able to reach his goals, even while the boy believed in himself somewhere deep inside his heart.

He met another boy and when he saw him, his heart that never felt anything for someone felt like it was set on fire. That other boy was beautiful and the way he danced was just as beautiful.

About one year later, the boy found out about his name. He followed him and at one point, the other boy won an important prize. He was such a determined person and he was the biggest inspiration of the somewhat shy boy that had so much respect for him.

He watched each of his competitions, cheered for him and felt so happy when he won the competitions.

One day, he finally had the chance to meet the boy in person again because he had a to compete against him. He saw his chance and asked the boy if he wanted to become his friend, and he said yes.

They became best friends and started to love each other with all their heart. The other boy changed since they became friends, maybe because the loneliness he felt inside was gone. And the boy himself was also happier and still so in love.

But he was scared to ruin their friendship by telling him his feelings. And then, he got another boyfriend.

The boy's heart shattered in pieces and it felt like nothing could ever repair his heart again. It felt like he lost the boy he loved since he was a kid.

But now, I am laying next to you Yuri. And I still love you so much. You never ruined anyone's life. But you made mine complete."

 

 

 


	15. Videos (15)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I just love fluff and angst okay? :p

After a whole night of staying awake after he woke up twice because of nightmares, Yuri couldn't stay in bed anymore. Even though he didn't have much sleep, he didn't feel tired at all.

When he stood up, he walked downstairs to brush his teeth in the bathroom and he looked in the mirror. Yuri let out a loud gasp when he saw is own reflection. He didn't have the chance to look at himself in prison because there weren't any mirrors.

His hair looked uneven and it even missed a chunk on the left side. The worst part of it were the awful looking bangs.

Yuri stared at himself while his heart pounded in his chest. He told that guard he didn't want it and now, he looked like this.

"Yura? Is something wrong?" Otabek asked when he also walked into the bathroom and saw Yuri looking at himself with an angry expression.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Yuri asked and grabbed a crunk of his hair to explain Otabek what he was talking about.

"I... Thought..." Otabek tried to say but he actually didn't really know the reason why. He probably didn't tell him anything because he didn't want Yuri to feel bad about the way he looked but he knew he had to find it out soon.

"Do you want me to cut it for you?" Otabek asked and even while Yuri trusted him, something in him didn't want it. He knew he looked awful but when someone wanted to cut his hair, he always got so scared.

He didn't know why because it wasn't even something scary but it was probably the fact that someone took away something that belonged to him.

He didn't like it since he was a kid and when he was 15, he decided he didn't want to cut his hair anymore. He remembered how he always screamed and said rude things when he had to get his hair cut when he was still with the Russian team in Saint-Petersburg.

That one time he did it himself he was raging and doing that to himself was a good way to start over. He thought that may helped him to get over his fear but it only made it worse.

"Yeah..." Yuri answered and started brushing his teeth while he moved his face away from the mirror. He didn't want to look at his hair anymore.

He walked upstairs and saw that Otabek was waiting for him.

"Your face looks pale. Are you feeling okay?" Otabek asked and Yuri nervously looked at his hands and decided he would just tell Otabek what bothered him, even while it was so dumb.

"I just hate getting my hair cut, okay? Do you know how bad I felt when they said that long hair wasn't allowed in jail?" Yuri said and tried not to sound nervous.

"But you can't leave it like this..." Otabek answered and Yuri knew that.

Yuri shrugged. "You can do it. But don't cut it too short. And Beka... Can I cut your hair when you are done?" Yuri asked quietly and looked at Otabek's undercut that grew out last weeks.

"Yeah. Sure." He answered as he walked to the desk and dragged the chair to the mirror.

"We are just going to do it in front of the mirror so you can see what I am doing. And sometimes, change is good remember?" Otabek said and Yuri gave him a nervous but thankful smile.

Yuri sat down and looked at himself in the mirror and realized Otabek was right, he couldn't leave it like this.

Yuri felt angry because it used to look so good before when it was still shoulder length. He didn't even have to go to jail because he wasn't even guilty. All those things wouldn't have happened if that twat didn't spread those lies about him, but JJ was gone and it was time to forget about him.

Otabek also didn't like to do this since he loved Yuri's hair so much but it looked horrible now.

Otabek placed a towel over Yuri's shoulders and gave him a soft kiss on his cheek.

"I find it cute that you are so scared of this." Otabek said and Yuri let out an annoyed sound.

"It's not cute." He answered but he noticed he couldn't be angry with Otabek. He had been happy and sad with Otabek but Yuri never was angry with Otabek in his whole life because just being together with him made Yuri feel calmer.

Otabek was able to read Yuri's body language and always knew exactly what to do when he didn't feel well.

"Did you even do this before?" Yuri asked and Otabek nodded as an answer.

"I'm just going to make it the same length." Otabek spoke and grabbed a pair of scissors which he brought up to Yuri's hair and looked at his boyfriend in the mirror. He knew Yuri didn't want it but he had to cut it shorter. He watched the shears move their way trough Yuri's golden locks with shame but he knew that it would look better once he was done.

Otabek was careful and did nothing that Yuri didn't want to make sure that he would get over this thing.

"You are amazing Otabek." Yuri suddenly said and Otabek continued with what he was doing while he smiled a little. After a while, he was done and Yuri noticed he didn't really find this a problem when Otabek did it for him.

"You are beautiful Yuri. You are always beautiful." Otabek said while Yuri looked up and Otabek knew what he wanted him to do. He placed his hands on his husband's cheeks and moved his lips closer to Yuri's until they lost themselves into a kiss.

"Don't forget what you just promised me." Yuri said when he stood up and reached for Otabek's hands while he gave him another kiss.

"Yeah. You can cut mine now." Otabek answered as Yuri walked downstairs to the bathroom. Otabek sat down in the chair this time and waited for Yuri to come back from the bathroom with an electric razor.

"Which guard do I have to use?" Yuri asked as he looked at Otabek who was now also kinda nervous because he knew that Yuri never did this before.

"Two. And please don't screw it." Otabek answered and Yuri turned on the razor.

"I won't screw it. It can't be that hard." Yuri spoke as he placed the clippers on the back of Otabek's head and slowly moved them until he reached the hair that he didn't want to shave.

"Can you tilt your head a little?" Yuri asked and Otabek did what he asked him to, fully trusting Yuri that he wouldn't ruin his hair. Otabek liked the way it felt when Yuri did this, feeling his hands against his scalp as he concentrated on his work. Yuri turned off the razor and Otabek was able to look in the mirror.

"You should do this more often. It looks good." Otabek said and this time, he looked up and looked at Yuri, waiting for him to kiss him. Instead of that, Yuri grabbed Otabek's hand, threw the towel on the ground while he pulled him out of the chair and pushed him on the bed.

They laced their fingers together as Yuri slowly moved his lips closer to Otabek's and touched his upper lip with his lower lip. He pressed their lips together and a feeling rushed through Otabek's body. It felt like when they were a couple for only a couple of days and were so in love with each other. Now they didn't see each other for such a long time, they both missed the way their kisses felt and now, they felt better than ever.

"I'm going to forget about the past Beka. This is a new start. The old me is dead. And I am going to continue with skating." Yuri said when he broke their kiss and immediately continued kissing Otabek when he finished his sentence.

"Good. And Yuuri still wants to be your coach. He knows that what happened at the wedding wasn't out fault." Otabek spoke and looked into Yuri's eyes that looked like they did before again. They were bright green and shined again.

Yuri could have never imagined that he would feel so bad if he wasn't together with someone for a couple of weeks. Yuri realized how important Otabek was to him and he knew there was no way that they would ever leave each other's side, knowing there wasn't a more perfect match out there for them. "

I love you." Otabek said and tightly embraced his husband who felt exactly the same.

It was amazing to finally have the chance to love each other.

-

"I'm so proud of you." Otabek said as Yuri removed his skate protecters and slowly skated to the center of the ice with Otabek by his side.

"Just forget about what happened. It's not worth it to keep thinking about that. And there's no way that you have to compete against JJ anymore." Otabek continued and reached for Yuri's hand.

"Are you going with me to Russia next week? I want to start training with Yuuri for the next season." Yuri asked and Otabek nodded and grabbed Yuri's other hand while he softly kissed Yuri on his lips.

"Of course I am going with you. I promised that I would never leave you alone." Otabek said and Yuri smiled at him while he started to skate. After a while, Yuri's good mood disappeared like snow on a warm spring day.

"I don't have any inspiration for my new program. I'm going to screw it all up." He spoke annoyed but Otabek tried to cheer him up.

"You still have that other program concept from last season right? Why don't you skate that one?" Otabek tried to say but Yuri didn't listen to him.

"That one sucked. It didn't have anything surprising. I'm going to call Yuuri." He said and skated away to get his phone.

"HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO WIN A COMPETITION IF I DON'T EVEN HAVE INSPIRATION?" Yuri yelled at Yuuri over the telephone as he started to become very angry.

"Someone else can choreograph your program if you want that. I can do it for you and maybe Victor wants to do it." Yuuri offered but Yuri found it weak to let someone else do that for him since he could also do it himself but he was totally out of inspiration. He hung up and threw his phone on the ice. It was one big mystery how it was possible that Yuri's phone screen never broke because he threw it on the ground or against the wall for so many times.

"I CAN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING BECAUSE I AM SCARED OF EVERYTHING AND I AM OUT OF IDEAS! I AM A WEAK PIECE OF SHIT!" Yuri yelled and dropped on his knees, his whole body trembling in anger.

"You are not! You have good reasons to be scared of all those things and you just need to learn how to get over these fears! It's all gonna be fine okay?" Otabek said but Yuri didn't listen and looked up.

"YOU DON'T KNOW HOW I FEEL SO MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS! YOU WERE NEVER RAPED OF HURT LIKE THIS!" Yuri screamed and Otabek bit on his lip when he started to become angry too. Yuri didn't know what happened in his life and saying this really hurt Otabek.

"I was Yuri. I was." Otabek said and tried to keep himself under control like he always did and walked towards the door of the skating rink.

"If you want me to take you home you need to follow me. Otherwise you just walk home by yourself." Otabek angrily spoke and continued to walk outside with a weird feeling in his stomach, something that felt like guilt but also like anger. Yuri decided to follow Otabek because it was probably going to rain today and his clothes getting wet was the least thing he wanted to happen on such an awful day like this.

When Yuri and Otabek arrived at the apartment again, they were both annoyed and tried not to talk to each other because they knew that every singke word could lead to a discussion right now. When Otabek had to ask something at one point, their fight continued as expected. In Canada, someone was listening to what was happening to the fight using Yuri's phone.

Otabek and Yuri both didn't know what JJ did before he had to come up before the court. JJ told Isabella that she had to do something for him, making the girl extremely happy because the man of her dreams finally contacted her again. JJ knew exactly what he wanted to do to shatter Yuri's heart in pieces and this time, he was sure that this plan would work out the way he wanted it to work out.

When JJ and Yuri were still together, the older man installed spyware on his phone so he was able to follow him, look at him and listen to him whenever he wanted to. Now he was in jail, he needed someone who wanted to continue with his work and JJ knew that Isabella never stopped loving JJ, so brainwashed by JJ's narcissistic and forceful actions that she would be never able to do something else. Now she heard that Yuri was fighting with Otabek and clearly felt worse than normally, she knew this was the perfect moment to do what she was told to do.

Yuri walked upstairs so he didn't have to be around Otabek anymore and shut the door. He grabbed his phone and Yuri received a message of an unknown number, based in Canada. Yuri waited for a couple of seconds when he saw the message was from JJ's country but he knew it couldn't be JJ because he didn't have his phone with him in jail.

Yuri clicked on the number, assuming it was another ad from some random store because he always gave him number to get discount but he was shocked when he saw what the person actually sent him.

Erotic pictures of Otabek and JJ popped up on Yuri's screen and the blonde's hands started to shake. Yuri and Otabek may had a fight now but looking at this broke Yuri's heart. His Otabek was having sex with the guy that abused him all those years.

Yuri scrolled through all the pictures and stared to feel dizzy. Suddenly, his eyes were filled with tears that slowly started to roll down his face when he saw that a video started playing. It was a video of JJ and Otabek having sex. They both looked younger and it seemed like this video was made around 2 years ago.

It was finally clear for Yuri why JJ always let him stay in the hotel during competitions and forced Yuri not to leave the hotel.

Otabek was a traitor. He always told Yuri he never had sex before and that Yuri was his first one, making Yuri feel quite special. He said he loved Yuri and it felt like Otabek was the only person he could fully trust. They had been so close for such a long time and now, it all turned out to be a lie.

Otabek never loved Yuri and it was probably all a plan of JJ to hurt Yuri more than ever again. What if Otabek didn't even want to be his friend back in the days but just asked it because JJ told him to? Otabek and JJ were a team and they were both against Yuri, and nothing could hurt Yuri more in his whole life than losing Otabek in a way like this.

JJ hurt every part of him, both mentally and physically and Otabek seemed to be the only person who could help Yuri to cure his wounds but now, that turned out to be a lie. Otabek never loved him and Yuri's chest hurt.

Yuri turned off his phone and opened Otabek's wardrobe. He searched for his Russia jacket and Otabek's Kazakhstan jacket and grabbed the scissors out of the drawer of the wardrobe.

When Yuri disappeared years ago, this was all Otabek had left that still reminded him of Yuri and Yuri didn't want him to be remembered of him. Otabek didn't deserve to he reminded of him.

Yuri grit his teeth as tears streamed down his cheeks and his breathing was heavy. Yuri grabbed his jacket and slit the scissors through the fabric of the sleeves. He aggressively cut through the fabric until it laid in front of him, in pieces. He did exactly the same to Otabek's jacket and threw the scissors next to it on the ground.

Yuri heard that Otabek was coming up the stairs but he ignored it. Yuri opened the drawer once again and grabbed all the pictures they took together and ripped them apart, trying to destroy every little thing that Otabek could associate with them being together.

"I'm sorry for acting like that. I understa-. Yura..?"Otabek began as he looked at the mess in front of his crying boyfriend and looked into his eyes.

"It was only discussion... Why did you do this?" Otabek spoke with a clear sound of sadness in his voice and looked at Yuri who stared at him with burning eyes.

"Look at it yourself you nasty asshole." Yuri said raging as he pushed his phone into Otabek's hand while Yuri ran downstairs, on his way to leave the apartment. When Otabek saw the video, his eyes widened and he dropped the phone. He just stared at the wall for a couple of seconds before he really realized what he just saw.

This wasn't what Yuri thought it was. Not at all.

Yuri grabbed his backpack, some money and a small screwdriver and left the house. Before he ran away, he grabbed the screwdriver, walked to Otabek's beloved motorcycle and scratched the words 'asshole', 'traitor' and 'die' on it.

Yuri ran down the street while he bursted out in tears, not caring about the people looking at him like he was crazy because they didn't saw a hysterical, crying boy on the street every day.

Otabek had to go after Yuri to tell him what really happened when the video was made before he did something to himself. Otabek knew that when JJ recorded that, he was going to do something bad with it one day.

Yuri ran until he arrived at a dark, small ally somewhere in the city. He sat down against the wall while the rain fell down on him and the raindrops dripped down his hair on his face.

Otabek had sex with JJ. Yuri wasn't first love. Every little thing Otabek told him wasn't true and Yuri almost couldn't believe it. He trusted Otabek with all his heart and being so hurt by that certain someone ripped him apart.

He saw that a cat, who clearly felt how Yuri felt, came closer to him and smiled a little.

"Psst... Come here girl. Y-you do love me r-right?" Yuri whispered and the cat purred when Yuri petted her but when he thought of Otabek again, his smile disappeared and he continued to cry.

Otabek searched everywhere but he couldn't find Yuri, making him extremely worried. He ran back to the apartment to get the motorcycle when he saw the words scratched on it.

His jaw dropped and his heart started pounding in his chest. Yuri really thought thay Otabek had sex with JJ because he wanted to and he didn't know it was against his will. If people saw him driving now, they probably thought he really did something wrong but he didn't care at all because he would do anything to find Yuri back and tell him what really happened that one night, about 2 years ago.

After a while, Yuri heard the sound of a motorcycle and knew Otabek found him.

"GET AWAY FROM ME YOU PIECE OF SHIT!" Yuri screamed and he was about to cry again.

"Yura, it's not what you're thinking. It really isn't! And I can explain what really happened." Otabek spoke and kneeled down next to Yuri who let out sobbing sounds and still cried his eyes out.

"One time, I had a competition and I had to compete against JJ. I had the highest score after the semifinals and of course, JJ couldn't accept that I was probably going to steal his victory so he came to my hotel room at night... And... He raped me." Otabek said as he felt the pain inside his heart and felt tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I just wasn't able to push him off me and he... He just did that to me, just like he did to you. I never told you this because I didn't want to bother you with anything related to this because I knew he did the same to you and I didn't want you to think about that ever again. I love you so much Yuri. And I am sorry I lied to you about being my first one but I didn't want to let this count. But everything I told you about you being my first love and my first kiss was true. I-I am so f-fucking s-sorry." Otabek spoke and he fell apart. Yuri heard his long sobs and his uncontrolled breathing and he hugged his husband who he loved so much tightly. Yuri pulled Otabek as close as possible while they cried in each other's arms.

"I am so sorry Beka..." Yuri whispered through his sobs and softly kissed Otabek's neck. "And I am so sorry for the pictures, and the jackets, and your motorcycle. I was just so shocked and hurt. I am so sorry." Yuri continued as he felt Otabek's hand on the back of his hand, slowly moving his fingers through Yuri's wet hair.

"It doesn't matter. It really doesn't." Otabek spoke and they sat in the ally for some more minutes until they returned to their apartment, both totally broken by everything they found out today.

 


	16. Yura (16)

After that day, Otabek and Yuri tried to act like nothing ever happened but that was harder for them than it seemed. A weird kind of distance was created between the two, even while they knew that they both didn't do anything wrong.

It seemed like what happened made them realize even more how important they were to each other and that they both had the same destiny but they also felt ashamed. Otabek for the fact that he never told Yuri the truth about him being raped by JJ and Yuri for the fact that he ran away from Otabek and made him feel so bad while he actually did nothing wrong.

Whenever Yuri looked at his boyfriend when he woke up, his dark eyes closed and looking so beautiful, Yuri just felt nothing but the urge to kiss him but for no reason, he felt like he didn't deserve him.

If he just told him the truth back then, this all wouldn't have happened.

Since that day, when Yuri realized he hurt Otabek, he also realized how bad he hurt all those other people in his life. He regretted acting like that but he knew he couldn't change what happened in the past.

He was 21 now and he really changed but still, after all those years, he was sure most people didn't know that.

When Yuri found out that Otabek had sex with JJ, his heart was broken. He tried not to show it to Otabek because he didn't want him to feel bad. After all, it wasn't Otabek's fault.

Otabek had always been there for him and this little thing shouldn't change everything for them.

The whole situation was confusing for both of them and sometimes, when Otabek was still sleeping, Yuri easily walked to the bathroom and locked himself up, sobbing quietly until he heard that Otabek was walking downstairs. Who thought that he, Yuri Plisetsky, would be crying because he hurt someone one day?

When he heard Otabek's footsteps, he quickly washed his face to make sure that Otabek wouldn't notice he cried and acted like he felt okay.

Yuri didn't know that Otabek did the exact same thing once he noticed that Yuri was downstairs, until he caught Otabek crying, one time. He saw Otabek cry only 2 times before and he found it hard to see him crying.

Otabek was the only person who ever cared about him the way he wanted someone to care about him.

"Beka..? Are you crying?" Yuri asked softly and Otabek turned his side, looking right into Yuri's eyes. Oh, he loved those eyes so much.

Yuri saw that Otabek's eyes were filled with tears and saw trials of the tears he just shed on his face.

"Yes... But it's not important..." Otabek spoke and he looked away from Yuri, being ashamed he caught him crying.

"What's the matter? If you cry, something is definitely wrong." Yuri answered and sat down on the bed and brought his hand closer to Otabek's face as softly wiped away the tears stained on his cheek. He tried to do it as carefully as possible because he wanted to show everyone he wasn't harsh and mean in any way anymore, even while he realized that Otabek already knew that.

"Yura... After what happened, I am just scared to lose you okay? I don't know what else he is going to do and I am just scared that you will leave me at one point." Otabek spoke with a clear sound of sadness in his voice, making his voice sound more hoarse than normally.

"Since I met you, I knew you were the one for me. Listen to me Beka. I didn't even want anyone to touch me but I let you rip off my fucking glove with your mouth when I only knew you for a couple of days. I trusted you from the beginning and I still do. I am sure that you will never leave me so I will never leave you too okay?" Yuri said and reached for Otabek's hand.

"Never." He continued and Otabek looked into his husband's eyes.

It was true what he said but you never knew what JJ was going to do in the future. That man was a psycho.

"Yura... He's crazy. He'll do anything to rip us apart." Otabek said as Yuri got an idea. A very reckless idea but he didn't care because he thought it would work out.

He stood up and pulled Otabek with him towards the doorway and grabbed some money and his keys before he opened the door, leading Otabek outside while the older boy had no idea what was going on.

"Yura, where are we going?" Otabek asked as Yuri gave him the key of his motorcycle.

"Just drive us to the mall. You'll find it out soon." Yuri spoke and thought about what he wanted to do.

"Then at least let me dress myself up first..." Otabek mumbled as he walked back to the door.

 

  
Before he knew it, Otabek stood in front of a tattoo shop with Yuri by his side. Otabek's eyes widened when he realized what Yuri wanted to do.

"You want me to get a tattoo..?" Otabek asked quietly and kinda shocked as Yuri nodded and placed his hand on the doorknob.

"Both of us. Because I will never leave you." Yuri said but Otabek noticed he was getting nervous. Very nervous.

"Yura... Isn't this a little reckless? You didn't even think this through. And you can never remove it again..." Otabek spoke and Yuri was surprised by the fact that Otabek, who wasn't scared of anything was so scared of getting a tattoo.

"You can never remove it again, but are you about to leave me again then?" Yuri asked and Otabek shook his head.

"Let's go for it then." Yuri said and didn't think about it any longer.

He opened the door of the tattoo shop and pulled Otabek inside.

When they walked inside, they immediately heard the sharp sound of the electric needles which made Otabek even more nervous than he already was. Otabek didn't like changes, just like Yuri but Yuri was sure this wasn't something he was going to regret.

"We want a tattoo." Yuri confidently spoke and looked up to the girl behind the desk. She raised her eyebrow as she saw who stood in front of her because she wasn't sure if a tattoo would fit those angelic skating outfits Yuri often wore during competitions.

"Does one of you already have a tattoo or is this your first time?" The girl asked because that was the first question she always had to ask but she could actually answer that question for Yuri herself. She wasn't sure about Otabek.

"Both our first time." Yuri answered and grabbed Otabek's hand to comfort him a little.

"Yuri, we are going to regret this."

"We are not. Believe me."

"But-"

You said it yourself. Sometimes, change is good. And if we do this, we are connected forever." Yuri said and the girl told them to follow her.

If Yuri had an idea in mind, nothing could make him change it.

Otabek thought about Yuri's idea and thought of a reason why he wouldn't do it. Yes, once that needle touched your skin, there was no going back but Yuri was right. It was the perfect way for them to be connected forever and maybe, the only thing that really scared Otabek was the pain he had to go through. But he would do anything to make Yuri happy and actually, he liked the way tattoos looked.

"First, what would you guys like as a tattoo? Do you have an idea in mind?" The girl asked.

"Can you give me a piece of paper and a pen?" Yuri asked and the girl walked away to get the pen and a notebook.

Yuri, as the reckless person he is, just ripped a piece of paper out of the notebook and ripped that in half. He gave the other piece of paper to Otabek.

"Draw what you would like." Yuri whispered and gave Otabek the pen. It was Yuri's idea to get the tattoos so he wanted Otabek to choose the tattoos.

Otabek didn't have to think about it for a long time. He wanted to be connected to Yuri the way he knew him. He didn't know him as Yuri, not as Yurio and not as Yuratchka. For Otabek, Yuri was Yura. And maybe, that's what Yuri had to learn.

He wasn't Yuratchka anymore, even while he found that hard.

His grandpa wasn't here anymore and sometimes, realizing that still made him sad but he always told himself that time was gone.

He wasn't Yuri anymore.

The only people who used to call him Yuri were his coaches and Russian teammates but now, Yuri started a new phase in his life.

Even while Otabek didn't like it, Yuri didn't want to skate anymore. He knew he was talented and skating had always been his passion but since what happened in jail, he wasn't able to skate with the confidence he used to skate with anymore.

And most important, he wasn't Yurio anymore.

He wasn't the mean and competitive person that always wanted to be the best and never accepted it if anyone was better than him. Yurio was just like JJ, and Yuri didn't want to be like that bastard.

The person he wanted to be was Yura.

He wanted to be Otabek's husband who was able to love people and care about them. And Otabek knew Yuri wanted to be that person.

He carefully wrote down those four letters that had such an impulse meaning in his life and placed the piece of paper on the middle of the table.

When Yuri saw what Otabek wrote down, he somehow immediately understood the reason why Otabek chose for this.

Sometimes, Yuri and Otabek didn't even have to speak to tell each other what they meant.

Yuri grabbed the pen and wrote four other letters down on his piece of paper as carefully as he could.

Yuri never had a friend. His life had been about nothing but skating when he was younger and if people tried to talk to him, he easily bitched them off. But Otabek was different.

It seemed like Otabek was exactly the same as he was and maybe that's what made them perfect to each other.

Otabek wasn't Otabek anymore.

He was changed by his love for Yuri.

He wasn't the shy boy who nobody had faith in anymore and he wasn't scared of socializing anymore.

He was Beka now.

Yuri placed his piece of paper next to Otabek's and reached for his hand again as he felt that Otabek's hand was still shaking a little, caused by the thought of the pain this was going to cause him but the feeling of Yuri's hand in his made the last bit of nervousness disappear.

"Is this your choice?" The girl asked and they both nodded in agreement.

The girl worked out the letters for them and showed them the final result which was definitely beautiful and they decided just to go for it.

"You are going to like it. I'm sure about that." Yuri spoke before he turned around and walked towards one of the chairs in the room.

He laid down on it and Otabek did the exact same thing, feeling the nerves rushing through his body again.

Yuri was able to read Otabek's body language and gave him a soft smile, knowing that that always made Otabek weak and it made Otabek remember why he did this. All because he loved Yuri so much.

Yuri laid on his stomach and felt the needle sticking into the skin of his back, causing him a lot of pain.

What was wrong with him for wanting a tattoo on his back anyway?

You love Otabek and he loves you. That's what you are doing this for. Now forget the pain and don't cry like a little baby. Just ignore it.

It was harder than it seemed and before Yuri knew it, he was clenching his teeth and felt a tear rolling down the side of his face while he squeezed his eyes.

When Otabek felt the needle sticking into his back, he felt guilty that Yuri had to go through this too. He didn't mind himself going through this pain but he didn't want Yuri to experience this.

It was his idea and you know how bad he wanted this. And it looked cool, admit it Otabek.

The next hours were basically torture but it also seemed like the pain made them think about something else than all the sadness for a change. This was a new start for both of them.

 

  
"Undress me Beka." Yuri said as he sat down on their bed, back in the apartment which felt like home.

He felt Otabek's hands grabbing his shirt, carfully lifting it up until his hands reached the area around his shoulders.

Otabek saw his own nickname, surrounded by realistic looking roses on Yuri's fragile back. Otabek was surprised they managed to finish this in only one session and he couldn't prevent himself from placing his lips just under the place where the tattoo was placed, scared to hurt Yuri if he would touch the irritated skin.

"I love you Yura. I fucking love you." Otabek whispered and took off Yuri's shirt which still rested on his shoulders just above the tattoo.

"Now look at mine." Otabek softly whispered into Yuri's ear. It always gave the younger boy goosebumps when Otabek whispered and he felt he started to feel weak as he heard the words being whispered by his husband.

Yuri did the same with Otabek's shirt and felt his heart started pounding in his chest when he saw Otabek's tattoo. It seemed like this was made for Otabek's body.

Those four letters were written in a font that perfectly matched Otabek's strong body but the flowers around the letters matched his soft personality.

"It's beautiful..." Was all Yuri managed to being out and he placed some soft kisses on Otabek's shoulder, moving his lips closer to his neck with every kiss he gave him.

"I love you too."

-

  

The light shined through the window and some sunlight made Yuri's face look golden. His hair seemed to glow and his lips looked smoother than normally.

Otabek leaned over and placed his lips on the blonde's as the younger boy opened his eyes and looked right into Otabek's. Otabek brought his face closer to Yuri's ear.

"Good morning." Otabek whispered and Yuri felt goosebumps all over his body again. Otabek's whispers were the most beautiful sounds out there and whenever he did it, Yuri felt a special feeling rushing through his body.

He immediately remembered what he had been worrying about yesterday night. Yuri made a decision a couple of days ago.

He didn't ever want to skate again.

Now, he was scared. He was scared because he realized that even if he didn't skate anymore, he still had to make money and he didn't know if he would be able to find a job if there were still people out there who thought he did those horrible things to JJ.

The relaxed feeling Yuri felt until a couple of seconds ago disappeared and the smile on Yuri's face did too.

"Do you think I am able to find a job again?" Yuri asked and Otabek raised his eyebrow.

"Why wouldn't you be able to?" He answered and caressed Yuri's cheek with the back of his hand. His skin felt incredibly soft today.

"Because of the shit that happened. Why else you idiot?" Yuri hissed and felt an annoying, angry feeling inside his stomach. He noticed he felt angrier since he was back from the prison. He was over his sadness now and burned inside but he tried not to show it to Otabek but he didn't succeed. Sometimes, he noticed he said things in a harsh way or he suddenly insulted Otabek while he didn't even do anything wrong.

Otabek noticed it too but he didn't really mind most of the time. He knew Yuri couldn't control his feelings and he rather wanted him to be mean to him than that he would feel so sad.

When Yuri was younger, he never was mean to Otabek. He was one of the only people that Yuri wasn't mean to but now, Otabek was the only person Yuri had left to be mean to.

This time, Otabek felt something different. He always tried to be there for Yuri and had always been the one who would do everything for him. He loved him, didn't ever want to leave him again and he knew he would never stop loving him but now Yuri acted like this to him last days, he noticed he was getting a bit sick of it. Still, Otabek wasn't good at expressing how he felt.

"Is something wrong? You act so... Mean last days and I was just wondering if-"

"I am not mean! What are you talking about? Why am I suddenly the one who does everything wrong? I've gone through shit okay? Let me be." Yuri said and looked into Otabek's eyes while he glared at him. He turned his face away from Otabek and wanted to stand up until Otabek reached for his hand.

"I know that. I'm sorry. But if something's wrong, you can just tell me okay? 'Cause I don't like it if you talk to me like that too. I've gone through rough times too."

"Now you are the victim? Go drown in your pool of self pity. Now let my hand go. I am going downstairs."

"Yura, wait. I-"

"Shut up."

The next thing Otabek heard was the door of the bedroom being shut.

It felt like someone slit through his heart with a knife and he didn't know what to feel.

Yuri was angry. Angry with Otabek but most important, with himself. Skating helped Yuri to control his anger back in the days. He had something to focus on and with every move, he let out a bit of the feeling that always burned inside him. But now he didn't want to skate anymore, he also didn't have a way to let that feeling out except for being so mean to Otabek.

Now you made him sad asshole. Why the hell did you act like that? You just woke up! It's your own problem that you are so scared and weak.

"Yura, we need to talk. I wanna know what causes this." Otabek asked as he walked down the stairs but Yuri didn't reply. He sat down on the couch and looked outside the window at the people walking down the streets.

They all were so free.

Yuri was too but for no reason, he felt like he was trapped inside an invisible cage.

"I don't wanna talk." Yuri said but Otabek sat next to him and grabbed his hand.

"We need to." He softly said as he looked at Yuri's face while his boyfriend looked into Otabek's eyes.

"What do you want to talk about then? You know I can't help acting like this. I don't have a damn idea how to solve this problem! I had to give up what I loved the most, just because someone else ruined it for me. Every fucking move I make when I skate reminds me of when that asshole stuck his fucking dick into my ass without my permission. And he didn't stop until I laid there, bleeding on the floor! AND THAT HURTS OTABEK!" Yuri yelled and he was about to walk away again but before he had the chance to, Otabsk hugged him tightly from behind.

"I know that hurts. I really know that. But we need to find a solution for this because we can't go on like this." Otabek spoke quietly and he felt Yuri's nerves and his shoulders that trembled in anger and defeat. He never spoke about what happened to him like this before.

"There is no solution... I can't keep on changing my mind. This is what I decided. And this is one of the consequences. And I am sorry for that. Your Yuri is dead Beka. He's dead. Your best friend is gone. I will never change back into the 15 year old me. At least, not like how I was when I was together with you. I fucked everything up. Not only for me but also for you. And I am so sorry for that." Yuri said without any sign of emotion in his voice and he felt that Otabek held him less tight. That feeling suddenly took him back to the wedding.

When JJ came to their wedding, set the house on fire, tried to drown Yuri, Yuri felt so extremely angry. Otabek had to hold him so tightly to make sure he wouldn't punch JJ, who laid on the pier, passed out, to death. But he managed to calm down when he saw Yuuri's family crying. Their tears hurt him because he knew it was also his fault that they lost their company.

Now, he felt Otabek's heart beating against his own back. His heart didn't beat because of love, excitement or happiness. It was beating because he was shocked. Otabek was shocked by what Yuri just said and when he took the time to think about it, his heart felt broken.

"Don't you love me anymore..? What suddenly happened Yuri? Just explain me..." Otabek said and his voice cracked as he felt tears welling up in his eyes.

"Of course I love you. I just don't know what I feel. I feel defeated." Yuri said and noticed he wasn't angry at all anymore. He got a lump up his throat and suddenly, the fact that skating was really over for him now hit him. He didn't even want to stop skating. He just wasn't confident enough to do it anymore.

"I want to help you. But I don't know how. I don't know what you have to do if you stop skating. This is your talent Yura. We can do this together. I can help you get over all your fears okay? Each of them."  Otabek said and Yuri looked at him. His eyes were filled with tears but he tried his best to hold them back.

"Are you going to continue with skating too?" Yuri asked and Otabek bit on his lip. He won a lot of competitions last years but he noticed that skating wasn't his passion. He was always pushed by his family to continue with skating, even while they knew he didn't have any talent. Otabek was determined and managed to climb up to the highest level but still, skating wasn't his passion.

"Do you want me to continue with skating?" Otabek asked and Yuri cupped Otabek's face with his hand and looked right into his eyes.

"We both know what your real passion is. And it's not skating. Mine is skating but I am just too scared to go on with it. You have the chance to enter a new phase in your life now Beka. And maybe, you need to go for it." Yuri spoke and Otabek knew what he was talking about. Otabek had only one real talent.

Music.

"You know that won't lead to success..." Otabek said but Yuri knew that with Otabek's determination and strength, everything was possible.

"I believe in you." Yuri said and pulled his husband into a warm hug.

"I believe in you too. And this time, you will make your real come back. Third time is a charm." Otabek said as he placed his lips against the soft skin of Yuri's neck and placed some soft kisses on it.

"And don't change your mind again. Just try to forget about everything that guy did to you and then, everything will be alright." Otabek continued.

"Thank you. And I am sorry I was so mean to you this week." Yuri whispered softly as he felt the nerves disappear with every kiss Otabek gave him. Before Yuri knew it, he felt Otabek's lips on his while his head was softly pushed down on the couch.

"It doesn't matter darling. I love you." Otabek said and Yuri placed his hands on both sides of Otabek's face as he observed it, realizing how beautiful it was.

"Promise me to fulfill your dreams." Yuri whispered through the kisses.

"I promise." Otabek replied and carefully placed his hands under Yuri's sweater. Yuri didn't mind Otabek touching him. Not at all. But since what happened in jail, Otabek knew he had to look out with touching Yuri.

"You can touch me. Everywhere you want. I trust you." Yuri whispered just like he knew what Otabek was thinking. This was a perfect example of a moment when they didn't have to interact to get what they meant.

"Do you wanna go further than this?" Otabek asked and looked into Yuri's eyes. They glowed which make Otabek believe it was a yes.

"You will help me to get over all my fears right? Then maybe, we should start with the first one today." Yuri spoke. It really wasn't possible for him to be angry with Otabek. They loved each other way too much for that.

Otabek broke their kisses to close the curtains and looked at Yuri for one last time to make sure he wouldn't regret this decision. Yuri looked back at him with a sign of agreement in his eyes.

From the moment Otabek took Yuri's sweater off until the moment he softly caressed the skin of his back and placing kisses on his tattoo, he felt nothing but love. The Yuri he used to know maybe was dead but he got another Yuri which he loved just as much instead. The only thing he had to learn was to get his confidence back so he was able to reach his goal again. Winninh competitions.

This moment was so tender, so special and so private. This was their moment. Their start of a new life with new goals and new chances. This intimate moment belonged to nothing but themselves.

But still, someone in Canada was listening to every single thing that happened in their apartment, waiting for the perfect moment to visit her love in prison and ask what she had to do next to rip Otabek and Yuri's perfect relationship apart.

 


	17. Proud (17)

He was proud. He was proud of his beautiful boyfriend because he managed to bring himself to the point where he was now, finally able to do what he loved the most again.

Skating with all the passion he had.

Yuri made himself up for his first jump. Like always, it was a difficult one. He grit his teeth and jumped. Everything seemed to play in slow motion for a couple of seconds. Yuri felt the cold around him and he felt his hair falling into his face before he landed the jump perfectly and continued with his routine.

Yuri moved his body with grace, showing Otabek all the emotions he had. His program symbolized sadness and pain but it also showed the fight that Yuri won from his own insecurities and made him able to skate like he always did again.

Yuri had his next competition in about 2 months and about one month ago, when he started to train again, he had an idea for a program. Finally, he had inspiration again.

The program he skated last year, when Yuuri had choreographed his program, didn't have everything Yuri wanted his program to have.

Now, he choreographed his program himself and he put his love, effort and soul in it.

He tried to tell the audience a story with this program and he knew that he was able to show the world what really happened to him just by skating this.

Today, he showed Otabek his performance for the first time and he didn't miss one single jump. He had more than enough time to train for his upcoming competition left and he knew that it was all going to be fine.

There was only one thing that Yuri still missed to make his routine even more perfect. The right music.

When Yuri stopped skating, he looked into the distance and felt tears welling up in his eyes. He found himself back. He finally found himself back. The old Yuri wasn't dead but he started a new life as a new person. A new person with the confidence of his old self but the personality of another person.

Yuri skated towards the side of the rink and let himself fall into Otabek's arms. He gave everything he had tonight and he was exhausted now, caused by all the hard work and the trainings of today.

Yuri's muscles hurt but he knew it was worth it. He just skated the most perfect program ever and he was proud of himself.

Yuri remembered how he choreographed his exhibition program the night before he had to perform the routine Lilia choreographed for him. He had a goal back then. He wanted to beat Yuuri and Victor and he wanted to be the strongest and most talented skater the world had ever seen.

Now, he wanted to do exactly the same but this time, he wanted to beat his insecurities and fears. And he succeeded.

He finally realized how strong he actually was and he couldn't wait to show everyone that he, Yuri Plisetsky, was back. This time forever. But right now, he wanted nothing but go home with Otabek.

Yuri felt Otabek's arms around him, pulling him close and hugging his weak body. Otabek's arms were so strong and warm and they made Yuri's ice cold body shiver less immediately.

"You did it Yura. You just did it." Otabek said and he noticed he was really emotional.

"You did such a great job... I am so proud of you baby. So proud..." Otabek softly spoke as he felt tears welling up in his eyes too.

This was the Yuri Otabek loved the most. This was the Yuri Otabek fell in live with when he was 13. His talented angel. And he was back.

Last month, Otabek tried to focus on his goal too. Yuri was right. He really missed his calling but now, he was sure he would make it.

First of all, Otabek was already quite famous and it wouldn't be hard for him to find public since he had a lot of followers on social media. He searched through all his folders and found some songs he mixed a couple of years ago. They formed his inspiration for his new work.

Every day when Yuri was at the rink, he searched through all his samples and changed the sounds until he finally found the sound he wanted. He tried to make the song catchy and also tried to give it his own sound so everyone was able go recognize the songs when they played immediately. And tonight, Otabek was going to post his first song on the internet. This was his chance to start a new life with new chances and new challenges. And with Otabek's determination, everything was possible.

Yuri supported him from the beginning and he was sure that Otabek was going to make it. His music had something special. It weren't just songs made by an amateur that mixed songs just as a hobby. Otabek's songs were filled with emotions.

Yuri had to admit that he cried sometimes when he listened to Otabek's songs.

Behind the catchy rhythm, a story was hidden. Otabek's story. And Yuri knew everything about that story.

Otabek never knew his father and his grandparents, his mother and sisters never loved him, he was raped, Yuri was taken away from him. All those things were combined into those melodies and and in a couple of hours, everyone was able to hear them.

It was late when Otabek and Yuri finally arrived at home again. Otabek unlocked the door and he saw that Yuri ran towards the couch with the last power he had left before he laid down on it and stared at the ceiling. He was so tired but for no reason, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep.

"Beka, are you going to post your song today?" Yuri asked and didn't look away from the ceiling, waiting for his husband's answer.

"Yes. I am happy with how it turned out. And this is what I really love to do. You were right." Otabek said as a kneeled down next to Yuri and looked into his eyes.

"You are so handsome..." Yuri whispered and softly caressed Otabek's cheek and moved his hand closer to his perfect, sharp jawline. Otabek just smiled at him as an answer on his compliment. Otabek's smile was the most beautiful thing Yuri had ever seen and he was happy that he was the only one who would ever see that smile.

Otabek stood up and walked towards the door of the bathroom. Next to the shower stood a bathtub which Otabek didn't use often. He usually didn't have time for it and just took a shower instead. But Yuri deserved to relax tonight.

When the bathtub was filled, Otabek walked back to Yuri who still laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling, thinking about his routine and his upcoming career.

Otabek carefully lifted his husband up and walked towards the bathroom with him in his arms. He placed him on the ground and asked him to undress himself, which Yuri immediately did. Otabek looked away to make him feel comfortable but Yuri told him he didn't have to. The younger boy closed his eyes again as he felt that Otabek listed him up again. His hands felt warm against his own, cold body.

"I am so proud of all your hard work last months." Otabek spoke and he slowly brought Yuri's body closer to the surface of the water while he looked at Yuri's beautiful face.

When Yuri felt the hot water against his skin, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the feeling. The warmth of the water made his muscles hurt less.

"You stayed up until 2 at night every single day last month. You deserve some rest too." Yuri said and looked into Otabek's eyes. Yuri noticed that they were teary and red all day but Otabek didn't even cry.

"Join me here" Yuri said and Otabek nodded and undressed himself quickly. Yuri moved a little bit more to front side of the bathtub so Otabek could lay behind him. Yuri felt Otabek's legs around him and he laid back against his chest, resting his head on his shoulder.   
"This feels so nice..." Yuri quietly whispered as Otabek played with the blonde's hair and gave him a kiss on his cheek.

"When I upload my song, we are finally living the life we always wanted to live. Because I have faith that it will all be fine for both of us." Otabek spoke and Yuri knew that what he said was true. After today, everything was fine. Yuri was able t skate without having to see JJ again and Otabek turned his hobby into his job.

"I love you. We should do this more often." Yuri said as he enjoyed every second of this moment. The water was so warm and it felt so safe around Otabek. He felt his boyfriend's fingers running through his hair that grew a bit longer last months and now reached his chin. It made him look like when he was 15 again.

"I like your hair like this. Please don't cut it again. You look so beautiful like this." Otabek spoke as he began to braid some of Yuri's hair. Otabek loved Yuri's hair. It was so soft, golden and shiny but also quite thick. Yuri loved the way it felt when Otabek touched it. He never allowed anyone else than Lilia to touch it.

Years ago, when Lilia did his hair before competitions, she wasn't really gentle with it. Otabek watched out that he wouldn't hurt Yuri and softly moved his fingers through the soft, blonde hair and braided it while Yuri closed his eyes.

"Aren't you scared when you are bathing? I mean, you can't swim right?" Otabek asked and hoped Yuri wouldn't think about what happened at the wedding. Otabek realized that they never really talked about the fact that Yuri almost drowned when JJ pushed him into the ocean.

"As long as I can stand or sit of whatever, nothing's wrong. But when I can't feel the ground anymore, it gets dangerous. But I don't care. Something like that won't happen again anyway..." Yuri said and stared down at the water. Learning how to swim when he was 21 was useless. He had to focus on skating now.

"I'll protect you. Whatever ever happens." Otabek said quietly and moved his hands down to Yuri's shoulders. Otabek felt that Yuri wasn't as nervous as he was earlier today anymore but he still felt that Yuri wasn't completely relaxed. Otabek carefully massaged Yuri's shoulders and felt the last nervous disappear as Yuri's body started to feel more relaxed with every single move Otabek's hands made.

After a while, they laid next to each other on the bed with Otabek's laptop in front of them.

"We'll see how many views it has tomorrow. Do you wanna upload it for me? Maybe it brings me some good luck." Otabek asked and Yuri reached over to click on the button. It was time for them to live the life they chose for themselves. Without any preconditions and without any doubt, they were going to start their new life together.

Yuri clicked on the button and a message popped up on the screen. It said that the music video was uploaded.

Yuri grabbed Otabek's hands and kissed him on his lips, moving himself on top of the one he loved so much and looked him deeply into his eyes to let him know how proud he was.

Yuri broke their kiss and laid under his blankets. He felt Otabek's arm around his waist and felt that his husband pulled him a but closer.

"I want you to make a song for my free program. That's the only thing I still need." Yuri spoke and Otabek placed a kiss on the top of his head.

"Whatever you want, my love."

-

"Oh my... Yura..." Otabek mumbled and Yuri looked up from his phone screen. Otabek looked at the screen of his laptop, stunned by the sight if the 5 zeroes, draw in pixels on the screen. This was unbelievable. He posted this yesterday night and now, the next morning, it had already so many views?

"100.000..." Otabek continued as he walked towards Yuri, laid next to him and hugged him tightly as he still couldn't believe what he just saw.

"100.000 what?" Yuri asked, overwhelmed by Otabek's sudden hug and just hugged him back, having no idea where this came from.

"100.000 views. In just one night..." Otabek spoke quietly as he smiled. This was what he wanted for years. The realization of the truth, the fact that he was finally able to do what he loved and succeeded, made his smile turn into soft sobs and tears of joy rolled down his cheeks. He made it.

"Thank you Yuri... Thank you." Otabek whispered and kissed Yuri right on his lips. Yuri felt a teardrop falling down on his upper lip and he felt that he also teared up.

Yuri parted his lips and looked into Otabek's teary eyes that glowed in the golden sunlight which made them look like amber colored gemstones.

"You deserve this. You really do. You worked so hard." Yuri spoke quietly as he wiped away Otabek's tears of joy and pure relief.

Yuri loved Otabek when he cried. He always loved it when Otabek showed his emotions instead of having a face of steel. Of course, Yuri always loved to look at him but when he showed his emotions, he was even more beautiful.

"It feels like a weight is lifted off my chest you know? But it also feels like I failed..." Otabek said as Yuri grabbed his hands.

"Why would you think you failed? You just scored a hit!" Yuri said and laid his head on Otabek's chest. He always loved the way that felt. So safe and warm.

"Because I always kept fighting. I wanted my family to be proud of me. I just wanted them to be proud of me... And I won so many competitions, I trained in so many countries. I always fought for my reputation but I hated skating. I am not lying if I say I hated it. All because I sucked at it. Nobody ever appreciated my skating style until I won gold that one day. I did it all my own way... And yes, now I am successful doing something that I do love. But it still feels like I gave up the fight." Otabek didn't even notice how much he cried when he said those words. Before Otabek and Yuri found each other back, he never cried. It almost felt like he had no emotions but he learned about two kinds of tears during the years together with his boyfriend.

The first time, when he decorated the room because he wanted to do something romantic for Yuri, Yuri cried. Seeing him shed tears over something he did for him moved him. It felt so special. And then, he cried to. Because of happiness.

The second time, when he visited the grave of Yuri's grandpa with him, he saw Yuri cry tears of sadness. It hurt him so bad that he couldn't hold back his tears too.

And after the wedding, when he saw the burning house, Yuri's wet clothes and the tears of all the people around him, he cried too. That was supposed to be his special day but of course, JJ messed it up for them. Just like he always messed everything up for them.

He also learned about another kind of tears. Tears because he was scared. He was scared to lose Yuri when he walked away after he saw the videos of JJ and his husband. Losing Yuri was definitely Otabek's biggest fear. And then, he cried.

Yuri learned him what emotions were.

And now, he was here. Crying again. Crying over his past because no one had ever been there for him. No one ever cared about him. Otabek was happy, almost euphoric to have someone like Yuri by his side.

"Beka... What I am going to say now may sound harsh but I can't help it. It's the truth... Your family just didn't love you. But that wasn't because you did something wrong. It was their fault. You didn't belong in that family. You deserve all the love in the world and they should have never pushed you to keep skating. You still try to make them proud. You hope they are watching you on television when you perform and you hope that they are proud of you. But you shouldn't care about it anymore. Even while they are your family members. You should be proud of yourself for being such a great DJ okay? You are talented, and I love you." Yuri said and pulled his husband close. He felt his cheek against his own and felt another tear falling down on it.

"But I am still family Yura... And I didn't see them in years. Maybe I should... Visit them? They don't live far away from here." Otabek said but Yuri thought it was a better idea not to do that. If they still didn't have faith in him, if may had influence on the rest of his career.

"Just let it go. Forget about them. You started a new life. We are a family now. You and me and the cat. And we all love each other so whatever your family says about you, it doesn't matter." Yuri moved his fingers through Otabek's hair, making the older guy feel more relaxed with every move he made. Otabek's hair felt soft and his cheek felt warm against Yuri's own cheek. Otabek closed his eyes and realized how far he came. 100.000 views in just one night.

"There's only one thing that feels better than loving someone. And that's being loved by someone." Otabek spoke and he felt Yuri's lips kissing his cheek, very softly and gently.

"You changed so much." Otabek mumbled as he enjoyed the feeling of Yuri's fingers running through his hair.

"What do you mean? I changed?"

"Yeah. You would never speak like that when you were younger. You were quite mature for your age but you are much calmer now. You really grew up last years."

"That's something positive right?"

"Of course it is." said Otabek quietly and he noticed his eyelids started to feel heavy. He just woke up but he was still half asleep and this feeling of Yuri's hands in his hair gave him such a relaxing feeing that he forgot about everything and before he knew it, he fell asleep in Yuri arms. Yuri found a new way to make Otabek feel good.

Yuri carefully laid his husband's body down on the bed, trying not to wake him up.

He looked at Otabek's face and just stared at it. It had been almost two years since he found Otabek back at his first wedding and still, he was just as in love with him as he was the first day he stayed in Otabek's home.

Otabek was the most handsome person Yuri, and probably some other people too, could ever imagine. His dark eyes, his hair, his jawline. Every single part of him was perfect. Yuri realized he didn't compliment him enough while Otabek always commented on how beautiful Yuri was.

Yuri was proud of Otabek. He always believed that his strength would make him able to achieve everything he set his mind to, and now, he was here. He finally had a career he chose himself. Because he loved this.

Yuri looked away from Otabek face and laid next to him with his chest against his lover's back, putting his arm around his waist and buried his face in his neck. It felt like he was holding onto a strong wall that protected him from whatever tried to hurt him.

Yuri knew, sadly, that JJ would return one day. He had no idea when or how, but he knew it would happen. Once they let him go, he would definitely search for them and continue to ruin his life.

JJ was sentenced to years in prison so he didn't have anything to worry about right now but still, the thought of having to face him ever again made him shiver in fear.

At this point in his life, Yuri was even scared of JJ hurting him. He was scared that he would hurt Otabek because he knew that he was the person Yuri cared the most about.

Yuri tried to forget about it and closed his eyes and enjoyed the warmth of Otabek's body.

He wasn't able to sleep anymore and stood up, leaving Otabek sleeping on their bed. He quickly opened the internet browser of Otabek's laptop and typed in the link to his music video to check the views. 115.000. Yuri didn't know how it was possible that he had so many views in such a short time.

The internet was a big mystery.

About an hour later, when Otabek woke up again, Yuri was already downstairs. Before Otabek wanted to go downstairs too, he just wanted to check his video again and he saw that it had over 120.000 views.

He saw his inbox was filled with emails. Otabek's eye fell on one message and opened it. He knew this company. When he read the words, a smirk was formed on his face.

They wanted to give him a contract.

He only published one song but they already wanted him to sign a contract? Otabek checked the email address and saw it was an official address, making it safe for him to send them a message back.

Suddenly, he thought about his family again.

Otabek, why do you even bother? They probably forgot about you. Yuri was right. You didn't belong there. They didn't deserve someone like you in their family. And this is your chance. Don't let anyone take this chance away from you. Now is your beginning. This is your time.

He clicked on the send button and laid back in his chair. He shouldn't think about his mother and his sisters anymore. He lived a happy life with Yuri now JJ was gone and he didn't have anything to worry about now his career seemed to become a success. He felt good. Better than he felt in weeks. And he was proud.

 


	18. Stop (18)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanna tell you all that I love to read comments. <3

JJ acted well in jail. Every part of JJ was fake and he was an amazing actor. The people that worked in prison almost didn't believe that JJ actually abused Yuri and his girlfriend but there was more than enough evidence to prove that he did.

All tough, he tried to seduce one of the guards. With success.

JJ had privileges in jail since the guard fell in love with him. It all started when they gave him a television when he asked for that, making him able to follow the sports new to see if Yuri already qualified for a new competition. He also saw that Otabek had successfully started a new career because he worked together with a big music company now. Seeing them both be so successful made him feel sick.

He was the one who deserved all the success, the admiration, the love.

When JJ found out Yuri was qualified for the Grand-Prix final of that year, he knew he had to do something. He asked for a mobile phone. And they gave him what he asked for.

She knew she did something she wasn't allowed to do, but the prison guard was madly in love with JJ.

He was finally able to ask Isabella about the two guys he wanted her to follow every single day. He wanted her to listen to each word they spoke. Every sound they let out. Every little thing that JJ could use to hurt them.

JJ on Friday 22:11- It's JJ. I hope you did what I asked you.

Isabella grabbed her phone and saw JJ's message. Her heart pounded in her chest now her beloved ex boyfriend finally contacted her again. She honestly believed that deeply inside, JJ still loved her and when she saw the message, she knew her dream finally came true. She was together with her JJ again.

Isabella on Friday 22:12- JJ! Of course I did.

Isabella on Friday 22:12: They had a fight so I send them those messages but it didn't lead to anything because that Otabek guy told him that you raped him. And I heard they had sex again. And they have tattoos with each other's name.

JJ on Friday 22:14- Okay. Send him the voice message I am going to send you now okay? I love you Isabella. I will reward you for all of this when I am free again.

Isabella on Friday 22:15- I love you too.

Isabella on Friday 22:15- I love you so fucking much JJ. I miss you every day.

JJ on Friday 22:17- Voice message.

Isabella did what her love asked her and quickly downloaded the voice message JJ just sent her. She used another phone after she sent Yuri the videos because she knew he would definitely block that number right after he saw those videos.

Isabella felt bad. She felt like a traitor after she helped Yuri when he asked if JJ ever gave her her money back. She told him many things. Too many things. And Otabek used her messages as evidence against her JJ.

She wanted them both to pay for that.

It was morning in Kazakhstan when Yuri received the message from an unknown number.

"Shall I open it? It's a voice message." Yuri said as he looked at the number. He didn't recognize it. No country information though.

"What if it's JJ?" Otabek replied and thought back of last time when Yuri received a message from an unknown number.

"The country is unknown so I don't know if it's from Canada but I still don't know how I got those videos last time. JJ is in jail." Yuri said and looked at the voice message, still not sure if he should open it. He just stared at the little microphone icon. There was a very small chance that it actually was JJ but Yuri was sure that he didn't have his phone with him in jail. When he got arrested himself, he didn't take his phone with him but he heard that the other prisoners had to turn in all their stuff, including their phones.

But as usual, he was too curious.

He clicked.

"Hello Yuri. It's been a while. I just wanted to remind you that I already took all your beauty, your purity, your worthiness..."

No... NO!

Yuri's eyes widened. Otabek listened and when he heard JJ's voice, he was stunned and shocked. Yuri dropped his phone on the table and walked away from it, his eyes looking at the phone, terrified.

"Otabek... Let this stop."

JJ's voice continued mumbling.

"I took it all away from you. You had nothing left for Otabek. And I am still proud I did this to you. I made you feel how much power I have Yuri-chan. I am the king. And once I get out of here, I'll find you."

Let this stop! Let this stop right now!

"Skaters are fragile. But I know I can break you just by touching you with one finger. You had nothing left for Otabek."

I am worthless. He was right. All because I was too weak to reject JJ back then. My body was for Otabek. But he already ruined every part of me before I had the chance to confess my feelings towards Beka.

"I heard you already told Otabek everything. I even heard you had sex with him last week. Why do you love him so much Yuri-chan? Why don't you love me?"

"Beka! Please make this stop right now! Fucking make it stop!"

Beka... You know I love you right? I didn't want this.

The sound of JJ's voice made Otabek rage inside. But he wasn't able to do anything else but look at his boyfriend as tears welled up in his eyes when he saw how terrified he looked.

"Yura... I can't take this anymore. I-I... How does he know all of this?" Otabek said with a small sounding voice, being subdued under his sadness and anger. He warm tear rolled down his face. He started to panic. Since Yuri was arrested, he changed. He wasn't calm like before anymore. Yuri missed the Otabek he knew.

Otabek, say something. Do something. You will never leave him alone. Say something before he does something to himself.

"I love you Yuri. I love you, whatever that bitch says, I love you okay? I don't mind you being pure or whatever! Because you are my Yura." Otabek said, breathing heavily as tears kept streaming down his face.

JJ suddenly started talking about Otabek instead of Yuri.

"Do you remember that day Otabek, a year or two ago? When we had some fun together in the United States? You guys can be two little whores together, already lost your worthiness before you guys had the chance to even kiss each other for the first time. Ruined before you guys even had the chance... Don't trust him Yuri. All men are the same. Even when they've gone through something like this."

Yuri never thought he would see Otabek like this one day, crying and swearing under his breath. He used to be such a calm and loving person.

And Yuri felt guilty. Time after time, he felt guilty because he knew it was all his fault. Maybe JJ was right. Maybe, he was worthless. He made Otabek cry for so many times. He broke that face of steel. He broke down he Hero of Kazakhstan for so many times.

"Beka... Stop crying. I-It hurts me to see you like this..."

"I-I AM NOT LIKE THAT! Y-Yura."

"SHUT UP!"

A silence was created between the two. More than just an awkward silence. A painful silence that slit through their souls when Yuri suddenly raised his voice.

Some other silent tears rolled down Otabek's cheeks as the voice on the phone kept talking as he kept sobbing.

Otabek placed his hands on Yuri's ears, trying to make sure he wouldn't hear what JJ was saying now he was talking about him again. It hurt him way too much.

Otabek felt horrible on moments like these. Yuri never had a childhood, he told him about that many, many times. He also never had the chance to grow up like a normal teen would. And now, Otabek wanted to make Yuri's years as a young adult amazing for him. He wanted to give him the life he never had but as long as JJ kept trying to do these kind of things to them, his plan wouldn't succeed.

Yuri pushed Otabek's hands away from him and stood up. He wanted towards the phone that laid on the table, grit his teeth and slammed it against the side of the table.

He slammed.

He slammed again.

He stopped when the phone laid on the ground, shattered in pieces, leaving the boys in complete silence, except for some of Otabek's uncontrolled sobs.

  
Isabella on Friday 22:30- The phone is broken. But one of them (believe Otabek) cried and Yuri was all panicked.

JJ on Friday 22:32- :*

JJ on Friday 22:32- Thank you honey.

Now, Yuri realized what just happened. He look at the destroyed phone and Otabek's face, covered with tears. He ran upstairs and slammed the door of the bedroom before he jumped on the bed and hid himself under his blankets. He started crying as he thought about what JJ just said in that voice message.

I already took your beauty, your purity, your worthiness...

All men are the same...

Yuri heard that Otabek opened the door and carefully closed it. All he saw was a bundle of sadness, hidden under his blankets.

"Yuri... This is he man that made you go to jail! You know that everything he said about you were lies so what he just said were lies too. You are worthy and beautiful okay?" Otabek was surprised that one message managed to make him feel like this. Some words... They broke both of them down. Again.

He just wanted JJ to leave them alone. He wanted to be able to love Yuri like he wanted to and he wanted to live a normal life. He didn't ask for more. He just wanted a normal life.

Not able to talk, he laid next to Yuri and lifted the blankets up, revealing his trembling body and his face hidden behind his hair. He laid next to him and hugged him tightly, not knowing what else to do right now. He actually didn't want to do anything else right now. He wanted Yuri to feel worthy again. And Yuri wanted Otabek to feel the same way.

"We've gone through t-the same... It's okay." Otabek whispered quietly and softly kissed the back of Yuri's head as he felt another tear rolling down his cheek.

"I wanted to give you my body Beka... Not him. And I am so sorry." Yuri said and bursted out in crying again. JJ took every little thing he loved away from him. But he even took this away from him. And he couldn't accept that. The fact that he also did that to Otabek made it even worse for him. He knew that had nothing to do with him because JJ did that to Otabek because he thought he would steal his victory but still... It happened.

"Yura, you are worthy! And you are worth everything to me. I love you. We know that we love each other. But it's awful that he did that to... Us. But we need to forget about him. Even if he keeps showing up every time. And I promise that I will never do something like that to you." said Otabek as Yuri turned his side and looked into his teary eyes.

"How did he know all those things? Is he spying on us?" Yuri asked and let out another sob.

"I don't know..." Otabek replied and Yuri buried his face in Otabek's chest and put his arms around him.

"I should have killed him on the wedding. I regret not killing him. I want him to die... Painfully." Yuri mumbled softly as he felt the anger raging inside.

"Yuri, stop. It's over okay? He can't send you messages anymore and I won't use my phone again from now on. You are going to skate next week and you are going to preform and win that competition okay? Think about that. Think about something nice." Otabek said but felt that Yuri was still trembling. He didn't shed tears anymore but he just trembled in anger, thinking about how bad he wanted to hurt JJ. Otabek played with his hair and placed kisses on his cheek to make him feel a little more relaxed but it didn't help because Otabek himself felt broken too.

All morning, Otabek stared at the screen, not able to focus on his work after what happened this morning. Tears kept blurring his vision, making him place the loops in the wrong order and the sounds didn't match. Did he really try to make Yuri believe that he, would do something to him one day? And what if he was spying on them right now?

For the tenth time this morning, he started to place the samples in another order and tried to change the major sounds to minor sounds, hoping that it gave the song another sound but nothing seemed to work. He may scored a hit with his last post but he wasn't sure if he was able to do something like that again.

"Otabek... Promise mommy that you won't stop skating. You don't have talent, everyone knows that. But we need money and this seems to be the only way you can help us out."

You failed Otabek. You failed your own family. They were a bunch of disrespectful idiots but that doesn't matter. You failed them by retiring. You don't make it with only one song with 3 million views.

Failure.

He clicked away the page and stared at his webcam. What if JJ was looking at him right now? What if he wasn't even in jail? The thoughts made him angry. When Otabek saw JJ for the first time during the competitions before the Grand-Prix, he never thought that that person was going to try to ruin his life one day.

That asshole.

That fucking psycho.

"Beka, are you okay?" Otabek heard behind him and he felt Yuri's hands on his shoulders. Yuri noticed that what happened this morning really hurt Otabek. He didn't know why exactly. It wasn't the worst thing that had happened to them.

"Yeah... Fine." Otabek lied and opened his mailbox, checking if the company sent him a message. They were discussing about giving a concert soon so he would become even more famous than he already was.

The media expected him to upload more songs soon and that was actually what Otabek was planning to do soon.

As Otabek clicked on the email, the screen turned black and some white letters and a warning sign appeared.

It took Otabek a while to realize what happened but when he did, he felt that his stomach dropped.

"YURA I AM GETTING SICK OF IT NOW!" Otabek yelled, his eyes focusing on the letters displayed on the screen. He was done with devices at the moment.

"What happened?" Yuri asked as his eyes widened, startled by the sudden sound and looked at Otabek's eyes that were shut, trying to keep himself together.

"My files are encrypted. All my songs! Someone faked an email of the company I work with and now I have to pay to get my files back!" Otabek almost yelled and buried his face in his hands. Without his files, his whole career was over.

"Don't you have a backup?"

"No."

"Pay them. Maybe you will get your files-" Yuri began but his husband didn't let him finish his sentence.

"No Yuri! What if they don't give them back? Then I just lost my money! But I need those files! Otherwise you don't have music for your free skate program! He knows it okay? He knows that I make the music for your program. He is spying on us and he is trying to ruin your career Yura." spoke Otabek and for some reason, Yuri was triggered.

He kept telling himself that all of this was his fault. No matter how many times Otabek said it wasn't... He would never believe it.

If I had just told him the truth back then, this wouldn't have happened.

"Everything that happened is my fault. I am aware of that. But I was 16 Otabek. I was a fucking teenager, searching for love. I couldn't help falling in love with you. What if I just disappeared forever? Believe me, you wouldn't have waited for me to come back forever. If you just found a nice person who didn't have a psychopath as an ex boyfriend this all wouldn't have happened! SO MANY PEOPLE COULD HAVE MADE YOU HAPPIER THAN I DID!" Yuri said loudly and was about to leave the room but Otabek reached for his hand.

"Don't blame yourself for this. I was also in love with you back then. It's not your fault."

"Leave me alone!" Yuri hissed and left, leaving Otabek in all his anger and sadness.

The distance between them that had been gone for a couple of weeks was suddenly back. The cold they didn't feel for weeks was back. It seemed like it was the week after Yuri received the video's, when they didn't really know how to react.

Before, Yuri and Otabek were like one person, being able to read each other, never having any problems. They never annoyed each other and they just enjoyed each other's company every single day but now, it all changed...

They couldn't go on like this. They loved each other, they really knew that. But if things like these kept happening... Maybe they had to?

No Yuri. You can't do that. Never.

You can't leave him.

  
"Beka..?" Yuri said and opened the door and found his husband staring at the screen, trying to figure out how he could solve his problem. He wanted to give Yuri the song for his program that he asked for.

Otabek thought that Yuri just was a little angry anger because he knew that he would never be over that. It was something that described his personality. Without those angry days, Yuri wasn't Yuri.

Yuri had something different on his mind that moment. Something that hurt him. It hurt him very badly.

"I am sorry if I can't make the music for your program. Maybe you can choose another song." Otabek spoke but Yuri almost didn't hear what he said. He didn't care about himself right now.

"I wanna talk about something with you." Yuri said as he sat on the bed and waited until Otabek sat next to him. Otabek looked worried and tired.

Just when Yuri wanted to open his mouth to say something, he wasn't sure if he wanted to anymore. What if this hurt Otabek?

Yuri took a deep breath.

"I was just thinking... Maybe... We should take a break?" Yuri spoke quietly and he was almost ashamed of what he said. Tears welled up in his eyes when his own words echoed in his ears.

When Yuri finished his sentence, it felt like something ripped Otabek's heart apart. He wanted to... Break up?

"Why..? We are married! I have your damn name tattooed on my back. Yura, I can't live without you."

"You did for years."

"Yuri..." Otabek said and his voice sounded small. He cupped Yuri's face and brushed some of his hair out of his face with his thumb so he was able to look into both of his eyes.

"You are my biggest support. And I love you so much. You only want to break up because you think you made my life worse than it was before. And yes, all the things that happened, the things that JJ did, they were awful. But I don't care because you are by my side okay?"

"He will rip us apart anyway. I just think it's a better idea if we-"

"It's not."

Yuri sighed and nervously ran his hand through his hair. He felt ashamed of what he asked and he didn't want to hurt Otabek. The only reason why he asked it was because he thought that it would be better for them.

"I know you are strong, but you need me to protect you. He is crazy Yura. If you leave me, you will be an easy target and he will take you with him to Canada again. And he also has a crazy girlfriend. I don't know how he does it but he always manages to do things you don't expect." Otabek said and looked Yuri into his eyes once again.

"You belong to me Yuri. Every little thing shows that we belong to each other. Our past. Just everything. And we should stay together forever. Believe me."

Close your eyes Yura."

Now imagine a life without me and answer my questions. Where do you live? Who wakes you up with kisses? Who will make your breakfast? Who will accept you always being angry or whatever?"

"I am not always angry Otabek."

"That doesn't matter. I will always be here for you to do all those things okay? Yura... I just love you so much. I don't want to break up. Please..." said Otabek and sounded so desperate that Yuri knew he only made the situation worse.

"I didn't say this to hurt you. I am just... I want this shit to be over. I just wanna be able to live a life together with you without JJ trying to ruin it for us. What's his point anyway? He doesn't even know I continued with skating. He just wants to own me now. He just fucking wants to own me..." Yuri said and he noticed he was actually saying this to himself instead of Otabek.

"What if he knows you did. He knows everything about us. He is spying on us. And we should go to the police to tell them about it." Otabek spoke but Yuri refused to go to the police.

Last time he saw policemen, they arrested him because JJ switched their roles in the story. Yuri didn't know what else JJ told them and he was scared that they would arrest him or do something else when he would go to the police station.

Jail had been a hell for Yuri and he never wanted to go there ever again. He never wanted to see that man that raped him again in his whole life. Only the thought of what he did sent shivers up his spine.

"And please, just try to pay for your files. You don't know who faked that email so maybe it's just someone who knows you have much money." Yuri spoke and walked towards the laptop, seeing that the time on the screen slowly ticked away. Otabek had about 2 hours left to pay before his files would get deleted.

If you lose those files, your career is over.

Otabek typed his credit card number, knowing that this could go totally wrong but he needed those files. A new screen with a loading icon appeared and Otabek quickly checked if he still had money on his bank account. Luckily, his account wasn't hacked.

Thank you for your payment. We appreciate your support. Your files will be deleted anyway.

Years of work were gone.

"I told you..." He said, staring at the screen without any sign of emotion. He couldn't really believe what he just read. All his songs were gone.

Yuri didn't know what to say and just stood next to his husband who felt like he was going to faint.

"Yuri... Everything is gone now. I already retired. There's no going back now. And I failed my family..." Otabek said with a plain voice.

"You can't help this! They should have been proud to have you in their family okay? You chose for something new and you can't help that this happened!" Yuri spoke loudly and looked into Otabek's eyes.

"I wanna visit them. I don't care about what you said. I need to see them." Otabek spoke as Yuri reached for his hand, the invisible distance telling him not to hug him.

"If that's what you want, we will visit them tomorrow."

 


	19. Ridiculous (19)

She was started by the loud sound of a motorcycle that drove past her house.

They should ban those damned things.

Her son bought a thing just like that years ago.

When she saw the motorbike stopped driving and parked in front of her house, she realized what was going on.

The sight on seeing him for the first time in years didn't make her happy at all. She just wondered why he came here. She didn't miss him at all after he left the house.

She walked outside and opened the door, looking into the eyes of her son and a blonde person who she never saw before.

Though, he looked kinda familiar.

"Otabek... It's been a while." The woman who looked a lot like Otabek spoke. She had the exact same eyes as he did, only hers didn't have a beautiful glow.

"Who is this girl?" She said, looking at Yuri from the corner of her eyes as she glared at him, wondering why he bothered her by visiting her. She new that he was a boy. Of course she did. She just wanted to make him feel bad about having such long hair and a body like that.

Yuri raised his eyebrow and looked the woman into her eyes. She was even worse than he expected her to be. She was worse than what Otabek told him about her.

"I'm a boy." Yuri replied annoyed.

"Wouldn't tell you were."

Otabek decided to come between the two before this discussion would escalate before he even had the chance to tell her what he wanted to tell her. He didn't go here for no reason.

"Mom. This is Yuri. My... Boyfriend." Otabek said as he reached for Yuri's hand and held it tightly. He didn't want to tell his mom they were married and he hoped Yuri understood that.

"You were so in love with that boy from the pictures that you decided to hook up with another Yuri? Oh, what did I do to give birth to someone like you?" Otabek's mother spoke and smirked satisfied when she saw that Yuri started to feel jealous.

"The boy from the pictures?" Yuri asked with a clear sound of jealousy in hid voice that he noticed himself too. He was hardly ever jealous and always felt comfortable around Otabek's friends. But for no reason, this made his extremely jealous. Maybe because he was still scared that Otabek ever had a boyfriend before he found him back. Yuri knew that that was Otabek's own choice, he would just feel betrayed by him if it turned out to be a lie that he was his first boyfriend.

"This is him mom. This is the boy from the pictures." Otabek softly said, hoping that she would stop talking about that before he had to explain Yuri which pictures he was talking about. That was way too embarrassing.

"Hmm... This is Yuri Plisetsky? Reversed puberty I guess." Otabek's mother said contemptuous as she looked up to Yuri who was slightly taller than she was herself. Otabek's father must have been really short since his mom was taller than him.

"Why did you come to my house anyway? And why do you still have that ridiculous haircut?" She spoke with that annoying sound in her voice again. It reminded Yuri of all the times when he used to be so annoyed by JJ's voice, as he talked about him being worthless.

Every little thing about this woman reminded him of JJ. And Otabek didn't deserve a mother like that.

"Mom, I like my hair like that. Let me be. I'm an adult man." He replied and felt that Yuri started to get really annoyed by now. Otabek himself was used to his mom's awful personality and didn't really mind anymore.

"I came here because I wanted to ask you to forgive me. I retired from skating and I work as a DJ now. I work together with a big company. And it felt like I failed you and the family since you guys always wanted me to continue with skating." Otabek said as he sat down on one of the chairs in the small living room.

"A DJ..? That's... Just ridiculous." She chuckled out sarcastically and shook her head.

"Mom... Why don't you just show me your love one time. I am your son." Otabek said, still showing no sign of emotion as he just stared at his mom's bitch face.

"Otabek... Hmm... I shouldn't have let your father choose your name. And yes, you are my son. And maybe, I do love you, somewhere inside my heart, but that doesn't mean you aren't a failure. And now you retired? It can't get any worse, huh? You were too dumb to finish school and you also didn't have any athletic abilities."

"Mom, I won gold for 3 times."

"That doesn't change the fact that you didn't finish your school because you were too dumb just to answer some questions!" She said and this did made Otabek feel bad inside. Still, he didn't show it.

"And if you won gold for so many times, why did you stop skating then?" His mom asked annoyed and sat down on a chair too, making Yuri the only one who didn't sat down yet.

"Because I didn't like it. I only carried on because I wanted to make you proud for a change! Because you never complimented me on anything!" Otabek almost yelled and his mom's face looked even angrier when he raised his voice.

"Your nephews are all talented. Two of them study at a university and one of them is a great sportsman. A talented sportsman. They didn't have to work so hard for it. I just wish I had a son like that. You are good looking but I rather have a smart son." She said and crossed her arms. She stared into her son's dark eyes until he looked away.

Yuri couldn't control himself anymore and just decided to say something. He didn't care about her opinion on him.

"Otabek is a great person! You should realize that! He's the best husband I could ever wish for and I don't want him to go through any more pain. Just tell him you love him." Yuri spoke loudly but his mom didn't even listen to what he said. She only heard one word that triggered her.

'Husband'

"You guys are married?" She asked as her eyes widened and acted like she was shocked. Both of them knew she was just playing a game with them. Like she always did when Otabek was younger.

"And I wasn't invited to the wedding?" She asked, raising her voice even higher and looked from Otabek to Yuri and repeated that a couple of times.

"Well, I understand why he didn't invite you!" Yuri yelled and Otabek started to feel ashamed. This was still his mom.

"Yuri..!" He whispered way too loud.

"Do you approve that? When he treats you like that? He doesn't even let you finish his sentence!" She said to Yuri and looked into his eyes. There weren't many people that had such bright eyes in this area.

"People always try to rip us apart! Can my mother in law please support us?" Yuri screamed and Otabek grabbed his hand and squeezed it so hard that Yuri almost squeaked. He just wanted them both to shut up.

"So, my son is law is nothing better than my son. At least you guys are made for each other. Both disrespectful and rude."

"Dad would be disappointed if he saw this. I'm sure he would have loved me. But I never had a father!"

A silence cut through the room and it took a while before anyone decided to saw something again.

"Don't talk about your dad Otabek. Never, talk, about, him, again!" Otabek's mother hissed as she pointed her finger at her son who still stared at her with a face of steel. Otabek was so different when he was around other people than he was when he was around Yuri.

"If I wanna talk about my father, I do that." He said as came closer to his mother. He stared into her eyes, trying to make her realize thay she couldn't tell him what to do. He was an adult now. A grown man with an own opinion who was able to say what he wanted.

"Oh, if that isn't our little brother the traitor. Leaving your mom and your sisters like this, without giving us any money while you live in a nice, warm apartment in the center of the city." A voice said from behind and both Yuri and Otabek turned around.

One of his sisters.

"I was happy I was finally allowed to leave. I loved training in other countries, far away from you guys." He said and was about to stand up before Yuri stepped closer to his sister.

"What did you ever achieve then? Don't blame your brother for you guys being poor. If you really wanted to solve your problems, you should work as hard as he does." Yuri said and looked at Otabek's sister which didn't look as much like him as his mother.

"Otabek was the man of the house. He was the one who had to become successful to be able to help us. Not us." She said and Yuri felt that the anger slowly started to burn inside him again. It wasn't a huge fire like it was sometimes. It was just a little flame. He wasn't going to trip over this.

"What did he ever do wrong to deserve all of this?" Yuri asked both of the women in front of him and felt their ignorant eyes looking at him.

"Being such a failure. We are surprised you fell in love with him. We were sure about one thing when he was younger: someone so dumb and so talentless would never find someone. But you are blind. And I am so sorry for that." Otabek's sister said and smirked, amused by the fact that Yuri slowly started to become angrier. She wasn't able to read her brother's emotions since he never showed them but Yuri's emotions were way too obvious to be unnoticed.

"I don't care about whatever you say! And if we are ever going to marry again, please know that we won't invite you! Because that's the best decision we've ever made!" Yuri said as he grabbed Otabek's hand kissed him right on his lips, in front of his mother and sister.

Yuri pulled Otabek with him towards the door and opened it harshly.

"They didn't change a thing. I could have known that before I came here." Otabek said with a subdued sound of despair in his voice. He wasn't surprised by what happened but it still hurt.

"I do love you. They can drown in their self-pity. We are a family now and we are happy remember?" Yuri said as Otabek turned on the motorcycle.

"I love you too. But you are crazy, Yura."

"Good."

 

-

 

"What a bitch." Yuri said quite angrily as he threw his keys on the table. Otabek's mother annoyed him, maybe even made him rage inside.

"Yura, she's my mother. Please don't call her a bitch okay?"

Yuri didn't understand why Otabek kept defending his mother and his sisters. Yuri knew they were bad people because Otabek told him about them but that they were that mean? No, he didn't expect that.

"If I said she's not a bitch I would he lying! She treats you like shit Beka! And I don't accept that okay? Stop thinking about your family. They don't deserve to treat you so bad."

"Yuri..."

"No Yuri! I am clear right? I don't ever want you to say that you failed your family again! 'Cause they are just a bunch of bitches that try to ruin your life! And our life was already ruined by enough people." Yuri yelled and Otabek nodded. Maybe Yuri was right. Otabek knew that. But still, those were the people that he lived with since he was born and even while they were mean towards him, he still loved them. Even while he knew they didn't love him back.

Otabek had more on his mind right now. The Grand-Prix final that Yuri trained so hard for was tomorrow. Otabek did not manage to get his files or his music program back so he couldn't make his song. Yuri chose other music that also matched the routine.

Otabek wasn't worried about his performance. He was worried about something else.

"Yuri, I am worried." Otabek said and laced his fingers together with Yuri's. If Otabek called Yuri by his real name, something bothered him.

"About what?"

"About you. The Grand-Prix final is in Canada. I trained with JJ in the rink where you have to skate and I know he's in jail but it just doesn't feel good." Otabek spoke silently and looked up. He didn't want to make Yuri anxious but he also didn't want him to be in danger. If something would happen tomorrow, he would do anything to personally kill the person who was responsible for that.

Tomorrow was Yuri's comeback and no one ever had the right to ruin that moment for him. His second Grand-Prix final. He had to win it and he had to show the world that he, Yuri Plisetsky, still was the best skater the world had ever known.

The world had to know that he indeed was the new Victor Nikiforov. The new talent of the skating world. And the world had to know the truth about what happened to Yuri. This time, not because Victor and Yuuri told the media some things they knew about Yuri's story. This time, everyone had to hear Yuri tell the story himself.

"It will be fine. I don't expect anything to happen. We are not at home so he can't spy on us and he's locked up. Don't worry." Yuri replied and and placed a soft kiss on Otabek's lips.

Yuri was nervous. Normally, he never was nervous before a competition but now, he felt so different. It had been such a long time since he skated in a seriously important competition and now, after all those years, he had to prove that he was back.

"I realized something Otabek. I feel like I finally realize that things can't be undone..."

"What do you mean?"

"Life just goes on. You forget about things that happened. But nothing will ever be totally gone. All the shit, all the pain, all the lies... Everyone knows about it. And I can't undo what happened in the past. And I forget about that sometimes. And I am going to tell everyone about what happened. I know it's the day before the finals start, but I don't care about my prize anymore. Right now, I only care about my reputation." Yuri spoke and sighed. He was going to do it. He was finally going to tell the world the truth.

"I wanted to ask you to do that. Tell everyone what happened. And don't be scared to say anything wrong. You are the only person that knows what really happened and you have he right to tell everyone about it." Otabek said and pulled Yuri into a hug. This was the best decision he could have made and Otabek was proud.

Otabek gave Yuri his phone. He didn't care if JJ was watching him. Yuri had to record that video now and upload it tonight.

Yuri clicked on the 'record' button and took a deep breath.

"Hello... I guess some people remember me. I am Yuri Plisetsky and I won the Grand-Prix final five years ago. That was the moment of my life. I qualified for the finals of this year and tomorrow, I have to perform. But first, I wanna tell everyone about some things that happened to me last years." Yuri said and looked at Otabek who smiled at him.

"It all began when I was sixteen, a little while after the finals. I was living a dream, being able to skate every single day and I knew I was going to be successful. People supported me and I was proud of what I archived.

I had a competitor during the Grand-Prix. Jean-Jaques Leroy, but I guess most people just know him as JJ. JJ told me he liked me one day. I did not like him back because I liked someone else but JJ forced me to become his boyfriend. He said he would do things that I would find horrible if I didn't agree so I did.

JJ was forceful and held me back from the world. I wasn't allowed to go outside anymore and that's why I disappeared. JJ broke all my medals because I didn't want him to let him 'steal my beauty'. He couldn't stand me. He also... He also raped me...

I lived like that for four years. It turned out I wasn't allowed to go outside because he was scared I would beat him in competitions. He wanted to win instead of me.

Then, we married, again against my will. I still loved the one who I had been in love with when I was sixteen. After the wedding, he helped me to escape from JJ and he took me to his home so I was safe. So, there I was, with Otabek in Kazakhstan and I thought I was finally safe.

I finally confessed my feelings for Otabek after five years and he was in love with me too so we started a relationship. JJ agreed to divorce from me and came to Kazakhstan to sign the divorce papers. Then, when I had to leave the room, he kissed with Otabek because he knew that would break my heart and I really was heartbroken. It made me so angry and sad that I cut all my hair off.

We didn't break up because I knew it wasn't Otabek's intention to hurt me.

We received an invitation for a Grand-Prix final reunion and decided to go there. I wanted to tell the other competitors that everything they heard about me were lies. JJ said a lot of things that weren't true about me.

When the night fell, Otabek didn't return to our hotel room. I still remember that so well. He left a message and said he would be back at 11 but he wasn't back at 12 so I got worried and searched for him. I received a phone call from JJ and he said that Otabek was with him in his hotel room. JJ anesthetized Otabek and it took him three days to be able to walk again.

I found out my grandpa died that day. I didn't know that but my grandpa had always been there for me since I was a kid and it hurt me so bad that I couldn't be at his funeral because I was getting held inside by JJ back then. Before we returned to Kazakhstan, we visited my grandpa's grave in Russia.

Sorry that I am crying by the way. This is weak but it just really hurts me.

When we were back in Kazakhstan, I told Otabek about a dream I had. Since I was young, I wanted to marry one day. I wanted to marry in a wedding dress and I just wanted it to be our day. The day when we didn't have to listen to anyone else.

About a year later, my dream came true. I married Otabek in Hasetsu, in Yuuri's family's hot springs. Then, someone set the whole place on fire and that person turned out to be JJ. He still hated me.

He knew I couldn't swim. I just never learned that. He threw me into the ocean and thought I was going to drown but Otabek saved me.

When we arrived back home, we wanted to tell the police about all of this. But JJ already told lies to the police himself and I was arrested for 'abusing' him.

Jail was horrible. I was sad, and alone and the other prisoners treated me like shit. I was raped multiple times. I don't wanna say anything else about that.

After three weeks, I was allowed to leave the prison again.

JJ still was a fucking asshole and he sent me messages with videos. Beka, I am sorry if you don't want me to say this but I am going to say it anyway. Those were videos of Otabek getting raped by JJ.

Otabek and I were about to break up, but we didn't, again because we knew that those were lies.

A while later, JJ was arrested because the police finally found out what really happened to me.

He sent me messages. Even while he's in jail, he sent me fucking messages. Voice messages which he said awful things in.

I am done with it now. Every day is living in fear for us because we don't know what's going to happen. This was my story and I am going to try my best to win that damn medal tomorrow."

Yuri stopped talking and felt Otabek's lips on his. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks just before he clicked on the 'stop recording' button. He finally told the world the truth.

And he hoped his was finally free.

 

 

JJ knew Yuri had his competition tomorrow and this time he was sure that he would be able to ruin Yuri's life. He couldn't spy on them last weeks since the phone was broken.

There were so many reasons for JJ to hate Yuri. His talent, his looks, his prizes. But there was one reason that Yuri did not know about. That was the most important reason for JJ to hate Yuri and he had to suffer for that.

He stole the one he was in love with for years.

Otabek.

JJ met Otabek two years before the Grand-Prix final in Barcelona, when he was 16 and JJ himself was 17. Otabek trained in Canada back then and when he saw him, he immediately fell for him.

Otabek was handsome, masculine and he had the most perfect body JJ had ever seen. He didn't expect himself to ever fall in love with someone but when he saw Otabek, it all changed for him.

First, JJ wasn't sure if he was in love. He never experienced this feeling before but he knew it felt like that deep inside his heart.

JJ started flirting with Otabek but it seemed like he wasn't interested in him. Otabek was stoic and not very outgoing and when they talked, he only talked about his skating routines. And about that boy. That damned but from the juniors.

Yuri Plisetsky.

JJ never met him but he knew that he was 14 now and had only one year left before he was allowed to train in the senior devision. JJ didn't understand why Otabek was all over a 14 year old boy from Russia that je never heard of before and decided to search for him. There weren't many pictures available but the ones he saw made him clear why Otabek loved him so much.

He was beautiful.

He looked emotionless, angry or moody on most of the pictures but that only made it clearer for JJ why Otabek liked him. He was just like him. And JJ hated that.

From that moment, JJ had a goal in mind which was nothing less than becoming this boy's nightmare once he met him. And if JJ had something in mind, nothing could ever hold him back from it.

Otabek and JJ became closer but still, no matter how many hints JJ dropped, Otabek didn't seem interested in him. It made JJ mad. He knew he was good looking and he was also a talented skater, so why wasn't he interested?

JJ met Isabella about a year later. She was his biggest fan and JJ loved to be admired by her. They started dating but JJ never felt for her what he felt for Otabek. He lied to her, so many times, but he just wanted her attention as long as Otabek wouldn't give him his attention.

Because JJ never loved Yuri. He never loved Isabella. He only loved Otabek.


	20. Traitor (20)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating for a while!

"Yura, you are going to do a great job today. I feel it." Otabek said as he stood behind Yuri in the dressing room. If had been a long time since Otabek was here but it still looked exactly the same as six years ago.

But this time, Otabek was here with the one he used to talk about every day. This rink had heard all the things he said about how much he loved Yuri and now, he was here, by his side.

Otabek moved his fingers through Yuri's shoulder length hair as he braided it for him. Yuri's hair grew a lot last months and Otabek was happy he looked like this again. This was the Yuri he knew.

So soft.

The finals were going to start in about 5 minutes and Yuri looked wonderful, wearing a black costume, beautifully decorated with small, grey flowers.

Yuri loved tigers, ripped clothes and hard rock music but behind all that edgy stuff, he loved flowers.

"You should be proud of yourself. You deserve to stand here. I love you." Otabek spoke as he bent over and kissed Yuri's cheek.

He finished the braid and looked at his husband. Otabek was so proud to me married to this guy. He was all he could ever wish for and Yuri knew that. Luckily, he did.

He kneeled down next to Yuri and cupped his face.

"Are you ready?"

"Sure I am."

Otabek smiled and grabbed Yuri's hands, slowly moving his face closer to Yuri's. He moved his hands up to his shoulders and neck, pulling him into a kiss. An amazing kiss.

It was time for Yuri to show himself to the world again. Finally.

They walked towards the audience and Yuri was greeted with a loud applause. Many people saw the video he recorded yesterday and he received so many reactions of people who felt sorry for him. It made him feel so good to know that people still loved him as a skater.

They watched all the competitors skate and when it was finally Yuri's turn to skate, Otabek walked up the stairs so he could watch him perfectly.

Everyone focused on Yuri as he was about to start his routine. The music started to play.

When Otabek sat down, he felt a hand on his mouth and an arm around his waist. The person held his waist so tight that he couldn't breathe and since his mouth was covered too, he breathe at all anymore.

Otabek was strong enough to fight this person but he just couldn't breathe.

Everyone was cheering or looking at Yuri while Otabek was getting dragged towards the door of the rink, towards the hallway, passed out.

The person threw him into her car and took off her sunglasses.

"This will hurt him, huh? Good. My JJ wants to hurt your little boyfriend and once you wake up again, he will hurt you too..." a feminine voice spoke as she closed the door of the car, opened another one and stepped inside.

Yuri now skated his program perfectly, just like all the times he trained for it. He didn't miss a jump, landed them all and moved with grace, even while his body changed during those years. He was talented, he knew that.

He did all of this for Otabek. Just for him.

He moved his body, so elegantly and relaxed. He managed to tell his, their, story by skating to this program, just like he wanted to.

When Yuri finished his performance, he closed his eyes and listened to the cheers of all the people, screaming his name and Yuri saw roses falling on the ice in front of him.

It made him feel amazing.

Yuri sat down at the kiss and cry and waited for Otabek to come back to congratulate him. But he didn't come back.

Yuri was worried. Otabek promised him to meet him right after he finished his program so they could wait for his score together. Now he wasn't here, he was more nervous than he was in weeks.

"Yuri Plisetsky. 103.17! First place."

He won but he didn't care. He had to know where Otabek was right fucking now.

People cheered and screamed for him and all the cameras focused on him but he didn't know what to do.

Nobody understood what was going on when they watched Yuri on the huge screen. He looked around as his eyes filled themselves with tears but not because he was happy with winning the first prize.

He was in Canada and if something bad happened, it had to be JJ. It just had to.

Yuri took off his skates and ran towards the people with the microphones that commented on the performances.

"I need to ask something. I lost my husband and I am scared that something happened. I just need to." Yuri said as he started to feel panicked.

The men immediately gave him the microphone and Yuri swallowed so he wouldn't burst out in tears.

"Otabek, if you are here, please come to the kiss and cry right now." Yuri said and a sound of nervousness and fear was clearly hearable in his voice.

Yuri returned to the kiss and cry and say down again as the cameras focused on his again. After a minute of waiting, Otabek still wasn't there and Yuri didn't know what to do anymore. He didn't want his prize right now. He just wanted his Otabek.

 

Otabek was brought inside a house through the back door. It was a big house with dark walls and many mirrors inside the hallway. Everything was decorated with small, red items and the aura in the house felt bad.

She tied up Otabek's hands and legs and she waited until he finally woke up again.

She was proud of her work. At least, she didn't fail her love.

"JJ, he's awake! I love you!" She yelled and JJ came down the stairs, telling her to leave after he rewarded her with a faked kiss. He didn't love her at all.

JJ was a great actor. He had always been one. The guard that was so in love with him did everything so he was able to leave prison before Yuri's competition. She knew everything about JJ's plan and she knew she wasn't allowed to say anything. There was a high risk of losing her job, maybe even getting locked up for helping JJ with this plan but she did everything for him. She loved him, just like Isabella.

Otabek looked right into JJ's eyes that looked deeply into his. It scared him.

"JJ, what am I doing here?" Otabek asked in fear and JJ did not reply.

Otabek's eyes got watery as he realized that JJ maybe did something to Yuri.

"Where is Yura? WHERE THE HELL IS MY YURI?" Otabek screamed and threw is head into his neck, crying out loud. Maybe didn't even want to know what JJ did to Yuri.

JJ lifted Otabek's tied up body up as he brought him to the bedroom.

"Don't worry. He's alive. First, I wanna tell you some things. About why I did all of those things to you and Yuri-chan."

JJ laid Otabek down on the bed as he laid next to him and looked into his eyes. He was so in love with Otabek. So hopelessly in love.

"Just untie me. You know I won't do anything." said Otabek but JJ did not listen and just started his monologue.

"When I first saw you in Canada, I was stunned by you. You were so manly, so hot and handsome. And I just wanted you to hold me tight, protect me. Love me. But no matter what I said, did or tried, you never loved me back Otabek.

You loved Yuri. And I knew that. You loved that awful little twig and I wanted to get rid of him from the beginning. And that's why I did those things to you. Yuri asked me why I didn't let him go if I didn't love him when I took him home after the wedding.

'Love', I answered. Not love for him. Love for you, Otabek.

I wanted to take Yuri's confidence away from him because I knew you loved it. I wanted to cut all his hair off because I knew you found it beautiful. I wanted to humiliate him until he wasn't able to ever smile again because he only showed his smile to you. I just wanted to ruin him for you. On the inside and the outside. But I failed.

Isabella... She was such a naive girl. Perfect to manipulate. She loved me but I didn't want her to love me. I wanted you to love me. And I still want you to.

People called you weird and untalented. That hurt me. I love you so much. I wanna kiss you Otabek, love you. I wanna totally fuck you up.

That time we had sex was heaven on earth for me. But hearing your screams and cries also hurt me. I gave you all my love and still, you didn't want me." JJ started to cry as he pulled Otabek closer and wiped away his tears.

Otabek kept sobbing as JJ told him about all of this he had never known. Otabek hated JJ, more than whoever hurt him during his whole life and if he was able to use his hands right now, he definitely would kill him.

JJ softly kissed Otabek on his lips. Yuri was right, his kisses felt awful.

"And now, you have that ugly ass tattoo on your back with that horrible name of that brat. And it hurts me so badly. You should have my name on your back. You should say my name every day and kiss me and you should let Yuri go forever! He's not worth such a beautiful man like you.

You shouldn't be the one to protect Yuri. I should be the one to protect you and I will always love you Otabek. You will come over Yuri before you know it. I love you more than I love myself. And you are mine now. You belong to me. I own you and I will never let you go again!

I will kiss you until you fall asleep and I will treat you like my God ,Otabek. You are the God of Victory, the Hero of Kazakhstan and my heart. I didn't rape you because you stole my victory. I wanted you to win. But I just wanted to become one with you for one time instead of that little piece of shit of a Yuri!"

JJ harshly slapped Otabek in his face and kissed the place where he hit him. Otabek was trembling and tears kept rolling down his cheeks. He bit on his lip and tried to stay strong as JJ placed soft kisses on his cheek.

"Sorry. I love you Otabek. Yuri doesn't love you. I do. Love me back... Please."

No Otabek. You don't love him and you never will. You love Yuri. With all your heart and whatever he tells you, you will not agree with anything. Let him torture you until you are bruised and broken. Let him do whatever he wants to you. Stay strong for Yura.

Otabek felt another hit in his face and JJ grabbed his face and forced him to look at him.

"Say you love me... JJ, I love you. Say it."

Otabek just shook his head and kept repeating that one name in his mind.

Yura, Yura, Yura...

"I LOVE YOU OTABEK JUST FUCKING SAY YOU LOVE ME TOO!"

"I-I don't love y-you JJ..."

Slam, another hit in his face, this time even harder than last time.

"JEAN STOP! I-I CAN'T HELP THAT I DON'T LOVE YOU! And I never knew it! I THOUGHT WE WERE JUST FRIENDS!" Otabek screamed and looked into JJ's teary eyes, asking him to let him go.

"Only if you say you love me. And if you don't, I will kill Yuri. I will kill him slowly. Isabella will do that for me. IF YOU DON'T SAY YOU LOVE ME I WILL FUCKING KILL THE ONE YOU LOVE! That bitch took... T-took everything away from me. E-every little t-thing..." JJ sobbed as he caressed Otabek's face and kept staring into his eyes.

If you don't say you love me, I will kill the one you love.

"I love you JJ... Now let me go."

"So we both love each other? You love me? Kiss me Otabek..."

"NO I FUCKING WON'T!"

JJ pressed his lips against Otabek's and grabbed him tighter.

He saw that moment in the USA flashing in front of his eyes.

"Who's there?" Otabek softly said as he stood up. Maybe it was the room service who thought he ordered something.

Otabek was about to win the worlds so maybe, it was just one of his competitors who wanted to compliment him.

When Otabek opened the door, JJ walked inside and grabbed his hands.

"Great job. I knew you could do this from the beginning. And I am proud of you." JJ spoke as Otabek didn't know what to do. He didn't know why JJ suddenly grabbed his hands and just tried to let them go.

Without success.

"Thank you. I am quite tired to be honest and I'd like to be alone." Otabek said but before he knew it, JJ pushed him on his bed and moved himself on top of him.

"You know you can't easily defeat me Otabek. I thought you knew that by now. So... It's your victory or your body."

"JJ... What the-"

JJ didn't even wait for Otabek's answer but began to undress him. Otabek started to panic and tried to push JJ away but he didn't manage to.

"Stop! I will find Yuri back one day and I still need to tell him my secret. Don't you dare to touch me you asshole!" Otabek yelled as he tried to punch the guy on top of him but JJ grabbed his hands.

The exact same thing was happening right now. And Otabek couldn't handle this anymore. For the second time in his life, he was getting raped by JJ. The guy who raped him and Yuri and tried to ruin their life for multiple times.

A feeling of luck rushed through JJ's body as he didn't notice that Isabella stood in the doorway, crying as she watched what was happening.

He lied to her. Again.

JJ never loved her.

Her heart was broken, and she cried.

Isabella wasn't a bad person. Not at all. She was ruined by JJ and blinded by love. She never intended to do such awful things to Yuri and Otabek but she just wanted JJ to love her the way she loved him.

Now she saw JJ doing this to Otabek, hurting him in the name of love, she couldn't handle it anymore. She was betrayed for so many years.

While all of that happened, Yuri ran down the streets of Toronto, raging but scared, on his way to JJ's house, being followed by paparazzi and sports reporters. He didn't care. He had to find Otabek as soon as possible.

What if JJ hurt him? Yuri didn't even want to think about an answer to that question.

He still wore his skating costume and it probably looked ridiculous when he didn't stand on the ice but again, he didn't care. Something like that was the least important thing right now.

He broke the rule he made up five years ago. Never cry in public. And now, he cried on TV. But he rather gave up his reputation than his Beka.

Yuri looked behind him and saw the corner of the street when he sat on the ground almost two years ago, crying in Otabek's arms as they leaned back against his motorcycle. That was the moment when Otabek saved him and now, the roles were swapped.

Otabek grabbed Yuri's arm and ran through the doorway. They ran until they arrived at the corner of the street where Otabek's motorcycle was parked. JJ didn't follow them but slammed the door shut behind him.

Otabek pulled Yuri close and tried to comfort him by telling him that he was safe now. Yuri couldn't stop crying and tried to make himself believe that nothing could happen to him anymore but he couldn't believe it.

What he thought almost two years ago was the truth. He wasn't safe after that day. And he wondered if he would ever be able to get rid of JJ. That man was a psychopath.

Totally exhausted after he ran for minutes, he finally arrived at the house he had been one time before.  
The door was closed, of course it was. Yuri wasn't going to ring the bell. He wasn't crazy. This was one of those moments when his anger was useable.

Fucking focus and let that bitch suffer for whatever happened to Otabek. You are right Yuri. Your instinct is right. He did something to Beka. You feel it. And that fucking cunt has to die.

Yuri kicked against the door and it swung open, leading Yuri a way to the hallway.

In the other room, Isabella's whole body was trembling as she looked at the horrific scene in front of her. She suddenly realized that it was her fault that this happened to Otabek and she felt guilty. So guilty that it made her sick. She didn't even know him in person but she knew how much he loved Yuri after she had been spying on them for months.

And she regretted that. But it was too late for regrets now.

"This is what love feels like. Yuri is a worthless piece of shit. Why did you ever hook up with him if you could have chosen for someone like me too?" JJ yelled into Otabek's ear but the younger man didn't reply. He was trying to calm himself down.

Otabek didn't scream anymore. He just let out subdued sobs as he grit his teeth and tears rolled down his face. Yes, he was an adult man but he didn't care about looking strong anymore.

His body was meant for Yuri and for no one else. But he couldn't do anything about it and just had to wait until it was over. And who knew what else JJ was going to do with him? Who knew what he may did to Yuri?

Isabella couldn't control herself anymore and yelled JJ's name as he angrily turned around and looked right into her eyes, his own eyes widening as he saw her standing in the doorway. He told her to go upstairs.

"You said you loved me JJ... You said you were proud of me. I did so much for you. The most horrible things, I did it all for you and now, this?" Isabella said quietly as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

JJ moved his body away from Otabek's and looked into Isabella's eyes.

"Bella... Darling, this is a mistake... I-" JJ stood up and left Otabek crying on the bed as he tried to realize what just happened. For the second time. By the same man. The man he believed was his friend years ago. The man who tried to separate him from Yuri. The man who tried to kill his beautiful husband.

"IT'S NOT A MISTAKE ASSHOLE! YOU DON'T RAPE SOMEONE BY ACCIDENT! YOU NEVER LOVED ME AND YOU NEVER LOVED THAT YURI GUY TOO. TRAITOR!"

"Don't call me a traitor you bitch." JJ hissed and came closer to Isabella who's heart started to pound in her chest. The last time JJ hit her had been years ago but she still remembered how bad it hurt. Her face was purple... He had been looking into her eyes the exact same way as he did right now.

It scared her.

In a reflex, she stuck her hand into her bag and pulled out a pair of scissors which she pointed at JJ.

"Come closer and I'll stab you. And I love you. I mean, I loved you. It's clear for me JJ. We married but you divorced from me for Yuri because you wanted him to stay away from Otabek. What kind of horrible person does that? I-I... Oh JJ... I was so wrong..." She said as tears formed in her eyes.

"I did love you Isabella. You are a liar. A worthless liar!" JJ said and pushed the girl against the wall, ready to give her a punch so hard that she would pass out.

Isabella's eyes widened in fear and without thinking about it, she moved her hand with the scissors clutched in it closer to JJ's chest.

She stabbed and JJ's eyes widened before he let out a scream. Isabella covered her eyes as she saw what she did and let out a high squeak.

"Bella... Baby. I love you. You know that right? Every part of you is so beautiful... You are just perfect and I am so thankful I found you. The most beautiful girl I've ever seen... That's what you are."

A tear rolled down her face as she saw JJ falling on the floor, his hand against the bleeding wound in his chest.

"Then I declare you husband and wife."

JJ's body fell down on the floor and a sickening sound was heard when his head hit the ground.

"JJ! JJ! JJ! You can do this darling! You are the best skater I've ever seen!"

She fell on her knees and just stared into JJ's eyes that were going to be closed in a couple of seconds. This couldn't be true. She didn't do this. This was awful!

"Isa... Bella... I am sorry for everything. Thank you, honey. Thank you." JJ said and his eyes closed.

That exact moment, the door was being opened and Yuri stepped inside, looking at the horrible mess in front of him.

Otabek laid on the bed, his legs and wrists tied up.

Isabella was crying with a pair of bloody scissors in her hand.

JJ laid on the floor, lifeless and bleeding.

It was weird to see but Yuri actually didn't really mind about JJ and his ex right now. Yuri ran towards Otabek and looked into his eyes. Otabek had seen everything that happened about a minute ago and he was shocked. Shocked by everything that just happened.

Yuri pulled Otabek's trembling body close as he felt his love's cold skin, totally destroyed by what just happened. Otabek couldn't cry, too shocked and too humiliated.

It hurt.

Yuri didn't know what to do and just placed some soft kisses on Otabek's cheek as he quietly started humming a song, just like Otabek did when Yuri couldn't sleep. The sounds were sometimes interrupted by Yuri's sobs which he couldn't prevent himself from. Yuri moved his fingers through Otabek's hair, knowing that sensation was his weakness.

The feeling and the sound of Yuri's humming made Otabek feel a little calmer and slowly, warm tears started to roll down his face, leaving trials of pure sadness behind.

They both didn't care that JJ was dead. They didn't give a single fuck. It meant they were finally free.

Isabella sat on the ground, crying silently as she stared at the bloody scissors in her hands.

She just killed him. Her JJ. She killed him. Dead. He died because she killed him.

She only did it to protect herself and she hoped with all her heart that she wouldn't be sentenced for murder. She didn't want to kill JJ, even while she was so angry with him. She would never kill a person.

Isabella reached over to JJ's dead body. She placed her hand on his heart, hoping that she would be able to feel his heartbeat. No sound. No feeling. Nothing.

Yuri kept moving his fingers through Otabek's hair until he felt that he started sobbing, which meant he was down to earth again. This was the only way to calm Otabek down and Yuri was happy he found a way to do that.

"Beka... I-It's over. Forever. He won't touch you again. Here, let me untie you." Yuri whispered as he started to loosen the rope round Otabek's wrists and legs.

JJ... He was dead. But that was exactly what he deserved after all those years. Yuri was done with all the lies, the pain, the bad image.

Isabella kept repeating one word.

"Sorry."

The word sorry meant more than just one thing for her. She felt sorry for killing JJ. She felt sorry for all the pain she was responsible for. She felt sorry for spying on Otabek and Yuri. She felt sorry for everything.

She softly kissed JJ's lips and bursted out in tears when she felt how cold his lips felt. Like they were made out of ice. The ice he used to dance on so beautifully.

JJ had been an awful husband for her. He abused her, just like he did to Yuri but even after all those years of pain, she still loved him. She was surprised that looking at Otabek being touched against his will by JJ made her realize what a bad person he was. She never really realized that before.

She wondered why she even minded that JJ did that to Otabek. She saw the videos where he did the exact same thing to him before too.

And when he came so close to her, wanting to punch her, she saw that moment he punched her before. She felt the pain again.

"Y-Yura how did you find me? How did your competition go?" Otabek asked and Yuri wiped away a tear that escaped from his eye.

"I won. But that doesn't matter now. We need to go outside so everyone knows that you are alright. I thought he was going to kill you!" Yuri said in tears and closed his eyes as he took a deep breath.

"He's dead..." A small voice behind them said and they both turned around, facing a woman with black hair that fell in her face, making her look like a monster with those bloody scissors in her hand.

"I know." Yuri said as he stared at the body on the ground. He felt nothing.

Yuri reached for Otabek's hand and smiled at him through his tears. He was so thankful that he found him back.


	21. Ring (21)

"GET OUT OF THE FUCKING WAY!" Yuri shouted at the reporters around him as he walked out of the house, holding Otabek's shaking hand. Otabek was traumatized.

He just said what he never really realized before. The person who did all of this to them used to be his friend for years.

Isabella was arrested for murder and Yuri and Otabek were free to go. They had to talk about what happened with the police later because they already knew that Isabella killed JJ.

All the reporters pointed their cameras their way and the next moment, all they saw were flashing lights. Otabek didn't want them to take pictures of him like this, so weak and scared. He didn't want the rest of the world to see him like this. And most important, not his own country. He was the Hero. The Hero of Kazakhstan. He was the guy that made everyone believe that whatever you do, with willpower and determination you are able to do anything. He was strong. If they saw him like this, they would hate him.

At least, that was what he thought.

He was shocked and squeezed Yuri's hand before it felt like a pair of strong hands strangled his throat. He couldn't breathe, he started trembling and started to panic.

He fell on his knees and grabbed Yuri's clothes in a reflex, causing him to fall on his knees too.

Yuri didn't know what to do and stared at Otabek as he tried to get some air. Otabek felt like he was dying ad he tried everything to breathe. He couldn't breathe through his mouth, nor through his nose.

"Beka, calm. Calm down. Breathe." Yuri said and tried to stay calm himself too. He wanted to scream for help but he was scared it may startled Otabek and caused him to panic even more.

Yuri wasn't good with handling things like these.

Otabek tried to calm himself down but it was harder than it seemed. His lungs screamed for air as he grabbed Yuri's clothes even tighter and stared into his eyes. He couldn't focus on his eyes. Everything was blurry. He teared up because of the pressure on his body and tears started to roll down his face. This was terrifying.

"Someone, fucking help! He can't breathe! Otabek, breathe. Just, slowly. Slowly!" Yuri spoke as tears welled up in his eyes.

A small bit of air was able to reach Otabek's lungs. It felt like he was breathing through a straw. He kept breathing in and out slowly as he let Yuri go and stared at the ground as he started to breathe heavily.

"You are safe here. Calm down..." Yuri whispered and felt his own heart pounding in his chest. It was awful to watch someone you love so much go through something like this.

"Yu-... Yura..." Otabek managed to bring out. It was hard to talk.

"Shh... Don't talk. It's alright." Yuri commented and pulled his husband closer as the reporters kept trying to shoot some pictures. Those people were heartless.

Yuri placed a soft kiss on Otabek's forehead as he tried to realize what just happened. Did he just have a panic attack?

"Are you okay..?" Yuri asked quietly and Otabek nodded as a reply, closing his eyes, trying to relax again.

"Let's go. We need to go to the airport. I think we already are a bit late. We were supposed to return home after the competition..." Yuri said as he tried to help Otabek stand up. Otabek felt weak and broken. He was sure that this was one of the most humiliating things that ever happened to him.

The world was spinning around him as he stood up but he forced himself not to pass out. He didn't want to look any weaker than he already looked.

They silently walked away while the cameras flashed. Yuri reached for his husband's hand again and looked down at the shorter guy walking next to him.

"I don't know what he told you Beka, but I love you. I love you so fucking much... And I am so sorry." Yuri mumbled and bit on his lip. He also didn't want to look weak right now. It was very ironic how he posted that video about what JJ did to them two days ago and now, this happened.

"It doesn't matter..."

Yuri tried to prevent Otabek from having to answer questions of annoying reporters at the airport. If Otabek didn't want something right now, it was having to talk about his panic attack. He felt ashamed of it, even while he knew he had a good reason for it.

"Mr. Altin, can I-"

"SHUT UP AND LET US ALONE ALREADY!" Yuri screamed at the reporter who immediately backed away, startled by Yuri's voice.

Oh, Yuri felt so bad. Maybe even worse than Otabek.

"Yura... I am scared that it's going to happen more often. What happened today I mean... The panic attack. Last time that JJ did something like that to me, it didn't hurt as bad as if did this time. And even while he did that, watching him die in front of my eyes was terrible." Otabek spoke and looked out of the window of the airplane. The clouds were beautiful.

"Listen, I don't care how many times you'll have an attack like that 'cause we are going through this together and I will help you. Don't feel sorry for me. I am happy that you are still here with me." Yuri replied and laid his head on Otabek's shoulder.

"A panic attack isn't deadly Yura."

"That's not what I am talking about. He could have killed you. I thought I lost you." Yuri spoke and reached for Otabek's hand. "But you promised not to ever leave me right?"

"Never. I promised your grandpa on his grave. And I will never break that promise."

After a long flight back to Kazakhstan, they were both happy to finally be back home again. Yuri didn't even receive his medal but he didn't even notice it after all that happened. He didn't even care about the fact that he won the Grand-Prix final. Right now, he only cared about Otabek.

He brought him to bed and tucked him in. Otabek liked all the attention Yuri gave him but he also felt a little guilty. He didn't have to do this all for him. Yes, he was traumatized but still...

Yuri heard a song playing in the background and immediately recognized it as being Otabek's ringtone. He grabbed his phone and clicked on the green button.

"Otabek? Are you okay? I saw what happened on the news and Victor and I are really worried. We already tried to call Yurio but we got a message that his number does not exist. We were really worried." A familiar voice spoke.

"This is Yuri. Otabek is asleep. My phone is broken."

"Oh... Can you explain what happened exactly? We are so worried."

"I don't know everything too... But... Otabek was kidnapped by JJ and he was... Yeah, raped..." Yuri said with a sound of guilt in his voice. He didn't even know if he was allowed to tell that to them.

Both Yuuri and Victor let out a shocked sound when they heard what happened. They saw the video and knew that Otabek was raped before, which probably made it even harder to go through something like that again.

"We are coming to Russia soon. I want to see you guys because I want to help Otabek with his panic attacks and I don't know if I can do that on my own."

"No, we are coming to Kazakhstan. We need to see you guys and you don't have to come to Russia. It's not a good idea for him to visit a crowded place like an airport right now. It's better you don't do anything that can trigger him." Yuuri spoke as he tried to make sure that Yuri wouldn't visit any crowded places with Otabek right now. Yuuri knew how it felt to have a panic attack. It felt terrible.

"Katsudon, we already were at the airport today and nothing happened. And you don't have to-"

"We do have to. If he wakes up, can you tell Otabek I called?" Yuuri asked.

"Of course. Thanks for the call. See you next week."

"Before you hang up, congrats on your first place! You did a great job." Yuuri said and Yuri realized what happened before all of this. He won the Grand-Prix final. He won it.

-

"Here, I made you some tea with spices. They work relaxing. Grandpa made this for me when I was little and it worked for me. I hope it helps." Yuri said as he walked in with a cup of warm tea and gave it to his husband. He didn't know if it was possible to get skinnier in only one night but Otabek looked thinner and weaker than he did before this happened.

"Yura, you don't have to do this all for me. I mean, I am fine. Something like that won't happen again." Otabek said but Yuri didn't listen to him. He was his husband. Of course he took good care of him in a situation like this.

"Of course I have to. I love you. I am not going to let you suffer. It's a shocking experience you've gone through!" Yuri replied and sat down on the side on the bed, looking into Otabek's eyes. He looked tired, even while he just slept.

"Victor and Yuuri are coming to our house next week. To help me a little." Yuri said as Otabek took a sip of the tea Yuri made for him. It tasted nice. Like you could taste the love.

"I'll call them and say we will pay for everything. It's our problem after all."

Otabek placed the empty cup on the nightstand.

"Yuri, sit in front of me please." Otabek spoke with a small voice and Yuri just did what he said.

Otabek looked at Yuri's soft hair and slowly ran his fingers through it. It was relaxing to watch the thick, golden strands move through his fingers until he reached the ends close to his shoulders. It felt amazingly good. Surprisingly good.

"It's relaxing to do this Yura. Distracts me from the shit a little..." Otabek said softly as he continued with what he was doing.

"Please continue. It feels nice when you do it." Yuri replied and closed his eyes as he felt a nice tingling feeling in his body with every move Otabek's hands made. Something like this was exactly what he needed after a long, miserable day like this. Finally, he had the chance to share his love with Otabek again.

His hair was one of the most beautiful parts of Yuri's whole body and Otabek truly loved it, almost as much as he loved his eyes.

Yuri looked behind him and looked into Otabek's eyes before he turned around and buried his face into Otabek's chest.

"Go on." Yuri mumbled as he enjoyed the warm feeling. Otabek smiled a little and put one of his arms around Yuri's waist and used the other one to softly caress Yuri's hair. He reached over and placed a soft kiss on the top of his head.

"I love you Yura. I love you very much." Otabek said and when he just finished his sentence, the doorbell rang. They were both kind of started by the sudden sound since it almost never happened that someone came over at their house.

"I'll open up..." Yuri spoke annoyed. He didn't want this nice moment to be ruined by someone else.

Yuri opened the door and was surprised when he saw who it was.

"Is Otabek home? I wanna speak with him right now." Otabek's mother said as she looked up at Yuri who's face looked like he was able to kill the woman in front of her right now.

"He is home. But he doesn't want to speak to you. Just leave already." Yuri said but before he was able to close the door, she already pushed him aside and walked inside.

"How ugly, orange walls. Where is the bedroom?" She asked and Yuri's eyes shot fire. He hated this woman.

"Yura, who's there?" Otabek asked.

"It's your mother and your awful girlfriend wants to send me home again! I wanna speak to you!"

"I AM A GUY!" Yuri shouted and he noticed he was getting too angry. He walked towards the bathroom and slammed the door shut, trying to calm himself down.

Otabek came downstairs. His mother immediately saw how weak he looked. Every normal mother would feel horrible if she saw her son like that, but Otabek's mom didn't. She didn't have something like a mother instinct.

"Otabek, I wanna talk." His mother spoke as she observed her son's body and face. She pointed her nose up and looked down at him.

"Mom, how many times do I have to tell you I don't want to see you anymore? Weren't we clear last time?"

"I don't care. Look at you. So weak. I thought you said you were an adult man? I read what happened in the papers. I saw the pictures. A panic attack? Don't make me laugh. You are just weak." His mother said and in this condition, Otabek couldn't look emotionless and strong anymore.

"Mama... I just want explanation. I just wanna know why you hate me while I've never done anything wrong! I can't help that I am not that smart or talented okay? But I am your son! Your only son and you should love me!" Otabek yelled at her and left his mom stunned. She never heard Otabek shout, not even raise his voice.

"I am about to turn around and leave."

"But-"

"I WON'T ANSWER YOUR QUESTION OTABEK!"

"I won't let you leave until you explain me what's up. I wanna know the truth." Otabek said and glared at his mom. He was burning inside but managed to control himself.

"Just tell me why..."

"Alright then. Your father... When... When your father and I got married, no one supported us. Your father came from another country, that's why you are called Otabek. Your father chose your name. And I hate your name just as much as I hate you.

My family wanted me to marry a Kazakh guy or maybe a Russian. From the moment you were born, you looked exactly like him. Your eyes. Your eyes look exactly like your father's.

I wish he didn't die. I loved him so much. I was pregnant when he died and I thought you had something to do with his death. I still think that. I know I should love you but I can't. It's your fault that your father died and it's your fault that we are poor. It's all your fault Otabek!" His mother said and stared into Otabek's eyes.

"It's not mom. It's not my fault!" Otabek said as he turned around.

"I have always loved you! I didn't mind you treated me like shit! I thought you loved me too but you just didn't know how to show that love! I was raped last week. I WAS FUCKING RAPED! For the second time in my life. A normal mom would feel so bad when she hears that. But look at you now..." Otabek said as tears welled up in his eyes.

"You are weak. Letting yourself get raped. Untalented, dumb and weak... A man that cries."

"Get the fuck out of my house." Yuri's voice spoke and Otabek's mom turned around.

"I do whatever I want. Let me have the opportunity to talk with him." Otabek's mother replied and now looked at Yuri, as intimidating as she could.

"I told you to leave. And if you don't leave, I'll make you leave. I can't take it that someone treats my amazing husband like this. Turn around and leave like you just said. I don't want bitches in my house." Yuri hissed and came closer to Otabek's mom.

"Yura..." Otabek said but Yuri didn't listen.

"I'll leave. I don't want to talk to worthless idiots. I wished I never had you. I wish you were never born. You are just a waste of space Otabek." She spoke as she turned around and shut the door behind her.

Otabek felt even worse now. He almost fell into Yuri's arms as he buried his face into his chest and held onto his shirt.

I wished I never had you. I wished you were never born. You are just a waste of space.

They heard muffled screaming through the door saying 'you are not my son anymore'.

Otabek grit his teeth as he freed himself from Yuri's loving grip and ran away, upstairs, towards the bedroom with tears in his eyes. He was done with all of this. So done.

"Otabek, come back. It's-" Yuri began as he ran after him but Otabek already slammed the door shut and left the blonde in silence.

The silence was broken by the sound of loud sobs. Otabek didn't want to be together with anyone right now. What his mother just said hurt him too much.

Maybe it was the truth. He should have never been born. He never had any talent. No matter how many times he tried, it always took him ages to remember the choreography of his skating programs.

He was dumb. Since he was a kid, he hadn't been smart. At least, not 'school' smart. He wasn't good at maths, remembering texts or writing essays. He dropped out of school when he was 12 and left his family in shame.

It had never been his intention to hurt his family. He couldn't help that he wasn't good at all of those things.

But what he really never understood is why his mom didn't love him when he finally managed to win gold. And now he knew it. Because she always believed he was responsible for the death of his father. Because his mom was pregnant from him when it happened.

Even while Otabek knew that was pure bullshit, he couldn't take it anymore. There were people out there who believed he was responsible for his father's death and in some way also for JJ's death.

He never made someone proud. He sure was a failure. A waste of space...

"Beka... Let me in. We need to talk about this." spoke Yuri softly as he sat down on the other side of the door. Nothing hurt him more than hearing Otabek cry. Yuri was on the urge of crying but told himself not to.

"It's clear for me Yura! I don't wanna talk about it. Everything has already been said!" Otabek replied and buried his face in his hands as warm tears fell down on them. Failure.

"What you just heard were lies! She's an awful person. Don't listen to her please. You are amazing. Really. And I love you, you know that. If the whole damn world hates you, I am still here for you. I didn't fall in love with you for no reason." Yuri said and he heard that Otabek stood up. A couple of seconds later, the door was being opened and Yuri looked into his husband's watery, dark eyes.

Otabek looked down at the floor and reached for Yuri's hand. "Why can't she just love me?"

"Why do you even want her to love you? I don't get it!" Yuri replied and took Otabek to their bed. They sat own on it but didn't look at each other, knowing that they would burst out in tears if they did.

"Because she's my mother. I never had a mother Yuri. I never had a family and I wasted at least fifteen years of my life by pushing myself through things I didn't even want just to make them happy."

Yuri laid his head on Otabek's shoulder. "Have you ever noticed that I never told you anything about my parents?" He said and Otabek shook his head.

Yuri nervously played with Otabek's fingers and felt he was getting a little emotional now he thought about it. Maybe even more than just a little emotional.

"My mother had a good job. We never had any financial problems. She worked for the television and she was a really nice and caring woman. I looked just like her. The same eyes, the same hair color, the same kind of face. When I walked inside with my mother by my side, people could immediately tell that I was her son.

She was a great mother for me. She had always been. I really loved her.

But just after a Junior devision final, a little while before I turned thirteen years old, they told me she died. Her plane back to Moscow crashed and she died... Her body was burned down to ashes and they couldn't even bury her body because nothing was left from it. She doesn't even have a grave." Yuri wiped away a tear that escaped his eyes and continued.

"But I didn't even cry. I have never cried over her death. And you know why? Because I told myself I had to stay strong. I had to keep all the strength I had inside.

And when you told my I had the eyes of a soldier, I thought... I though of mama. Because when I first met you, I had to stay strong for her. That camp where I met you for the first time was my only chance to prove myself. I had to fight there, no matter I young I was. Like a soldier...

From that moment, I was the family provider. I am an only child you know? The destiny of my whole family depended on me. Without me, my family didn't have any money. And that's a huge pressure for a thirteen year old.

That big responsibility resting on my shoulders made me angry. It made me feel like I had to do more than I was able to.

Grandpa needed money, and so did my aunt who couldn't work anymore and her baby daughter. They were all such nice people. That's why I wanted to win the Grand-Prix so badly. I had to make money for the family.

I was happy when Yakov and Lilia told me I could live with them because it meant that my grandpa didn't have to take care of me and that also meant he had more money for himself.

And believe me, only talent brings you nothing in the skating world. I worked so hard to come to the point where I am now. People always think I have to do nothing for it, but it's though. It's though for everyone.

And I have no clue where my father is. I never knew him and no one ever told me about him. He left my mom when I was a baby. My last name is not even supposed to be Plisetsky. It's my mom's last name. I don't even know what my dad's name is. And I don't even know who I really am!

I hoped that my career would finally start after I won the Grand-Prix. I just wanted to be finally free. And then, JJ showed up and made my life even worse. And I was so scared that Grandpa would end up homeless when JJ didn't let me skate anymore. I needed the money. And I thought the shit was finally over...

I also never really had a family Beka... We both didn't. But now I have you, I don't even feel like that anymore. 'Cause I can love you now, and I know you love me too. I really love you. So let m-me be your family from now on." Yuri spoke and another tear rolled down his cheek. "Because you are the only one I need."

Yuri felt Otabek's arms around him, pulling him close and holding him tight. They both couldn't hold back their sadness anymore. Their sobs echoed through the room as their tears fell.

Otabek never knew that Yuri had gone through this when he was so young. He didn't even know anything about his family except for the fact he had a grandfather he really cared about.

Only talent brings you nothing in the skating world. I worked so hard to come to the point where I am now.

Yuri felt some soft kisses on his cheek and he closed his eyes. He felt a nice feeling close to his heart. That feeling was called love.

He never had any close family members, except for his grandpa and his mom for some years. But now he did.

He found Otabek. He found someone he truly loved and believed that he would never leave him again.

Their love was something special. It was more than just a normal relationship. They had such a strong bond. If Yuri talked with Otabek, it didn't even feel like he was talking to a different person. They were one.

"I love you Beka... I love you." Yuri mumbled and Otabek cupped his face. He wiped away a tear that rolles down Yuri cheek and looked him deeply into his eyes.

"I am proud of you. I am proud of everything you've ever done. Because you deserve it. Give me one second. I wanna go get something downstairs." Spoke Otabek as he stood up and left Yuri with no idea what was going on.

Otabek searched for his leather jacket and searched in the pocket. He pulled out a little box and walked up the stairs again. He had been waiting for this moment for over half a year but thanks to all the stuff that happened, he didn't find the good moment to do this yet.

Now, they were so sensitive and sad. But it also made them feel their love more than ever before. They felt more connected and alike then they ever did before and Otabek knew this was the perfect moment to finally do what he wanted to do.

Their first wedding was a big mistake. No one deserves their big day to be so messed up. And that's why Otabek wanted to do it over. He wanted to give Yuri the dream wedding he always wanted and he wanted them both to remember their wedding day as one of the most beautiful days of their life.

He wanted their guests to remember their wedding as something beautiful and he wanted it to be their official start of a new life now JJ wasn't able to fuck it all up for them again. He wanted it to be the start of their new lives with new careers.

Otabek opened the door and looked into Yuri's still teary eyes.

"I've been waiting to ask you this for such a long time now. And I think I finally found the perfect moment. I love you, so much. And I wanna do it over.

I want our life together to be beautiful and I wanna stay with you forever. I always want to be able to look into those beautiful eyes of yours. And that's why I wanna ask you something. "

Otabek kneeled down in front of Yuri and opened the box, showing him a new engagement ring.

"Yura, do you wanna marry me again?"

With the sight of the ring, Yuri's heart started to pound in his chest. He did not expect this. Definitely not. The tears he didn't shed yet rolled down his face and he nodded, not even able to say something.

Otabek stood up and also teared up again. They placed their lips on each other's and enjoyed this moment.

"I do." Yuri said and pulled Otabek with him on their bed.

He cuddled up next to him as Otabek embraced him and played with his hair, twisting it around his fingers as Yuri enjoyed the sensation.

"I won't wear a dress again. It's dumb isn't it? I mean..." Yuri said and sighed.

"You looked beautiful. You looked so wonderful."

"But I fell and it's all ripped anyway. I'll have to buy a new one then." Said Yuri but Otabek stopped playing with his hair and brought his face closer to his ear as he whispered.

"Do you think I really stayed up 'till 2 at night for weeks only because I was working on my music? Look in the wardrobe drawer."

Yuri stood up and opened the drawer. He saw his dress which smelled like flowers. Otabek repaired and washed it for him and it seemed like it was new.

Yuri turned around and just smiled. He was so happy.


	22. Second chance (22)

The night before their marriage was different than Otabek expected it to be.

Otabek heard muffled sobbing next to him and turned Yuri's side. All he saw was the back of his body, slightly shaking and his bare shoulders moving up and down with shocks every time he sobbed.

If Otabek didn't want to see something this exact night, it was Yuri being sad.

It had been a while since he had seen Yuri crying and it surprised him. Yuri seemed to become stronger snd stronger with the day.

"Yura...? What's wrong?" Otabek asked and Yuri turned around. He wiped away his own tears as he shrugged. Wiping away his tears had been completely useless since he just continued crying and Otabek gently touched his face, wiping away every single tear that rolled down his cheek.

"Nothing."

Crying still made Yuri feel weak but for no reason, now it made him feel weaker than ever before.

"Tell me what's wrong. You can tell me everything." Otabek spoke softly and laid a little bit closer to Yuri.

"Maybe... M-Maybe last time was a sign. The last time we married. Maybe... MAYBE WE WERE NOT SUPPOSED TO GET MARRIED! I MESSED UP YOUR LIFE OTABEK! I MESSED IT ALL UP FOR Y-YOU!" Yuri said as he pushed away Otabek's hand and bursted out in tears.

"Baby, how many times do I have to tell you that you only made my life better? Remember what I said about two years ago, when we stood in front of the mirror, half naked? We can only make each other stronger. And I still mean that.

We belong together Yura. We are supposed to get married. Really..." Otabek said softly as Yuri's sobs echoed around him. Slowly, the younger guy started to calm down and looked into his lover's eyes.

"It's just... I'm sorry... I am scared that someone will mess our wedding up again. And you feel so bad and I don't like to see you like that. I don't want the crowd to make you feel panicked again. And..." Yuri didn't say everything. He didn't have to say everything. Maybe he did, but he didn't want to.

"And what?"

Shit, he noticed that there was more.

"I am gonna stop." Yuri said and bit on his lip. He wished he could tell Otabek about this another time but he knew his husband wouldn't rest before he knew exactly what bothered him.

"With what?"

"Skating. For reals now. I don't want it anymore. And I don't need it anymore." The sound of Yuri's voice was cold.

"But... Why?"

"Because I made a mistake. I posted the damn video which I cried in and I cried on tv! I made a fool out of myself Otabek! And I will tell everyone I am going to retire tomorrow." Yuri angrily turned around and tried to hide the tears that started to stream down his face again.

Weak... So weak.

"Everyone cries sometimes Yura." Otabek said quietly as he touched Yuri's shoulder, asking him to turn around again. But he didn't turn around. He had to calm down first before he would explode because he was so angry with himself.

You are just a weak idiot. Worthless...

"But not on TV! I showed my weak side to the world. I broke that on promise I made myself years ago. I cried in public. I lost my strong image and there's no way that you or anyone else in this world will ever see me on the fucking ice again. There's no fucking going back now! And that's how it is..." Yuri didn't want to argue but he knew Otabek would start about his 'talent' and 'ambition' again. He didn't need his talent anymore. And he didn't have ambition anymore. JJ was dead, and so was his career.

"It's your passion! And do you really think that someone will mind that you cried? That happened months ago! They all saw the video Yuri. They all know what happened to you. And you have the right to cry, every single day, you hear me?" Otabek tried but Yuri didn't agree with him.

"It's over... And you won't change my mind. No one will."

"You said you wanted to stop for three times before. Yuri, you will regret it. Believe me. I beg you, don't retire. You are too young to retire. And too talented."

"I don't give an actual fuck. Good night." spoke Yuri before he buried himself under his blankets and closed his eyes.

"Yura, I can feel you have more on your chest. And our wedding is our new start and I want you to tell me everything okay? This night is our last chance. And I don't want you to fall asleep feeling angry tonight. I love you." Otabek said softly. He warped his arm around Yuri's waist and carefully pulled him closer until he laid next to him, curled up as Otabek kissed him on every place in his face his lips could reach. Yuri was still sad and angry but couldn't help laughing as he felt all the tickling sensations.

"Let's to the kitchen. Imma make you some hot chocolate and then we are just going to talk okay? I want you to be happy." spoke Otabek and he placed a small kiss on the tip of Yuri's nose.

"It's fucking 25 degrees and you wanna make hot chocolate?"

"It's never too hot outside for hot chocolate."

Otabek lifted Yuri up and walked towards the little kitchen of their hotel room in Barcelona again. Barcelona, the city where it all began for them. That's where they wanted to marry.

"Put me down idiot!" Yuri laughed with the brightest smile Otabek had ever seen. He still had tears stained on his cheeks but he looked absolutely adorable.

Otabek loved that smile. That smile that only belonged to him. That smile that Yuri would never, ever show to anyone else but his husband.

He dropped Yuri on the couch, causing him to laugh even harder than he already did.

When Otabek made hot chocolate for both of them, Yuri leaned against him and grabbed his hand.

"You want me to tell you everything I have on my chest?"

"Yes."

"But that's quite a lot."

"We have all night long to talk about it. And it's not even midnight yet so."

Yuri took a deep breath and sighed. Some things he was going to say were hard for him, but he knew he had to tell Otabek about them at one point. And that moment was right now, the night before their second wedding.

"Let's start with what hurts me the most... I just... I just wanna know who my father his. I wanna know who I am. What he thinks of me. I wanna know if he even is still alive." Yuri said and felt tears burning behind his eyes. He swallowed and tried to ignore his pain and sadness. He just had to talk now, nothing else.

"And I wished I had parents. I just want a family. I don't have any family. No parents, grandparents, siblings... Nothing. I love you Beka... But one person isn't enough to fill the emptiness in my heart you know? And the older I get, the worse I feel. Because I realize how badly I've always missed a loving heart.

Grandpa took good care of me. And Yakov and Lilia did too. But they were all different than parents. I wanted two people to love me. I never had a childhood. And I know I have said that way too many times. But it's just how I feel.

I don't wanna cry anymore. But now, I cry instead of being angry and rude. I just need a way to let my emotions out but crying makes me feel so weak and being angry makes me feel mean. I JUST DON'T HAVE A DAMN CLUE WHAT TO DO ANYMORE!" Yuri wiped away his tears and kept staring at the floor.

"I just don't know it anymore..."

Yuri's lip quivered and he felt Otabek's strong arms holding him tightly, trying to make him feel all the love he felt for him. Yuri knew how much Otabek loved him, and Yuri loved him just as much. But he needed a family.

"I know people who wanna be your family. Maybe even your parents." Otabek said and Yuri looked up, teardrops dripping down his chin and Otabek looked into his eyes. Yuri's eyes always looked brighter when he cried.

"Who?" He answered.

"Victor and Yuuri. Remember when I had to go to Russia for a couple of days last year? I went there because I wanted to ask them for your hand before I proposed to you. Because I considered them as your parents, at least as the people who were the closest to you." Otabek said and a smile appeared on Yuri's face.

"And what did they say?"

"They said they wanted me to take good care of you and they were happy to hear I saw them as your parents."

Yuri just stayed silent for a while.

"Wow..."

He knew that they could never replace his mom, which he still loved with all his heart, but he knew that they loved him, even after all the times he had been a bitch towards them. And actually, he would love them to be his parents from now on. Yuri was mature enough to decide about that right now. He was 22. And he finally had a family, 14 years after his mom's death.

"Do you also feel that connection between us?" Yuri asked at one point.

"You mean-"

"That when we talk, it feels like-"

"Talking to yourself? Yes. I feel the exact same thing." Otabek said and Yuri was blown away that he had said the exact words he wanted to say. Talking to Otabek indeed felt like talking to yourself. Like they were one person.

"Never forget that you are my little Yuri."

"Your little Yuri? Is that something new?"

Yuri reached over to the table and grabbed his mug of hot chocolate and took a sip. It tasted good. It tasted like love.

"If I called you that when you were 15, you would have slapped me. Actually... I missed you being my little Yuri. Now you are so grown up. When I found you back in Barcelona, I thought I was going to go through your changes together with you. And I wanted to help you with that. I knew it was going to be the most important and sensitive moment of your live. And I wasn't there with you. You became friendlier without me. You became taller without me. You completely changed without me... And that still kinda hurts. I wanted us to be teenagers together, just having fun the way we were supposed to. I just turned 18 and you were 16. You had 4 years left to be an actual teenager. But I missed those years... While I was so happy I finally met the boy of my dreams."

Yuri dropped his still half full mug on the floor and held Otabek so tightly that it almost seemed like a wanted to become one with him.

"You didn't miss those years! You were with me, every single day. I always thought of you. I had a massive crush on you and I missed you every single day. You didn't miss those years, believe me. You were always on my mind." Yuri said and kissed Otabek right on his lips. Otabek tasted the sweet taste of chocolate on Yuri's lips as he slowly moved his hand through Yuri's hair and felt Yuri pushing him down on the couch.

"Don't worry. I'm not going to do anything you don't want." Yuri whispered into his ear and the smallest bit of nervousness he felt, reminding him of the time when JJ raped him just before his death disappeared immediately.

"You are so good for me Yura. But you do need to clean the floor before they kick us out of the hotel and we have to spend our wedding night on the streets." Otabek replied and looked into the green eyes above him.

"Yes. Drink up your hot chocolate and come to bed with me. Don't want you to be tired on our special day."

-

Yuri woke up when he felt two lips against his own, pressing down a kiss on them. The amazing smell of coffee surrounded him as he slowly opened his eyes, looking right into Otabek's deep brown eyes.

"Good morning darling..." Otabek whispered into Yuri's ear and laid next to him, pulling him close and softly kissing his neck, making Yuri shiver in pleasure. It was their wedding day. Finally, they had to chance to do it all over. To have the wedding they deserved after their last wedding being so messed up by JJ. They didn't invite many people. Only the GPF finalist, Yuri's rink mates and Otabek's closest friends, who also had become Yuri's friends during their years together in Almaty.

"We are going to marry... Again. I almost can't believe it..."

Living together with Otabek in Almaty had been a very nice time for Yuri, except for the many times that JJ and Isabella had tried to hurt them. Still, Yuri missed Russia every single day. He trained in Saint-Petersburg, under Yakov's wing for for years, together with Victor, Mila and Georgi. They felt like family to him and he never really said goodbye to them. Ever since JJ took him to Canada, he had to admit that he had been homesick. Kazakhstan had been way better than Canada, but still he missed Saint-Petersburg.

Otabek's hands traveled down Yuri's body, from his shoulders all the way down to his lower back. Otabek placed his hands just above the tight, elastic edge of Yuri's boxers.

"Go on... Go further." Yuri softly mumbled and Otabek did what he said, slowly sliding his hands down to Yuri's ass. It had been a while since he felt it, but besides his eyes, this was most definitely Otabek's favorite part of his husband's body.

"Are you comfortable with me doing this?" Otabek asked and Yuri, who was finally fully awake, looked him deeply into his eyes and touched his face. "I trust you Otabek," he began and softly caressed the delicate, slightly tanned skin of Otabek's cheek. "You know that right?"

Otabek nodded and pulled Yuri even closer, one arm around his slim waist and the other hand resting on one of Yuri's butt cheeks. Otabek kissed his lover's forehead, his nose, cheeks, lips, basically every single part of his beautiful face.

"I can't even describe how much I love you, Beka." Yuri said quietly and leaned with his forehead against Otabek's and moved his hand, which still caressed on Otabek's cheek, toward the longer part of his hair, his fingers running over Otabek's scalp, giving the older guy goosebumps all over his body. Yuri kept moving his fingers through Otabek's hair as he saw that his husband's eyes closed and heard that his breathing calmed down.

"I found your weakness, huh?"

"Hmm hmm..."

As Otabek got older, he also got even more handsome. He basically never changed his appearance, unlike Yuri who's body changed a lot and cut and grew out his hair for at least three times. And still, even while he didn't change at all, he looked more handsome than he ever did before.

Every day Yuri and Otabek spent together was a perfect day for both of them. They hardly ever had a fight, a discussion or anything else that could lead to sadness or anger. When they were together, everything felt okay. Like they were meant to be.

Yuri never thought that he would ever lay down next to someone, kissing and hugging him since he always thought that nobody was right for him. He was sure he would never find someone that wouldn't leave him because of his short temper and after JJ had treated him like pure shit for years, Yuri was even more sure that he would never find someone.

Yuri thought that Otabek forgot about him, or at least never wanted to talk to him again. He had been so scared that he lost his one and only friend, his first crush, because he left him for years. But Yuri was so wrong.

Yuri had been Otabek's inspiration, his muse, from the first time he saw him until now. Otabek followed Yuri everywhere, read all the interviews he gave on the Saint-Petersburg skating rink website when he still trained in the Junior devision. He printed out pictures of him and put them on the walls of his room.

When Otabek first told him about that, after his mother mentioned 'the boy from the pictures', Yuri had been stunned since this was exactly what Yuuri had done with Victor's posters and pictures. It made Yuri realize how important he had been during Otabek's life. That he almost was his celebrity crush. It didn't make him feel ashamed at all. He felt praised.

Yuri took a sip of the coffee Otabek made for him and looked at the floor, his eyes showing his worries and nerves. Yuri sure was exited for his wedding, but he couldn't help being so scared. Otabek was better at handling situations like those and came over what happened at the wedding by now, such as he came over the rapings and harassments earlier than Yuri.

"Yuri, don't be so scared okay? Nothing will happen, I promise you."

"But what if the guests-"

Otabek placed his hand on Yuri's and looked into his eyes.

"Remember Welcome to the Madness? When you asked me for help? That was the Yuri I loved to see the most. When you didn't care about the others. When you were so confident because you knew you were strong enough to nail that routine after only one night of practice. I want that Yuri back okay? I miss him..."

Yuri nodded and sighed. Welcome to the Madness... It had been a while since he thought about that. That was the person he aspired to be again. The confident, rebellious guy he used to be.

"Yura, look an the floor please."

Otabek placed his lips on the top of Yuri's head. He softly kissed Yuri's hair and grabbed his hands.

"They say kissing something golden brings you luck." Otabek said and Yuri gave him a smile you could only describe as being cheeky.

"Do they, Altin?" Yuri said before he cupped Otabek's face and kissed him on his lips.

Yuri finished his coffee and stood up. He had no one to do his hair for him this time, so it seemed like he had to do that himself. If he would let Otabek do it for him, it would look like a mess.

Luckily, another hotel guest had styling products and devices which he could barrow. Yuri looked at the curling iron in his hands, not sure if he wanted to do it, since some people would maybe find it weird. Then, he remembered what Otabek told him. That he loved him the most when he didn't care about other's opinions. He plugged in the curling iron and got to work.

Otabek looked into the mirror as he put some gel in his hair and slicked it back. He remembered when he showed up home when he was 17, when his mom saw his undercut for the first time. She had been so angry. He had no idea why since he knew it made him look attractive. Maybe, that was the reason why she didn't like it. Because she didn't want him to look good. His looks had been one of his only good features after all.

That 17 year old guy grew up to be the 24 year old man he looked at in the mirror right now. A married man. Somewhere, deep inside his heart, he was proud of who he had become. He was proud of everything he achieved, just by working hard, maybe even a little bit too hard sometimes. He fought for what he was worth, won gold and became rich and wealthy. He had a good reason to be proud of himself, and he knew Yuri was proud of him too.

A good 2 hours later, they were both done. Yuri went out first so Otabek wouldn't see him and Otabek went out a couple of minutes later.

They arrived at Park Guell, ready to finally have the dream wedding they wanted. Ready to love each other and share their love with all their guests. They weren't very clingy when they were in public but today, they had the right to.

Otabek waited, just like he did last time, the eyes of the guests focusing on him and the stairs of the park that Yuri would climb up to in about a minute. Otabek told himself that nothing would happen. That they were safe. And his heart told him he was right. A voice inside his head told him that it was right.

The people started applauding and Otabek looked up.

And there he was, his husband. And he looked beautiful, maybe even prettier than last time. Almost everything about him looked the same as last time, wearing his white, wedding dress, but he looked happier. For some unexplainable reason, he looked happier than last time. He wore his hair down this time, with big, loose curls in it and a flower crown was placed on his head. He looked more beautiful than Otabek had ever seen him.

This was Otabek's idea of 'perfection'.

"Yura... You... You look wonderful." Otabek spoke, searching for words as he observed his husband who smiled satisfied. Otabek looked amazing too.

Yuri turned around and heard two people gasping.

"You have a tattoo!?" Victor and Yuuri, who sat down on the bench of the park, next to a bunch of other slight shocked people, spoke at the same time. Yuri didn't realize his tattoo was visible through the lace that covered his back. He never showed it in public before.

"Yeah. And I don't care about your opinion. I love it." He said and decided to make it even worse. After all, Otabek told him he liked rebellious Yuri.

"And I can make it even worse." Yuri spoke before he brushed his hair out of his face and showed the two the eyebrow piercing he got a couple of weeks ago, together with two earrings. Another gasp was heard.

Yuri looked into Otabek's eyes and a playful smirk was painted on his face.

Yuri suddenly remembered he still wanted to say something to the guests before he would marry again and walked forwards, towards the microphone.

"Test, test, 123. Ok, it works.

Our first marriage, was messed up. We wanna apologize for that. And especially Yuuri, we are so sorry that something like that has happened to you and your family on our wedding.

Yuuri, there are some other things I wanna apologize for. You already know I am sorry for calling you names and screaming at you, but I never really told you the reason why. Today is our second wedding, and that feels like a whole new start for me.

When my mama died and I had to live with grandpa, we were pretty poor. Grandpa had worked hard his whole life but he still didn't have much money. Everyone in my family is dead. I only had grandpa and my aunt left, but she couldn't work because she was sick. I became the family provider and I had to do whatever I could to win the gold medal during the GPF.

At the banquet, I saw you being drunk, humping Victor... Yes, I can say this, everyone here already knows it. You asked Victor to become your coach. And I saw that Victor fell in love with you. Victor promised me to coach me but I also knew that love makes you do anything for the other person. So I knew I had to stop him from coaching you because Victor coaching me would definitely bring me that gold medal I needed so badly.

When I saw that you fell and heard you crying in the toilets, I knew you were at the weakest point in your career. I took advantage of that, and that was wrong. I told you to retire, but I just needed the money by winning the first prize. And I still feel so sorry for being so mean to you. I was a teenager, I was already annoyed. And because I thought that I was going to lose everything if I didn't win, I treated you like shit. And I am so sorry.

Also, since I don't have any family left, I wanna ask you and Victor for a favor. I've been rude to you for so many times, I am aware of that. But I still love you guys for always being there for me, and for Otabek since we became a couple. I just wanna ask you... Do you guys wanna become my parents?" Yuri felt emotional when he said those words out loud and saw it made Victor and Yuuri, who already were emotional when Yuri speeched, got tears in their eyes too.

"Of course we want to." Yuuri said and Victor nodded. "Yurio, you always were like family to us."

Almost crying, Yuri walked back to Otabek and reached for hi hands. The moment where they had been waiting for for such a long time was finally there.

"Yuri Plisetsky, do you still promise Otabek Alrin to love him and stay with him until death will separate you?" The man that was going to declare them a married couple again spoke.

"I do." Yuri answered.

"Otabek Altin, do you still promise Yuri Plisetsky to love him and stay with him until death will separate you?"

"Yes I do."

"Then, for the second time, I declare you husband and husband."

Suddenly, people started screaming. Yuri's heart started to pound in his chest and he almost became dizzy, thinking that what he had been so scared of became reality.

"This is when it happened last time. Just after they declared us being married." He spoke panicked.

"Yura... Just look down." Otabek reached for his hand and looked him into his eyes, looking totally relaxed and he took Yuri with him towards the edge of the park. Hundreds of teenage girls, young women and some boys and men cheered for them, holding up banners saying 'Otayuri Angels'. The tears that formed in Yuri's eyes disappeared and a smile appeared on his face, pulling Otabek close. He just hugged him as he smiled, enjoying his husband's warmth and love, making the cheering people scream even louder.

Fireworks were set off and exploded in the air, coloring the dusky sky in at least 3 different colors. And Yuri smiled.


	23. Shocked (23)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I didn't update for such a long time. Here is an extra long chapter.

Otabek was stunned when he opened the door. This wasn't the Yuri he knew, and he realized made a huge mistake. He shouldn't have left him after the wedding, but he didn't mean it in a wrong way.

About a week ago, at their wedding, Otabek noticed weird things happening. It began when he suddenly fell out of nowhere, but Yuri reacted quickly and was able to catch him. It seemed like someone pushed him but no one was walking behind him. Later, he saw a weird, faded shape next to Yuri on a polaroid someone took.

"Yura, I need to talk to you, right now." Otabek spoke and Yuri had no idea why. They had fun with their guests and everything seemed to go just like they wanted.

"What?"

"Someone pushed me. But there weren't people around me. And someone stood next to you on our picture." Otabek said as he took Yuri with him to the stairs of the park and started to walk down with him.

"You know why people have always called me a creep Yuri? You know why I was so 'dumb'? You know why I couldn't concentrate sometimes? And why I never had friends? It has a reason." Otabek's eyes filled with tears and he bit on his lip. This was a secret he never told anyone about. He trusted Yuri with this secret and he was sure he'd understand.

"Tell me, what is it?"

"If I tell you, you'll leave me because you'll find me a creep. Yuri I wanna tell you but..." Otabek looked down hesitatingly but Yuri reached for his hand and smiled.

"I promise not to leave you. And I won't ever call you a creep. I'll never leave you. If I do, I'll regret that for all my life." He replied.

Otabek took a deep breath.

"I can make a connection with the other world. I can see dead people Yura..." Otabek said and Yuri suddenly stopped breathing.

"You are joking right?"

"Why would I lie about this!? Don't you believe me?" Otabek was getting annoyed. For all his life, people didn't believe him and now, Yuri didn't believe him too?

"Beka, you are drunk."

"I AM NOT YURA! I AM SPEAKING THE TRUTH! JJ IS STILL WITH YOU AND YOU NEED TO FORGIVE HIM SO HE CAN GO ONTO THE NEXT PHASE." Otabek yelled and Yuri backed away from him. Otabek immediately felt sorry.

"Holy fuck. Calm down! You are talking shit! JJ is dead and you are drunk!" Yuri said and that made Otabek feel even worse. He wasn't talking shit. He meant what he said.

"You don't understand it. Smell my breath, I didn't drink any alcohol tonight and I had enough sleep. Yuri... I-... I am not joking okay?"

Otabek was about to burst out in tears. The fact that Yuri didn't believe his secret made him feel horrible.

"I just... I just think you are being weird now."

"I can prove it... Your mom..."

Yuri began to feel angry too now. He clenched his fists and glared. He didn't want anyone to remember him of his mom, that hurt him way too much.

"Beka. Shut up."

"Your mama Yura." Otabek tried again.

"I SAID SHUT UP! YOU ARE MAKING THIS UP!"

"She wants to tell you something. She loves you. She loves you so much and she's so proud of who you have become. She said she knew how strong you were ever since you saved her from... The fire?"

The fire.

"I TOLD YOU TO SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Yuri's screamed and before he knew it, his hand hit Otabek's cheek, leaving a red handprint behind. Yuri flinched when he realized what he had done. This hadn't been his intention. He would never hurt Otabek.

Otabek just stared at him, bringing his hand up to his cheek.

"Beka... Oh my god. I am so sorry. I didn't want to-"

"It's okay. I am not angry. Just a bit... A l-little disappointed..." Otabek said before he turned around and started running down the stairs. He just wanted to protect Yuri from JJ. Otabek didn't make it up.

"BEKA! COME BACK PLEASE! IT'S OUR SECOND WEDDING AND WE CAN NEVER DO IT OVER AGAIN! IT WAS A LITTLE MISTAKE! I BELIEVE YOU OTABEK! PLEASE! PLEASE!" Yuri yelled so loudly it made him hoarse as he ran after him.

"Yuri, leave me alone. It will only make you more mad. Just think about what you have done. I would never make things up." Otabek spoke, tears rolling down his face and ran away. Yuri stayed behind and didn't run after him anymore.

Otabek went back to the hotel and grabbed his stuff before he left to another hotel. He didn't want to be together with Yuri now. He didn't believe his secret and thought he was some lunatic now, just like everyone always did.

It took him back to when he was about 11 years old, when his classmates bullied him, took his bag and found his diary. They read it and found out about Otabek's secret. They found it funny to bring him to a grave, but Otabek didn't find that funny at all. If there was a place where he saw many spirits, it was of course the graveyard.

He remembered how he cried, screamed for help while the other kids took pictures and videos of him. The next day, the whole school was full of those pictures and his mom found the videos on internet, making her even more disappointed with her son.

Yuri went back to Almaty right after, leaving the guests confused. They had no idea where the bridal couple suddenly went.

Now, they were one week further, back in Kazakhstan after they hadn't seen each other for a week.

Otabek's eyes widened when he saw Yuri. It reminded him of the time he saw him in jail. His skin was paler than normally, making his skin look as white as snow. He had dark eyebags under his dead looking, glassy eyes and his hair was extremely knotty and greasy. Otabek was sure he hadn't showered in days and he was almost sure he didn't even leave his bed except for eating or going to the bathroom. And he looked sad. He looked more sad than Otabek ever saw him before.

Otabek embraced him and felt how weak he was.

"I'm so sorry." They said at the same time and Otabek began to tear up. He just left Yuri for a week to think about what he had done and didn't want to bother him. Yuri could still get very mad over small things sometimes and just leaving him alone was a better idea in those situations. Yuri usually didn't like it to have people around him if he felt angry.

This time, clearly not. Yuri stayed silent and just enjoyed the feeling of Otabek's warm body against his own. It had been awful to sleep without Otabek by his side. It felt so cold and not safe at all.

"Will you firgive me..?" Yuri asked softly. Otabek stopped hugging him and looked deep inside his eyes.

"I never were angry, honey! I just thought that you needed some space. And I was just a little sad you know? Why didn't you call me?"

"I hurt you..."

"Yura... It's okay... Believe me. Now, let's go inside. I'm going to try to get all those knots out of your hair and then you're going to take a nice shower and while you shower I'll make you some food, okay?"

Yuri nodded and followed Otabek inside, not saying a word. He hadn't even thought of calling Otabek, so shocked by what happened. Otabek tried his best not to show his sadness so he wouldn't make Yuri feel even worse than he already did. Otabek loved Yuri with all his heart. Of course he wouldn't leave him.

Yuri took place on one of the kitchen chairs at their house. They always had so much fun here and felt so happy. Now, it was totally different.

Yuri sighed and looked at the ground. He felt dirty and weak but he didn't have the power to shower or eat enough, so extremely sad was he.

"It's really bad... I'll just try." Otabek said as he looked at all the knots in Yuri's hair. It made Otabek realize he took such bad care of himself and Otabek blamed himself for thay. Yeah, Yuri hit him but it was wrong to leave him. It was their wedding day.

Otabek carefully combed out the somewhat matted strands of hair and made sure he wouldn't hurt Yuri. Sometimes, he couldn't help hurting him but Yuri didn't even feel the pain. It seemed like every part of his body was paralyzed, numb, dead. He missed Otabek every single day since their wedding and he had been scared that he would never come back.

"Why didn't you just brush it?" Otabek asked. Yuri shrugged lightly. "Didn't feel like it."

"Oh."

Continuing what he was doing, Otabek thought of how he could make Yuri feel better again. He liked shopping, watching movies, just talking. But Otabek wasn't sure if that would help. Yuri seemed depressed and it hurt Otabek to see him like that. He saw Yuri being sad more often, but this bad?

"Yura... You look sick." Otabek spoke with concern in his voice, mixed with a sound of pain.

"I am sick. In my head..." Yuri replied and Otabek teared up, biting his lip so hard that it started bleeding. He just licked off the blood and combed through Yuri's untangled but awfully damaged hair.

"I have been sick in my head for a very long time too." Otabek said and let out a single sob. For years, people found him scary, weird or useless. If drove Otabek crazy sometimes. Outside, he was silent and shy, hardly ever spoke and always looked emotionless. Inside, he was raging and crying. "But I found you and you cured me."

Yuri stood up and pulled Otabek closer, trying to become one with the one he loved so much. The one he missed so badly. The man he didn't want to hurt.

"Thank you." Yuri said before he went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He stepped into the shower and forgot what he did three days ago. The water washed away the foundation that hid his pain, and slowly, the marks he gave himself were visible again. Yuri knew it was wrong that he did that. There were so many other ways to solve the issues. But he was out of his mind.

When Yuri washed his hair and applied a shit ton of conditioner to his hair, he stepped out of the shower and looked into the mirror. He looked horrible. He grabbed the foundation again and began to apply it to the cuts in his arm. Yuri felt weak and dumb. Why didn't he just ignore the pain and went on? He didn't know. He didn't want to think about it. Otabek trusted him with his secret and Yuri reacted so, so wrong.

He quickly dressed himself up and just wanted to place the foundation back into the drawer when suddenly, the door of the bathroom opened. They did that more often since they already knew what each other's bodies looked like and didn't mind if the other saw it. Yuri dropped the little bottle of foundation on the floor and turned around with the most shocked expression you could ever imagine. He looked right into Otabek's eyes. He hid his arms behind his back and swallowed nervously.

Otabek had an idea of what was going on.

"Can you... Show me your wrists?" He asked silently.

Yuri stayed silent for a couple of seconds and then shook his head. Finally, tears started to well up in his eyes.

"Yura, what have you done?"

Yuri didn't reply. Otabek reached for his hand and looked into the teary, green eyes while Yuri's lip began to quiver. "I had to punish myself for hurting you..." He spoke with a small voice, the sadness clearly hearable. A single tear rolled down his face.

Otabek slowly rolled up the sleeve of Yuri's sweater and looked at his arm in horror, tearing up as he saw the cuts.

"Fucking hell... Yuri..." Otabek looked into Yuri's eyes with the most miserable look in his eyes Yuri had ever seen.

"This is my fault..." Otabek said and pulled Yuri closer. "I shouldn't have left you and I should have known that. You only hit me one time. It didn't matter to me. I just wanted to give you some space. Yura... Oh my god." Otabek was now crying out loud, his heart breaking as he saw the picture of Yuri's arm inside his head, again and again.

"I love you so much Yuri. Don't do this to yourself. You will always be my tiger, my honeybee and I love you so m-much."

Yuri hugged Otabek back and began sobbing quietly.

"I love you too."

They didn't leave their house that day and Otabek took good care of Yuri. He smeared healing cream on Yuri's cuts and made him soup and tea to make him feel better while they watched a movie. At least, he hoped it made him feel better. Normally, this would give Yuri the best feeling in the world. A warm and happy feeling, domestic feeling. But now, it didn't...

He cuddled with Otabek, all day long. A buried his face in his husband's chest while Otabek played with Yuri's hair, slowly twisting it around his fingers just like Yuri liked, hoping to trigger those nice tingling feelings inside Yuri's body. But the nice feeling it used to give him was gone, like it had never been there.

It felt strange to Yuri and he had no idea how to explain Otabek what he felt, or more like, what he didn't feel. It would hurt him and Yuri knew he had already hurt him enough last weeks. Still, he couldn't help keeping this as a secret and decided to tell Otabek the truth.

Yuri wasn't scared of Otabek getting mad at him. He had never been mad at him and he was sure he wouldn't get angry over this too.

With pain in his heart, Yuri grabbed Otabek's hand. Even this touch made him feel nothing.

"Beka... The feeling is gone, the warmth. And the nice tingles. They are fucking gone..." Yuri's voice was so monotone it scared Otabek. He didn't cry, he wasn't angry. He spoke like it was the most normal thing you could tell your husband. Yuri's eyes didn't focus on his husband but looked over Otabek's shoulder, at a random point on the wall behind him, almost looking hypnotized by it.

"When you hug me, it doesn't make me feel relaxed and safe anymore. I mean, not like it used to. I don't know why... Suddenly, you feel like a stranger to me." Yuri continued and closed his eyes.

The sight of Yuri looking so weird at the wall speaking those words with his dark eye bags and unhealthy pale skin made Otabek sad and hopeless.

"Yura... What do you mean..?" Otabek asked as calmly as possible while his heart actually started pounding in fear, scared to hear those five damned words he didn't ever want to hear. No, he never wanted to hear them.

And then, like he could read his mind, Yuri spoke those five words out loud. The Yuri he had been so happy with for such a long time said the worst thing he could ever say to Otabek. "I don't love you anymore." Yuri mumbled softly and now slowly opened his glassy eyes, looking right into Otabek's deep brown eyes that appeared to get a teary glow.

A feeling of sadness, sickness and the urge to vomit, that was all Otabek felt that exact moment. This came so out of sudden. He had no idea how to react to this. Otabek still did love Yuri with all his heart and he never wanted to leave him again. Otabek searched for the perfect words to tell his husband how much he loved him, cared about him and hoped he'd stay by his side.

"What..?" He said instead. He couldn't find those perfect words. Even the subdued 'what' sounded broken.

"I... I don't know. The feeling is gone since the wedding. I've been sad all week and in my head, I already said goodbye to you. I thought you wouldn't ever come back and-"

The calmness and sadness Otabek tried to show suddenly disappeared and turned into pure rage. He actually had no idea why that suddenly happened, but it did.

He withdrew his hand from Yuri's and glared at him, his eyes shooting fire.

"SHUT UP YURI! You were the only one I ever had! I had a shit ass family who didn't give an actual fuck about me! Classmates bullied me, teachers called me stupid, skating instructors gave up their hope when I followed my first skating lesson! I was a freak to them! And now, the only one who really seemed to love me the way I was wants to leave me too. I've been so good for you and you just leave me over something like this!? You are just an asshole Yuri!" Otabek yelled and Yuri backed away from him. He had never seen Otabek like this and it seemed like his reaction woke him up from the weird dream he was trapped in since last week.

Then, tears welled up in Otabek's eyes.

"I love you Yura... And I think I've never, ever been t-this hurt in my whole life before. You can't leave me. I love you, how many times do I need to tell you?" Otabek spoke as tears started to fall. He didn't wipe them away.

"Beka... Don't cry."

"Why not? Does it hurt you to see me crying, even now you don't love me anymore?" Otabek asked, his voice sounding like nothing but sarcasm and meanness.

"I don't know what I feel okay!? I've gone through a shit week! I've fucking cut myself because I thought I hurt you! And now you blame me? You had someone who loved you Otabek! That psycho of a JJ! He loved you! If I don't love you anymore, it means we're through, you hear me?" Yuri's eyes started to feel watery.

"But I do love you! You are my husband Yura! We are married!" Otabek said and was about to grab Yuri's hand but Yuri pushed it away.

"Love has to come from two sides! And yes, we are married because we are stupid! We are in our fucking twenties! How could we ever marry? We are way too young to marry!"

"We married each other because we are made for each other. I am sorry I left you last week, but it had a reason, honey... Every relationship has it's ups and downs, but we'll get through this together."

"We won't."

"We will."

"I said, we won't."

Otabek buried his face in his hands and cried out loud. He didn't want Yuri to leave him. He had no idea what he had done wrong for him to suddenly hate him like that. He already explained him that he didn't leave him because he was angry he hit him.

"Y-Yura please... I don't wanna break up. I promised your grandpa to stay with you, always. I wanna grow old together with you. I wanna move out of this country, and you can choose where we'll go. You can pick our house. I wanna start a family with you one day. I wanna raise a little boy with you, and you can pick his name." Otabek was scared he was going to drown in his own tears. His head ached and his eyes burnt like they never did before.

Yuri listened to what Otabek said and cried too, half because he wanted the exact same thing as Otabek and half because he knew he couldn't if he didn't share the feelings Otabek had for him. He did, but he couldn't reach those feelings anymore.

"I... Leave me alone." Yuri hissed and in his head, he immediately scolded himself for saying that. The distance Yuri had felt between them before seemed to be bigger than ever.

Otabek watched Yuri walk up the stairs towards their bedroom and ran a hand through his hair. Was it his fault that this had happened? Maybe it was. He started about Yuri's mother at the wedding because he wanted to prove he wasn't lying. Yuri wouldn't have hit him if he hadn't done that, he wouldn't have left Yuri and Yuri wouldn't have become so sad and angry.

He opened the bathroom door and looked at himself in the mirror, observing his face. He hated himself right now. Before he knew it, he punched the mirror and left it broken. He stares at himself in what was left of it and cried.

Meanwhile Yuri was deleting all the pictures he had with Otabek from Otabek's phone. He knew his password and knew he wasn't allowed to delete those pictures but he didn't want to remember Otabek of the awful person who used to be his husband once Yuri left him. Yuri hates himself for hurting Otabek like this but he had no idea where his feelings for him went.

When Yuri clicked on the last, small trash can button and deleted all their pictures, videos, memories and more, he locked the phone and cried. He looked at his healing cuts and started scratching them open, making them bleed like they did last week. He collapsed on the bed and cried until he heard a weird sound.

Sobbing, Yuri walked down the stairs and listened where the weird sound came from. Yuri opened the bathroom door and was greeted by that weird, buzzing, metallic sound that sent shivers up his spine. He suddenly felt short of breath and felt that his heart started beating faster.

Yuri's eyes focused on the floor that was covered in outgrown, dark hair. Once in a couple of seconds, another chunk of it fell down. Yuri didn't want to look up, to scared of what he was going to see.

"Why are you doing this, Beka?" Yuri softly spoke, his small voice cracking at the end of his sentence. He actually already knew the answer to that question. Yuri saw himself in Otabek that exact moment and knew exactly why he was doing this since he had the same reason for it as when Yuri did this himself.

"I am doing what you did when your heart was broken. Seemed to help you." Otabek spoke without any emotion in his voice. He just looked at himself with a face of steel but with tears dolling down that face.

Still, Yuri was in shock and started to feel sick. It wasn't even something painful that Otabek was doing but the reason why was so familiar to Yuri that he couldn't hold back his tears.

It made him realize what a huge mistake he made. He realized that he, for the umpteenth time since they started their relationship, had said things he didn't mean when he felt angry. It wasn't that he didn't love Otabek anymore. He shouldn't have said those things. It was just that he didn't feel anything anymore, thanks to how bad he felt inside.

He realized how Otabek felt when he saw Yuri doing this to himself about two years ago.

"You don't care about me anymore right? Why do you care about this then? You broke my heart Yura, and since this is the way you dealt with a broken heart back then, well, why don't I. You clearly want me to leave you, so I will. You were right that time two years ago. Maybe this is the perfect way to say goodbye to your old life." Otabek sounded even more monotone as Yuri did earlier this night but the tears streaming down his cheeks showed Yuri how he really felt.

"You know how bad I regretted this when I did it right?" Yuri said and moved closer to his husband who cried as he stared in the mirror, watching himself transform into someone he had never seen before.

"Like my hair matters to me if I don't have you anymore. Like anything matters to me if I don't have you anymore. I could also just fucking kill myself here in front of you Yura. Cause I am nothing without your love! NOTHING!" Otabek threw the clippers in his hand in the sink without turning them off and buried his face in his hands, crying without making a sound.

This was an Otabek Yuri didn't know. He never thought he would break down like this and Yuri blamed nobody but himself for that.

"Beka... I-" Yuri began but Otabek's sudden sobs interrupted him.

"Don't say anything. I don't wanna hear you say anything u-unless it's you saying that you love me. If you leave m-me, you let JJ win." Otabek spoke and reached for Yuri's hand, looking him into his eyes, almost begging him to say what he wanted to hear so badly.

Otabek's red, watery eyes looked desperate and he looked more sad than ever before. "Please..."

"I... I think I do love you. But I feel so empty and I don't know why I don't feel anything for you anymore. But I won't leave you..." Yuri said and bit on his lip to prevent himself from bursting out in tears. He didn't manage to and pulled Otabek close, his husband's shocking and shaking body against his own cold, empty one.

The blood on Yuri's wrists made Otabek's shirt all red and wet and the severed hair on Otabek's shoulder felt itchy against Yuri's face.

"Just say it Yura..."

"I can't..."

 

Otabek didn't know if this hug meant something to Yuri but he didn't feel like asking it. He didn't want his heart to shatter in even more pieces than it already did.

He just pushed Yuri away from him and sighed.

"So... What are we going to do now?" Otabek asked and wanted to ran a hand through his hair until he realized there wasn't much left from it.

"Just answer my question and look at me..." Otabek spoke when Yuri didn't react to him.

"No." was Yuri's answer. The blonde just kept looking at the floor and wiped away some of his tears with the sleeve of his jumper.

"Why not? Is that even to much for you now?" Otabek asked annoyed and felt that his sadness was gone. If Yuri wanted to leave him alone, he had to.

"I don't wanna look at what you've done to yourself." Yuri answered and tapped his foot on the floor, clearly waiting for the moment he could leave.

"What?"

"Your hair, idiot. I hate changes." Yuri bitterly said.

Otabek bit on his lip and was about the reach for Yuri's hand, but he didn't. He didn't want to lose this fight like he always did. Whenever Yuri and he had a fight, he always lost it because he gave up too fast, hoping that Yuri would become happier again if he did so. Otabek realized he had accepted Yuri being a bitch for way too long.

"I just did what you did too. Erasing the memories like you said. I don't need them anymore. A new start... Without you..." Otabek's voice cracked but he forced himself not to cry. He was going to miss Yuri so badly if he left. Instead, he began about something else.

"So... When do you wanna leave? Pack your stuff, kiss me goodbye and you'll never hear of me again, I promise you."

"I don't wanna leave."

"What do you mean? You said it yourself. Love has to come from two sides. My sadness has now changed into anger Yuri, and I don't wanna become so angry I might hurt you. So make a choice." Otabek sounded nothing but frustrated but realized that one thing he sad way had been a wrong choice of words.

I don't wanna become so angry I might hurt you.

It wasn't Otabek's intention to scare or hurt Yuri and just hoped that Yuri didn't hear it. He was wrong.

'You are no different than JJ.' Yuri thought, but he tried to forget what he thought immediately.

"Can't I just stay here, without all the kissing and cuddling? Just as your friend, like we used to be?" Yuri asked and his small voice cracked. He didn't want to leave Otabek. Never. He wanted to stay until his feelings for him were restored again but little did Yuri know Otabek had more reasons to be angry with Yuri.

Otabek didn't hesitate and answered. "No. I mean, I don't wanna lose you. Nothing hurts me more than even thinking about ever losing you. But I can't bear staying with you without getting to love you the way I want to. My heart is broken, and now it's your choice to glue the pieces back together or leaving them the way they are now. So, make a damn choice Yuri, I am done with this bullshit."

"Beka... I-" Yuri's tears started to fall again but he felt Otabek's strong hand cupping his face, way less gentle than normally, forcing Yuri to look at him.

"Stop crying. You better spare your tears for when you left me and realized how bad you fucked up. 'Cause it's all your fault! I just tried to help you at the wedding. But you, with your fucking anger attacks, you had to screw it up again! I am done with having to deal with your anger, you hear me?" Otabek spoke loudly. Yuri was almost terrified of this version of Otabek he had never known before.

"Beka, please! I don't wanna leave you but you are acting like a fool right now! You were the only one who always knew how to make me feel better if I was angry. And without you... Beka, I'll be so alone without you." Yuri sobbed. Otabek knew that if Yuri cried like this,  the Yuri who always thought crying was weak, he wasn't lying. But he easily was too angry to realize this.

"So will I." Otabek answered. "And you can stop with the nicknames. It has no meaning if you don't love me."

"I was wrong... I was so wrong." Yuri mumbled with a hoarse throat.

"Hmm?"

"I thought you were the one for me, but even you drove me to the point where I am now. You are a traitor Otabek! MAYBE I'D ENDED UP BETTER IF I'D JUST STAYED WITH JJ BACK THEN!" Yuri yelled into Otabek's face, making his husband even bitter about him.

"Get your angry ass beated every day and getting called worthless? Is that better than all the love and gifts and happiness I gave you?" Otabek teared up again but the rage was still painted on his face.

Yuri didn't know what to say anymore. Otabek had him there, and he had no idea what to answer.

Otabek looked away from Yuri and sighed deeply.

"Go. Leave me. That's better for both of us 'cause I can't take this any longer. I've been searching for you for all my life. Wasted years. You are just an asshole. You didn't change Yuri. You are still the asshole you used to he when you were 15. Everybody knew it."

Otabek bit on his lip as he brought one of his hands closer to the other and let out a single sob. He slid off his wedding ring and dropped it on the ground.

"I am done with you. Goodbye Yuri." He spoke before he fell down on his knees, laying his arms on the counter, resting his head on his arms and cried. The cries sounded desperate, hurt and damaged.

He had searched for Yuri for over 10 years, found him back and loved the two years they spent together as lovers ever since that day. And now, it was all over. It was hard to believe. And it was even harder to accept.

Yuri left, crying as he shut the door behind him. He leaned against the wall, his whole body shaking. And then, he let out a terribly painful scream, letting out all the pain and sadness inside him before also he slid off his wedding ring, gave it one last kiss and dropped it on the floor, collapsing down next to it.

Only a couple of minutes later, he grabbed Otabek's phone for one last time and called the last people who were still there for him, his heart aching as he realized how bad he fucked up.

"I-I... am coming to R-Russia, right n-now." Yuri managed to bring out and click on the 'end call' button before someone could even answer him. He deleted the calling history so Otabek wouldn't know where he went.

Yuri searched for the things he wanted to take with him, having the worst headache he ever had in his whole life. He didn't take much with him, only some clothes and some essential stuff like his hairbrush, money, his toothbrush and toothpaste.

He grabbed a piece of paper and a pen and didn't know what to write. Writing a letter to say goodbye was dumb anyway. He wrote nothing more than 'take care of the cat' and placed it on Otabek's pillow.

Yuri's eye fell on the small bottle filled with Otabek's perfume that stood on Otabek's nightstand. In a reflex, scolding himself for doing it, he grabbed it and put it inside his bag. He just needed something to remember himself of Otabek.

Yuri looked at their room for the very last time before he would leave. This had been the first place where he ever felt totally safe. This had been the place where he learned what happiness meant. He remembered all the times they kissed here, cuddled, had sex, watched movies and cried in each other's arms, searching for strength. Now, he was about to leave that place, and even more importantly, the person he experienced all those things with. And he cried when he shut that door for one last time.

Yuri walked down the stairs for one last time. The stairs that meant 'the night is going to begin'. Yuri's favorite part of the whole day since he knew he would have the whole night to enjoy Otabek's company. His love. Yuri slowly started to realize how much he loved Otabek. He noticed his feelings were back, but it was too late now. Otabek was right, he fucked up.

He looked at the orange walls for one last time and thought back of the day they painted the walls together, slow dancing when they were done. Yuri didn't want to think about all those things anymore. It was too late now.

Otabek once had been his savior, now he seemed to be his rival. Yuri turned around and placed his hand on the doorknob of the apartment. "I'm gonna miss you Beka... Don't forget me." He whispered to himself and opened the door.

As he stepped outside, he realized he didn't have his keys with him. Once he closed this door, he couldn't go inside anymore. Yuri pulled the doorknob and said goodbye to Otabek in his head. The door closed.

Yuri looked up to the sky and closed his eyes. "Whoever is up there, please take good care of my Beka."

That last sound of Yuri closing the door slid through Otabek's heart. He lost his soldier. And he would never forgive himself for doing so.

Yuri walked down the streets, his face almost hidden behind his hood so the people wouldn't notice he was crying. He had gone through a lot of painful situations last years, but this had most definitely been the worst one.

He waited for a taxi and gave the driver 6000 Tenge to drive him to the Almaty airport. Otabek was over, became ancient history.

It was the middle of the night and Yuri was happy he was still able to catch a taxi at all.

"Have you been crying?" The taxi driver suddenly asked and Yuri hated the fact that taxi drivers always began stupid conversations with their passengers instead of just focusing on the road.

"I... I broke up with my hu- boyfriend. It's nothing serious." Yuri lied and played with a strand of his hair, noticing that the world around him started to blur when his eyes became watery again.

"Hmm... I divorced my wife two years ago. She took my three kids with her. Just remember that things can always be worse kid." The taxi driver spoke. Yuri nodded and looked outside the window. He hoped, with all his heart, that Otabek wouldn't search for someone else. There was a small chance he actually would since he never had feelings for anyone besides Yuri and they weren't even divorced. They just chose different ways.

"Not from here I guess? Not many natural blondes here, you know." The driver asked and Yuri nodded.

"I come from Russia." He answered and the taxi driver nodded. Asad expression was suddenly painted on his face.

"So did my wife." He softly spoke and blinked his eyes.

Both the taxi driver and Yuri stayed silent for the rest of the ride and Yuri waited patiently until he finally arrived at the airport.

Yuri walked through the doors of the terminal and walked toward the information desk to buy a ticket to Saint-Petersburg. He his his face behind his hoody once again, trying his best to stay unobserved.

He had never felt more lucky and unhappy at the same time before when he heard the next airplane was ready for takeoff in less than 30 minutes. It meant he was able to leave this all behind very soon, but he couldn't help shedding some last tears over the fact that he left his husband.

 

 

 


	24. Fireplace, families and fireworks (24)

" _You left my grandson. You broke your promise to me. Yuratchka told me so many things about you, how attached he was to you and how thankful he was for you being his friend. And now you left him?" A faded voice spoke out of the darkness. Otabek was familiar with these kind of dreams by now and wasn't as terrified as he used to be back in the days._

" _Mr. Plisetsky..? Yura and I just had a fight and-" Otabek began but the voice immediately started speaking again. Yuri's grandfather didn't want to hear a word of what Otabek was saying._

_"Don't speak. You swore on my grave to never leave him and now, this. He can't live without you, you know that. He loves you, but he needs time. And you were too impatient to give him the time he needed!"_

Suddenly, Otabek woke up again, all alone. The empty space next to him made him feel lonely and sad, but it was better for both of them to split up than to go on, fighting.

Not having a single idea what to do that day, Otabek just dressed himself up and watched some television. He couldn't focus on it anyway since he could only think about Yuri.

As Otabek watched television, Yuri finally arrived at Victor and Yuuri's house in Saint-Petersburg. Yuri wasn't sure if they were home but he was patient enough to wait for a little while if he had to. He pressed the button of the doorbell and less than 10 seconds later, he was greeted by a familiar smile.

"What happened? We were so worried when you called!" Victor's voice indeed sounded worried.

"I'll explain that later. Just let me inside already. It's freezing cold here." Yuri spoke and stepped inside, holding onto his bag. Yuri had never been in Victor and Yuuri's house before. It was warm inside and the fireplace gave the room a slightly orange color. Yuri swallowed the pain away when it remembered him of home.

Yuuri stood up and ran towards him when he saw Yuri. He pulled him into a hug. Yuri didn't back away and just held onto his former rival. Yuuri wasn't his rival anymore. He was far from that.

"Yuri, what happened? Please explain us. You were crying yesterday, weren't you?" Yuuri spoke as he sat down on the couch in front of the fireplace once again as Yuri took place next to him. Victor brought Yuri's baggage upstairs to what appeared to be a guest room. Yuri was pleased by the fact that Yuuri actually called him by his own name.

"Otabek and I broke up." Yuri was about to cry but tried to hide his feelings. He didn't want to look weak. Not again.

"You guys broke up!?" Yuuri sounded like it was a real shock to him. Of course it was, Yuri told himself. Otabek and he were the perfect match.

"We did. We fought ever since the wedding. And we decided to split up. We didn't... We didn't really break up. We just chose different paths. We are basically still together, but... Not really." Yuri wiped away a tear that escaped his eye and rolled his eyes, feeling shamed for doing so. "I saw some quote on the internet one day. And it fits our situation perfectly. People are like fire. We burned every single day since we were the perfect match. Maybe that's why we burned out..."

Yuuri looked Yuri into his teary eyes. "You can stay here as long as you want. We have a guest room, you can sleep there if you want." Yuuri said and Yuri nodded as a reply. He felt lucky and happy for being able to count on Victor and Yuri now he needed them the most.

-

With a cup of warm tea clutched inside his hand, Yuri looked at the fire burning inside the fireplace. It was a cold night. The flames were somehow fascinating to look at. It took him back to when everything had still been normal. When he was little. When his mom was still alive.

A sudden sound interrupted Yuri's thoughts.

"Your hair is getting long again... It always reminds me of myself a little when I was younger." Victor said and Yuri looked up.

"You like it?" He asked, a smile escaped him.

"I love it! But you do need to get it trimmed more often. Your ends are all split. Yuuri can do that for you now, if you want?" Victor spoke happily while Yuri's smile disappeared and he started to feel bad. He didn't want this subject to be mentioned.

"No... No, I don't want that." He answered and realized he was suddenly feeling anxious. He knew that feeling but it had been a while since he actually felt it.

"You realize how damaged the ends are do you? I mean, you don't have to. But it would be better if you did..." Victor said, clearly not realizing how Yuri felt that moment.

"I easily don't want it, Victor. Please..." Yuri started to sweat and felt tears welling up in his eyes. He didn't know why he did it.

"Is there a reason for it?"

"That is non of your or that pig's business. I just wanna stop talking about it right now, okay?" Yuri said and placed his mug on the table. He was scared he'd spill tea on the floor now he was trembling so badly. He immediately regretted the fact he insulted Yuuri but he said it by accident.

Yuri sat a little closer to Yuri and laid his hand on the younger man's thigh, trying to support him since Yuuri recognized the anxious feeling that Yuri felt that exact moment. "Yurio, you can just tell us if there's something that bothers you..."

"BUT IT DOESN'T BOTHER ME! I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO TOUCH MY FUCKING HAIR, OKAY?!" Yuri screamed out loud. He bit on his lip and felt he had problems breathing as tears started to uncontrollably roll down his cheeks. Victor suddenly realized what was happening since Yuri also did this when he was younger. He grabbed Yuri by his shoulders and made him look into his own eyes.

"Yuri, calm down. No one will touch your hair without your consent, we promise you. It was just an offer, calm down. It's okay." Victor spoke and looked at Yuri who sat on the couch, trembling and shaking with the most terrified look on his face.

"He's got this ever since he was a kid. We couldn't even take him to a salon with us. He stayed home and Yakov and Lilia had to strap him down whenever he had to get his hair cut. I don't know what it is..."

"Vitya, don't talk about that right now. Let him settle down first. Yuri, how are you feeling right now?" Yuuri asked and Yuri closed his eyes and nodded as an answer, trying to tell Yuuri he started to calm down. He kept breathing slowly and opened his eyes.

"I'm sorry for this. This is so fucking dumb."

"No, it's fine! Do you have a reason for it?"

Victor looked up from his phone. "The internet says it's an actual phobia. Tonsurephobia. Do you suffer from that?" He asked and Yuri, who still was a little shaky, shrugged and sighed.

"I... I don't know. Maybe... I think I do have a reason for it. But it's something that happened 13 years ago... Damn, 22 year old Yuri Plisetsky crying in front of you, did you ever expect to see that?" Yuri laughed his fear away.

"I didn't when you yelled at me in the toilets like that. But you changed, we realize that."

"Well, listen up. Otabek and I started fighting because he mentioned my mother at the wedding. Otabek says, and I am still not sure if it's true, that he can communicate with dead people. That he's paranormal or something. Spirits. And he has been bullied for that by his classmates and family for all his life.

He said he had contacted my mom and he knew things I never told him about. Things that only my mom and I knew. My mother died when I was 8, and she meant the world to me, even while I didn't see her often because of her job. Whenever she was with me at my grandpa's house during vacations or weekends, she was so nice to me.

She always brushed my hair because she found it so beautiful. Because you don't often see people with such light blonde but thick hair. And I enjoyed it, all night long. And if made me forget about all the pressure laying on my shoulders, and the fact I always missed her. 'Cause when we sat there, in front of the fire, her brushing my hair, everything seemed to be perfect." Yuri's lip quivered when he thought back of his mother.

"I think I started to get really attached to my hair ever since she died. It was almost like a heirloom to me, since she never gave me something. I never got the chance to say goodbye to her... Until I was 9, so a year before I came to Saint-Petersburg and a year after my mom died, I had long hair too. I let it grow for mom because it reminded me of her and I knew she never wanted me to cut it. It reached my back when I was 9. But Victor, you never saw it before because I was 10 or 11 when you first saw me."

"But why did you have such short hair when you sarted training with us then?" Victor asked. Yuri looked at his hands and started to play with his fingers.

"My classmates bullied me for being so girly. I did ballet, I liked figure skating, I was skinny and my hair was long. Enough reasons to make fun of me. And usually, it was just teasing that I tried to ignore. Before, I also wasn't that... Aggressive. My teachers didn't give a shit about us so they never helped me. Those little bitches knew I loved my long hair but they didn't know the reason why and one day, they decided to prank me in a fucking disturbing way. And that time, they went way, way too far.

They poured white crafting glue into my neck and behind my ears when I was drawing to 'cool down' and it got stuck in my hair. Because 'boys shouldn't look like that'. They couldn't wash it out because it was already drying and the teacher had to cut it all off, in front of all those kids and I cried. I never cried in class. Because those were my memories with mama. That teacher fucking cut off all my memories with mama. Took away the only damn lucky charm I had. And that's why I decided that I would never, ever let anyone except for me, grandpa, Otabek or myself touch my fucking hair with scissors again. I knew it would grow back, but those were my memories... And I guess that's when the weird ass anxiety started." Yuri was now full on crying. Sobbing as he saw his mom inside his head, he dried his eyes.

"And the school didn't want a bad name, so the told my grandpa they cut my hair because I had lice and they didn't want an outbreak at school. I wanted to hug grandpa and cry everything out when I came home but he didn't because he thought I actually did have lice. But when I told him the truth, he immediately believed me. It's so stupid that I still can't take it. I am 22 now! And me crying... I know it seems out of character but I just can't help it whenever I think of my mom. But I mean, if Otabek does it or if I do it myself, I don't feel this. He has something calming around him and it almost feels like we are the same person. Like we are sharing a mind. But whenever someone else does it, I can't take it.

But you all, in Saint-Petersburg, you didn't know any better. And I was 11, how was I supposed to explain all of this? And that's why I always screamed and got mad when I needed to get my haircut. Do you get it now?"

Victor nodded and felt guilty. If he had known this before, he could have told Yakov and Lilia about it. He decided not to blame himself for this. How could he even have known that?

"Yuri, you said you wanted us to be your parents right?" Yuuri suddenly asked and Yuri nodded as he picked up his mug once again. The tea was cold, but Yuri didn't mind.

"We also have a fireplace. And I know I can never replace your mom, but I could brush your hair if you want me to? If that makes you feel better..." Yuuri spoke softly and Yuri's eyes felt watery. He nodded, stood up and ran up the stairs to come back with his brush in less than a minute.

This was a moment that was so heartwarming that Yuri was sure he'd never forget it. With every single time Yuuri ran the brush through his hair, another tear fell. Yuri felt like he was complete again. He had parents now. People that honestly cared about him. And he knew that he would end up with Otabek again. He didn't know when or why, but he was sure about it.

Yuuri now realized more than ever how much Yuri changed. Years ago, he ran away when Yuuri wanted to hug him. If he even touched him, it was because Yuri kicked him. Now, he trusted him with something like this. Something that was small but had so much meaning to him. Yuuri loved the person Yuri had become.

-

  
" _I will ruin that pretty doll face of yours if you dare to say one other damn word, you hear me? You don't talk like that to me and you won't embarrass me in front of all those people!" JJ held Yuri's face between his fingers and forced him to look at him. Yuri nodded as a reply and JJ let him go right after._

_Yuri walked out of the bathroom and went back to the room where the banquet was being held. Another night of having to act friendly and happy, trying to hide all the pain he actually went through._

_It didn't take long until JJ got back to the others as well and joined the conversation Yuri was having with a random competitor of JJ, lying about why he didn't skate anymore and suddenly disappeared. Yuri wished he could tell the guy the truth, but he knew JJ would hurt him badly if he did so._

_"What are you talking about?" JJ asked with a faked smile on his face and Yuri fake-smiled back. "About my new hobbies and the reason why I stopped skating."_

_JJ's smile suddenly disappeared. He thought Yuri actually told the truth about his disappearance and grabbed Yuri's arm, leading him a way to the bathroom once again._

_"I fucking warned you!" He yelled before he grabbed his boyfriend's hair and smashed his face against the wall. Yuri tried to subdue his scream of pain and cried softly, blood streaming out of his nose and a bruise forming on his cheek._

_"I-I didn't tell him the truth." Yuri sobbed and JJ came closer once again. "I told you not to speak."_

_Suddenly, the scene changed and Yuri stood inside his own living room in Almaty with Otabek, raging in front of him. Yuri recognized it as what happened a while ago, when Otabek and he broke up and noticed the tears that were stained on his cheeks._

_"I don't wanna become so angry I might hurt you..." Otabek spoke and even while Yuri saw that Otabek immediately regretted what he said, it terrified him._

_Suddenly, someone punched him right into his face, making him fall onto the floor. He sat up again and saw Otabek with JJ's face looking at him. "I fucking warned you... Yura." JJ's voice spoke._

Yuri woke up, sweating and crying as Yuuri and Victor opened the door of the guest room that had become Yuri's own room by now, decorated with printed pictures and tiger posters.

"Are you okay? You were screaming!" Victor's voice sounded worried and he kneeled down next to him, placing his hand against his forehead. "He's not sick."

"Of course I'm not sick! I had a nightmare... It's fine." Yuri lied. It wasn't fine at all. He just didn't want to bother them with another stupid problem.

"Try to sleep again. You need your rest. Do you want some tea first?" Yuuri asked but Yuri shook his head and laid down again. "I'll just try to sleep."

The terrifying sight of Otabek with JJ's smirking face showed up inside Yuri's head every couple of seconds. For some reason, even the darkness around him started to scare him and slowly, his sadness returned.

Time passed ever since Yuri arrived in Russia and he was impressed by how happy he actually was now he lived together with Victor and Yuuri instead of Otabek. It didn't mean that he never loved living with Otabek, but what it meant was that it felt more like home here.

Yuri moved from Saint-Petersburg to Hasetsu, together with his 'parents' about two weeks ago. Yuri never felt comfortable in Kazakhstan but didn't want to tell Otabek about it since he knew how attached he had always been to his country. Now he lived in Japan, in Victor and Yuuri's second house, it seemed like all his worries were gone, except for the pain he always felt when he thought about Otabek and realized how badly he missed him.

At one point, Yuri couldn't stand the loneliness and darkness anymore and stood up with his pillow under his arm, on his way to the other bedroom. He knocked on the door three times and heard he could come in.

"Can I... Sleep here tonight? I am fucking scared. And I get it if you don't want it, because it's stupid, but-"

"Yuri, it's fine." Victor spoke and Yuri gave him a thankful smile in return for the favor. Yuri climbed up the enormous bed that appeared to be made for at least four people and laid down on it.

While Yuri was being treated like their actual son in Victor and Yuuri's nice, cozy house, Otabek just started to feel worse and worse as he kept thinking about Yuri, about the weird dreams he had about his grandpa and couldn't control the aching feeling inside his heart any longer. It wrecked every single part of him slowly and made him realize how lonely he actually was. He didn't have any family that was there for him during rough times, and tracing Yuri to see where he was going was a no-go as well.

Struggling against the tiring feeling inside his body and heart, he stood up and grabbed a jacket and his keys, opened the door and stepped outside, having no clue where he was actually going this evening. He walked through the city center and tried not to make eye contact with anyone, hoping that no one would recognize him, which was hard since he was an actual celebrity in this city.

Before he knew it, Otabek opened the door of the club he sometimes DJ'ed and was greeted by the familiar, loud music that played. Otabek's heart led him here, but his mind seemed empty. It used to make him happy, almost euphoric to be here, but it didn't anymore, so wrecked by this heartbreak was he. Otabek leaned against the bar and waited for someone he knew to recognize him. It didn't take more than a minute before that actually happened and Otabek heard a familiar voice behind him.

Otabek turned around, facing one of his closest friends who's eyes immediately widened when he saw Otabek. His friend looked unhealthy, sad and weak, dark circles showing under his eyes, his eyes red and puffy and his shaved head seemed to accentuate each of those things even more. The person who stood in front of him almost didn't even look like the Otabek he knew.

"You look awful..." Otabek's friend had no idea what to say now he saw him like this and just tried to support him now something was clearly wrong. Otabek didn't even listen to what he said and sat down on one of the stools next to the bar.

"I broke up with Yuri and it's honestly wrecking me." Otabek spoke and buried his face into his hands.

"You broke up with Yuri!?"

"I did. I just fucking said that."

"But why?"

"He suddenly didn't love me anymore. And... We had some fights. He left a while ago, back to Russia or something I guess. I don't wanna think about him anymore. I wanna forget him... But it's so hard. Just give me something to drink. Beer or something. Or wine, or vodka of whatever. Alcohol."

"You can't drink this problem away!" Another person spoke and Otabek noticed almost all his friends were here tonight, not knowing it was Saturday night. He didn't do anything special since Yuri left, except for sleeping and eating and basically lost track of the days.

"I don't care."

Otabek pushed his friends aside and grabbed a bottle of vodka from the shelf behind the bar. He drank at least one fourth of the bottle and threw the it against the wall, making the bottle shatter in hundreds of little pieces as the floor got drained in vodka.

Otabek never drank alcohol and the vodka immediately gave him a headache. He didn't care and grabbed another bottle while the people around him tried to stop him. Otabek easily ignored them and took some more gulps of whatever kind of alcoholic drink he drank.

"FUCK YOU YURI!" He yelled and kicked against one of the stools.

"Otabek, calm the fuck down and stop drinking. You are drunk, you need to go home." One of the guys said, trying to help his friend but Otabek totally ignored him and laughed about nothing.

"I HOPE HE HAS FUN FUCKING SOME RUSSIAN BITCH OUT THERE!" Otabek drank until the bottle was completely empty and went outside, leaving his friends behind.

"WITH BIG TITS OR A BIG COCK, I HOPE HE FUCKING CHOKES ON IT!"

-

The next day, the paparazzi had found Otabek, passed out on the streets with a stolen bottle of vodka, clutched inside his hand. Otabek had always worked so hard to become that 'hero'. That person that people looked up to. In less than 24 hours, his image had totally changed. He wasn't the hero any longer. He now was the national idiot.

Former Gold medalist Otabek Altin can't keep his hands off the alcohol.

Did Otabek Altin and Yuri Plisetsky break up because of Altin's drinking problems?

Yuri Plisetsky left his husband. He could no longer stand the drinking problems.

Yuri didn't know what he read. He didn't want the world to blame Otabek for something he never did but Yuri knew there wasn't much he could do.

He wished he just had him back. Yuri knew Otabek only did this because he missed him, why else would someone that never drank suddenly get drunk and start acting like an idiot. Calling Otabek was a bad idea as well since he probably couldn't even speak right now because of the hangover.

Starting that moment, it went downhill with Yuri. He had been so happy ever since he lived in Japan, but since he read about Otabek's weird behavior, he felt horrible again. He blamed himself for it and couldn't forgive himself for that.

Yuri didn't want to get up anymore and he noticed he felt the same way as when Otabek left him for a week after the wedding. Yuri asked Yuuri to brush his hair for him every day so it wouldn't get so knotted again and forced himself to eat and brush his teeth. For the rest of the day, he did nothing but crying and staring at the ceiling, locked inside his own room.

Victor and Yuuri couldn't help but call Otabek when Yuri started to refuse to eat and asked him to come over. Otabek booked the first flight to Japan and hoped that Yuri would ever forgive him.

Otabek opened the door and saw an emotionless Yuri laying down on his bed, the whole room dark. He stared at the ceiling, trembling for no reason, his body skinnier than Otabek had ever seen it before. When Yuri heard the sound of the door opening, he didn't look away from the ceiling but just mumbled.

"I've already told you, Katsudon. I don't wanna eat. I wanna be alone." Yuri's voice sounded just as emotionless as his face looked and the just the sight of it was enough to break Otabek's heart.

Otabek came closer to the shaking body thay still wore his pajamas even though it was 5 in the afternoon and sat down on the side of his bed. Otabek stroke some of Yuri's hair out of his face and softly caressed his cheek.

"It's me."

Yuri flinched when he recognized Otabek's voice. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath as he started to tremble even worse. "Why did you come back..?" The question sounded more like something Yuri asked himself than an actual question towards Otabek. Yuri didn't understand why someone would still come back to him after all he had done. He didn't blame Otabek for anything that happened, just himself.

"Yuri, I couldn't stop thinking about you. You are my fucking everything. And Victor and Yuuri told me about how you feel... I just had to come back." Otabek said softly and reached for Yuri's hand. He got nothing but a withdrawal of Yuri's hand in return. Yuri didn't reply and turned around, looking at the wall without any sense of pity showing on his face. He just shrugged.

"We're through." He spoke like it was nothing and ignored the sudden sad feeling inside. "I mean it."

"Yuri-" Otabek tried but Yuri immediately cut him off.

"Where did my 'a' go?" He bitterly asked.

"What?"

"Why don't you call me Yura? You never call me Yuri."

Otabek stayed silent for a while and thought about Yuri's question. Why he didn't call him Yura? Maybe because Yuri left him, maybe because Otabek tried to forget about Yuri but completely failed, maybe because he easily didn't want to call him Yura anymore? None of the above were the actual reason... Since Otabek didn't have a reason not to call him by his nickname any longer. He just couldn't say it anymore, too hurt and heartbroken.

"I don't wanna fight over something that small. I didn't come here for no reason. I love you... And I know you don't love me back, but I am sorry! I can't bear to live without you anymore! I have always loved you Yuri, and since we found each other back, I got even more attached to you. You honestly mean the world to me...

I just want you to go home with me. We need to leave Kazakhstan. I think you know what happened two weeks ago, when I got drunk. They didn't expect me to do such things and my family made it even worse. I wanna start over, actually start over. But with you by my side, Yura. Because I love you." Otabek reached for Yuri's hand once again and noticed he didn't withdraw it this time. Yuri still didn't show any affection anyway.

"I won't go home with you." He said and sat up. "I missed you a lot and it even drove me to becoming this sad. But I can't go home with you. We will fight again, and I don't wanna hurt you anymore. We need some time apart, and who knows how long that will be." Yuri dried his eyes with the sleeve of his shirt and looked Otabek into his eyes. Otabek looked unhappy and unhealthy and Yuri felt his stomach drop when he saw his face. He looked ten times less handsome than normally and nothing but sadness was painted on his face.

Yuri cupped Otabek's face and stroke it with his thumb, feeling a single tear fall down on it. "I really love you Yura..."

"I love you too. But this is better for both of us..." Yuri pulled Otabek closer and warped his arms around him. It felt good to finally feel Otabek's touch again, his strong body against his own. Otabek let out a sob and grit his teeth to hold himself back from crying but couldn't help letting out some other sobs by accident.

Yuri softly kissed Otabek's neck and drew circles on his back to calm him down. "I love you..." He spoke quietly and his voice cracked but it was loud enough for Otabek to hear him.  Then, they both broke and bursted out in tears.

 

Yuri decided he wanted to go on with Otabek, just to try it again. Before the fight they had on their wedding day, they never actually fought. Both of them couldn't decide who was the one who caused all of this since they both did things that were very wrong.

Yuri didn't want to go home yet. Ever since he arrived in Japan, it felt more like home than ever, except for when he was little, living together with his mother and grandpa, which had been the best time of his life. Yuri told Otabek the truth about Kazakhstan and how much he hated it there, that it never felt like home and he wanted to move away. Yuri expected Otabek to make a problem out of it or least give him an argument not to move away, but he didn't.

Otabek wanted nothing but move as far away from his family as he could since they told the press awful things and lies about him after he got drunk that one day. It had been the moment Otabek finally realized Yuri was right about his mom being a bitch. He was done with it. He decided to stay with Yuri, Yuuri and Victor in Japan, sharing a room and bed with Yuri just like he did at home.

Yuri became closer to Yuuri and Victor over the weeks, especially to Yuuri. Victor had always felt like family to him, like a big brother or a fatherly figure, but he somehow couldn't have deep conversations with Victor while he knew Victor could have deep conversations with Yuuri. Yuri was able to talk with Yuuri, every single day when he came to Yuri's room with his food and his hairbrush, Yuri usually crying whenever they talked. Watching Yuri cry was still a weird thing to Yuuri since it indeed seemed totally out of character to him, but he knew he couldn't change it.

Yuuri knew how to deal with Yuri's depressed and anxious feelings since he had been there himself too and supported him ever since. Yuuri was surprised by how much Yuri changed. That that always angry teenager turned into this somehow kinder and calmer person that he could talk with.

But even now he had Victor and Yuuri, Yuri had missed Otabek every single day, every hour, every second. He was the reason he was here, but he was also the reason why he felt so badly. Yuri loved Otabek, from the bottom of his heart.

When Otabek came back, Yuri's sad feelings disappeared like snow on a warm spring day. It seemed like nothing ever happened between the two and they went on with their lives, enjoying the beautiful Hasetsu sea and the beach together, watching the calming waves whenever they could. Yuri cried less, Otabek smiled more.

Yuri wanted to cherish Otabek's smile, look at it every single day. It was the most beautiful thing that existed. To make Otabek happy, Yuri made up a plan that he had been thinking about for a while. A plan that was kind of a challenge for him, and he knew it was an even bigger challenge for Otabek. Anyway, he wanted to do it because he knew they would both like it.

Yuri was nothing but surprised his jacket still fitted him, even though the sleeves where a little bit too short. The purple still made his green eyes pop, the two colors contrasting completely. Yuri grabbed the new pair of trousers he bought on the Internet and was happy to see they looked just like his old ones, the golden cross-necklace around his neck finishing the look.

Yuri combed back the front part of his hair, making sure that one strand would still fall into his face and tied it up in a half bun, leaving the rest down. Yuri grabbed his eye shadow palette and chose the darkest color he could find, applying it to his face as carefully as he could, trying to make himself look just like he did 7 years ago.

Yuri looked into the mirror, trying to let go the last bit of insecurity he still felt and opened the door to his own guest room, his eyes meeting Otabek's as Yuri clicked on the small 'play' button on Victor's phone before clicking on the 'repeat' button.

"Welcome back to the Madness..."

Otabek dropped his phone in shock.

Familiar sounds began to play, such as guitars, drums and screaming voices that Otabek immediately recognized. Yuri turned up the volume to 100% and stuck out his hand as Otabek looked at him with huge eyes, his surprised look turning into a grin as he slid off the glittery glove Yuri wore. Yuri stuck out his other hand as the music continued to play and Otabek knew what he had to do. He moved his face closer to Yuri's hand and did exactly the same with this glove as he did with the other one, only this time with his teeth.

Yuri sat down on the side of their bed, slowly bringing his lips towards his husband's, kissing him passionately.

His lips still placed on Otabek's, he began unbuttoning his lover's shirt, button by button, heartbeat by heartbeat, making Otabek break their kiss.

"Yuri..?" Otabek spoke and looked Yuri into his eyes with a surprised but also quite fearful look in his eyes. Yuri cupped Otabek's face and whispered softly, trying to calm him down.

"Let me, please. Maybe, the reason why we burned out was easily because we didn't do anything fun for such a long time... We never have sex, Beka... Only when we wanna come over another raping, how harsh that might sound. I just want you. Your body. Your sex. And your love... Is that okay? Baby, I just want your madness."

"Yes, Yura. And I fucking want yours."

Adoring his husband's smile, Otabek pulled Yuri into another wonderful kiss, slowly entering Yuri's mouth with his own tongue as he brought his hands up to the younger man's hair, carefully tugging at it so it wouldn't hurt, trying to untie the bun. They just kept on kissing until they needed air, continuing right after. Otabek began to take off Yuri's jacket, feeling Yuri's lips soft against the skin of his own neck.

Otabek grabbed Yuri's ripped shirt and took it off in one go, lifting his husband up as they still didn't break their kiss. Otabek pressed his own muscled chest against Yuri's pale, thin one, his muscles touching Yuri's visible ribs as he guided his hands towards Yuri's leather pants, slowly pulling them down. Otabek finally broke their kiss to take off Yuri's jeans completely and laid next to him as Yuri moved himself on top of him, grabbing the back of his husband's head, guiding him into a new kiss, this one even better than the former kiss, the guitars screaming into their ears.

Yuri slowly moved his lips away from from Otabek's and started kissing his neck, guiding his hands down his lover's chest, letting them rest just above his heart for a couple of seconds, feeling his heartbeat. Yuri placed his lips against Otabek's chest and heard him breathing faster as his long hair and soft lips made their way down. "I love you..." Yuri whispered softly into hid husband's ear, his words making Otabek's heart beat even faster than it already did and Yuri began to slowly kiss down Otabek's torso, his smooth lips brushing against Otabek's skin when he moved them down, making him shiver in pleasure. Yuri took off Otabek's trousers slowly, moving one of his hands down his husband's leg while he pulled down his pants with the other.

Yuri didn't look at Otabek's face, still feeling embarrassed whenever they did something like this. He realized he was 22 years old, that they were in the dullest relationship you could imagine and that he shouldn't be so scared of this anymore since they did it for at least 3 times before, but each of those times had been to come over a raping. To realize doing this could be something nice and beautiful as well.

Still, every time they did anything sexual together, they thought back to what happened when this happened to them against their will, even while they wanted to banish those memories from their mind as soon as they could.

Maybe, this way the best way to come over it forever.

Yuri felt Otabek's fingers brushing his face lightly, his eyes meeting the other's as he looked in front of him. "You can look at me Yura. I want you to look at me so I can look at you. You are so beautiful like this. So touchable..." Yuri felt the 'feelings' he had been searching for rushing through his body, triggering a certain part of his body as well.

"Thank you." Yuri spoke. It almost sounded weird, laying on top of Otabek, half naked, saying 'thank you' when he gave him a compliment.

Otabek just chuckled quietly and softly caressed the back of Yuri's head. "You're welcome." He said before he placed his own lips against Yuri's collar bone, softly pressing his teeth against it, not biting, just pressing, making Yuri gasp softly. Otabek didn't want to mark Yuri, knowing he didn't want others to see what they did together and Otabek had to admit that he rather didn't want that as well.

Otabek kissed the same place on Yuri's collar bone before he moved his hands towards Yuri's boxers, looking into his eyes to make sure he had the full permission to go on. Yuri nodded and Otabek began to take off Yuri's underwear, leaving him naked and exposed, his skin pale and smooth, except for the 7 scars on his right wrist.

"Even those are beautiful..." Otabek reached for Yuri's hand, closing his eyes as he placed soft kisses on the scars, making Yuri tear up a little. It warmed his heart to see how much Otabek still cared about him, even while he made so many mistakes last weeks.

When Yuri took off Otabek's boxers as well and they made sure that everything they were going to do would be totally safe, everything seemed to happen automatically, without any hesitation.

"Beka..?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you want me to do something first?"

"Something?"

"If you want me to fucking... Suck you off first, idiot."

"Only if you want that."

"I do... But I am not good at it you know."

"Then don't. It's fine."

Otabek cupped Yuri's face and saw that an unhappy, insecure expression was painted on his face.

"Can't we just stop? I can't do it... I am so sorry." Yuri looked away, biting his lip. He couldn't stand himself on moments like these.

"If we stop now, you did everything for nothing. You can do it, I know you can. And I will promise to stop if you want me to."

Yuri nodded in reply and took a deep breath. Otabek moved himself on top of Yuri, slowly entering his body with his own, Yuri feeling good around him. Yuri felt nothing but pleasure, even though it hurt a little of course. Otabek began to move himself, Yuri shivering beneath him.

"B-Beka..." The pleasure suddenly disappeared and Yuri saw fragments of the raping in jail flashing in front of his eyes, tearing up as Otabek noticed something was wrong.

"It's been a while since we've seen such a feminine body..."

"He's an easy victim anyway."

"Ah... Yeah... I never took a ballerina before."

"Stop!"

"Did I hurt you?" Otabek asked, Yuri's lip quivering as he shook his head and bit on his lip, trying to hide his mental pain by smiling. "No... It's fine. Go on."

Otabek went on with what he was doing, completely focusing on how good Yuri felt, how beautiful he looked, his breathing, how great he made him feel right now. Every little thing.

"I... I love you..." Otabek whispered and grabbed Yuri's wrists, holding them tightly as he enjoyed every single move he made. Every sound Yuri let out.

"I-I can't hold it any longer..."

Yuri reached his moment a little earlier and Otabek laid down next to Yuri, their hot bodies touching as they still slightly shivered. Yuri smiled brightly, thanking Otabek for this moment without using words.

Otabek pulled Yuri closer, kissing him on his lips for one last time before he buried his face into Yuri's chest.

"Thank you, Yura." Otabek couldn't describe how he felt that exact moment since he felt so many things. Love, happiness, but also a little fead and sadness. Moments like these together with Yuri, the one he loves so incredibly much were the best moments ever, but the memory of what JJ did to him, tied up, getting hit during the process. He would never forget it.

Yuri felt something was wrong. "I know what you are thinking about right now. And you shouldn't think about it. That's over, forever. And I love you." He said to make Otabek feel a little bit better, hoping it would help.

"I know, Yura..." Otabek's voice cracked. "I love you too. But I can't forget about it. It's a fucking invisible scar that no one can ever heal, not even you." A tear escaped Otabek's eye, falling down on Yuri's chest. Yuri felt it and warped his arms around Otabek's body, placing a kiss on the top of his head.

"I thought about it too. When you asked me if you hurt me. What happened in jail and with JJ, and what JJ did to you... I wished it never happened." Yuri blinked away his tears and sighed. "But it did. And we just need to go on together. Look at our future instead of the past..."

Yuri closed his eyes and reached for Otabek's hand. "It's over."


	25. Masculine (25)

Victor knocked on the door of Yuri and Otabek's room, a muffled sound softly saying that he could come in. It had become a daily routine for Victor to wake up the 'guests', which had almost become housemates to him. Maybe, they even became a real family by now.

Every day began the same way. Morning light shined through the window onto Yuri and Otabek's faces and the tons of tiger posters Yuri bought during his weeks alone looked into Victor's blue eyes, the blonde boy's face buried into Otabek's shoulder, Otabek's arms around his waist, using his other hand to caress Yuri's hair.

Victor smiled at them. He was sure it wasn't only the situation with JJ that changed Yuri into a softer person over the years. He was sure it was also because of all the love and attention Otabek gave him. The feeling that he was an adult man who was intelligent and worthy enough to be loved and cared about.

"Yuuri made tea and breakfast already. Make sure it doesn't take you too long to wake up or it will be cold." Victor spoke softly and two heads nodded from under the blanket, making the silence remain until Victor closed the door behind him.

"Yura, do you use different shampoo than normally?" Otabek whispered into Yuri's ear.

"Yeah... Why?" Yuri whispered back, eyes still closed as he listened to Otabek's heartbeat.

"It's so soft. You should keep using this."

"It's some Japanese brand I never used before. Everything is better in Japan. Even the shampoo."

Otabek smiled a little and looked Yuri into his eyes. "Do you wanna move here? To Japan? You seem so happy here. And we can't keep living with Victor and Yuuri forever."

"You really wanna do that for me?" Yuri asked happily, his eyes getting a glow of happiness over them.

"Not just for you. I mean, of course for you but I like it here too. And since we both wanted to retire... Why not? There's no way I'll stay in Kazakhstan though. I became the laughing stock of the nation when I got drunk and they published those pictures."

Yuri kissed Otabek on his lips and leaned with his forehead against his lover's. "Then, we'll move here. Let's go downstairs. Breakfast's getting cold."

During breakfast, all four of the people that sat sound the table were extremely silent until Victor broke the silence. "You never told us anything about your family. How are they?" He asked Otabek who sighed in reply.

"I have two sisters, and they are mean. That's all I can say. I don't know my father. He died when my mother was pregnant and she blames me for killing him since she was pregnant of me. Some kind of weird superstition I guess... She always had something against me."

"Oh... That's bad. Can't you talk to her?"

"No. She won't take me seriously. She never did and she never will. She has no feelings and she'll say I am too dumb to even understand what she says. She came to our house the day after we came back from the Grand-Prix, when JJ was killed. The first thing she said while we went through an actual hell is that Yuri looks like a girl, our house looks like shit and that I was weak for letting myself get raped. What kind of mom are you then? If I didn't have Yuri, I'd have nobody. My family hates me and there's no way I could ever fall in love with any of my other friends since they all like girls."

Yuri nodded as he took a bite of his breakfast. "The same for me. All my family is dead, except for my father that left me and mom and I don't even know how to make friends."

"Do you think about your grandpa often?" Yuuri questioned and Yuri nodded.

"Of course I do. He's always been there for me."

Victor stopped eating and looked Yuri into his eyes after he whispered something into Yuuri's ear. "Yuri... The day you grandpa died, he gave something to Yakov. He told him he had to make sure that if he would ever see you again, he would give this to you. Wait, I'll get it for you."

Victor handed Yuri a small, white envelope, _for Yuratchka_ , written on it in a fairly familiar handwriting. Yuri's slightly shaking hands took the envelope and started to open it, as carefully as he could. Inside the envelope, Yuri found a letter and a CD, which he of course took out of the envelope immediately. Yuri recognized his grandpa's handwriting, neat and round.

_18/December_   
_Dear Yuratchka,_   
_I worry about you every single day since you left me so abruptly. It's not a thing for you to suddenly leave. Was he kidnapped? Taken to another country or is he still in Russia? Will I ever see him again? Please know that I realize that you didn't leave so suddenly because you chose for that yourself. We all just wished we knew where you were since every day is another one hoping that we will hear something about you. Today, the last question will be finally answered. Because I won't see you again, Yuri. My illness has taken over every part of both body and mind and trying to keep fighting will be completely useless. I hope, with all my heart, that you realize how special you were to me during all our years together, alone ánd with Mama. I know how hard you find it to talk about your mom, and I find it hard as well. A daughter or son is the most beautiful gift a man can ever receive, and to suddenly lose her is the worst thing that could ever happen. And yet, it did. And we couldn't even visit her grave... Yet, some memories weren't lost. I hope this letter is read by the beautiful, strong and successful man I expected you to become, and I hope you will find love one day. Someone who will cherish and love you with all of his heart, since that is what you deserve after all these years of hard work. There is a man out there for you, Yuratchka. Believe me. This is not a goodbye, Yuratchka. Once, we will meet again. Just have faith._   
_Much love, your grandpa Nikolai._

Yuri stopped reading, his teary eyes looking at the CD and then to Victor, Yuuri and Otabek. "Is there a DVD player?" Yuri asked amd Victor nodded in reply, taking the CD from Yuri.

Yuri looked at the TV-screen, his eyes suddenly filled with tears that began to stream down his cheeks before he even had the chance to hold them back. The familiar faces on the TV screen smiled at him. So, so familiar. They talked but Yuri was too overwhelmed to understand a single word of what they were saying.

_12/24/2006_

This had been recorded when Yuri was five years old. Yuri smiled through his tears when the person who recorded the video took some shots of Yuri himself as he was opening up a box, which must have been his Christmas present. Yuri didn't even change that much. Big green eyes focused on the box as he tried to find the easiest way to open it up, blonde hair falling down the boy's shoulders and back in messy locks. Little Yuri finally found out how to open up the present box and took out his gift, the huge green eyes becoming ever bigger when they already were when they saw what was inside. Tiny skates.

Yuri almost started to cry when he saw a familiar face with the same green eyes as he did, the same blonde hair and the same kind of face shape. It had been years since he even saw a picture of her. Yuri's mother looked at her little boy with a proud look on her face, smiling as she saw how happy Yuri was with his skates. She picked him up and kissed him on his cheek, Yuri laughing happily as she did. Yuri's mom told him to wave at the camera and they both laughed.

Otabek gave Yuri a warm hug from behind and sat next to him. Otabek felt something inside. Something from his 'other world' that he still found hard to talk about with Yuri since he didn't know how he would react. Yuri was scared of it, even though he didn't have to. Otabek knew how to deal with this and would never let it come so far that it would actually scare Yuri in any way.  Suddenly Otabek felt a feeling close to his heart. He realized he was feeling what Yuri felt. Loneliness. Yuri missed someone.

"Yura... Are you thinking about someone?" Otabek asked and pulled Yuri closer.

"I do. How do you know?"

"I just know such things. About who?"

"My... My father. I always wonder why he left us. My mom was on good terms with everyone, so I don't get it..."

"Maybe he just had a busy life and was forced to leave? Or maybe he had a problem? There must be a reason."

"I wanna search for him. I wanna know who my dad is."

"Your father. Not your dad. If you start calling the man you never met your dad already, it will just hurt more if he's not the kind of person you expected him to be."

-

The whole week, Yuri searched everywhere for all kinds of information that could lead to his father. Websites, addresses, books. Anything. It had been a long way but he finally found a name that surprisingly showed up almost every time he checked a new source. 'Yulian Levin'.

Now, Yuri was calling an unknown number which seemed to belong to the person he was searching for. "Are you... Yulian Levin?" Yuri asked when someone picked up. He had no idea what else to ask.

"I am not, but... How do you know about that name?" A masculine voice on the other side of the line asked.

"I am searching for someone named Yulian Levin and after some research, I found some files that led me here."

"Who are you then?"

"Yuri Plisetsky."

"Family of Anastasia? Plisetsky? Her brother?"

"She... She's my mom."

It felt like the man's heart stopped beating for a second, his eyes filling themselves with tears as his face turned pale.

"How old are you?"

"22 years old."

The man seemed like he was going to pass out. He didn't expect this to happen on a such a regular day.

"Yulian..? She changed your name?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Anastasia got pregnant of me, 22 years ago..." The man spoke softly. "My surname is Levin. And we called our son Yulian... Yulian Levin."

Yuri had no idea what to say and just stared at his wall.

"I... I knew that Plisetsky wasn't my real last name... But she even changed my first name?" Yuri spoke softly. It almost seemed like he was talking to himself.

"I just looked you up on the internet. You are... Different than I imagined." Yuri's father spoke.

"As in?" Yuri repied.

"Well... You are not really... A man."

Yuri felt a feeling of anger boiling underneath his skin. "What do you mean? If this is a thing about me not being masculine enough again, I will turn around and leave right now. I am your son! Your son! You never fucking met me before and you start talking about me not looking like a man!?"

"I am just saying that you are diffrent than how I imagined. All I'm saying is that it could be an obstacle for us trying to develop a relationship."

"Listen to me! For years and years, I wondered who my father was. I saw a nice man who wanted to take care of me but couldn't because you had something very important to do. And now, this turns out to be my father!? The first thing you ever told me is you don't like the way I look?" Yuri was getting furious by now.

"I left because your mom was so controlling. You never found out who she really was, Yulian. It's just that I thought I had a son. Not a daughter."

"I-I...That's not my name! I am done with not being called by my real name by now. And my mom was the best person ever." Yuri screamed in anger and clenched his fist, the other one almost crushing the phone.

"I didn't mean to hurt you. But this is not my son. And I am sure I am not the only one with this opinion on your idiotic clothes and looks."

"You know what... Fuck off." Yuri ended the call.  
-

"FUCK YOU!" Yuri yelled at himself into the broken mirror, tears of rage and sadness streaming down his face. His choppily cut hair fell into his face and loose chunks hung onto the buttons of his shirt, only his fringe was left longer than his chin. He hated himself for cutting his hair... Again. He promised Otabek not to and he never wanted to give up those memories with his mom so easily again. Yet, it felt like nothing mattered to him but looking masculine now his father told him this. As much as he loved his long hair normally, he hated it now.

He wanted to meet his father in person. And if he didn't want to listen to him the way he was, he had to change.

Yuri's glassy, dead eyes stared in front of him as he grabbed the little box of testosterone pills he bought earlier this afternoon and a glass of water.

_'Maximum of 3 grams a day.'_

He didn't even take the time to check how many of them he could take and swallowed them all, choking on his own sobs. He trembled all over but couldn't stop.

Yuri opened the cabinet above the sink and grabbed the curling iron that Yuuri and Victor bought for him since they knew he liked the way his hair looked when he curled it. But it was useless anyway now. Yuri slammed it against the sink until it laid in front of him in pieces, the sink also completely messed up. "YURI IS FUCKING DEAD!" He screamed through his sobs. "I-I... Don't wanna be a girl anymore... WITH YOUR FUCKING WEDDING DRESS!"

Victor and Yuuri noticed the sounds upstairs but it seemed like a better idea just to let Yuri go when he was angry before it would get even worse.

Yuri grabbed the second box of pills and took all of them, swallowing them right away. He didn't care anymore. If puberty didn't change him, he had to change himself into a man. Yuri knew how much Otabek loved his body, his long hair, his clothes... But if no one else did, why wouldn't he change then?

With a red face after all the crying and a light feeling in his head, Yuri made him way down the stairs, trying not to fall now he felt so dizzy.

Victor looked into Yuri's eyes. "Your hair..."

Yuri nodded and sighed. "I was done with this stupid, androgynous shit."

"But Yuri... You said... About your mom."

"I don't give a shit about my mom anymore. She's dead anyways. And I am never, ever going to grow out his shit again. I wanna be a man from now on."

Yuri suddenly began to feel really bad and had to sit down so he would faint right away. It was worth it, he told himself. The pills would change him if nature wouldn't.

Otabek walked in and dropped his bag when he looked at Yuri. "You cut your hair again!?Why?" Was all he said before he almost ran towards his husband who sat on the couch, red faced and dizzy.

"Let me get you an aspirin. I'll be right back."

"Beka! No!" Yuri said but Otabek was already gone.

When Otabek opened the bathroom door, he saw the empty boxes of pills and the glass of water and felt like he got a heart attack. This couldn't be true.

_Testosterone booster pills._

Otabek ran down the stairs. "YURA!" He yelled as he grabbed Yuri's body and almost dragged him towards the bathroom, pushing him onto his knees as Yuri slightly struggled, too weak to actually fight. "I'm sorry." Otabek said before he stuck his fingers into Yuri's mouth so he triggered his gag reflex. Otabek was surprised to see that Yuri didn't throw up but then realized something that made him sick. Yuri passed out.

"Call the ambulance right now! He needs to go to the hospital!" Otabek yelled down the stairs and held Yuri tightly, trying to think clearly now he rather felt like crying is eyes out.

"Why...?" Was all he was able to say. Otabek's voice sounded small, broken and cracked. Holding back his tears was completely useless since the tears started to fall without even thinking of it.

Downstairs, Victor and Yuuri were acting quickly and called the ambulance like Otabek told them to. Otabek lifted Yuri's body up and brought him down the stairs as he laid him down on the couch as Victor and Yuuri stood next to him, looking at Yuri with fear painted on their shocked faces.

"He took two full boxes of testosterone pills and he passed out before he could throw up. I guess it has something to do with his father. Maybe he said he wasn't manly enough or something because he cut his hair as well. OH FUCK!" Otabek sobbed and sat next to Yuri's numb body on the couch. "Do you remember when you laid next to me when JJ gave me those anesthetics, Yura?" Otabek whispered through his tears. "You thought I was gonna die, but I didn't. And you are even stronger than I am, so you will make it too. Think of the goals. Living in Japan. Raising a child when we are older. Loving each other until the end of time... Yura, I can't use you over such a lame thing like this after all we went through..."

Otabek didn't understand why it took the ambulance so long to arrive and cursed under his breath as he kept crying all the time. He didn't mind that Victor and Yuuri were watching him at all. If anything happened to his Yura, he had the right to cry.

"Darling... Why did you do this?" Otabek asked Yuri but of course, he didn't get an answer. Otabek desperately hoped that everything was going to be fine but he couldn't fully believe that.

"The ambulance service is here."

-

 _Beep_  
....  
....  
....  
 _Beep_  
...  
...  
...  
 _Beep_

The sounds were driving Otabek crazy by now. Yuri wasn't in danger but only thinking of what could have happened sent shivers up his spine.

Otabek moved his fingers through the cropped strands of golden. A shame it was, but yet, it looked good on Yuri. Different, but good, even while it needed to be fixed up a little. It made his facial features stand out even more. His perfect eyes, his cute, pointy nose, his beautifully formed lips.

The closed eyelids slowly opened and big, green eyes with wonderful, long eyelashes looked into his own.

"Beka..? Hey, did you cry? Your eyes are all red and puffy." Yuri asked with a clear sound of concern in his voice. He had no idea why he suddenly laid in a hospital bed, wearing some kind of blue-greenish dress.

"Of course I cried. You are in a hospital Yura! You had an overdose! They washed out your stomach!" Otabek spoke loudly. His lips were chapped and red. He bit on them, Yuri noted. He bit on them until they bled. That just made Yuri even more concerned.

"An overdose..? How come I don't remember anything about that?" Yuri questioned and stared into his lover's glassy eyes. Those eyes had once, 7 years ago, shined so brightly. Back when Yuri was 16 years old and Otabek was 18. When they were still happy.

There was nothing left of the people they used to be. Life washed them away like a beautiful sand castle on the beach. Their parts once combined and made into a beautiful castle, but the waves of life were too powerful. They didn't die. They didn't vanish. The grains of sand that once formed their castle still levitated somewhere in the sea, tumbling around each other, slowly sinking towards the bottom of the ocean. But not dead yet. Not gone.

They changed from two happy teens who slowly realized they were in love with each other but too scared to say it into a pair of old people. Only 22 and 24 years old, but yet so incredibly old.

Maybe, they did vanish, Yuri thought. Otabek wasn't the strong guy he used to be any longer. Physically, he would always stay strong, muscular, manly and protective but inside, he was broken. Crumbled into a thousand little pieces. Yuri didn't even remember the last time they had been truly happy together. He had some good memories of course. He just couldn't remember when those things happened. One year ago? Maybe two? Or was he so desperate for love and fun he made those moments up? Like people in the desert thought they saw water while it actually was a hallucination?

Otabek's deep brown eyes that always showed so much strength and determination didn't show that any longer. His eyelids seemed heavy and his eyes were always glassy. His hair had grown back after he shaved it off in despair after their fight but it wasn't as pretty and thick any longer. The thin, non-styled dark strands were easily combed back, silver-grey strands making their way through the darker ones. Otabek didn't talk about his feelings often but the way he looked was an answer to each of Yuri's questions.

Yuri also fell apart but somehow managed to find himself back easier than Otabek. It had always been Otabek who easily came over painful experiences but those times changed. The 15 year old Otabek had found back years ago disappeared. Yuri's skin was really pale by nature but it seemed colorless by now, like the time and pain easily sucked the color out of it. No more 16 year old Yuri who slowly learned hoe to smile and laugh out loud instead of getting angry easily when he got to know Otabek better. Only a little faked smile, much anger and sadness. No more half-long, thick blonde hair that seemed to dance when he laughed. It hung around his head in odd, short locks and the golden color even started to fade away.

Otabek suddenly asked Yuri a question, which brought him back to the world. Back to 'now'. And back to 'here'. Back to the Otabek who seemed like a complete stranger to him. The corners of Yuri's mouth turned down. "You don't remember the reason you came here as well?" He asked.

"No."

"You called the Yulian guy." Otabek began and Yuri's eyebrows raised. "He probably turned out to be your father. Victor said you told him that you were done with looking 'androgynous' all out of sudden. Probably because your father told you you didn't look masculine enough. You took like 30 testosterone pills."

Yuri gasped without saying a word. 30 testosterone pills?

"I could have died..."

"Yeah. Oh Yura, I was so worried." Otabek spoke as he pulled his husband into a hug. Otabek was worried about Yuri getting thinner and thinner, even though he seemed happy in Japan and he ate more than enough.

Otabek's hand stroked Yuri's bare neck, Yuri flinching when he suddenly realized nothing covered his neck anymore.

"What the fuck happened to my hair?" He asked. The slight panic in Yuri's eyes remembered Otabek of his weird phobia for haircuts. Yuri never told Otabek the actual reason behind it.

"You chopped it all off. You said you didn't care about your mom anymore because she's dead anyway."

It felt like something sharp sliced through Yuri's heart. And invisible knife? The sharpness of his own awfully harsh comment about his mom? The scissors he cut his hair with? A sharp piece of glass of Otabek's shattered heart? Yuri had no idea, but it hurt.

"I said that? I would never say that." He spoke softly. He spoke more to himself than to Otabek.

"And yet, you did." Was all he replied. "You will probably have an acne outbreak this week. Maybe you'll start to feel a little down or anxious. Those are all side effects of using testosterone, only yours will probably be a lot worse since you took 10 times as much as you are supposed to take a day."

"How long do they want me to stay here?" Yuri asked. He didn't want to stay here any longer. He had something against hospitals. He hated them.

"Not very long. They wanna keep you here until tomorrow because they wanna be sure you don't suddenly pass out again. Subconsciously, you went through a lot."

Yuri looked next to him. "Are those flowers for me?"

"Of course. Dahlias and roses."

"My favorite."

Yuri buried his face into his husband's warm chest. Yuri wished he wasn't so tall for once so he could stand up and hug Otabek tightly, burying his nose into his chest. It was usually Otabek who did that to Yuri. Oh, if only they could swap roles one time.

Otabek informed Victor and Yuuri about the situation. They were relieved to hear Yuri's familiar voice again. Victor and Yuuri didn't feel like parents to Yuri but they did feel like family. Or close friends. Very close friends.

That night, Otabek was allowed to stay with Yuri in the hospital. The hospital bed was more comfortable than Otabek expected it to be. They were much more comfortable than the hospital beds in Kazakhstan after all. Maybe Yuri was right. Maybe everything indeed was better in Japan. Maybe Japan was their only way out of all this burden. Yuri's steady breathing and the soft sounds he let out as he dreamed always gave Otabek a happy feeling. One of the only happy things that were left in his life.

That night, Otabek dreamed of JJ standing in front of him. It seemed terrifyingly real, probably because it _was._ Otabek did have more of these kind of dreams throughout his life, such as the dreams he had when he communicated with Yuri's grandfather when they broke up after their huge fight and Yuri went to Russia. Otabek felt nothing but rage when he looked into those awful, cold blue-grey eyes and stepped closer.

In real life, he just laid closer to Yuri was still was asleep, probably dreaming of winning a skating competition for the fifth time in a row or petting baby tigers and he had no idea of what was going on around him.

Suddenly, Otabek pushed Yuri off the bed and grabbed him by the collar of the T-shirt he wore, sure of the fact that he was holding JJ by his collar at that moment. "It's all your fault." He hissed under his breath and pinned Yuri up against the wall. "All of it! It's all your fucking fault!"

Yuri woke up when Otabek pushed him off the bed and was full on struggling by now. "Let me go off! What the hell is wrong with you!" Yuri said loudly and tried to push Otabek away from him. It had no effect. Otabek was way stronger than he was in general and now he felt so weak after the overdose, it was even harder for Yuri to fight him.

Otabek slammed Yuri's delicate body against the wall for several times, the back of his head hitting the wall for at least 3 times. Then he threw him onto the floor and grabbed his hair which hurt like hell since the back of his head was already bleeding. Yuri yelled and cried for mercy but Otabek didn't hear him. Yuri felt dizzy, weak, heartbroken. He had problems keeping his eyes open and felt blood streaming down his face and head. Otabek slammed Yuri's face against the floor until he didn't struggle anymore and cried.

Yuri laid down on the floor, passed out, eyes closed, his whole face and body covered in blood and bruises. And Otabek had no idea of what he had done since he still didn't wake up. He believed he beat JJ's spirit to death and returned to bed, leaving Yuri bleeding on the hospital floor.

About an hour later, Yuri woke up again. He remembered exactly what Otabek did and his heart ached in a way it never did before, so badly it made his chest hurt. Did Otabek do this because he didn't love him anymore after what he did with the pills? Did he hate the way he looked now? Did he say something wrong in his sleep? Yuri had no idea, but he felt terrified.

Struggling, he stood up and walked towards the door of his hospital room, trying his best not to wake Otabek up. His back ached so badly he couldn't even stand up straight. Yuri never thought he would be scared of Otabek one day. The love of his life. His best friend...

But after what happened last night, he was more scared of him then he had been of JJ during all those four years together. JJ hit him. They felt like painful stings in his face. But Otabek beat him up.

Maybe this is what he meant, Yuri thought. Maybe this is what he meant when he said he would get so angry he might hurt me. Just thinking about that idea made tears well up in the blonde's eyes, but he couldn't forget about it. The words his husband spoke that particular night, when they fought. Those words echoed inside his head. They screamed.

"Yura..? You should be sleeping. The doctors said you should take your rest."

"Why Beka..?" Yuri spoke with a small voice. If it wouldn't be around 3 in the morning, silent and dark, Yuri's voice would be so soft and broken no one could hear it. These were the kinds of moments Yuri realized he wasn't Yuri Plisetsky anymore. He changed into a new person. Maybe that person was called Yura, maybe Yurio, maybe Yulian. He didn't know anymore. He easily couldn't keep track of everything anymore.

"Why what..?" Otabek asked softly, his soft voice sounding concerned.

"Why did you do this to me?" Yuri asked, his lip quivering. He forced himself not to cry and not to get angry. He knew there was no in between and he would feel awful if he didn't let his emotions out, but he couldn't make a scene right now.

"Darling, I don't know what you are talking about. Come back to bed first. That talks easier."

"I will never share a bed with you again."

"Yuri..?"

"Turn on the lights, motherfucker."

That had always been the curse word Otabek hated he most, and Yuri was aware of that. It was something you only said when you hated someone from the bottom of his heart since it was the most insulting word Otabek could make up. Even if you hated your mother, you should always respect her.

"Turn on the FUCKING LIGHTS I SAID!" Yuri screamed and Otabek did what he said.

"Oh my god... Yura..." Otabek teared up when he saw Yuri's body. He looked away. He couldn't look at that.

"How could you?"

"I didn't do this. I promise you."

"You did! You pushed me off the bed, threw me against the wall for three times and you punched me and slammed my face against the floor! You it was all my fault..."

"Oh no... Yura. I dreamed. I did that in my dream. I beat up JJ in my dream. And it seemed so real because it was real. Yuri, I didn't mean to do this." Otabek tried to explain desperately but Yuri didn't listen.

"Shut your mouth. People like you belong in a mental hospital. I understand why your classmates and your mom and your sisters and whoever the fuck ever became close to you called you a freak."

"It was an accident Yura. Something like this will never happen again. I promise you. Please come back." Otabek had to hold himself back from bursting out in tears.

Yuri placed his hand on the doorknob. "No one will ever beat me up again. You were rougher with me than those psychos in jail. They should lock you up in a mental institution, with no one to talk to except for your made up spirits."

"They are not made up Yura."

"They are." Yuri said, walked towards the flowers on his nightstand threw them into the rubbish bin. He opened the door and shut it behind him with a bang. Otabek cried all night, silently and scared that someone would hear him cry. An adult man. He didn't know where Yuri was going, but he couldn't face all of this any longer. He beat Yuri up. His Yura. His angel. How could he?


End file.
